~ My Green Room ~: After all, people are always separable.

Don't hold on to anything for too long. Don't love too much. Don't devote your life revolving around just a few select people. Don't give too much when you're getting too little. There are so many suggestions on how NOT to get hurt (emotionally). Is there any real technique to avoid pain?

They said pain is part of life. It's inevitable. Babies and little children still get sick no matter how their parents take real good care of them. Even if they stay up all night looking after their sweet ones, protecting them from mosquito bites and all, they still get fever, cold or flu. (Not to mention Dengue, Measles, Chicken Pox...) There's no sure way to keep them quarantined from such discomfort. Adults even make every attempt to keep themselves from the same fate. They take vitamins and other popularly advertised supplements and trusting that their bodies will be immune. Still, things happen. Harm happens. Pain just keeps showing up. In any form.

Must I conclude that nothing can altogether protect us? Therefore, pain will always happen(?).

I do agree that pain exists and everyone will experience it, one way or another...every now and then. I believe, however, that it's all a matter of acceptance that things simply happen that will cut short the misery and suffering from it. And, we don't need any explanation why they have to. Because "the more you know, the more it hurts." It's like letting things flow naturally. People come and people go. If you hold on to anything with all that you are, then the time comes it has to go...regardless if it's voluntarily, unexpectedly, forcefully... you are sure to suffer loss. And loss corresponds pain. It may be too cliche to say, "let someone spread their wings and allow them freedom. If they come back, they're really yours for keeps"... but, I find it to be the only solution. Being in control of what must happen next (so, you do all the work you see needed done just to arrive at the result you want) only helps for a short period of time. Just count seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years... in a flash, the one you hold dear can be gone. And you're left alone devastated with questions that leave you restless, depressed --"what did I do wrong?" "In which part did I fail?" What else I haven't given? Then, the endless (conscious or subconscious) self-blame begins. And the next thing you know, you're trapped in that moment when you were left behind. You're stuck in the past where it's nothing but sorrowful. Not realizing that "pain only remains as long as you keep allowing it to stay." You are the one giving anyone or anything the power to hurt you. Only you. It's your choice -- brush it off and go on with the day OR wallow in it longer than you're supposed to and suffer.

Do I sound jaded or something by saying "brush it off and go on with the day"? (Lemme add...treat it as any regular day --with good and bad times...it is the bad time. Sadly.) But, is there any other way of saying what we all need to hear, realize and accept?

I may never be able to give tips on how to control emotions. Will endorphin triggers help? (Don't think so as I've known so many women who felt rather hopeless and depressed after eating as much chocolate as they can. Because they gained weight and it made them feel bad about themselves more. I answered my own question! Boo!) How about Prozac? Any success?

But, I strongly believe that emotions can be handled carefully and properly. It's a matter of will. Knowledge helps, as well. If you understand and know that you are loving another being who was also given the will to choose, you can easily accept that they made a decision which can never be revoked even by you. (YES, even by you. It's too much to expect that you have the power to change anyone's mind only because you believed with all your heart and soul the love they once professed.) If you don't keep taking matters into your hands and try to insist on what you want or think should happen, it's easier to move forward. But, if you keep turning back, trying to salvage something that already gave up... something broken, something that's beyond repair... you only leave yourself miserable while the other person has already moved to the next chapter of their life.

It's, actually, like the weather. You are wishing it'll be sunny. It's your wedding day. And, it's a garden wedding. Suddenly, it started raining cats and dogs! You can choose how to respond: Sulk in one corner; whine about it; blame the Weather Bureau for giving the wrong information; request for a tent; move to another venue; wait for the rain to stop and feel more excited about being wed to the person you have been dying to start your life with; keep asking why it rained... just to mention a few. It is a CHOICE.

Evidently, pain will always happen but you should find a way to remedy it. Just like when you feel sick, you don't nurture the disease. You find a cure for it. Similarly, you don't carry hurt with you everywhere you go. Then, try hard to show you're ok. Then, when you're alone in your room at night, you take it out and relive it by viewing the videotape in your head and rewind to the time your loved one said goodbye.

There's a remedy (or remedies) but I don't think "prevention is better than cure" applies. Like the DON'Ts I mentioned earlier. They're no guarantees. Those are very defensive and selfish. How can you truly love anyone if you are too conscious of shielding yourself from pain? Something gets compromised if we try to be too careful in everything.

If you're gonna look at it, parents have natural tendencies to be protective. Mine were. And it didn't turn out very beneficial for me now. I am very sensitive, easily get sick, squeamish. Only because my loving and protective parents provided us a clean environment that allows almost zero bacteria (don't get me wrong, I appreciate that a lot.). It did protect me from getting sick then, but the disadvantages came out later on.

The DONT's I listed are nothing but vain attempts to prevent pain from invading your comfortable life but definitely, there are disadvantages. And one is the inability to experience the joy of loving and being loved. How? You become both occupied and preoccupied being watchful of any attack. You live in fear. You can't just trust. You're anticipating it can happen anytime. Then, still get surprised when it does. You either give too little (thinking you shouldn't invest much so even if it ends, there'd be less damage) or too much (thinking that the more you give the lesser the tendency for your partner to have reasons to leave). And it's never a joyful ride.

I know of an effective way to remedy or handle pain. Lift it up to God. He is the healer of the brokenhearted. When it's hard to just trust, we only need to trust Him. People will always fail us. Even the ones we love. Because none is flawless. Each one expects something from the other. And all of us fall short of each other's expectations. So, we get hurt. If you come to think of it... wrongs, which cause pain, are subjective. Sometimes, it's just us. Sometimes, it's just them. But, rarely do we see this. It is but wise to surrender everything to the ONE who sees EVERYTHING. Who can truly solve the problem. Who can remove the unwanted feeling. Who gives us power to overcome ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Let's give up on taking all the pain in and the refusal to receive help. Let's open our clasped hands and willingly surrender. We need not fear, even PAIN. The Word says, "There is no fear in love. Perfect love (God) drives out fear." Drives out pain. Try it. *wink*