My heart always timidly hides itself behind my mind.

We feel pain to the nth degree after a breakup (of a love relationship or a friendship) because we lost a part of us. The fact that we have loved much could only mean we have given much, as well. So, when something comes to an end, we feel as if there's nothing left. As though, everything's taken away from us.

Often, understanding why things have to happen is not help. In fact, we prolly understand. It's just it doesn't get rid of the pain. And sometimes, we only need to let the hurt be felt and let the tears wash away the misery.

There's no shortcut to healing. And, sadly, there are times scars remain forever. But scars are just a sign that we have survived agony. There's always beauty in everything. Even in pain.

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.”

 

After all, people are always separable.

Don't hold on to anything for too long. Don't love too much. Don't devote your life revolving around just a few select people. Don't give too much when you're getting too little. There are so many suggestions on how NOT to get hurt (emotionally). Is there any real technique to avoid pain? 

They said pain is part of life. It's inevitable. Babies and little children still get sick no matter how their parents take real good care of them. Even if they stay up all night looking after their sweet ones, protecting them from mosquito bites and all, they still get fever, cold or flu. (Not to mention Dengue, Measles, Chicken Pox...) There's no sure way to keep them quarantined from such discomfort. Adults even make every attempt to keep themselves from the same fate. They take vitamins and other popularly advertised supplements and trusting that their bodies will be immune. Still, things happen. Harm happens. Pain just keeps showing up. In any form.

Must I conclude that nothing can altogether protect us? Therefore, pain will always happen(?).

I do agree that pain exists and everyone will experience it, one way or another...every now and then. I believe, however, that it's all a matter of acceptance that things simply happen that will cut short the misery and suffering from it. And, we don't need any explanation why they have to. Because "the more you know, the more it hurts." It's like letting things flow naturally. People come and people go. If you hold on to anything with all that you are, then the time comes it has to go...regardless if it's voluntarily, unexpectedly, forcefully... you are sure to suffer loss. And loss corresponds pain. It may be too cliche to say, "let someone spread their wings and allow them freedom. If they come back, they're really yours for keeps"... but, I find it to be the only solution. Being in control of what must happen next (so, you do all the work you see needed done just to arrive at the result you want) only helps for a short period of time. Just count seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years... in a flash, the one you hold dear can be gone. And you're left alone devastated with questions that leave you restless, depressed --"what did I do wrong?" "In which part did I fail?" What else I haven't given?  Then, the endless (conscious or subconscious) self-blame begins. And the next thing you know, you're trapped in that moment when you were left behind. You're stuck in the past where it's nothing but sorrowful. Not realizing that "pain only remains as long as you keep allowing it to stay."   You are the one giving anyone or anything the power to hurt you. Only you. It's your choice -- brush it off and go on with the day OR wallow in it longer than you're supposed to and suffer.

Do I sound jaded or something by saying "brush it off and go on with the day"? (Lemme add...treat it as any regular day --with good and bad times...it is the bad time. Sadly.)  But, is there any other way of saying what we all need to hear, realize and accept?

I may never be able to give tips on how to control emotions. Will endorphin triggers help? (Don't think so as I've known so many women who felt rather hopeless and depressed after eating as much chocolate as they can. Because they gained weight and it made them feel bad about themselves more. I answered my own question! Boo!) How about Prozac? Any success?

But, I strongly believe that emotions can be handled carefully and properly. It's a matter of will. Knowledge helps, as well. If you understand and know that you are loving another being who was also given the will to choose, you can easily accept that they made a decision which can never be revoked even by you. (YES, even by you. It's too much to expect that you have the power to change anyone's mind only because you believed with all your heart and soul the love they once professed.) If you don't keep taking matters into your hands and try to insist on what you want or think should happen, it's easier to move forward. But, if you keep turning back, trying to salvage something that already gave up... something broken, something that's beyond repair... you only leave yourself miserable while the other person has already moved to the next chapter of their life.  

It's, actually, like the weather. You are wishing it'll be sunny. It's your wedding day. And, it's a garden wedding. Suddenly, it started raining cats and dogs! You can choose how to respond: Sulk in one corner; whine about it; blame the Weather Bureau for giving the wrong information; request for a tent; move to another venue; wait for the rain to stop and feel more excited about being wed to the person you have been dying to start your life with; keep asking why it rained... just to mention a few. It is a CHOICE.

Evidently, pain will always happen but you should find a way to remedy it. Just like when you feel sick, you don't nurture the disease. You find a cure for it. Similarly, you don't carry hurt with you everywhere you go. Then, try hard to show you're ok. Then, when you're alone in your room at night, you take it out and relive it by viewing the videotape in your head and rewind to the time your loved one said goodbye.

There's a remedy (or remedies) but I don't think "prevention is better than cure" applies. Like the DON'Ts I mentioned earlier.  They're no guarantees. Those are very defensive and selfish. How can you truly love anyone if you are too conscious of shielding yourself from pain? Something gets compromised if we try to be too careful in everything.

If you're gonna look at it, parents have natural tendencies to be protective. Mine were. And it didn't turn out very beneficial for me now. I am very sensitive, easily get sick, squeamish. Only because my loving and protective parents provided us a clean environment that allows almost zero bacteria (don't get me wrong, I appreciate that a lot.). It did protect me from getting sick then, but the disadvantages came out later on.

The DONT's I listed are nothing but vain attempts to prevent pain from invading your comfortable life but definitely, there are disadvantages. And one is the inability to experience the joy of loving and being loved. How? You become both occupied and preoccupied being watchful of any attack. You live in fear. You can't just trust. You're anticipating it can happen anytime.  Then, still get surprised when it does.  You either give too little (thinking you shouldn't invest much so even if it ends, there'd be less damage) or too much (thinking that the more you give the lesser the tendency for your partner to have reasons to leave).  And it's never a joyful ride.

I know of an effective way to remedy or handle pain. Lift it up to God. He is the healer of the brokenhearted. When it's hard to just trust, we only need to trust Him. People will always fail us. Even the ones we love. Because none is flawless. Each one expects something from the other. And all of us fall short of each other's expectations. So, we get hurt. If you come to think of it... wrongs, which cause pain, are subjective. Sometimes, it's just us. Sometimes, it's just them. But, rarely do we see this. It is but wise to surrender everything to the ONE who sees EVERYTHING. Who can truly solve the problem. Who can remove the unwanted feeling. Who gives us power to overcome ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Let's give up on taking all the pain in and the refusal to receive help. Let's open our clasped hands and willingly surrender. We need not fear, even PAIN. The Word says, "There is no fear in love. Perfect love (God) drives out fear." Drives out pain. Try it. *wink*

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I lived too much in my head instead of the real world.

Has it ever occurred to you why you do the things you do? You work everyday. You work hard. I know a lotta people who are simply good at what they do. Expert. Connoisseur. And they still want to become better. Best. Some have achieved sooo many things not common to majority. There are those who have traveled much of the planet. At first, you'd be amazed. It's really impressive. But, at the end of the day, you'd ask "are they really happy?"

I believe it's not what we do, what we achieve, how far we have reached, what places have we gone to ... that makes us happy. Am convinced it's the meaning behind all these things. The purpose. The motive. Are we doing what we're doing because it makes us happy OR we're happy that's why we're doing what we're doing? 

Am reminded of the question, "what drives you?" It's worth the thinking, right? Hmmmm... I work hard to... blah blah blah... and those are my purpose. How about my goal? *at wits end* Well, am simply not a planner. I don't plan my life. I have strong desires, of course...like, I want to reach out to the homeless. Provide them a shelter. Educate them and give them livelihood. It's also my strong desire to give my grannies a comfy and convenient life in their old age. Because I love them. Does that mean I love the homeless, too? I sooo love my Lolo and my Lola that's why there's this strong desire to provide them a better life now that they're very old (in their 80s). But, what could be the reason for my desire to do what I said I wanna do for the homeless? What drives me?

When I was still active doing the feeding program I started as an activity a few years back, I felt a sense of fulfillment  in doing that kind of work. It kinda gave me sense of worth, which I never felt even after I had achieved so many wonderful things. NOT when I became a consistent Dean's Lister. NOT when I appeared on some TV programs. NOT when I was cast-ed in a movie. NOT when I (unbelievably) was able to make it to modeling. NOT when I was awarded for having done an exemplary performance when I joined the corporate world. NOT when (again unbelievably) started a biz (am totally not a business person!). NOT when I earned my first seven digits. Just to name a few or you might think I composed this entry to brag. *sticks out tongue* 

If there was anything I felt having achieved these things, I would say it's rather PRIDE. I was, of course, proud of myself. But, that's just about it. So what? And, I know that there are a lot more others who have achieved more than I did. 

But, there's something about sense of fulfillment. Being proud of what I have achieved only makes me wanna want MORE. It gives a longing to grab, grab and grab. I gotta overtake my previous achievement. I hafta think "what's next?" It's like a long list of TO DOs. And tomorrow, there's more.  There's still more that life offers. I wanna go to Sweden. I will grab an iPad 2 Gold History Edition. I will buy the 2009 Lamborghini Murcielago. I will try the 12 inch “Pizza Royale 007". I will carry a Mouawad's 1001 Nights Diamond Purse. I will wear a pair of Gucci Woven leather boots. And even if I already have these things, I will still want more. Am feeding my pride. And in order to keep feeding it, I am driven to do more. Work more. 

It's funny how we yearn to have certain things and when we already have them, it seems we don't want them anymore. I can't believe how Samsung i900 Omnia (this is my high-end gadget til now) is now nothing but a thing of the past. It isn't as desirable as it used to be when it was first released. How many gadgets have been released since? And, people just can't be satisfied. Now, there are what they call Tablets. I haven't even educated myself about the iPhone (4s, 4, 3GS) and the iPod (nano, shuffle, touch, classic)! Ok, ok...am not a gadget person, but still! I mean, we want a thing now and then we don't want it anymore later because there are still so many to grab. Lust of the eye!

I look at the stack of shoes in my room and I can't feel any sense of fulfillment having them when I bought them with my hard earned money. I don't even get to use them cause I am so loyal to one pair of shoes I wear almost ALWAYS. Those who observed prolly have in their hearts to give me a new pair, if you know what I mean. But, that's my point. NOTHING satisfies. And, things simply wear off. It's just a matter of time.

Reminds me of these lines found in Ecclesiastes 2...

But then I looked at everything I had done and the wealth I had gained. I decided it was all a waste of time! It was like trying to catch the wind. There is nothing to gain from anything we do in this life.

I began to hate all the hard work I had done, because I saw that the people who live after me would get the things that I worked for. I will not be able to take them with me. Some other person will control everything I worked and studied for. And I don’t know if that person will be wise or foolish. This is also senseless.

So I became sad about all the work I had done. People can work hard using all their wisdom and knowledge and skill. But they will die and other people will get the things they worked for. They did not do the work, but they will get everything. That makes me very sad. It is also not fair and is senseless.

What do people really have after all their work and struggling in this life?  Throughout their life, they have pain, frustrations, and hard work. Even at night, a person’s mind does not rest. This is also senseless. (ETRv)

    

Am not saying there's anything wrong with acquiring things. That's not what I meant. Like what the same author wrote in chapter 3...

I learned that the best thing for people to do is to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live. God wants everyone to eat, drink, and enjoy their work. These are gifts from God. (ETRv)

I guess, it's better if we start asking ourselves why do we do the things we do? Why do we want as many accomplishments? Are we getting sense of fulfillment out of these things? Can we say to ourselves... alone in our rooms ...without any spectator... that we're truly happy? That we have joy and peace in our hearts? 

More from the book of Ecclesiastes...

Then I thought, “Why do people work so hard?” I saw people try to succeed and be better than other people. They do this because they are jealous. They don’t want other people to have more than they have. This is senseless. It is like trying to catch the wind.

 Some people say, “It is foolish to fold your hands and do nothing. If you don’t work, you will starve to death.” Maybe that is true. But I say it is better to be satisfied with the few things you have than to always be struggling to get more.

Those who love money will never be satisfied with the money they have. Those who love wealth will not be satisfied when they get more and more. This is also senseless.

People work and work to feed themselves, but they are never satisfied. It is better to be happy with what you have than to always want more and more. Always wanting more and more is useless. It is like trying to catch the wind. (ETRv)

Some more things worth thinking ... Why do I want what I want? Why do I want MORE? What can satisfy me? What is enough for me?

So many questions! Oh, but these questions will reveal what's truly in our hearts.



Gotta sign off now. Toodle-oo!

“My life's an open book. Some of the pages are a little ripped, but it's open.”

In order to be really happy, I figured... we must understand that in this world, we own NOTHING. That anything can be taken away from us in an instant. Accepting this fact will help us to let go easily without leaving a desire in us to cling on to whatever we want to keep. 

I looked around and I see people who, just like me, are living their own lives, making their own decisions, moving around in accordance to their will. When I want some munchies, nothing and no one can stop me from grabbing the next bag of chips I like. I choose a big bag of chips. I choose the cheese flavored one. If you also want some munchies and you're only gonna ask me to divvy, you can't insist what flavor I should buy. Buy your own!

On the other hand, we can agree what flavor to buy. You don't really need to chip in. It is up to me if I want to consider your request. You cannot force what you want unless you decide it's your treat. I can also be very considerate, in fact, and pay for the snack. ...It's called generosity. 

Free will. Such a simple word yet hard to truly fathom. 

For many, it has become really hard to let go only because they haven't learned to understand freedom of choice. Or they have not learned to accept and respect another's choice, maybe.

When a love relationship ends, there's always one left and often stuck. The one left can't believe what just happened and, how in a blink of an eye, the other person changed. Surprised how love has gone in a flash. Often, they become too engrossed trying to figure out where they went wrong that it becomes their way of life. They keep reviewing the videotape in their head hoping to solve the puzzle. So, it's hard to move on. It just makes it hard to move on but nothing gets resolved, actually.

We're very curious about the WHYs. But, even if we get the answer, there are simply things that can't be fixed anymore. There are things when broken remain broken. Irreparable. You may have already learned what you needed to and promised never to do the same again; sadly, though, the other person already made a decision. And no matter what you do, they've already chosen to move on...without you. 

Regrets. Another reason why many still suffer. They hold on to "what could've beens", "should've"... Everything in life is nothing but LESSONS. We are all faulty beings. We'll always screw up. But, we must never feel sorry for the mistakes to the point of misery or depression. Just learn and try never to do them again. Apologize if it's gonna give you peace but throw regrets away and move forward.

Blame. I guess it's part of being human to point fingers at. In failed relationships, however, we often take the blame so we can't forgive ourselves. This causes us  to allow ourselves to be doormats. "I screwed up so I just deserve this." The guilt within makes us permit the other person to do whatever they wish just for us to keep them no matter it pierce us. Unconsciously, we also blame them that they're just as imperfect as we are. No help at all.

Regrets and blame aren't really the problem. The real problem is that we can't find it in our hearts to just accept that certain things happen. We don't need to know why. And knowing the reason why won't help even. So, why bother? (In fact, knowing just makes it more complicated.)

Or, maybe it helps to know WHY.

Ok...Why? Because of freedom of choice. Unless, of course, in case of death which none of us would choose. But, if you think again, if it's not anyone's choice then there's a Higher Being who willed it. 

Lovers get left behind because someone exercised their freedom of choice. They don't want the relationship anymore. They fell out of love. They got bored. Whatever their reason may be, it is not for us to question. It's simply what they want. It's their decision. Regardless of the motive, a choice has been made. We only have to accept and respect it. 

Nobody owes us any explanation. As the idiom goes, "Live and Let Live." We surely won't feel comfortable if people around us keep asking us why we dress the way we do, why we speak a certain way, why we sleep with our eyelids slightly apart. I think that's annoying. Of course, my examples are ridiculous but isn't it also ridiculous to keep asking questions as if the answers will change a thing? Don't we find ourselves annoying whenever we keep asking in our mind why we were left for another? It only makes us feel insecure. So, we start comparing ourselves to the new found partner. And it adds to the already present depression in us. We have to understand that most of the time it's not about us. It's simply about freedom of choice. Preference. Prerogative. 

I am amazed at how God respects our freedom of choice. In fact, I often mull over how HE must be hurting because of our choices; yet, HE lets us be. Isn't it totally selfless? HE doesn't insist what HE wants. HE searches our hearts so HE knows the motive behind every decision, but HE simply allows us to live the way we want. How HE desires the best for us but HE understands that we also have our own desires so HE allows us the freedom to make choices. I believe that's TRUE LOVE. No coercion. I mean, HE is our Creator. Our everything. Yet, HE practices humility by respecting our freedom. HE surely knows better but HE doesn't slap that to our faces. HE is powerful and HE can just make us love HIM, but HE rather wants us to love HIM by will.  

God shows us how we can live life to the full. How we can live in thanksgiving and joy. We only have to be selfless. Learn to get out of ourselves and realize that life is not about us. We aren't the center of the universe. We can't expect people to live for us or according to our wants. They have a life, too. So, stop looking for justifications, reasons or explanations and just realize that it's all because they have to make a decision. Their choices will not always be favorable to us, of course. And it's too much too expect that we get only the best things. Everything's part of life. That includes PAIN. Live with it.

Actually, pain is felt only because of selfishness. We want something. We don't get it. It hurts us. Of course, we'll always want something. But, knowing that we can't always have what we want will keep us from pain. Let's throw the bratty attitude and don't treat people as if they're lifeless, mindless... as if they can be owned. Like, look around and you'll see a few or maybe more people desiring you but you have preferences. You made a choice, too. Only not favorable to them. That makes it quits. *devilish green*  

 Til next time...

    

I don't fit into any stereotypes. I like myself that way.

So I got invited to share my wits by being a Wizpert. ^_^  Isn't it cool? I mean, I have not been consistent adding more scribblings to my almost oblivious page and someone actually found my thoughts ("knowledge" as he put it) of great value. Geesh! Whatta way to start Tuesday! Thanks to Michael Weinberg. Nothing else makes life a little more wonderful than appreciation.

This means, I hafta be active again. And I should better not be too critical of myself. Often, although I have brilliant ideas to share, I tend to brush them off and tell myself they might not make any sense to the world. I mean, there are like gazillion of bright minds across the globe confidently expressing their opinions, which are truly worth reading, in fact. So, as always, I take the back seat and keep mine to myself (or share them silently to those closest to me).

I'll hafta battle this inferiority thing inside of me to fulfill the prophecy given to me early this year. Exude positivity, Zhilaohu! Do not mind so much what other people will say. They always have something to say, anyway. I can't stop for anyone. Especially not for those who got nothing good to say. 

Made me realize that successful people aren't concerned. That's the key. They're aware that there are eyes watching their every move but they simply can't stop for anyone. They have to live. They are passionate to live. The I-don't-care-what-you-think attitude gives them freedom to do whatever they feel like doing. I don't think there's anything wrong with that for as long as they're not stepping on anyone's foot. Critics are nothing but hurdles along the way. We are not to treat them as red lights or walls.

"I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!"

 Wanna share this inspiring video...

 

I became so used to being competitive. Gotta work hard to be better. Better than who? Whoa! This is the first time I ever asked this question. All I can remember is, I grew up wanting to make my dad appreciate me. I didn't mind making him proud of me, actually. Just appreciate me should've been enough. So, I gave my best to excel in almost everything. I was an achiever. I did excel in many things. Even things I never imagined I could do. But, twas never enough. And because I lived seeing myself through the eyes of my dad, I failed to appreciate my own self. Took a toll on me big time. So, I gave up and started to see myself through the eyes of others. Silly. Exhausting. I learned that the world demands a lot when you're more than willing to give more than you should. They'll even take advantage! Learned it the hard way. It will drain you. Not worth it.

I was freed when I finally started seeing myself through the eyes of God. HIS love for me helped me regain the confidence and self-esteem I lost only by making attempts to be appreciated. I wasn't aware of the thirst for some things -- love, appreciation, concern, etc -- and it actually affected me sooo much. But, God has always been faithful. HIS Word made me understand my worth...

“Before I made you in your mother’s womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I chose you for a special work...” [Jeremiah 1:5, ETRv]

But, then, it was not all bad. Truly, "in everything God works for the good of those who love HIM." [Romans 8:28]  Everything in my past made me who I am today. That strong desire to receive appreciation from Daddy simply turned me into a better person now. Still, it's all worth it. Nothing to regret at all. 

So...am coming back to doing my thing...WRITING! I won't hesitate anymore. Applying what the Word says, "Whatever you do, do it from the heart for the Lord and not for people." [Colossians 3:23, CEBv]

 Toodle-ooh!

 

Some people just need a pat... on the head... with a hammer.

I have something else in mind to write, actually. But, I don't think I can word it now in such a way no one will have a clue am talking about this one person. Or, in a way that this person won't know it's about h--. So, I thought of writing about Facebook. *big smile*

No, am not gonna write about its early beginnings nor facts about it. Just had some observations and came up with Dos and Don'ts in using this popular social networking site. Am sort of an FB junkie as its been part of my daily life. (Like it has to be on even I am doing something else.) This is where I get information, current events and others (Twitter, as well) from since I don't have TV. (Yes, I have none. So, please donate. Oh, I have preference, btw. PM me if you have a kind, generous heart.) 

Yeah, I just felt like I should share my two cents how people should conduct themselves in the FB environment... If you find them senseless, that's your problem! Kiddin'...

Here goes my wisecracks...

Don't ACCEPT a friend invite then REMOVE them after. It's kinda rude. Especially if it's for no apparent reason.

I've heard people say, "I can do whatever I feel like doing. It's my page, anyway!" Yeah yeah...but, be considerate of other people's feelings. Imagine how they jumped in elation upon seeing a notification showing you've accepted their friend request; then, out of nowhere, you come to a decision that can devastate them forever. Guess it's much better not to ACCEPT friend invitation at all. Don't break anyone's faith and have them thinking all their life whatever they'd done wrong. And, don't ever think they won't notice you "un-friended" them. They will.

Better not keep adding people you don't personally know.

Ok, it's another way to make friends. You must be hoping to be really friends with this person. Taken. Maybe, it's proper to also send them a private message with the request and a bit of introduction how you're acquainted with them. At least, do things a little ethical. But, be ready for possible rejection.

Facebook is not a BURN BOOK, so don't post your mean, uncouth remarks about people you dislike or worse hate.

Quoting Cady from the movie "Mean Girls", "Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter."

Gone are the days when people are urbane. Now, everyone seems to be taking advantage of their freedom of expression. They don't anymore know what are to be kept privately. Whatever pops into mind will conveniently be broadcasted. Whoever's reputation crushed doesn't matter!

Use your own photos. Bet everyone has a face to show.

Could be a strategy to invite more friends? Just it's nothing but a desperate move. You'll rather look pitiful you hafta rob another's photo who you deem far better looking than you. Heh. Try taking gazillions of photos and try different angles til you achieve the look or pose you like. TahDah! There you have your fantastic profile photo. *wink*

I won't assume anyone would sign up to have an FB account with the intention of remaining unidentified or something. Unless, stalking a crush, maybe. Geesh!

Not everyone is interested to read updates of what's going on in your life each day. No need to narrate how you feel, where you went, what you ate, what movie(s) you watched, what color of clothes you're choosing... seriously.  

Unless you're Paris Hilton or Lady Gaga, maybe. FB is that awesome it allows its users to tweak privacy setting. You may inform your closest friends who might be sincerely interested to know what you're currently doing. Doesn't have to be EVERYONE.

Stop the solicitation of fan signs, puh-lease!

If you're someone I admire, I'd prolly do one for you without you having to request. But, I won't even do that for any celebrity or famous icon. I dunno, but it just doesn't make sense to me. Am gonna take a picture of me with someone's name on any part of my body or written in a piece of paper. Then, I'll post it and tag the person who owns the name. For what?! Like am a fan?!

Your opinion may be brilliant but it doesn't have to be advertised. And if it isn't brilliant, the more it shouldn't be circulated.

I mean, so what if you think Jessica Sanchez should've won? No matter what you think should've happened, it won't change the fact that she didn't. Expressing opinion often leads to quarrel and unnecessary misunderstanding, or worse, trouble. One throws out his opinion for the purpose of showing off what (s)he knows. To prove something... which starts friction between another person or group. Then ends in provocative statements. There are issues we need to let die for the sake of peace.

Remember this..."Intelligence [opinion] is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off." 

Before posting or sharing information that causes panic, first find out if the source is reliable. Validate.

We don't wanna take part in causing heart attack, right? When posting anything of great importance to the society, might as well include the source of information. This way you do not lose your credibility.

No trash-talking allowed! 

Same as, it's not a Burn Book. Might as well start a private online/offline journal (in case paper and pen aren't anymore your thing) if you really need to unleash all those negative feelings. It isn't helpful that we infect others with all the negativeness, agree? As if, it makes us any beautiful, smarter, respectable publishing nasty rumors or comments about another!

Facebook is NOT like The Jerry Springer Show!

Except those who are under 15 years old, all of us are expected to conduct ourselves as educated individuals. We are not to expose shaming details concerning our parents, siblings, relatives, friends. Whatever issues are currently happening in your household, it is your duty as member of that family to not divulge private, sensitive matters. Keep them private. If you need to communicate to anyone your innermost thoughts and feelings, there is a better way to do that: privately send them a message. Or, why not talk to them in person, in stead? The world doesn't need to know the drama inside the walls of your home. 

....................................................

...just to mention a few. Still have a lot in mind but, but and but. 

Before I conclude this entry, I'll add two things more to the list. Difference of these two, they're POSITIVE!

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  1 Corinthians 10:31

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Colossians 3:17

Toodle-ooh!

A time for reflection.

Night of 28th of this month, just two days ago, I was placed in a situation where the condition of my heart was revealed in full view. I was, myself, surprised. Wasn't expecting I could react that way. Where did that come from? Lotsa thoughts came into me. In my mind, I was tracing the root. There was fury, rage, and evident violence. Not that I was incapable of control. I believe twas a choice.

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. [Proverbs 29:11]

Yes, I repented and admitted to God that same night how a fool I was having given full vent to my anger. I wallowed in my emotions, that's my wrong. How many times have I given myself into excuses that it's my right to be human? "It's ok, because just like everyone else, I have feelings." "Someone wronged me and I simply reacted."

...and I know this is a battle. The injected lie has to be removed from my system. How I miss the "me" I used to know. But, I thank God for I am covered with an assurance that it's not what I can do but what Christ has already done for me that matters. Indeed, "His mercies and compassion are new every morning."

I found myself powerless left alone to myself. Without God's saving grace, I am reduced to nothing. That situation humbled me. I realized how true it is that "we are all work-in-progress". Knowledge is different from living what you know. Doesn't matter how much you know, in fact, but how involuntarily it reflects in your life -- the way you speak, act, react, etc. It's like you know first-aid and when you're brought into a situation where you need to use that knowledge, you resolve to evade. It's not how much you know of the Bible that counts. It's how you practice what you know in ANY given situation.

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. [Luke 6:45]

And how the Holy Spirit was convicting me at that very moment. My flesh was just too impervious to heed, however. I simply wanna be in that emotion. "Wait, this is my moment. Let me be." Makes me wonder why people just wanna wallow in their hurt. Why was I not able to let go right away? I was very aware that the Holy Spirit was already correcting me, but I can't understand why the pull from the flesh side was stronger.

If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. [Luke 9:23]

This verse plays in mind most of the time. "Yeah, I know...deny myself, but..." I was just sooo yielding to my emotions. Excuses seem to be such justifiable rhyme or reason. For no apparent reason, I simply just wanna feel the emotion and be in it. Guess it's human nature. We know there isn't any good in staying angry. We know that we should just let go of baggage. We know things but we simply don't wanna do anything about them. I dunno if twas more convenient to let my emotions rule over me. Can't remember anything else but the time when I was already alone. How I was so disappointed with myself. How I regretted I had said so many harsh words.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. [James 3:9]

Only after everything was over that I came back to my senses. hmmmm...it shouldn't be said this way, actually. Because I was AWARE what was happening. I was fully aware that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. Guess we all become deaf when selfishness sets in.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry... [James 3:10]

I was too quick to listen in that situation, by the way. I was actually provoked. The argument didn't start from me. I did my part in speaking slowly by explaining my side. For whatever reason, the other person involved kept on egging me on. I was trying to keep cool until the trigger word was uttered. And, I failed to do the last instruction.

Am so tempted to say, I tried to be "slow to become angry, but..." No, am not gonna give any more excuse. I know where I failed. I shouldn't have lived in the flesh.

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. [Romans 8:5-8]

To live in the spirit is not really mystical, in fact. It's more of obedience. You hear a small voice inside instructing you what to do. You either follow it or ignore it. It's a choice. A decision.

I'd often share that we are just God's vessels and our captain is not ourselves but Christ. He knows what's best for us so He guides us and tells us what to do. But, we want to be at the helm. We rather be our own captain. We want to use our autopilot. So, we often fail and crash.

My heart broke big time knowing that not only did I hurt the feelings of another person, I also offended God. I failed in that test.

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. [Romans 7:14:20]

First time I fully understood this years back, I realized that there really is a battle. Most of the time, we know. We want to do what's good. Only we can't carry it out as naturally. Often, it requires great effort. And, last Monday night I was reminded of the verses again. No matter how calm I already was within during the next few minutes of mouthing off, I simply can't drop the matter. I still can't step out of that scene. I felt like I was waiting for the feeling to totally be gone before I can fully be appeased. I know it's crazy. I was actually telling myself this. I was being ridiculous. But, there was this urge to take advantage while supplies last! As if it's anything beneficial. It's totally against my will to remain rude and harsh, yet there's this feel of redress in doing it. I can definitely relate to what the apostle Paul said, "...I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."  

The other person may not know. It might not be obvious that there's an inner desire in me to just drop the matter. But, God sees my heart. He was witness to everything. I can only be thankful that God looks at the heart. Am sorry, though, that I failed to carry out my Christian duty.

...for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. [James 1:20]

Indeed! I was so ashamed of myself. Funny thing is, I just wrote a blog where I said, I choose to love different. I failed to do so. Geesh!

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. " [Romans 12:19]

So, next time someone incites me again... I'll make sure am wearing the full armor of God. I'll remember that I must deny myself -- my hurt, my right, my opinion... -- and not be too concerned however people take pleasure in touching me off. God alone vindicates me. He is to avenge for me as He see fit.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. [2 Corinthians 9:8]

I always forget that God has been overly gracious to me. He has already put good deposits in my heart. My duty is to cultivate them. Use them for His glory.

Still, am thankful that that night happened. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been refreshed. There wouldn't be any revelation or alarm. I would never be aware that I need to keep watch. Truly, "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." [Romans 8:28]