You gave me my first glimpse of a real life. Then you asked me to go on with the false one. No one can endure that.

I know it's been a while. And I was actually thinking most of you have grown tired checking if there's any new post in My Green Room, and evidently, a bigger number lost hope that I'd ever go back writing anything (even the most ridiculous piece a blogger can ever write about).

I am so sorry if I had to be away. Been real busy the past months working on my newest film.

...and if you're not convinced and you think I have done some serious offense to the blogging world... here and take a look at the movie poster. It's my pleasure to show you.

Is this proof enough?

It's such a bad way to do a comeback, I know. Using my blog and its influence to promote my movie... But, I still hope that my fans out there would still support me no matter what.

No, this is not an offshoot of April Fools. I just thought it's better to make fun of what I had to go through in stead of whining (which I actually did the past 2 months... Guess I just got sick'n tired of doing the same).

Well, here, am back blogging. *big smile*

I need some kind of proof, some kind of verifiable, empirical data.

As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened that we just can't.

Excuse me. I guess you didn't recognize me. I've been traveling, and I'm all schlumpy.

My previous post may mean different things to whoever reads it. Some would think am complaining (and it did sound like that). Some would think I deliberately choose to disregard important people in my life. Some would take it as if am self-pitying. Some others may just consider this another blah blah from the sentimental me.

Maybe, I was whining (a lil). Because I work like there's no tomorrow out of concern for some people. Believe me I won't even lift a finger if only to earn wealth for myself. I rather just waste away time counting lizards on the walls. Am that laid back. But, this vision. This prevailing desire within me. It just tells me to go on. Not that I am asking everyone to worship me for my sublime ambition. But, just like a small kid, I am yearning for some appreciation.

...and, NO. Never my intention to ignore (most especially) the very significant persons in my life. Tis such a crime to do. Tis like taking off a crucial part of my system and leave myself to die. Suicide.

It seems to me, though, that I tend to feel responsible for everything. I leave this vision a short moment and I fail everyone. This is just how it is. Nothing else.

Self-pitying. Yes. Because am too weak to protect myself and yet I strive to protect a whole bunch. Am exhausted.

Another blah blah. Maybe. But, I have to post this for the need to be understood.

.......................

Sneaked out yesterday before lunch to see my Aunt (and one client sent a message minutes after. Great timing!) Twas wonderful to see her. Eight months to wait before I get to see her again. By then, I hope I have already learned the word 'balance'.

Just conversed about trivial things the entire 4hours. Made fun of 'Nanay' (her mom) all throughout the time. Granny can't remember me anymore. She kept asking who my mom is and what does she do. Twas an awkward moment for me. Somehow, I was blaming myself for not being able to visit them as often. But hey, she can't remember Mom either. To think Mom's visiting them everyday.

That was rather weird a feeling. Thought the characters in telenovelas were over reacting when they cried about a family member who had amnesia and can't recognize anyone. I felt like crying, too, when Nanay can't remember me. And until I left late afternoon she still couldn't remember who I am.

We just joked about how I completely don't look like their kin. Which is so true. Somehow, I felt a lil relieved. Plus considering the fact that she has Alzheimer's.

.......................

Reached home early evening very ill. So dizzy, I just threw myself on the sofa and took a nap. Been sick for the most days of the month. Can't imagine how I will survive summer. *sigh*

(am supposed to post photos of my rashes on the arms and legs but am too lazy to work on them now. maybe next time. am so sure nobody's interested to take a look at them, anyway. red, itchy rashes!)

At this very moment, my head's heavy and in pain. Rashes had disappeared and no more itch. Yey! But, body pain is so insufferable. I move like a sloth. Hope to feel better soon.

I'm supposed to do everything for the colony? What about my needs?

Today, Aunt E will be flying back to The Greens. Never even had the chance to visit her and spend time with her. What really matters most, in the first place? Am trying to weigh whether or not my move was right or would it only cause me another heartbreak?

TPDL says, "time is the most precious gift because you can only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time."

...and yes. I won't ever stop quoting this. It moved me big time, though it's hard to just put learnings to actions sometimes.

By not spending time with her and, in stead, spending time with more people I intend to help...does it mean I love her less? Her vs. people I don't really know. Never even met. And I chose to stick with the latter. Silly how I always end up giving greatest importance to those who rather cause me pain. Though, I know they can never love me back. While there's my aunt who has always loved me...

Am I not giving off myself too much to those who have no real concern for me at all? Who can't appreciate a single sacrifice I do and still willing to do. Is't self-less? Or is't another wrong decision?

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

Here is just what it is. How stereotypical that people misreckon another's motive, in fact, explicitly basing things on how they themselves (with ax to grind) would act or react had they been in the same situation. Fancy how it's such a vicious habit to give in to one's conceit. And actually believe theirs have the purest intents. While all others are plainly tall story. Worse, how vile the words they spread just to gain favor.

And here's more. How some people can slylessly malign another instinctively beyond one's shrewdness. And how with so much ease they can just put a mask on and face their easy picking as if nothing happened and 'surprisingly' with a pretentious but very pleasant smile.

Simply wicked.

“I have learned to love that which is meant to harm me, so that I can stand in the way of those who are less strong. I can take the bullets for those who aren't able to.”

Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.

Nothing else. No other reason. Just you are &%#$ sure your intentions are good yet it's bad what they rather see. So true you can't please everyone. In my case, I can't seem to please anyone at all. Why the heck should I care, anyway? Am so drained. Disoriented.

I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I can think any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Am not in my best self lately and frustrations are dragging me back to my leery self. But, as always, I try to pull myself back to being cherubic -- trusting. An adj that used to be inherent in me...which this world has been trying to snatch away with all those deceits, lies and selfishness. Good news, the world is NOT successful 'yet'. Eventually, maybe.

Gimme reasons to smile pls? Well, Hippo just did when he drawn himself on a big, white paper laid on the table where Burgoo crew inscribe their names on when introducing themselves to their starving customers. Scroll down.

Taduh! Hippo.

Isn't he sooooooo cute?! *wink wink* Made himself a portrait and left Burgoo a remembrance of his visit. Sure, the crew will never forget him.

.........................................................

...a hint to another vittles indulgence...
sure you have an idea what I will show next *wink*



@ ITALIANNIS

watermelon shake everywhere!
this @175PhP ...yum!





this is another MUST try (Italiannis).




unexceptional but filling.



starter.

.........................................................


@ BURGOO




Wow - Fish Fingers and Fries



I like -- Seafood Jamabalaya Rice




Everybody likes -- Shrimp and Baby Back Platter

Think all these made me smile? Not at all. With a bulging midsection...feeling so heavy... could hardly get up from seat?! Nah! Left me with more guilt to confess, actually. Heh.

Well, just another ho-hum post from me. Thanks for reading. Cheerio.

Everybody wants a piece of my world.

How can there be too many fatmouths around?! Gimme a break for crying out loud! I'm back being a recluse (which I have always been) ...yet just like Brit, rumors about me still spread around like a contagious disease.

Here's the story...

My idle-phone-no-more received a msg yesterday afternoon (from this guy who have been trying 'desperately' to get me to return his msgs for days) that I was pregnant when 'we' left our former place in xxxxxxxx. Like, huh?! *glaring eyes*

(I read the msg just a couple of hours ago so I reacted a bit delayed. hihi)

My folks left that place years ago. And FYI, I left the house a couple of years before that. So, whatda?!!! I'd appreciate it more if they'd tattle about me being a witch or something ...any moniker similar to how I had been a hermit my entire years in that place will actually do. But come on now!!! I didn't even have friends there except my early morn basketball chums (and they're all boys)... But, lost touch until I left. So, who could be this smart-alecky babbler pretending to know my life story now? Who knows who I really am, itfp?! NO ONE.

...and if because of this post, another rumor will be passed around -- "I left the house because dad found out I was pregnant and disowned me as his daughter" -- get a gun and shoot me now. I dunno how else to live a quiet life without people trying to put words into my every action. It's just so sick. Ridiculously sick!

Any other 'original' and 'unique' scuttlebutts to announce? Cause this one is, frankly, so 'ancient' already!

it's all just the same at the end of the day

Maybe I should just live in a garbage truck. Will be Much better. Just make sure you have my contact numbers in case you want to pay a visit.

Beneath the stains of time the feelings disappear.

It's ironic how you run after someone and they run as fast far away from you. And the persons who are running after you, you keep running away from.

Just when can we ever learn to desire what we truly deserve than insist on something we clearly can't have? -- so, I guess I shall say goodbye to Bugatti Veyron.

It's hard to say goodbye.

...on the 2nd thought...

I suddenly started rethinking this line... "you can't lose what you NEVER had".

...but how can two souls still eat together when life has lost its taste?

A sure way to shake off excess pounds and stay lean: have only veggie juice and slices of fruits for breakfast. You may add a small serving of oats if you wish.

Get back to me for feedbacks -- positive or negative. If feedback is unfavorable I will stress that the idea didn't come from me. Just read it from a health glossy. If it's rather affirming, I accept thank-you notes. *wink*

........................................................................

Bad luck and good luck happened to me last Sunday. First, I never knew how strong a Panda bear was until I got kicked by one. Ouch!

Happy chance: a cute gentleman found me so amusing and handed me posies. Geesh. *shy*

Must be just sugar rush... or could be head trip. heh Nah! Just needing a few z's. Toodle-oo for now!

All these thoughts are never resting and you're not something I deserve.

Yes, I remember I mentioned in my previous post I will be sharing about work out tips on my NEXT post. And this is supposed to be the 'next'. Let's skip that topic, at least, for today, though. Am not really into blogging mood but feeling the urge to still post something. Just anything. Maybe to beg for a new gizmo? Any generous soul to donate a sleek one? *grins*

I am not making any sense here (as of yet), I already know. haha.

Should I rather just make a brilliant suggestion -- there must be "NO frowning areas" in most establishments? You might be protesting, where the #&$@ did she get this (ridiculous) idea again?! But, believe me, you'll appreciate the suggestion big time.

Doing transactions is not something that I commonly do. Am new to this kind of thing and even buying a quick bite is something I'd let another do for me. But, everyday is not a lucky day, so they say. There will always be times that I'd have to do things on my own no matter how I detest it. Yesterday was one of those unlucky days. (yesterday was just a couple of hours ago as I write this, actually.)

Yeah, about 6 hours ago, I was in front of a scowling front liner. I know ...I know it's rather crazy to be smiling all the time without any reason, but I still think that customer service people should 'always' look pleasant and friendly, which is something this front liner am talking about failed to do the entire 3 hours she was attending to me. Very unenthusiastic in doing her tasks. Is this a sign of mere indolence?

For goodness sakes! Spare us (customers) of unaccommodating attendants. There should be qualifications and series of tests for customer service agents... Just to ensure a friendly environment. Why, I felt so unwelcome standing there for hours. She looked rather so exhausted and uninterested. Goodness! She's already fortunate that she's just sitting there in front of the computer inside an air-conditioned room. How many people are jobless or putting up with blue-collared jobs?! Not that am looking down on workers doing the dirty work. In fact, am applauding them that they seem to appreciate their jobs in stead of staying without one. They're much better than most of us who already have the easier jobs just attending to customers' needs and still would whine a lot.

...to makes things worse, many front liners don't even look pleasant at all. Am so mean to even include this but come on now! I need to be really vocal here. They don't already possess a better looking face and yet they are even too willing to scowl like they're carrying the world on their shoulders. Who doesn't have a problem for crying out loud?!

What's my point? If I were them, I rather just quit my job if I don't find the job challenging or if I see it routinary and a no-brainer than show every customer how I dislike being there in front of them. Every company management should do something about this concern. Such a perfect way to make a day one of the worsts.

Well, it will serve as a reminder for me to always wear a smile no matter what and be conscious not to look like that attendant. She just doesn't realise am only one of the many who laughed to self just staring at her do her thing with that face.

So, everyone, we should all be conscious all the time how we look. In everything we do, we should always have a mirror handy. Place it where you can check yourself from time to time. Whenever you're starting to scowl, bring that smile back and you'll feel much better and more energised to get through the day.

Makes any sense, now?

I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand

Thoughts: How about coffee and crackers diet? Nah. Won't even work. I mean, who can really keep up with it? Just d#$n hard. Am pretty sure I can only do it for about a few days or make it a week...but longer than that? Impossible. Unless, I chain myself inside my room and have the door all locked from the outside. (A dialogue with self.)

Why is't food is all I see everywhere? This is so frustrating. Haha. (Drama princess.) Just, maybe I need to pray and ask for more discipline. Seems lost a bigger percent of it. Why, 2008 might be the year for big feed (at my body's expense!). Lame excuse.

Half of myself says, "yeah...eat more while you're young. Remember what Lolo Rich said? -- 'Enjoy festivities while you can. When you're old, you don't get to take pleasure in porking out anymore.' Makes sense."

The other half of myself questions, "how about your health?...your figure?". Also makes a lotta sense.

...then I'd pull myself to both directions from time to time but would usually end up getting dragged to the side where it's telling me to 'overindulge while supplies last'.

When you're old you can't eat everything everyone's enjoying anymore. Might put you at risk of lodging in a hospital room for weeks (or longer). When you're young, you can't eat everything that everyone's enjoying. Might cause you to become bigger ''horizontally'' and it will be harder to lose the pounds as you add age. Unless, you're one of those gifted with a rather dynamic metabolism. Errrrgg.

...but, Who cares? bwaha. When food is right there in front of you, all you do is gobble up and forget about the rest of the concerns. Just keep packing it away and regret a lil come Sunday. Well, you can sweat them out, anyway. Just up to you how you do it. Either deprive yourself of sumptuous food while everyone else is merrymaking; or you join them and just move around later. The latter choice sounds better to me. No more winking at banquets, then. Problem solved. *wink*

Sure you already have an inkling what are all the blabs about -- first taste to today's confessions on another chow down sequels. Such a vicious habit. Since before the past holidays, cravings never stopped. Til now when am suppose to start reducing my food intake and start trimming down the extra pounds gained. But for goodness sakes! I can't just sneer at those delish grubs. I just can't. Can you? *grins*

Icebergs stop over (Jan 6th)...*drum rolls*

Good thing am not into ice creams. Imagine how many calories I must shed had it been the case -- around 270 calories to burn after eating cookies and cream. Dunno but I don't really enjoy ice creams a lot. I would crave but I can't finish a cup. Good for me. I don't also like chocolates except the dark one with mint. *slobbering* Mom gave me some a few days ago. They're all done! bwahah

The Hungarian sausage was good. But, nothing beats Nenita's, though. Personal opinion of course. Whoever tastes Nenita, btw? The Crispy Boneless Bangus in Adobo sauce with Mango is also yumyum. At first, I was like..."what? Adobo sauce with Mango?" But, it's a must try.


Slammer Burgers Take Out (Jan 7th)

Yeah, crave for more.




Inside the box. Brilliant idea.




The burger tastes like 99% beef




Am estimating an average person can eat
3 SBs w/o fries




8 boxes of tiny burgers.
Not really tiny TINY.

It's just 200 something to buy 8 SBs. They also have fries but am trying to avoid it so, no fries for me. Like the idea that burgers are inside small boxes in stead of the reg plastic or foil wrappers. Easier to handle. Prices depend on what you want to include in your SB. This one is just cheeseburger.


Jan 8th at LukYuen

Mere luck, the food wasn't something that I enjoyed so...open and shut case, am not coming back there anymore. Just what happened to LY? Used to be one of my faves. But, I still luv their watermelon shake.


Dine in at Racks (Jan 9th)

Baby Back Slabs




Fish n Chips




Love their BBQ sauces.
You can actually buy them.

So, I need an answer now. Can you just walk away after having a look at the mouthwatering food displays? Toughie. My suggestion, whenever you have to leave the house, it's best to stuff yourself to the point that you can't eat even a light snack. Saves you from more calories to fry.

To discourage you more here's a

Calorie Table for Cheeseburgers

Cheeseburgers (1)	Calories
Cheeseburger w/o mayo	320
Cheeseburger w/o mayo (large)	610
McDonald's Cheeseburger	330
McDonald's 1/4 pounder with cheese	530
Burger King Cheeseburger	360
Burger King Whopper with cheese	850
Burger King Double Whopper w/ cheese	1,150
Wendy's Jr Cheeseburger	310
Wendy's Jr Cheeseburger Deluxe	350

From: Anne Collins

As if! None even helped to keep me away from food. Not even the fitness magazines I recently bought. hehe

Expect to read work out tips in my next post. *wink*