Thursday, May 8, 2008

Dear Darla, I hate your stinkin' guts. You make me vomit. You are the scum between my toes. Love Alfalfa.


What I find most strange is this -- how a group of girls in a particular place (could be the entire locale or office or school) would treat a new girl in a rather mean way, in stead of giving the latter a nice and warm welcome.

Seen this analogous scenario on PBB last night. Looks very familiar and it's vicious. I find it very galling cause there shouldn't really be any problem if not for this capricious and manipulative group. What's more surprising is that they didn't (don't) see themselves as the root of the problem. They consider themselves guiltless with valid reasons to act the way they did. So, it's the new girl's fault, huh?! When they gather together and leave the girl behind with this question in mind, "what could be wrong with me?" "Why don't they like me?"

But, the new girl can't be self-pitying for an unknown reason. She's got better things to do than feel sorry that the girls don't like her. So, she goes on doing what she's there to do. And this aggravates the sitch even more -- annoying the mean group further. Like provoking a colony of bee to swarm you.

Just what is the problem with girls? I mean, I am a girl myself, yes. But, I had never made anyone feel as if they should be isolated from my group (I never had one, though). I mean, what's the point?

All of us have different impressions on a new person in the place. But, it's never for us to judge about the person's character especially not when we have no basis but our hidden insecurities. Are we just protecting our territory so we're doing every possible thing to hinder the new person to feel comfortable with the group? Afraid that he or she might become more popular than the rest of you? Or maybe, threatened that this new person will take your place and dominate the group. I have no idea but dogs are so like that.


In her book, the 27-year-old Simmons offers a plaintive definition of relational aggression: ''Unlike boys, who tend to bully acquaintances or strangers, girls frequently attack within tightly knit friendship networks, making aggression harder to identify and intensifying the damage to the victims. Within the hidden culture of aggression, girls fight with body language and relationships instead of fists and knives. In this world, friendship is a weapon, and the sting of a shout pales in comparison to a day of someone's silence. There is no gesture more devastating than the back turning away.''

... ''Beneath a facade of female intimacy,'' she writes, ''lies a terrain traveled in secret, marked with anguish and nourished by silence.''







7 comments:

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  6. I just found your blog.. I was looking for the meaning of the phrase Stinking Guts LOL.. But I liked very much what you wrote... I have felt the same way many times, and I've always arrived to the same conclusion: It is not my problem, it is theirs... In your case I'm pretty sure they smelled you were not like them.. Typical :/

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