My previous post may mean different things to whoever reads it. Some would think am complaining (and it did sound like that). Some would think I deliberately choose to disregard important people in my life. Some would take it as if am self-pitying. Some others may just consider this another blah blah from the sentimental me.
Maybe, I was whining (a lil). Because I work like there's no tomorrow out of concern for some people. Believe me I won't even lift a finger if only to earn wealth for myself. I rather just waste away time counting lizards on the walls. Am that laid back. But, this vision. This prevailing desire within me. It just tells me to go on. Not that I am asking everyone to worship me for my sublime ambition. But, just like a small kid, I am yearning for some appreciation.
...and, NO. Never my intention to ignore (most especially) the very significant persons in my life. Tis such a crime to do. Tis like taking off a crucial part of my system and leave myself to die. Suicide.
It seems to me, though, that I tend to feel responsible for everything. I leave this vision a short moment and I fail everyone. This is just how it is. Nothing else.
Self-pitying. Yes. Because am too weak to protect myself and yet I strive to protect a whole bunch. Am exhausted.
Another blah blah. Maybe. But, I have to post this for the need to be understood.
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Sneaked out yesterday before lunch to see my Aunt (and one client sent a message minutes after. Great timing!) Twas wonderful to see her. Eight months to wait before I get to see her again. By then, I hope I have already learned the word 'balance'.
Just conversed about trivial things the entire 4hours. Made fun of 'Nanay' (her mom) all throughout the time. Granny can't remember me anymore. She kept asking who my mom is and what does she do. Twas an awkward moment for me. Somehow, I was blaming myself for not being able to visit them as often. But hey, she can't remember Mom either. To think Mom's visiting them everyday.
That was rather weird a feeling. Thought the characters in telenovelas were over reacting when they cried about a family member who had amnesia and can't recognize anyone. I felt like crying, too, when Nanay can't remember me. And until I left late afternoon she still couldn't remember who I am.
We just joked about how I completely don't look like their kin. Which is so true. Somehow, I felt a lil relieved. Plus considering the fact that she has Alzheimer's.
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Reached home early evening very ill. So dizzy, I just threw myself on the sofa and took a nap. Been sick for the most days of the month. Can't imagine how I will survive summer. *sigh*
(am supposed to post photos of my rashes on the arms and legs but am too lazy to work on them now. maybe next time. am so sure nobody's interested to take a look at them, anyway. red, itchy rashes!)
At this very moment, my head's heavy and in pain. Rashes had disappeared and no more itch. Yey! But, body pain is so insufferable. I move like a sloth. Hope to feel better soon.
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Like your style! MIST????
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