You fell for a river when all you wanted was a drink

Someone found my blog just recently. Twas a blessing in disguise, I'd say. If it were not for the person, so many people must've already viewed that scandalous comment some filthy, non- thinking person left on my FS account. Twas indeed disturbing. Oh, the comment was not for me nor about me. But, of course, am furious! Why the &%^# they have to post that on my account?!

That was a couple of days past (if am not mistaken). Two abhorrent comments were successively posted. Both with smutty photos of a girl with the name M******E.

Poor girl. Am damn so sure she was a victim of another kiss-and-tell, lecherous freak who was left heart broken. Who would not leave you, YOU PE*%$@#! *glaring eyes* Show even just a lil decency for crying out loud!

...and another one was posted yesterday. This time with a different sordid statement. Idle hands! Imagine, this person has all the time in the world to update this FS account just so to make sure his poor victim gets deeply wounded (not to mention, scandalised!). Pathetic. Get a life for goodness sakes!

Am affected not for anything else. Am a girl and, of course, I feel for that girl. Who wouldn't be disgraced? With raunchy photos and overly vulgar comments. So foul.

This should be a lesson to all us girls. We should always be careful in choosing a lover. Make sure to not fall for a psychopath! Or you will end up having unnecessary problems like this one. And NEVER allow anyone to take snapshots of you stripped to the buff and have the blowups all over the Net (worse local prints). No one deserves such inconvenience. And if you are even going to "do it" with whoever, make sure there's no Vcam or camphone hidden somewhere.

Just sharing...

Confession ...I won't tell you twice

Anyone here watching Wowowie? It's a noontime show hosted by local actor, Willie Revillame. Just correct me if I misspelled anything wrong.

For those who have viewed it and also for those who are regular viewers, don't you think it has become like a semi-cabaret TV show? *scratches head* ...with all the bar dancing stuffs going on everyday, which made the names "Mariposa" and "Luningning" big-leagues.

Just my viewpoint.

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Anyway, good and ever loyal friend -- Rey -- doesn't matter whether he receives a response or not; keeps forwarding meaningful messages to my usually idle mobile. Here's one I so appreciate the most:

"One of the biggest forms of flattery is knowing that just by being your normal, wonderful self... you make some people extremely insecure."

Does this explain anything? blah blah


Current mood: Sound-tripping and feeling warm.

The weeks -- they just go on like a friend of mine

Confirmed. He's a friend of sis. Funny and I can hardly believe it. They've not been seeing each other since the group disbanded, though. But...gosh! Am just so speechless. Will I ever have the chance to be introduced to him? My, my, my ...He's just within reach...*faints*

*sings* am falling for you...finally my heart gave in and am falling in love... LOL

How I wish am as demonstrative as most girls are. Only am not. And I rather not be. I won't ever be. All I want is to be able to sing with him. That all. Duh! hehe Such a liar, huh?! No, seriously...not that I am dreaming to become his girl. Am too childish to think that way. Believe me, this is just infatuation. I just admire him sing. lalalalala

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon...

I didn't know that my crushie's part of a band. Just found out about it now. My researching skill is still perfect, huh?! What's awesome is that, I think he's an acquaintance (or even a friend) of my sis. Wow! *bouncing around*

Browsed his site, which I also found just now. There was no photo to steal. There's one actually, but gosh...NM. Think he's not into Cyber stuffs. Whatever. But, for sure, it's not only me who's been digging the Net for info about him. *sigh* And sure, there are lotsa gurls out there who are aggressive enough to make some moves. *deeper sigh*

Well, he's part of a flick. In fact, he's the lead and I'd say, he did very well. Found the music vid and saved it of course. Nah! am not going to tell you about it. Won't even tell you his name nor the band he used to be part of. Do I have to? NO. Yeah, yeah...KJ...whatever! Who knows he might bump into My Green Room and read about himself. Don't like that to EVER happen.

He was wonderful yesterday. As always. *daydreams* How's it like to be an S.A.?

Wishing this'll just speak for me.

Didn't enjoy the service last night. Not for any reason but was just not comfortable with my seat --upper ring side. Too high for me. And seeing all the people below, like ants moving about, made me a bit dizzy. Plus the two guys in front of me, who kept laughing about some things they're witnessing, were kinda annoying. Boy, am I such a whiner!

No, but for people like me suffering from Acrophobia; who would really enjoy watching from a certain height, right?!

There was a concert after the service but decided not to watch. I had to leave some important things, which I got so concerned about the entire time so, I thought, concerts can wait until NEXT time.

Twas tough to get a ride home for almost everyone, but not for us. Thank God, we didn't have to wait longer to get a cab.

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We were supposed to watch "Nanny diaries" last night. In fact, we watched it. Only I wasn't able to finish. Found myself snoozing at the first half hour it was running. Was too tired, maybe. hihi...Right, lately, I noticed have been a sleepyhead. Eyes always feel like dropping. Is this a sign of depression? Should I be worried? *confused*

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When you stare at the very thing you don't want to ever lose, it end up struggling to be let go. What if you just let it? Say whatever it is that they can't say and move on? What could be at the other side of the wall? Such a wonder. And you'll never get an answer unless you pick a choice. The answer won't come from me or you or anyone. It only comes from trying. But, trying requires tons of courage.

What if everything's just spontaneous? What if no one's given time to think and weight things? Just keep walking wherever. Take whichever route. With no emotions. Nothing. All black and all choices are never wrong to make one regret. Wish everything's always easy. Sadly, it's not the case.

What if it gets too tiring?

The best / right choices won't always make one contented nor happy.

Current mood: Indifferent.

If I'm not back in a few days...just wait longer

Just one more day and hello Convergence! Yipee!! *bounces around*

Am not certain how's it going to come out but am expecting it to be a very good one. This is going to be my first time to witness VCF's Christmas presentation. Am just so excited. Especially, am assuming my crushie is part of it. *sings* lalalalala

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I get to visit my cyber nook very seldom and I noticed how the number of visitors declined. *sigh* Been so busy lately and am sure it's going to be a lot busier the coming days, weeks, months. Oh well...

Thanks to my ever loyal visitors. Hope you won't grow tired of dropping by to check if there's any update.

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Yesterday's Hippo's birthday. No, we weren't able to take snapshots. *sigh* Nothing to flash here. Sorry.

Cooked spag, bought pizza (4 boxes), chicken and cake, sodas and that's it. The celebrant was asleep and I had to badger him out of bed. Felt a lil bad that he seemed to not appreciate my effort. But, hey, I have to consider he's tired from work. Had to keep reminding myself.

Well, he got up and we all ate together. No regret even if am currently on a diet. Happens only once in a blue moon. There's just 8 of us and we just sent out food to the neighbors within the compound.

Earlier the same day, cooked spag, too, for his work chummies. Twas not as good but they all loved it. Wasn't able to get some sleep the previous night so, was kinda snoozy while at the kitch. Even thought there was a quake when I almost fell off face first to the counter top with the knife on my right hand. *whew* ...I realised that my brain was shutting off. My eyes were like dropping and I could feel my soul leaving my flesh. Geesh.

But, no, I have to finish the spag...I protested. So, I ordered my soul to get back in. Twas already 1am. Had to rush as Hippo will be picking the food up at 2am. Just an hour left.

Asking why did I even have to cook it at the dead of the night? ...tis cause it's the only time I was free yesterday.

Sorry if the spag's not as good as before. *frowns* Thanks for loving it still...hehe

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We're still on a struggle to find a better place. Found one near Kalentong, but am very hesitant as I know that place to be prone to flood. *nailbites* Ooohhhh how I hate floods. Who doesn't?! Well the house is elevated so the dirty, stinking water can't get in; but how can we get out of the house when we need to... when the streets are submerged?! Dilemma...

I seriously want to leave my current place. Just so itching to find a better one. We did find one but twas already taken. The owner's willing to give us the front unit only for short term, though. A year or less. Grrr! *scratches head with both hands*

Condo unit? Yes, found a big unit with 3 bedrooms at Governor's Place along Shaw and the monthly rent is not so expensive (@ 17K). Am just complaining that I'd have to pay extra 4K for the dues! Waaahhhhh!!! So, that's already a whopping 21K per month to spend for. Which am not willing to do. Nah!

...and another one in San Francisco Gardens along Boni in Mandaluyong. Just 16K plus 4K dues. Whatda?!! *sobs*

something spacious like this. *day dreams*

Am wondering how come units here are becoming smaller and smaller but the prices are getting higher and higher. Imagine a 45 sq m unit costs like around 14K up?! Duh! (Am I not such a whiner?)

No, am just really concerned that architects are not considering the importance of space anymore. Space IS very important. Guess am the only one over reacting now but I believe, everyone IS also concerned. Only that there's no choice and whining like what am doing now will be of no help at all. But, am not going to stop griping until my concerns are heard! (as if) Silly me.

Paper Tiger's protest.

Gotta split for now. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that I can update my Green Room again soon.

Ciao.

All your crappy stories, all your big dreams.

"...you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why."

It's 1:20am. Just finished reading Kellecker's comment. Of course I appreciate it. But, frankly, it made me feel bad about myself again.

Yeah, the forgiveness issue. They say, take that baggage off you so you can live peacefully. I know of all those things. And, maybe, it'll be very hard for me to just take advices when it comes to Greenie.

God knows how I feel about her. Yes, I have been very vocal about this bitterness and I really dunno how else to convince people that it's really not about time or me not trying. I never really understood why the other person has to be deserving of forgiveness until she came.

I now believe that the other person needs to be deserving of forgiveness. Am not referring to saying sorry or anything like that. Sorry is just like any other words. Just, at least, acknowledge you have wronged someone. Arrogance can really be annoying. Guess, no one can really understand where this ranting is coming from but Bud. Bud who, just like me, have seen what Greenie is really made of.

Am not a small-minded person. I am no short fused. Greenie gave me more than enough reason to feel this way about her. She knows. She was the one who pushed me this far and she also knows that she will never stop. Never will. For whatever reason. It's just her fulfillment.

I sound paranoid, I know. But, I don't wanna end up proving to myself (again) that I am right about this. Should've learned my lesson. Have to be kind to myself. I know I have already done my part. It's her turn.

(Am not upset with you, Kellecker. Don't worry. I hope you understand what I mean. And I know you're just not biased. You don't have any idea...Well...just whining here. Give me this. Haha...really sorry.)

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On the lighter note...

Lilie already received the gift. Yehey. Hoped she really liked it, though. *big smile* Twas for her birthday (Nov. 20). Happi biwthdei tu yooo... hehe Take care of Kingkong (grr Whattaname?! LOL) and Jr Siobe.

Two Sundays ago, I came face to face with my crushie. *giggles* Was about to leave Cinema 5, pouting; saddened with the thought that maybe he was really moved to Pioneer. Just when I turned around he's right there walking towards my direction. Didn't know how to react. Grrr. Couldn't even smile.

so...There he was...passed by me. Oh well. What was I even expecting? Am just not the type of girl who would show any intention.

Last Sunday... no, I didn't see him. *sigh* Not that I have a big crush on him. I just miss him singing. Why did they even have to move him to Pioneer? but...No, I won't move to Pioneer only because he's there. Am already happy in Ortigas. *wink*

so, what is this babbling about, now?! grrr

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Gotta zzzzz now. G'night all.

"You represent the sum of my weakness..."

Am feeling a lot better now. After 2 weeks' episode of recurrent fever, I am now liberated. Everyone's right and I was wrong for postponing check up. It's not that I am applauding the doctor now but twas such a big help that I now have the right medication (just not a doc fanatic).

...(yehey) I don't find myself anymore curled in bed under a thick blanket every afternoon. No more frequent headache, back pain and cold. Guess, am back to my own animated self again. This even a good news?

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Met with Bud last Monday night. Was sick that morning but was able to manage to leave the house early evening. Boy, how traveling, even to a short distance, had me real dizzy!

Twas my first time in Megastrips, actually. Used to just hear that place from friends but never been there until last Monday.

Not anymore used to traffic, but twas no surprise that I had to deal with it, especially, I left the house a bit late. In fact, it's not really the traffic. Just can't stay longer in the cab. Was already so dizzy and there was still a few minutes to my destination. So, I ransacked my bag for any sign of mint candy. I was lucky to see one.

15min to 7pm: Finally reached my destination.

Found Bud at Worlds of Fun playing this arcade game he said he used to play with his inamorata. Just stood some distance behind him for a few minutes while I wait for him to finish. Hehe. Missed him. When was the last time we went out together? Can't even remember.

Three hours of gabfest while having dinner. Nothing so exciting but I was just really there to be an ear. Same old scenario. We were there together for the same reason why we even became close friends. At least, even for a short while.

Dunno but I believe he knows that I don't like the gal. I am wondering, though, why of all people it has to be her. Y'know what am saying? Of all people GRRR...It's frustrating. But, it's his life and he has all the right to choose who he wants to be with. Am just a friend who wants to support him. At the back of my head, I want to protect him. But, from what? From who? I'd only appear bitter if I attempt to keep him away from her. Rather selfish. Only because she did me something wrong, I'd want the whole world to hate her. Irrational.

Well, yes, I am bitter. Because until now, I still punish myself for not understanding why she even had to be that way to me. Why she stare at me with so much dislike. I never asked that she consider me a friend. But, I believe I deserve the right to be treated properly.

I tried to hide everything inside...all the pain she caused me everyday. Those endless crying every night...I asked myself what did I ever do to her and she's doing this to me? I was hurt. Badly hurt.

I don't even know why I was hurt / am still hurting. Inside, I still have this attachment to her. This willingness to forgive her. In fact, I had forgiven her several times. But, forgiveness is only given to those who acknowledge their wrongs. She never did. Guess, she never will.

She knows what am talking about. Everyone can say whatever they want to say -- Am the one at fault, am the one mean, am the one acting irrational...whatever! But, this is between us. She knows what am talking about. She knows what she did wrong. And only she knows why she even did those things to me.

("When you stare at someone long enough, you will understand their humanity..." )

...or maybe I do understand why -- she's a GEM.

I probably have forgiven her. Just that, as with any wound, there's a twinge every now and then. Pain is still fresh as if everything happened just yesterday. Don't ask me why. I dunno either. Why would I even worry about her, right? When all that she caused me was heartache. But, I still do care; whatever she may have within her. I still hope that she would find it in her heart to see me as a friend.

Sounds annoying, right? I mean, who the #&$% is she, in the first place and am yearning for what friendship she can offer me?! But, this is something I can't even answer myself. There's just something inside that tells me this.

I have always been right about her. Not one thing wrong. And I believe she knows that I know a lot (if not everything).

As for Bud, well...he's the bridge connecting me back again to her. There are just ghosts that won't leave. Maybe she has this emptiness...or a need...or anything that only Bud and I can offer/provide. Just hope she'd learn to open up and acknowledge the persons who truly care for her.

Bud...he's such a pure soul. He loves the girl. But, I hope he learns to know that sometimes, LOVE is just not enough. He has to be kind to himself. He has this responsibility to take care of his emotions. We can all love anyone but we should know our limit. It is still important to learn how to love our own selves first. Cause, we can love with all our hearts. Give everything we can. But, before anything else, we need to understand that we can only love, but never possess.

We don't own anyone's life and decisions. Expecting is a grave sin. FACT: No one can love us the exact same way we love. (if there is anyone, he must be hiding)

What I learned is, yes, there are so many things we don't deserve like pain. But, we are forgetting that we make ourselves deserve it. We can opt not to be hurt but we choose to be. Sometimes, it's just our choices. It's not all wrong, though. Maybe, if we just push a lil more, we can get the results we want.

"If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them."

Am proud of my Bud.

....................THE END...................

This life's better than you know

Like scribbling...collecting quotes. Not necessarily mushy LOVE quotes. Guess, everyone of us gets to this stage. We just need something that could express how we feel inside. Quotes are the best way to express emotions, thoughts and feelings.

Hehe. Look at my handwriting. *biting thumbnail*

What could be the heart's reason? I sometimes wonder. Yeah, just sometimes. These days, I don't have much time to ponder. Practically using my idle times snoozing. zzzzz Don't get to enjoy it often so...the past days, I took advantage. Anyway, my reason was valid -- been ill.

Am feeling a lot better now. Twas Sunday yesterday so am recharged. No, I didn't barf so much at the fellowship. Had a pack of lozenges handy *sticks out tongue*. Earlier yesterday, I was imagining myself barking without end inside the hall. Everybody's covering their noses in fear they might get the virus. There's me so embarrassed til I shrunk.

...so, I made sure no coughing for me until the service is over. Thanks Strepsils. *wink*

Well, whoever spread the virus first?! *glaring eyes* Nah...that's meant to be a joke. I know it's not funny at all. The story's like this... last 2 Sundays ago, the VCF speaker assigned to give the talk was sick. He had the virus. He promised everyone he's not going to spread it. But, same night when I reached home I got it. How about that?! hehe

Forget I even said that. POINTLESS. Just think I didn't have anything else to share. Why was I even pointing fingers at? We were late that time so we had to take the front seat (2nd row far left side). Still, the speaker was some distance from us so blah blah blah blah...

*sigh* Yeah, back to the question...what could be the heart's reason? Well, everybody's saying we should use the head more than the heart. But, isn't the heart controlled by the brain? *daydreams*

Here I am! What are your other two wishes?

Yehey, it's Sunday!!


My day didn't start out fine, actually. But, like what I promised myself, I will always strive to take everything positive. Worry should not dominate me anymore. Be optimistic. Whatever happens, good things will still come everyday.


Cooked spaghetti yesterday. Whenever I cook, I remember AMN peeps. If I can only send the food through YMsgr (send file), I would. haha Imagine how wonderful it would be if you can just send presents instantly without having to leave your home. *daydreams*


The spag is actually for Hippo's agents. He treats everyone every now and then. This is my 3rd time to cook for Hippo's team. This time, though, I also prepared Shanghai. Yumyum. They all loved it. Am glad. *big smile*


Oh, thanks Lilie for always visiting my nook even when it's taking me millennium before I can even post a new one. *hugs you*


We feasted on the left over spag and shanghai last night with Choco Bang Bang as our dessert. Grrr. Been eating a lot again. Hate it. Have to watch my figure. I don't want to start gaining weight again. So tough to lose appetite when you're not depressed. haha And tougher to motivate yourself to work out.


Want to see me when I was chubby? Am shy but...be my guest...*covers face*

w/ my sis Zeke.
I know she's so slim compared to me.
Don't even make mention!




Both my sisses are slim. *sobs*
Not to mention...TALL.





w/ the Boyet's Inc.
Dunno why they call themselves that. *scratches head*
They're monkeys. hehe





Awww...monkeys and me were sad.
Don't I look rather angry? Grrr

That's it. Have nothing to show anymore. Just found the photos online and thought to show them to you. Just keep your opinion to yourselves or you might hurt my shame. Please don't do that, especially not on a Sunday.


Why not on a Sunday? Because I declare it as my day. You probably have read my yesterday's blog entry. If not, what are you waiting for?! Go read it first before you even continue reading this one. Go now, I will wait here....

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Back? Great. *smiles* Sunday night, when I am still in a very good mood, I take photos of myself. I'll show you my different facial expressions, you like? Well, you have no choice anyway. You're in my space so, hah.

When I look like this, it means ...
am ok for long conversations.





When I look like this it means...
I don't find you funny. hmp.





When I look like this it means...
I did something naughty(?) hihi





When I look like this it means...
Ok, ok, but I need to do something.
Come back some other time.

When I look like this it means...
I don't know what to answer,
you're not making any sense.

Grrr...let's cut it. I am the one not making any sense now. haha. Pardon me for even showing you the photos. Just taking this chance to post a blog entry. Will be so swamped again and you'll miss me more. hehe


Buh-bye now. Need to start preparing for the 6pm fellowship. God bless all.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

Been swamped lately. There were loads of work lined up and I had to attend to so many commitments. Whew. How I long to have an extended recess.


Sadly, it's only during Sundays that I get to find time to stay away from obligations. I make it a point to really have fun with the sparing time I have.


Am happy with the result of my hard work, though. Why not? The recent movie I worked for went really praiseworthy. Haha.


Please support the movie. Think it's still showing. Watch it and see for yourselves. hehe















Twas fun working with Gerald. *wink*


Two Sundays ago, I invited some people to attend VCF with me and we took photos. Just a few, though. I was with Bentz, Lizzie, Totsie and Jamie. And am hoping to invite more, eventually.


Here are our dandy photos. *sticks out tongue*

*sings* I don't wanna wait in vain for a cab... *stops singing*
So...please donate an SUV for me...

*sings* where oh where oh where is Shadow??
Shadow is talking to Jamie.

Just so near and yet so far...
Yes, they know each other.
They just don't feel like talking.

Just cam whoring while waiting for a ride home.

Keeping patient...and it's almost 10.

drying inside, knees trembling...
I am just not into escalators...

Bentz dreams to become a bikini model

The bunch while waiting for a ride home

Do I look so scared?

Sunday is my favorite day because tis the only day I can leave work for a few hours. At the same time, it's the time I can really get to spend some time with God at VCF. It's such a wonderful feeling to be in that place. I encourage everyone to attend Victory Fellowship every Sunday. I attend the 6pm service.


This 11th, they will open a branch in Robinson's Pioneer (Mandaluyong). So, whoever lives near that place, don't hesitate to visit and be they're regular visitor. Better yet be member. Why not?


Hehe...I have a crushie in VCF. He's one of the vocalists. He is a very good singer and for me, he's better than Eric Santos and Christian...whoever. *giggles* But, no...he's not one of my reasons why I attend the service.


Well, it's Sunday tomorrow. Will have fun again.

I Still...

Yes, I have grown so much but never changed a lot. There are still things I never learned to outgrow. Guess, each one of us remain a child inside. Yet, we can't let it show all the time because we're supposed to be acting like grown ups. However, it's just so unavoidable at times.


Am not sure but most of what I haven't outgrown are not at all strange or weird. Maybe most of you still do the same, too. Just thought to share. Thought of blogging about this when recently, I found myself inside the closet when I was hurting badly and there was no one. Here are they...


"I still..."

~ hide inside my closet when hurt;
~ enjoy the sound of my rattle to help me sleep at night;
~ like to hear lullabies when having a hard time dozing;
~ love to receive/ask for presents from anyone;
~ fear of being left alone (which is kind of weird since I am a loner);
~ take pleasure in watching "Bear in the Big Blue House";
~ use baby words;
~ howl over a paper cut;
~ fancy spending time in parks or playgrounds;
~ say 'yehey' a lot;
~ delight in eating hotdog on stick with colorful marshmallows;
~ relish for cereals and popcorns;
~ long for alphabet soup;
~ mope when being teased;
~ talk to myself;
~ sing alone;
~ can't use the escalator by myself (acrophobia);
~ read bedtime stories to myself; and
~ hanker for stickers and other cute stuffs like stickers and notebooks.



Well, I guess this is all for now. Happy Halloween!

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Yeah, am that busy that's why it takes centuries before I can even make a post here. Sorry. *frowns* But, since Lilie requested that I post a new entry, I am posting today. And guess this is it.


Said she's sick and tired of seeing her face in my last post. What she didn't know, I am to post the new uploaded KPO photos. hah

This is from Reenie





Reenie's becoming invisible.




...something's totally wrong with Gracie




Hi...we were just talking before you took a peep.




Here's us already stuffed.




All girls night out, aye?

The three of us again.

That's all, though. *big smile*


Been busy with lotsa different things lately. Actually, am also working on something and I hope that it would make Lilie very proud of me. She's been pushing me and encouraging me from time to time. To show her my appreciation, I took time and effort to do something worthwhile and I hope she would be really proud of me.


Well, I know she is and she's always been. She never failed to tell me how much, actually, and it significantly bumped my self-worth up. Thanks, Lilie.


I seldom get complete sleep these days. But, I try to unwind every now and then to keep me sane. I only get to see sunlight every Sunday going to VCF (Robinson's Ortigas), though. What I'd do to unwind is watch movies (thanks uTorrent). *wink*


The last I've seen was "Knocked up". It's a fun film. Enough to entertain anyone who's stressed. Will surely make you laugh. I just didn't appreciate some profanity but I didn't mind so much. I just needed a laugh.


Before that, I've seen "Chuck and Larry". Very gay film. LOL Well, it's more about genuine friendship, actually. Also very entertaining. Shhh. I don't need anyone's opinion. It did make me laugh so just give me this.


Seen a couple more but I can't remember the titles. Will just probably include them on my next post.



Current mood: Fine and dandy although always stressed.