Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.

Funny how I spend time creating or pimping blogs. Like I currently have ... what? ... 6 blogs to maintain. Actually, more than 6. I didn't include hi5, bebo, myLot and others. A new hobby? Don't even have time for hobbies. My daily routine has been work-eat-work-sleep. Lucky if I can find time playing with Joel in the morning. He's an early riser. Cute. Joel's, by the way, a 3-yr-old boy. Think I mentioned about him in my previous post.

My life has been work-sick-work-sick. My only relaxation's attending small group & fellowship every Sunday and going grocery. When am so intoxicated with work and stress I take a few minutes walk. Just around the neighborhood. How I wish there's a nearby park. A place where there's all green. *day dreams*

Just recently, I included old & new activities in my routine. Old ones like writing journals for one. This time, though, I note down all activities I do and their effects on me. My diet, my allergies, people I meet & how I feel about them, my frustrations (in bullet form), what I don't like about myself, resolutions, plans and many others... Thought this can help me a lot as I will be more acquainted with who I really am. A little twist to writing a diary. The one am using now is a handy black notebook. I haven't given it a name. There's a need to mention which notebook as I bought two new notebooks and a planner. And I still have like not less than 5 notebooks sitting around my drawers and desks. hehe. Am a collector btw.

Aside from Sunday fellowship, I am now part of a small group. It was a prayer answered for me as I have really been yearning to be in any group to help my spiritual growth. I have met a few new people like couples Donna & Wruel (small group leaders), Cathy and the hubby (I forgot the name), Kate & husband Jhon, Mische and Jane. Can only name a few as I can't remember everyone. Should write down names next time. On the second thought, won't I look weird?

So far, everything's fine. I hope it'll continue to be this way. And am also keeping my fingers crossed that this is my time to have real friends.

Can't squeeze working out into my schedule but, I MUST! Discipline...discipline...discipline!!! The least that I can do is to stand for a few minutes after each meal. But, whenever I am pressured with work, I don't get to do anything else but it. *sigh*

Every morning, whenever I hear Joel playing outside, I'd leave my post and play with him and some other kids in the neighborhood. About an hour. Sometimes, I invite him over here and we play whatever. I tend to lavish him with sweets. Hope it's not bad. I so LOVE kids.

...oh it's already December. Barely noticed that days had gone by so fast. Evident I have been too busy to even tell what day is it. Well, I hope to enjoy Christmas season.


Buh-bye for now...

"It was a very lonely life. And it was not a life I would ever wanna live over again"

For sometime now, I have been a fan of the tv network CI. It could be for my fascination to investigative stuffs. Dunno where I got this interest from, actually. Can't tell why I am interested at all. All I can remember's that even as a kid I had been into gumshoe/mystery kinda plots. My kind of books were the Agatha Christie, Nancy Drew types.

Maybe Certainly it's not only me. There are probably thousands or millions in the world like myself who are into mystery stories. I dunno what really my reason is, but, the simplest explanation I can think of is, I am captivated by things that draw curiosity. Anything that challenges the rationale.

I particularly like intellectual people. Anyone who can impress me with their brilliance. The know-one's-way-around types. Agree with me, they're extremely interesting. Or, maybe, not everyone will agree. Of course. It's probably personal interest. Or could be, I am simply a geek(?).

One particular real-life story I became so interested in was that of Esther Reed's. She's such a bright girl with emotional baggage, who knows? She's just a girl and she managed to escape all crimes she committed until she was arrested this year some time in February.

Esther assumed a missing girl's (Brooke Henson) identity. She was able to fraudulently get into different state universities using another person's name for however she was able to do it. It's amazing, isn't it? She outwitted thousands of people. I can only wonder how her mind works. I am not yet done with my readings but I have seen some vid interviews of people close to her.

Who can really tell if she's the femme counterpart of Frank W. Abagnale Jr.? How did she come up with the crimes she committed and was not caught until this year? If not for the on-going police investigation for the mysterious evanescence of Brooke Henson in 1999, her own disappearance in the same year won't ever be known.

I am attracted in learning how she was able to work around the sitches she herself created. To start with, it's not Henson's identity she snatched first. There were victims who trusted her and, in fact, were her close friends. She had already used several other names before she even came up with Brooke Henson and other more names later on. To sum all her crimes up, she involved herself in identity thefts, fraudulent student loans and phony Social Security numbers.

It appears that she had emotional issues as a child. She even mentioned once in a letter these words... "I feel like I had this wall surrounding my soul and I couldn't get out and nothing could get in." She felt this when she was 14 as indicated in the letter.

Could it be she has no sense of what is right and what is wrong? So many questions. And all those I want to find out the answers for...

Share if anyone knows something, please. *waiting mode*

Signing out now.

I simply want to live the way I need to live.

My 5th Ghost Story

Last month.

Late night work again. Young Hippo had to stay up the entire night, as well, to finish a project. Binkie had already signed off. It's just me and YH left awake. Still a relief, somehow, that I didn't have to be alone the rest of the night.

There were movements behind me as if someone was walking all throughout the dead of night. At times, the movement came from my bed. It's like someone's gotten up and walked past me. (My bed is just right behind me when facing the desktop computer. ) At one point, I even saw a shadow on the wall to my left (through peripheral vision). Like a shadow of 'someone' that actually stood from the bed. I, of course, checked who might be it. There was no one. I looked at YH who was using the other desktop pc to my right. He was focused and it didn't seem like he noticed anything. I tried not minding all the spooky noises and went back to what I was doing.

From time to time, though, the sound and feel of footsteps behind me kept disturbing my concentration. There were even times I'd make a sudden turn to my right as strong sense of "someone's " presence was felt. I wonder if YH even noticed I was jumpy. He seemed to be too engrossed with what he was doing. I, too, was focused and I even set the volume of my headset to the highest but I still heard and felt the weird motions around the room.

@ around 6am we finally called it a day. YH already left the room, while I set myself to bed.

A few minutes of lying down but the sandman hasn't paid a visit yet. I had to keep twisting and turning trying to get the right position that could help me get my most deserved doze. It's already 7 in the morning that time. Curtains were closed so the sunlight was unwelcome, but I really couldn't fall to sleep.

When my consciousness was finally about to leave, I heard someone typing. I didn't bother checking who it was. Thought maybe YH forgot something and went back to redo his project. I tried getting back to sleep, but, the sound of the computer keyboard won't allow me. to For whatever reason, I turned to the computer's direction and looked who was using it. I was surprised to see no one. My heart started throbbing fast, but I was too tired and groggy to scurry out of the room so I just faced the other direction and tried to get some snooze. The sound of the keyboard persisted for a few more minutes and then, gone.

After another more minutes ...no matter how sleepy I was, I still couldn't sleep so, I decided to just browse eBay. Until Gloria arrived around 9am.

At 10am, the plumber who was to fix the leak on the kitch's roof arrived and Gloria had to attend to him. But, before G did, she encouraged me to get some sleep. I thought, yeah, I better. So, I retired to bed. A few minutes of lying down, I finally was able to fall asleep. Just seconds after, though, I heard a male voice talking right to my face and I was awoken. Yet, when I opened my eyes, there was no one. I thought maybe twas Hippo, so I looked around. No one else in the room, though. Then, I heard Hippo's voice coming from downstairs. It's definitely not him.

Later that night, I asked YH if he had felt anything bizaare the other night. He told me he heard someone talked while we were both busy. A male voice resembled Hippo's. So, he turned to look but he found no one. He added, he even checked if it was Binkie but Binkie was soundly asleep. It scared him, he said but he didn't want to scare me so he didn't bother telling me. *whew*

Whatever that might be, clearly the aim was to not allow me to sleep. Grr.

Why doesn't anybody love me? Doesn't anybody care about Sid the sloth?

God has been very good to me. And am not saying this only because it's a Sunday. I feel so blessed that HE is working in me. With all the pressures, stress, problems I encounter daily, I still can feel HIS love and there's joy inside my heart. Have realised so many things and am overwhelmed with so much gratitude that HE's been helping me get out from the bondage I got myself into.

I used to believe so many myths related to Christianity. I never fully understood the extent of HIS love for me, but HE kept reaching out to me and told me to not be harsh on myself. I can never be anything more than a human -- capable of committing mistakes. Nobody is perfect. I've always known this but I kept trying to meet perfection, although at the back of my head, I've always belived that only excellence is what I can reach.

Growing up with criticism is tough. Have said this a few times before in this blog how my Dad had been such a critic to me. Appreciating nothing about me. Not even the greatest of my achievements. But, it doesn't end just there. Around me were people who looked at me with the same critical eyes. Every move was censured. I do this, there's judgment. I do that, another judgment. What tough luck, almost everyone I met along my journey was finding fault in me. To the point when I started doubting myself, "am I still true to myself? ... am I really this way or am only acting just to escape another negative remark?"

I've always believed that when you're kind, pleasant, nice, generous to others, you're safe. They will reciprocate the same good treatment. Thought those are reasons enough to be at peace with everyone. I was so wrong. People have too many issues. They never run out of something to say. Some would deem you as phoney. Would talk behind your back and would crush your repute. Some would accuse you of having ulterior motive. Some would treat you the exact opposite. Some would abuse or take advantage, but behind your back would talk ill of you. This I can't decipher. Where is the truth in the golden rule?

Indeed, "mine's a life with more questions than answers."

There are too many things I don't understand. Why did my parents have to make me a good person? I used to be a spoiled brat. Stubborn. My turning point happened at a very young age. I used to be bad, bratty and only cared about what I wanted. There was this girl classmate of mine back in nursery (yes, that young) who wanted to be my friend. She went wherever I was. She wanted to belong but I didn't like her. I can't remember what my reason was, but I didn't want her as a friend. One day, she kept talking to me as we walked to our classroom trying to get my attention. I got really annoyed and pushed her away. She fell on the ground. But, unlike the bratty kids I see on movies, I didn't feel good with what I did. I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself. I couldn't believe the evil thing I did. When I was back to my senses, I gave her my hand and helped her out.

I don't anymore remember her name. Not even her face. But, I will never forget how I had been to her when she was only being nice to me. I hope to meet her again so I can tell her how GOD used her to change my heart.

Since then, I strived not to hurt anyone's feelings. I know, this sounds rather exaggerrated. How can a kid think this way? I won't insist if you rather doubt the truth of this story, but this was my turning point. I told myself I will never do anything that would hurt another. This was with the help of the environment I grew up in (a Baptist School).

This brings me to another question... "now that I am a nice person, why is everybody hurting me?"

...and to another... "why can't they treat me the same way as I treat them?"

...and to another... "why are they mean to good-natured people and kind to those who can't do anything good?"

...and to another... "what is the golden rule for?"

...and to a lot more... endless questions.

Yeah, I sound so naive. I am. My left foot is still on the field of innocence. Too many things I don't understand about the world. Truth is, the world is such a wonder to me. Too many ironies. Too many injustices. It's true what says in the Bible (a king's observation), "This is all I have learned: GOD made us plain and simple, but we have made ourselves very complicated - Ecclesiastes 7:29."

My most favorite book in the Bible is Proverbs. I can't be self-righteous and say I have followed every teachings I learned from that book, but, I strived. Teachings like, "Help your brother and he will protect you like a strong city wall, but if you quarrel with him, he will close his doors to you." I probably have not done this all the time, but I helped a number of people but they closed their doors to me still. Now, you don't have to tell me another verse in the Bible to tell me I should never expect anything in return. I never. I only hope to be treated properly. Don't hurt me purposely. Is that too hard as a return?

This does not mean I am working so hard on following all the Bible rules (like a complete fanatic). It's more of complete change of heart and thanks to that girl from my vivid memory of nursery -- I turned into a person with a heart of sincere compassion. But, with how people have treated me so far, I feel there must be something wrong with me. I can't help but question, "am I truly sincere? Why do they see me as phoney? Why do they do me bad?" ...and there goes another list of questions.

I sound weird or depressive or bitter... you're thinking? You hafta hear my stories first before you start judging my words. Or better yet, be in my shoes. I am talking by experience.

All these make me nothing but frustrated. Everywhere seems to be wrong way.

But, GOD, HE understood my dilemma. HE saw my struggles. HE acknowledge I can never be anything more than myself. HE expects nothing higher than what I can do. And it's such a liberating experience to know that I don't have to be harsh on myself. I don't have to blame myself all the time for every person that treated me bad. It's not always my fault. HE embraced me and told me, "struggle no more".

GOD works in ways so divine. My questions may never find answers in my lifetime. They may even multiply by the day. Who cares? Now that I have an understanding of GOD's assurance, I can still go on, if not totally freed from injustice, at least, I can put my faith in HIM that I am not alone and if no one can see the small and big things I do, there is HIM. Praise GOD.

Happy Sunday, all.

My feelings? About ten years ago, I hid them somewhere and havent been able to find them.

Yes, I promised this is going to be a month-long ghost story telling session but I found something more interesting to share (and I don't have enough time to scribble, so...). A video showing a cool egg trick. (*sigh* How I miss eating egg. FYI: One weird fact about me, I LOVE any egg recipe. Sunny-side-Up being on top of the list and all kinds of omelet.) Enjoy.







Cheerio!

"They mostly come at night. Mostly."

Thought about it. It's indeed dupery ...nothing else. Am referring to the ghost hitch-hiker vid (from my previous post). Here's why (my personal point of view):

1st, the face of the girl was clear on the vid. Which made me doubt. Either the ghost shows up to humans and be invisible on cam OR invisible to humans and appears on cam. Dunno, of course, but I think this is more typical.

2nd, the ghost on the vid showed jumpy gestures and expressed emotions. Think with me. When one dies and becomes a specter, does he/she carry the same character as when he/she was alive? The girl apparition seemed to be meek.

3rd, spirits are still. They don't make too many movements so they appear strange. And because they can anyway pass through walls and everything, they don't need to open the car door to get inside. They can just pop up right to anyone's face.

4th, ghosts don't do anything to spook anyone (e.g. make faces like what that supposed-to-be ghost did at the end of the vid). They usually appear and disappear in the blink of an eye.

5th, if you even noticed, the 'visitant' was holding her face as if applying something on just before she talked about her fate. Moments later, she already have that scary look with the scars and whatever else on her face. hmmm *raised eyebrow*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My 4th Ghost Story


Twas already around 3AM past. Was working on a school project to be submitted later. There was already an eerie feel since everybody went to bed one by one. Like something's moving (walking) behind me.

Was downstairs. The desktop computer was positioned against the stairway so I was facing it. To my right was the family room. To my left was a small room and farther left was the kitchen and farthermost was the laundry area beside the bathroom. The motion noises were coming from that side. Whatever that was walking around came from the laundry area then walked passed me to the fam room. (There was a screen door and a wood door to the kitchen from the laundry area but those didn't open to let the spirit in, yet the sound of footsteps emanated from there. Same reason why I mentioned in my introduction that ghosts need not open the door to get in anywhere they wish.) Was sure there was no one else awake but myself. So, I convinced myself "must be the wind", although, the sensation it was giving me was something else. You'd always have a hint what it is.

I went on. Determined to finish the paper. That unearthly entity, though, kept walking behind me. There were even times it seemed breathing into the back of my ear. Horripilation here and there but nothing could shake me for I was decisive I was going to finish and pass the paper same day. 'It' was as decisive as I was, though. When 'it' couldn't shake me with all the movements it'd done, it brilliantly thought of something else.

...While I was focused on the keyboard, "it" switched the light off. The switch was just behind me. I heard the sound -- "tic". Next thing, the light was off and it's only the monitor that's providing light where I was. I was motionless for a few secs. Finally, I gathered the courage to look behind to check maybe it's just mom. Mom, at times, walks very quietly... she has light feet. But, mom was not around... I was already sure. With all my skin hair raised and my heart throbbing hard, I scurried upstairs and locked myself in my room without turning even the monitor off.

I hear them in the morning and the evening. They're coming into the shower.

I wonder if anyone of you knows how to make the blogger post area wider. Been working on increasing the width of my Green Room during my spare time. I don't like the spaces on both sides anymore. Everything I tried was nothing but futile attempts. It's starting to frustrate me. Can anyone lend me a hand? All virtuosos out there, pls? Am using scribe. And one more request, pls don't tell me I better change the theme cause it's a chore to put all the chicklets (and all that I had already incorporated on the sides) back.

My Multiply Page already has a different and BIGGER look. Am happy. Only blogger is giving me a hard time and I don't have all the time in the world to learn more CSS techniques. Still trying to figure out how to pimp my new Multiple layout as one of my reliable critiques said the character doesn't have any resemblance to me. But, am pretty certain that character will have to stay there a lil longer as the next weeks will be busier. Hafta keep my fingers crossed, at the same time, that I won't get any sick-er than this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, what d'ya think about the ghost hitch hiker vid, huh?! Someone told me it's hoax. Can't spend any more time viewing it once again. Up to you. Decide. Don't wanna bother.

Oh, but Pastor Julius Fabregas mentioned about supernatural entities as deceiving us into straying from GODLY truth. The devil is using such things/situations in an attempt to lead us astray. You have probably heard the supernatural/after death stories folks would pass on from generation to generation. They have actually become beliefs or superstitions such as the one Pastor Julius mentioned in the service earlier ('earlier' is actually technically 'yesterday'... it's already Monday now 1:38am in my digiclock) -- an elf fell for a teenage house helper but was rejected. The latter suddenly became very ill and died eventually at a very young age (about 15-17). But, if you come to think of it, this is the easiest explanation and no one would bother asking or arguing more. Quick escape. Whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My 3rd Ghost Story


One of the scariest experiences I've had was when I was in grade school. Being a natural geek oops... I mean, as a studious stud, I stayed up all night to study. One night, while I was typing a research paper for the next day's class, I heard something very freakish. It was coming from the bathroom. My room was next to my parents to the right. The bathroom was beside their room to their left. The sound was faint at first so I tried dismissing it. Until I can already hear it clearly. Someone was walking. What's frightening was, I was damn sure twas not mom or dad or anyone in the house with us. Plus, as this thing walked, it dragged something like a ball and chain with it. As it gets nearer and nearer my room, the sound became more and more terrifying.

It finally reached the door of my room. Stopped right in front of it. There was silence for a few secs. I was just still trying to sense if there's anyone outside. A violent knock on the door then madly tried opening the knob. Made my blood run cold. I didn't know what to do and I couldn't make any sound. Next thing I can remember ...found myself on the bed under a blanket with the typewriter beside me. It didn't stop for a few more minutes. My heart was pounding loud and fast like there's no tomorrow. I was wishing hard I just fall to sleep, but I was too terrorized. Can't remember how long it went and how was I able to fall to sleep. But, I will sure never forget that formidable experience.

Spending a few hours in the dark with these characters takes our mind off the real "boogey men" in our lives.

Was a lil confident watching programs which featured scary topics last night (just some 5 hours ago, actually. It's only 4am now) since there's 3 of us in the house. Some years back, almost every channel aired horror/ghost movies or news magazines that talked about horrifying experiences of real people for one whole week before (at times even after) Halloween. This year and the past couple of years, however, the prevalence of at-on-the-dot tv shows/programs have noticeably gone down. I wonder why.

Anyway, like what I said, I was confident enough to watch XXX (on channel 6). They featured people who have had spooky experiences in their own homes and unearthly entities on photos. Didn't finish it, though. Had to hunt for food as Mylene's not here to serve us very late dinner and very early breakfast. Thought I rather hunt than be bone lazy (translation: do what's my usual -- hit the dials for food delivery). That was around 12mn. We agreed to go out and be hunters. I wonder what the guards might be thinking they'd usually see us only around these times. bwahaha

...even watched Poltergeist vids on YT. But, I am actually skeptic about ghosts caught on tape or on still cams. Come on, there are so many photoshop mavens around who can just play the photo so it would look authentic. Dunno, it's just hard nowadays to tell a real one from a fake one.

There's this vid, though, which caught my interest. It's in a different language showing 2 guys and a gal in a car. One guy was in the back seat rolling the vcam. The girl was in the front passenger seat. Of course the other guy was driving it. Twas already dark and they're driving nowhere when they chanced upon this girl trying to get a hitch (the original vid was too long. They were driving real long).

...Pretty girl but mysterious. She looked rather restless. The 3 even argued about accommodating the girl stranger but they ended up letting her hop in. Dunno if it's effect or what but whenever the vcam was focused to the stranger, it became blurry. From the time she was in, they started asking her questions but she was trying to keep her silent answering each question with only one or two words (maybe max was 5). Because she looked troubled, the 3 asked her a few times what might be wrong. A couple of minutes more and she pointed at a particular area ahead of them and said something like this (not exact words)... "I am heading there. That's where I had an accident and died." Everybody was horrified with what she just said and what's next... the car wheels squealed, the car brake was audibly loud and the car windows broke -- a car accident.

Am not certain up to this time about the authenticity of the tape. This is the first time I have seen this so... well, am still scrutinizing it. Here, maybe you'd be interested to see for yourself...

This is the short version.

What do you think?

Another personal ghost story from me later... hopefully. *fingers crossed*

You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone is entitled to one good scare, huh?

Have surpassed the scariest day of the year without having to encounter one more lurid sensation. hurray! A couple of days before yesterday, I was planning to be out of the house the entire night. Maybe spend the night in Star City or in a 24/7 Internet Cafe. This was after I learned everyone's gonna be out the whole weekend. Until yesterday came and I was still ill. I finally decided to conquer my fear.

I stayed home. I had to.

In fact, I was able to sleep soundly around 2AM. And what's nicer is I was able to sleep long (until around 8AM). Yeah, that's only barely 6 hours but, believe me, that's already long for me. Hippo would joke about how I'd feel so energized after getting a 5-min nap. Got this from Mom who gets only a couple or 4 hours doze on a regular basis.

Anyway, am back to continue my biz -- a month-long ghost story series.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My 2nd Ghost Story


Staying up the entire night everyday has been a routine for me. Am used to it since as a stud, I was wide awake when everybody else was already snoring. And believe me, even I can only 'hear' uncanny sounds and can NOT see 'ghosts', such experiences could get my heart leap from my chest.

We decided to move my home office table to the window's side. Opposite the wall where it used to stay (just beside the door). For the simple reason, it can feel real eerie when the door is open and there's just dark you can see from outside. Another deeper reason was there's really something about that area.

My first night here, I already felt something different. The computer used to be under the aircondition unit where my stacks of food are positioned now. Almost opposite the bathroom and in front of the dresser where the big mirror is. There were more than 10 of us in the house since it took us the rest of the afternoon to move all the stuffs from the old place to here so, I was not scared at all; although, everyone was already asleep. Well, am naturally not fidgety let's just put it that way. For whatever reason, I am kinda brave when it comes to supernaturals. But, am not challenging anything, lemme make this clear. OR maybe am simply just skeptical. Doubtful of what experiences I had.

I was, at that time, chatting with someone. Was trying to resolve an issue and this disturbing sound kept making me turn around. Thought maybe it's just any of the hippos. It's trying to get my attention by doing "psst" twice at a time. This came from anywhere very near me like from inside or outside the bathroom, which was just behind me. At times it would come from somewhere around the door or outside the room. As usual, I did what I am good at doing -- dismissed it. But, twas persistent.

It didn't stop there. There were movements approaching me. I felt cold air at the back of my ear which caused me to make sudden turn to that direction where it came from. It's as if someone whispered right into my ear. Next thing was pilomotor reflex. Then, my heart started pounding fast. Yet, I still tried to focus more on what I was doing.

At one point, I jumped from my seat and ran to where Hippo and Binkie were sleeping. My heart was throbbing real hard. But, I couldn't even make any sound.

I ended up going back to what I was doing. Again, tried dismissing what might it be.

A few days after (think 5 days later), I was about to start work around 2am. This time around, the position of my post was right next to the door by the wall. Hippo was already around and so was Binkie. I went to my post and pulled the seat to my direction. When I was about to sit down, something pulled it away. I need not say what happened to me next. Ok, I will say it...I ended up on the floor.

Hippo helped me get up while Binkie tried hard not to laugh and asked what happened. Am sure both them saw what happened. Grrr.

Could it be a poltergeist? *bites nails*