"...you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why."
It's 1:20am. Just finished reading Kellecker's comment. Of course I appreciate it. But, frankly, it made me feel bad about myself again.
Yeah, the forgiveness issue. They say, take that baggage off you so you can live peacefully. I know of all those things. And, maybe, it'll be very hard for me to just take advices when it comes to Greenie.
God knows how I feel about her. Yes, I have been very vocal about this bitterness and I really dunno how else to convince people that it's really not about time or me not trying. I never really understood why the other person has to be deserving of forgiveness until she came.
I now believe that the other person needs to be deserving of forgiveness. Am not referring to saying sorry or anything like that. Sorry is just like any other words. Just, at least, acknowledge you have wronged someone. Arrogance can really be annoying. Guess, no one can really understand where this ranting is coming from but Bud. Bud who, just like me, have seen what Greenie is really made of.
Am not a small-minded person. I am no short fused. Greenie gave me more than enough reason to feel this way about her. She knows. She was the one who pushed me this far and she also knows that she will never stop. Never will. For whatever reason. It's just her fulfillment.
I sound paranoid, I know. But, I don't wanna end up proving to myself (again) that I am right about this. Should've learned my lesson. Have to be kind to myself. I know I have already done my part. It's her turn.
(Am not upset with you, Kellecker. Don't worry. I hope you understand what I mean. And I know you're just not biased. You don't have any idea...Well...just whining here. Give me this. Haha...really sorry.)
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On the lighter note...
Lilie already received the gift. Yehey. Hoped she really liked it, though. *big smile* Twas for her birthday (Nov. 20). Happi biwthdei tu yooo... hehe Take care of Kingkong (grr Whattaname?! LOL) and Jr Siobe.
Two Sundays ago, I came face to face with my crushie. *giggles* Was about to leave Cinema 5, pouting; saddened with the thought that maybe he was really moved to Pioneer. Just when I turned around he's right there walking towards my direction. Didn't know how to react. Grrr. Couldn't even smile.
so...There he was...passed by me. Oh well. What was I even expecting? Am just not the type of girl who would show any intention.
Last Sunday... no, I didn't see him. *sigh* Not that I have a big crush on him. I just miss him singing. Why did they even have to move him to Pioneer? but...No, I won't move to Pioneer only because he's there. Am already happy in Ortigas. *wink*
so, what is this babbling about, now?! grrr
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Gotta zzzzz now. G'night all.
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Yes, I love the gift siobe. :) I'm keeping the card in my box of treasure hahaha
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I don't know much about your issue with this girl though you have told me about her before. ;) You know my story, right? You know the things that happened to me in the past and I continually face the person that hurt me the most. Hope you still remember it, GRR! Anyway, I know how hard it is to forgive the person who hurt you and perhaps scarred you for life so I know where you're coming from. Forgiving is difficult but then you owe it to yourself. Set yourself free from this, siobe. No need to feel hurt, angry and devastated every time you remember her. Let it go and move on with your life. She ain't a part of it already so let it be. Okay? :) Miss you, siobe. Who's my Jr. siobe? I don't even know I have one. LOL
Grr ...the bag. It's the JrSiobe, right?
ReplyDeleteAbout forgiving...yeah, am praying that GOD will help me heal. It's not what she had done in the past, really. It's what she's still doing that is reliving everything back.
I feel for her. In fact, I pity her because she is hiding a lot to herself. She has so much wants and yearnings and she's trying hard to cover all that (but with so much envy). Trying to show another side of herself that's not really her. She's just so good at showing something else than what she really is. How I wish people can see that like how Bud I see what's inside her.
Well, I won't really care about that. It's how she wants it, right?
But, thing is, I never did her anything wrong for her to treat me the way she did (or how she's treating Bud now). I mean, I'd just let her be had she not treated me badly. Cause I respect individual differences.
But, you're right in saying that I should set myself free. Cause she's not worth all the attention and emotion.
Kellecker is right when she said, forgiving takes time. I won't say I haven't forgiven 'her', though, cause I have and GOD knows it...and how I still struggle to heal from what wound she caused me.
If forgiving means something else then maybe I really haven't. If forgiving means totally over everything then, I haven't. Cause how can you get over everything when you see the person still doing the same things? When the person never acknowledged her wrongs and instead, still does the same? It's like rubbing salt in the wound.
...and I am just reacting to the salt...something like that.
Thanks for the message and for trying to help out. I appreciate it. Miss you. Take care always.
there are so many bad people in this world. If you got hurt by one, you can't expect that somehow she'll change. You'll encounter MOOOORE people like her in the future. So how do you deal with these encounters? Will you keep on reacting the same way? Who'll end up on the losing end then?
ReplyDeleteThere are good people, bad people, rich people, poor people, happy people, sad people and so on. She's just one of her kind.. How successful that woman is for hurting you until now. If she's hurting this Bud now, then go help him to learn from what you've experienced. She's his gf? And she hurts him like that???Come on, now. Don't you think you have to do something to wake him up?
Just my thought siobe ha. About the bag. I used it yesterday weeeeeeeh hehehe
Yipee! You used the bag. :) Thanks.
ReplyDeleteDear, I understand what you're going through. Forgiving is a totally different thing with forgetting. Just take everything one step at a time. All I wanted is to see you unburdened and happy. You know how much I care for you. You will always be a sister I never had. I pray that in time, things will be much better.
ReplyDeletePlease promise me not to be too hard on yourself.
I miss you. :)
AWww...Thanks so much Kellecker!! I appreciate your concern. And I know that your suggestion / advice is for my own good. Well, you've always shown strength in all situations and I hope I could be like that too; taking everything with a smile.
ReplyDeleteHaven't heard from you for a while and am glad to know that you still visit my cyber nook. Thanks soooo much.