We can be mended. We help mend each other.

“Because that happened to me when I was little, this is how I will now treat other people"; "Because so and so beat me up and hurt me a long time ago, that gives me the right to treat people the way I treat them, today"; "Because life was hard on me, life should be hard on everyone else around me"— does this sound/ look familiar? It's called victim mentality. When people choose to be the direct product of everything that happened to them, the direct product of every single pair of hands that hurt them. And the world, to these people, must bend over backwards in order to accommodate their wounds. Some people don't want to be loved; they just want to make the world pay.” 

- C. JoyBell C.

If God even exists, why is there so much hatred and injustice in the world? Why would a loving God allow too many bad things happening instead of going down and change all that?

Typical questions but pretty tough to answer. Agree?

When I heard of these questions one time again, I thought of the hatred certain people I personally know of have in their hearts and how much they won't let go of it. How they refuse to allow themselves to just forgive. No matter how long has it been in their hearts and so many wonderful things happening in their lives at the moment they still hold on to that feeling of hate.

Am not saying they have no basis for feeling the way they do. In fact, they have all the reasons to be angry. They'd been done wrong. And if I were in their shoes, am sure it's gonna be hard for me to just let it pass. There are even petty offenses that I find hard to forget. I'd often think how certain people just can be so reckless with another's feelings. Should they be bailed out as easily as that?

Justice shouts and echoes in our ears. We all think we DESERVE justice...for the things people done wrong to us. We want them to be punished for hurting us. We want them to suffer the way we did for inflicting us pain.

Evil exists in this world. And it's evil in the hearts of people that makes them do bad. And evil is done to multiply evil. When another heart is broken, there conceives hatred. It's just a matter of time that it gives birth to evil through actions and reactions.

I believe God offered FORGIVENESS so the problem of hatred will be solved. He first forgave us and He expects us to also forgive. He used to punish people in the ancient times for their wrongs almost immediately or required them to offer sacrifices to be forgiven. But, those didn't work. Their hearts were still filled with evil desires. They continued doing wrong as they pleased.

He sent LOVE into the world in the form of Jesus. The life of His Son showed how to defeat hatred. It's by denying Himself each time He's wronged. Denying His right to retaliate and defend Himself. It's giving importance to relationship than self. It's about selflessness. Love is humility. Love is accepting that the world is mad and crazy. That the world could cause so much harm because of evil that is in it but it shouldn't anymore be multiplied. It has to DIE [end].

Forgiving is ...evil being done to you, but you don't have to pass it on. It has to die in you. Hatred need not conceive and give birth to more evil. It can stop by choosing to forgive and let go and then repaying it with LOVE. This way, though evil may still exist, hatred need not multiply.

Now, how about INJUSTICE? Don't we all agree that injustice is done when the offender gets away with whatever evil he does? This is practically why we can't stop spreading hatred. Because we think offenders need to pay. But, God doesn't think that way. Truth of the matter is, we all need to pay for something. But, He doesn't meet us everyday thinking about how He can punish us just like how we go about our lives every single day thinking about how someone has done us a terrible thing and we require justice. We carry with us every single day the offense and the offender. Only later to realize that they're not the only ones we'll bump into in this world. There'll be more offenses and offenders along the road. All are just the same like us--HURT. So, we collect so much hate until we are consumed by it.

God wants us to renew our minds and replace JUSTICE with LOVE. Hurt people hurt people. They are not about relationships. They are about getting even. They just want repayment. That's why many people find it hard to TRUST. Because they're so filled with collections of offenses. Not knowing they're collecting junks. Things that are of no worth and eventually rot. So, they live every day of their lives stinking and unaware of it. But, those around them get affected.

When we don't forgive, hatred only grows bigger and bigger until it can't anymore fit in our hearts and it starts manifesting in our lives. We start rotting inside and the stench starts coming out. All the people we come across with receive this hatred through us--by hurting them or by being reckless with them. Usually in the form of harsh words, judgment, slander, stealing, bullying, snobbing, through animosity and hostility...and many others. Eventually, these people also end up broken. And they go out in the world bumping into other people and multiplying hatred.

Forgiveness puts an end to hatred. Where there is no hatred evil will not persist. We have been offered forgiveness. We also must be willing to offer it to help heal the world from the damaging hatred.   

 “The opponent strikes you on your cheek, and you strike him on the heart by your amazing spiritual audacity in turning the other cheek. You wrest the offensive from him by refusing to take his weapons, by keeping your own, and by striking him in his conscience from a higher level. He hits you physically, and you hit him spiritually.”  

- E. Stanley Jones, Gandhi: Portrayal of a Friend

 

  

I'm a little rose who grows in deep and difficult places.

“The desire to love someone always exceeds the desire to be loved by someone & that's exactly why we end up loving the person who doesn't deserve that LOVE.” 

 ―  Bombay Girls 

Maybe I'm thinking too much. Not sure. But, a very huge part of me is convinced that everything is just part of God molding my character. Some of my previous posts tackled about God isn't after my comfort but the perfection of my character. And it's not just for me, in fact. It's for everyone who claims to be Christians ― Jesus' followers.


Just looking at the second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself"...creates a lotta questions in my head and one of which is, "why did Jesus had to add 'as yourself'"? Why didn't He just plainly say, "love your neighbor"?


I've heard a few number of people complaining about difficult people in their midst. These difficult people make their lives seriously hard. And I feel the victims so much. Been there. Have encountered people who love to boss around, pick on others, slander, and all sortsa things that really test a person's patience. Twas the toughest, I must say.


Interestingly, at least based on my experience, whenever I retaliated, or just slightly avenged myself, or even just entertained the idea of getting back... I come out so WRONG. And, of course, I felt bad. I asked God why does it seem unfair? Others can and I can't. People do nasty things to me, and I must just let it pass. Let go. For some time I allowed excuses to allow me be the bad version of me. I told myself it's just but fair if I be a mirror to people. How they treat me is how I treat them. Thought it's a fairly good solution to the difficulty I was faced with.


Eventually, I was placed in a situation where I screwed up badly. I broke hearts ..... and God's heart. :(  I failed terribly. I looked at how a mess I was. And during that time, I felt I deserve NOTHING. Especially, not God's love. It brought so much emptiness in me. I knew in my heart I can't live without God. I knew what's wrong. And I thought I was so trapped ...as if there's no escape. Was looking for ways how I can redeem myself. But, God's love is truly unfailing. He proved me this. It's been hard for me to understand what grace means because I was simply like many people who have a wrong mindset ― that for as long as I am carefully following rules, am good. Am safe. God taught me, it's not about my performance. It's not about how many rules I successfully followed. It's all about His love. This I learned when I came to a point when I can't anymore list down a good thing about me. A time when I started to just keep referring to what I had done in the past but can't anymore do. I gave myself a bragging right to take credits only because I performed pretty well.


While I was erring, I noticed how I was so forgiving of myself. I told myself excuses like what the world allows everyone to use, "am only human". And a lot more other excuses there is. Including, "God has forgiven me, who cares who doesn't?" And, "who's not sinning?" All rationalization just so to bail me out of the errors I committed. Yeah, I was so forgiving of my failures and weaknesses. Although, there's guilt haunting me time and again.


All of us are so forgiving of our own mistakes, failures, sins, errors... none of us keep punishing ourselves for what wrongs we have done. That's how we are to ourselves. And that is because we have natural love for ourselves. We attend to our needs and we allow ourselves room to grow. We break a vase, we can simply forget about it when we don't realize how that vase could mean so much to its owner. Yet, we can let go easily and sleep soundly at night. The owner, on the other hand, could still be feeling upset but setting aside emotion because relationship is more important than the harm done. We almost never consider that. It could mean less to us because it's (the vase) not ours. And, yet when the same thing is done to us, we feel their same emotion. We realize that it's hard to trust again once trust is broken. In most cases, we can't anymore entrust the things we value most to the person who's careless in handling what to us is precious because we're kinda sure they're not gonna be responsible in taking care of it.


From looking at both sides, I got the answer to my question. Jesus added "as you love yourself" because like I mentioned earlier, we are forgiving of ourselves. We don't allow ourselves be weighed down by a mistake we committed no matter how small or big. Most, if not all, simply just shrug it off and say, "I'll just make up for it"...not realizing that we had probably broken something that's irreparable (once damaged) but very valuable to the one who owns it.


Those relationships that had gone bad...there's always someone wrong and someone wronged. And the one wronged almost always readily extend forgiveness for the sake of the relationship. So many say, it's martyrdom... it's stupid...it's madness... but, it's actually a reflection of how they love themselves. They readily forgive because they know they're forgiving of themselves. They understand that humans are prone to choosing to do wrong. They're not exemptions. So are their partners.


When God persisted in loving me, I realized what sacrifice He had to do and how painful it is to keep allowing Himself be wronged simply because He wants me. There's nothing so magnificent about me that He should want me, but He does. Period. He didn't require me to be anyone but myself. My messed self. And, the more amazing thing about Him, He is fully aware of my weaknesses and susceptibility to committing the same things but is still willing to trust me. He still has faith in me that I will do as Jesus did. God places more importance in His relationship with me than His right. That ignited my desire to extend grace, love and compassion to people. Especially to the unlovable.

The way God is so tolerant of my failings makes Him suffer for taking in all my mess. I always offend Him. And one of the terrible ways I offend Him is whenever I live in doubt and unbelief. Whenever I don't live in faith as if He's not true to His Word. And I know that if a close friend or a family member will not take me for my word, I'd really feel insulted and hurt. So, I know that God is badly hurt whenever I do wrong. And He sacrifice His feelings just so to maintain a relationship with me. He's been running after me. He's always waiting for me to come back. He never gave up on me. And He does all these things in spite of me.


Those times when I hurt God, though, I feel bad and guilty...I still am very forgiving of myself regardless how the crimes I committed may be unforgivable. If I am forgiving of myself, I must be forgiving of others because that's one way of obeying the command, "love your neighbor as yourself".

Behind My Mask

“I like interesting myself in the lives of others. God put these people in my life for a reason. Maybe for my learning. Hopefully to help them. I like it when I can help. My heart aches for those who suffer and walk a difficult path.”

What compassion I have for people is from God and He is the One sustaining me and giving me the ability to extend a helping hand to those who are in need and asking in humility for help. It is a privilege to serve others because in doing so I am serving God. But, I can never do it with my own strength. God makes sure that I am equipped. He has prepared me for the tasks. I am strong because He gives me strength. ^_^

Let lemons be lemons.

“As you go about your daily life, you will encounter many lemons. Sour expressions, sour attitudes, sour auras! The good thing is that if you don't want to be a lemon, you don't have to be! Just don't let those lemons rub themselves all over you! And you don't even have to save them!” ―  C. JoyBell C.

Am reminded of this person who commented on one of my FaceBook wall posts. He was boldly insisting that it's impossible for people to love unconditionally because only GOD can do that. He strongly believes that NO ONE can love like how God loves. Well, that's his. I respect his belief. On my end, however, I have strong belief that it is possible because like what the Word says, "everything is possible to those who believe"... and "we can do all things through Christ Who gives us strength". From these verses, loving unconditionally is possible BUT requires a lotta faith. NOT on self but on God's grace.

I see the point of this person, actually. It's hard to love. At least, it's hard to go on loving. It seems to get tougher and tougher as you get to know and understand the nature of every single person you're in a relationship with. And am not talking about romantic relationship. This is about "relationship" in and of itself. Fact is, most of the time, the hardest to love are the people closest to you. Maybe because they don't see the need to be gentle, or kind, or nice, or polite... They think everything can be just ok. You've grown too familiar. They think they know you enough because of the long-standing togetherness. There's so many factors, actually, and one is LABELING.

Often, we THINK we KNOW, but we really don't. So many times, we readily assume how a person's like just because we've been with them, experienced them, spent time with them. And this is true even within family. Each one has their own perception of another person or a situation. It's not always that the truth of one agrees with the truth of another. And these two don't necessarily match the real truth. There can even be another truth from another's eyes, if you come to think of it. But from this springs disharmony in many cases. There are so many truths that come forward, which only cause confusion. Whose voice is worth listening to? Is this even the deciding factor?

What am I saying? I don't know, too. I'm smack dab in the middle. I strive to have unconditional love, but it makes it hard for me to love when around certain people who don't even choose to give even an itsy-bity love. Or at least make themselves a lil easier to love. Which makes me remember what the person I mentioned earlier said in his comment...it is IMPOSSIBLE to love unconditionally. For how can you really say you're loving unconditionally if everyone around you is willing to love back ...or is loving you back? Meaning they'll not make you walk on eggs doing so. This makes me realize that what hinders people from loving this way is the want... the need... the longing... the desire to be loved. Everyone is after receiving. And even those who are full of love and are generous in giving love also want, need, long and desire love and everything else that comes with it ― appreciation, understanding, encouragement... just to name a few ― but, like what they say, the one who loves more often receives less. 

I mentioned labeling because most of the time, we automatically attach a label or a tag on people. Of course, there's always a basis...and they're usually valid. Then, we live believing these tags forgetting there's also a word "progress". When you're being judged, criticized, condemned... loving becomes a can of worms. Countless times I've been harsh with a few number of people. Made assumptions as to who they really are. Lived believing I know much about them. And countless times, I've been treated harshly by umpteen number of people. Was assumed to be the person they created in their minds ...and they believe they really know me enough to define me.

Being in both sides cyclically, I grow more in compassion. Am not gonna deny that there are many times I simply just wanna stop my aim to have unconditional love and just accept that yeah, maybe it's only God Who really can. Truth is, I am convinced that it could only be a vain attempt. I'd bruise and wound myself doing so...for what?!!! And then I'd be reminded of Colossians 3:23..."in whatever you do, do it as if you're doing it for God and not for men."  This doesn't necessarily make it easier, but it turns my focus where it should really be.

For me what makes unconditional love obtainable is not being in the right set of people. Not surrounding myself with lovable individuals and discard the rest. It is by looking at how loved I am by God, my Creator. The Creator of ALL human race. Am sure He didn't make a mistake having created the despicable ones ― the haters, the bullies, the judgmental, the gossips, etc. I constantly remind myself that if I love God, I should have love and respect for all people because they're all HIS creations. I can't and shouldn't allow myself detest anyone because it's also detesting God's grand plan. For whatever reason certain people are the way they are is not anymore my problem. It's God's. Complaining about or resenting them is telling God He did a huge mistake. What about me? If I am to intently look at myself, I must say HE did make a mammoth! I must firstly look at how faulty I am before I bellyache about how so many people are undeserving of love. I am humbled because apart from God, I am nothing. I don't take credit for the untold good I did. Am just like everyone else ― flawed. And, jumping down anyone's throat is practically saying I'm in the clear or at least, relatively...when that only makes me self-righteous.

Self-righteousness is telling yourself you're far better than others because you've done more good and less evil than most people you know. There's a basis for comparison and it's the sins of others against your own. Only, this isn't God's basis. God's thoughts and ways are simply a far cry from ours. Like night and day. And if I may take credit for the zillion good I did in my lifetime, I could probably have more rewards than others. But, of course, still nothing that squares with what the likes of Mother Teresa had done. Simply put, I ...and all of us must have a proper estimation of ourselves.

Loving unconditionally and having compassion for others aren't farfetched. But, require humility and an honest estimation of self. Whenever I find it hard to love anyone because of a blemish...mostly attitude / behavior problem... sins... I look at my own grubbiness. It's only when you have an honest assessment of who you really are apart from God that you'll start having the compassion of Jesus. Then, you'll start seeing all God's creations through His Eyes. By looking at myself and acknowledging how hopeless I am yet still trying to be an inch better by the day... I can assume that people, too, are in my same boat. Just with different challenges and struggles.

“Christians must treat their enemies as 
brothers, and requite their hostility with love.
Their behavior must be determined not by the
way others treat them, but by the treatment
they receive from God.”

― The Cost of Discipleship

“Having Christian convictions can’t ever negate having Christ’s compassion.”

“Everyone is a resource. They serve a purpose. You serve a purpose. I compartmentalized all of you. You are here to prop me up, to tear me down, to straighten my spine, to lighten the load. To be my carrier pigeon, my work horse, my lover, my fighter, my friend, my enemy.”
―  Christopher Gutierrez

There was a time in my life when I was trying to place things where I thought they should belong. Set rules and lived around them. Was strictly following each one. Y'know, like always be on the right side of the corridors, never stray away from the sidewalk, be polite especially to the elders... I even made rules for myself. I didn't unnecessarily expect others to be loyal to basic rules. In fact, I was considerate enough to take them as they are with no complaints. O'course, there were times I asked myself why are some people the way they are? Guess it's part of my being a RULE-person. Was thinking too much that I was trying to rationalize how come certain people don't act the same way as I do. Especially growing up in a Christian community, I had expectations of everyone around me. Not big ones. Just what I thought Christians should be like. 

What's good about me being that girl with many rules in mind, I didn't force them on anyone. God's been really faithful that He gave me wisdom not to impose on anyone what I THOUGHT "should be". Growing up, I kinda have this idea that I am not anyone's writer...definitely not their creator. Which, helped me respect their design. Being this observant girl, I noticed there are people who don't care about others... they are just about themselves. I learned about bullies even at an early age (when bully wasn't still a common term). Some people are naturally timid. Some fearful. Some are indifferent. Some are naturally kind. People vary. People have different personalities. At times, I can't understand what's the point of being around this diversity. And, many times, I wished I have the option to choose which kinds I want to be surrounded by. Sadly, it isn't possible. I can always try...but will always be in vain.

It's far more convenient if we're given the choice to pick the kinds of person we want to stick with us. No hassles. We can just throw away whoever doesn't belong or doesn't meet our standard. But, isn't that a character flaw? A bratty attitude? How can we mature in every area of our being if all that's before us are only things that we find pleasurable? How can we learn what LOVE really means according to God's definition of it if we're surrounded by only loveable people? In fact, the Word tells us to "love one another" (John 13:34) ...it didn't tell us to be choosy in who we want to love. In other parts of the Bible, we're even instructed to "be tolerant with one another" (Colossians 3:13) and to "carry each others burdens" (Galatians 6:2). Why should there be instructions like these if we are to mingle only with people who we can get along with? The challenge of Jesus' commandment comes when unloveable people are in our midst. Are we gonna follow HIS commandment or are we gonna complain why God created too many malfunctioning individuals and placed them in our paths? 

We've been occupied by judging the sins of others around us that are pretty more evident than ours that we fail to judge our own character and attitude. We even quarantine ourselves from them ― trying to isolate ourselves from being contaminated by their filthiness...forgetting that Jesus did not isolate Himself. HE called sin SIN and sinners SINNERS yet not with judgment but with HOPE that they will one day become the persons God intends them to be. Jesus walked here on Earth. The same contaminated world where we currently are. But, in stead of the world infecting HIM, HE infected the world. He said, “I did not come into the world to judge people. I came to save the people in the world." (John 12:47, ERV) We are not created to save people. But, we are instructed to be "imitators of Christ" (Ephesians 5:1). Live a life of love. Love others just as Christ loved us. He gave himself for us—a sweet-smelling offering and sacrifice to God (v2).  

Of'times, I ask myself why many Christians remain self-righteous pointing fingers at others only because those people are struggling with certain sins. Why aren't they seeing through God's Eyes? Why are they still living like the Pharisees who are mostly into rules and regulations that are so hard for humans to follow because they are by nature sinners? Why, instead of helping people be released from sin, guilt and shame...they are the ones causing them to get stranded in that mire?  Why, as Christians, we're still surprised that other Christians are struggling with sin? Aren't we reading the Word? Have we not yet realized that even Jesus' apostles struggled in unbelief and many other sins even when Jesus was walking with them? Jesus even knew about what to take place but allowed them to commit those mistakes ― Peter denied Jesus, Judas betrayed Him, etc. ― Because HE wasn't focused on the sin but on the fulfillment of His own purpose. It's actually interesting how Jesus even told Judas, “What you will do—do it quickly!” (John 13:27, ERV) 

Jesus walked on Earth without making it hard for people to live the Christian life. HE set the standard with HIS life as an example. HE allowed them to be their selves, and change at their own pace while growing in the love of God. It is God's love fully experienced that causes changed lives. When all we do is highlight how wrong people are, we're only pressuring them to be what we THINK they ought to be NOT what God wants them to be. When we do not stop judging and condemning, all we'll end up creating is a place of hypocrisy ― people wearing masks for fear they will not have anywhere to go to.

We are on a contaminated planet. It is contaminated on every level. It should have been quarantined from Heaven. No reasonable God would go near it with a ten-foot pole. But, Jesus is not a reasonable God. He became a human being. HE took on your uncleanliness and mine. In stead of the world infecting Him, He infected the world.  

The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout...as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So, everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So, we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners. 
― Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg

It is not a question how big or small your sin may be. The Word says, "whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." (James 2:10) There is no other way to call "breaking a commandment" but SIN. Almost every second, we break Christ's commandment ― "love one another" (John 13:34) ― by judging others. By making Christianity hard for them. Are we just gonna watch a person while he drowns and just state how wrongly he made choices that's why he's drowning? Do spiritual quarantine because they're contaminated and they might infect us? Do we really underestimate the power of Christ in us that we fear we're powerless in fighting temptation? That we're afraid of leprosy...of germs? Jesus healed. And Jesus still heals...through Christians, His followers. Where are they? Where are His followers? Why are we Christians acting like Pharisees and Sadducees isolating ourselves from sinners in order to be set apart? Isn't our righteousness from Christ alone? Aren't we justified because of Jesus' death on the Cross of Calvary? And...aren't we sinners? Christians are saints who sin. Not entirely by choice but because by nature humans are. For as long as we're in the flesh, we cannot separate ourselves completely from sin. It's an every second denying of self, which everyone of us find hard to do. If our salvation is by grace then why aren't we gracious to those who are badly in need of it? What about Jesus' commandment?

Is't because someone's a stealer does it make you far better because you're only struggling with temperament? Your neighbor's an adulterer and you're just a gossip? Someone you know's a murderer and you're only a sluggard? 

"God sees with utter clarity who we are. HE is undeceived as to our warts and wickedness. But when God looks at us, that's not all HE sees. He also sees who we are intended to be, who we will one day become."   

Let's see through HIS Eyes. Let's infect this contaminated world with love...not with judgment...not with hate...not with self-righteousness... "In Jesus, we see that true spirituality always makes a person more approachable, not less. It is in the act of touch that we become most present and real to each other."

 

"Everyday you and I walk through God's shop. Everyday, we brush up against objects of incalculable worth to Him. People. Every one of them carries a price tag, if only we could see it."

  

*Quotes are from the book  Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg.

   

 

I'm so done with mean-spirited people and I no longer get their brand of humor.

“I advise you to stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they're your parents. Because, if you're the kind of person who senses there's something out there for you beyond whatever it is you're expected to do - if you want to be extra-ordinary- you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you're not extraordinary. Instead, you will probably become as ordinary as they expect you to be.” 
 ― If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You

Twas another enlightening fellowship with my Leaders' group last Sunday (2ndth of June 2013) afternoon. We talked about the "Grasshopper Mentality" with reference from the book of Numbers chapter 13. It's basically talking about how little you look at yourself is how others will look at you. And, it's true. Sometimes, the way we look at ourselves ― so little ― becomes us and we invite others to treat us that way ― small. It's still a different story, o'course, if you think highly of yourself. That's not even a suggestion to remedy this problem. What this practically teaches us is we better start appreciating ourselves how we're designed and quit comparing ourselves with others. They're different designs with different purposes. Just concentrate on your own and do the best that you can with the gifting that's given you. No matter how small you think your contribution is to the society, it's still needed. Nobody hinders you from reaching a goal but yourself because you're too focused on an image you yourself created. 

By feeling small you end up insecure. And from this insecurity will ignite the negatives within. It's dangerous. It's damaging. Many people react to this insecurity by pulling people down, and attacking their emotions. They want others to stay down with them so they'd do every possible thing to break their faith in themselves. Pretty lonely down there so they rather want companions. Never allow yourself be among this group of people. Believe how God defines you and live around that definition so nothing can tear you apart. 

Don't resent those people who try to kill your dreams, though. Being a hater won't take you anywhere either. Pity them, in stead. Have compassion for them that their fate is like that. If all possible, help them out of that pit. Be the good influence in their lives. But, know that at the end of each day, it's their choice. Don't take it upon yourself to clean all their mess. You're not a failure if nothing good happens to them. Just plant the seed and go on with your journey. There may still be more along the road who need your guiding light.

We are all created FOR each other NOT against each other. Those who are treating you roughly still have a good purpose in your life. Face them with confidence. None of us are designed for another's enjoyment and pleasure. We need not please everyone. Give your best at all times, but should that remain not enough for them, know that it isn't your problem anymore. You can't live your life always trying to meet people's expectations. That life's exhausting! Nothing will ever suffice because the wants and needs never run out. Just do your part in anyone's life and keep in mind never to inflict pain. At least, not deliberately. That should do.

I lived a hard life and barely enjoyed my growing up years because I've been too occupied trying to please people around me. There came a point when I started resenting the person I become. Envying so many things that others enjoy and I don't. Most of my decisions are influenced by whether or not it will make everyone happy. Sounds selfless, but it's actually selfish. Selfish in the sense that the reason why I am doing my best is because I want love and appreciation. I wanted to be embraced by these things. But, sadly, am only as good as my last performance. Next day is another. And many of the wonderful things I'd done are nothing but history. It's life. So, it's pointless to allow yourself revolve around people. There's more in life that need attention. There's more to life than just being loved and appreciated. What I learned is, if you just keep yourself busy loving and appreciating, there's no time nor effort wasted. Care not too much about receiving. Just get busy giving without expectation of return. 

Allow no one's definition of you affect you. Never allow people to dictate your fate by listening to what they THINK is for you or not for you. If you'll just be real honest with yourself, you are your best judge. Don't believe too much what others THINK  are your strengths and weaknesses. It's helpful to get feedback, of course. But, to be weighed down by criticisms and opinions...that's the worst move you'll ever make. Be wise. Understand that God has given you talents, skills and gifts. Utilize them and don't let people dim your light just like that. You can't stop people from throwing stones at trees that bear so much fruits. Take that as a compliment. ^_^

Toodles! ^_^

“I can’t”… “It’s not possible”… “I’m Not good enough” 
― These are lies the demons of  your past use to scare away the possibilities of the present.”
― Steve Maraboli

I blink to clear my vision.

God never allows pain without a purpose in the lives of His children. He never allows Satan, nor circumstances, nor any ill-intending person to afflict us unless He uses that affliction for our good. God never wastes pain. He always causes it to work together for our ultimate good, the good of conforming us more to the likeness of His Son (read Romans 8:28-29).  

― Jerry Bridges

I think the sweetest thing that can happen to anyone's to be freed from all the shackles of past pains. To move around lightly in the present. But, it's not an overnight thing. Like most things, it involves a process. Often, people want to rush things. They want things happening NOW. They want to skip certain phases and it frustrates them more. Not realizing that the more they wait for change to take place, the more it seems far from happening. There isn't really much to do but to continue living. Same routine. Life shouldn't be hindered by an event. Especially not by unpleasant ones. To reach a destination, one must continue walking and even with obstacles ahead ― Jump over them, take a detour, crawl under...whatever way possible ― CONTINUE. No circumstance must be allowed to take control of your life. Utilize every difficulty and turn them into opportunities. It's seeing beauty in the ugly.


Pain isn't gonna stop happening. We may try and find reasons for things or we may keep questioning why things hurt but none of these will help. I used to think that if I only get the answers to my questions, it would be a lot easier to go on. It won't be as painful. I was thinking that knowing can be a salve. I didn't believe the saying, "what you don't know can't hurt you." I realized it's just another excuse to allow myself remain in an emotion or condition or situation. It's comfortable that way. I got used to it and I resolve to just stay the same. But, life is like any computer game -- you move to the next levels. Each level has its own difficulty. Once you passed one, expect more difficult challenges in the next. Some challenges from the first levels may be present but they're easier to deal with. It's the tougher challenges that need more attention and getting used to.


Life has phases and you can't expect to encounter the same trials and problems as you move to the next. But, you gotta be wise in utilizing the "power ups" collected along the way. Challenges are meant to strengthen us not to weaken us. They're meant to make us more positive that whatever's ahead, we have the ability to face them.

 “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”   

― Eleanor Roosevelt

You will be a beautiful person, as long as you see the beauty in others.

“What the hell did you see in me?” 

“I saw YOU. That was all. Just you. Everything about you. And the entire package was everything I wanted. I didn’t want it altered or changed one bit. I just saw…you.”

―  One Last Chance 

Beauty can be seen everywhere even in the ugliest places and situations... simply by having the right set of eyes. The Bible says, 

"Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness." Luke 11:34 

"But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" Matthew 6:23

The way we view things makes a lotta difference. We can either see a situation positively ...or negatively. And depends on how we see a situation, that's how we respond. It's not the situation that ruins us, it's our attitude. If we don't realize and acknowledge this and make every effort to change the way we look at things, we are surely to end up filled with junk. 

It's a common excuse to blame others or circumstance for our failures or mess. A drug dependent pointing at his parents' busy-ness for his addiction. A teenage mom resenting her parents' separation. A womanizing husband ascribing his acts to his nagging wife. All these examples are nothing but lame excuses. We have been given free will to make our own decisions. We have the decision to either be influenced by outside forces or confront the issues we have within. Our responses to every situation we face reflect what we're made of. Our response to a given situation is based on our perspective ― how we perceive things. It's easier to pass the buck than to acknowledge one's own mistakes, it appears. 

I know of many "from rags to riches" stories. Those people didn't allow their circumstance to stop them from reaching their dreams. They did not wait for situations to change. They used their situations as inspirations to be better. They have the right set of eyes. 

Recently, I had a talk with a friend. She asked why bad things happen to good people. Sadly, I don't have the answer. But, what I know is, there's beauty in everything... only we have to find it. And if we can't really find it, we create it. Our vision is really limited. We can only see from an angle. Most of the time, we are positioned where the angle is bad. But, we need to remember that that angle is just a piece that completes the whole thing. 

There's this male friend who I've not seen for a while. He showed up one Sunday just to drop by and say hi. He asked about our common friend and said he wasn't receiving any mobile message from this friend anymore. All of us chanted, "he's really not replying to anyone!" I was surprised when he tried to convince us that this friend's replying to text messages because we all know that's not the case. He continued saying, "he replied to me once." I was impressed by how he rather see the positive instead of clinging to the negative. It doesn't matter to him whether our common friend replies frequently or rarely. What he sees is he does. 

Am also enthused by another person. Am just so amazed at how he CHOOSES to see only the good. He'd receive all sorts of discouragement, disparages, criticisms but what he chooses to hear are only what's helpful in building his hope. I asked him once about it and what he said was ...all the discouragement he's receiving only make him perform better. Whenever he's told he's not this and that...his response would always be "not yet, but soon."  In stead of sulking and hating, he uses the bad for good. Which reflects how good he is inside. How he sees things make him respond in an admirable way. 

There are times we can't really fool ourselves we're seeing only what's right in front of us ― unpleasant. No matter how we twist our lenses, it's just but that. Besides, we're really in a chaotic world. A world full of injustice, partiality, cruelty... but we're given a choice to have a better perspective. This doesn't mean we are to lie to ourselves we're not seeing what we're seeing. It's just choosing to draw the good in every bad. Seeing the beauty in the unsightly. Because there isn't any help in complaining about or sulking over what's not nice. But, if we rather change our perspective, we can respond far better; ultimately, improving our attitude and character. 

“In other words: Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. 

Don't just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.”  

―  Bossypants 

 

  

   

Love someone but let them be themselves.

“I don't deserve you. I'm not made for relationships. 

I know I'm going to *&$# this up. 

I'm going to drive you away or do something to hurt you, 

and you'll be added to my list of people I screwed over. 

You should walk away now.” 

― Unwritten Rules

What I learned about love is it's always trusting... believing only the good. I never thought about this nor it ever entered my mind in the past. Sure, I heard about this idea. To many, this translates to martyrdom. I've got nothing to say about that. Well...possibly. But, isn't love really about "sacrifice"? God gave His only Son as a sacrifice for EVERYONE'S trespasses ONLY because EVERYONE is important to Him. "God is love", the Word says. Someone always gets hurt by loving because loving is doing and it is denying of self.

Going back to my first idea... how wonderful it is to be loved without attachment nor expectation of return. By simply being loved is itself a gift. You know the kind which requires you not to be anyone else but yourself ― when you're at your worst...the monster nobody will ever endure...yet you're still loved. And, you're like squeezing your brain for reasons why you're loved like that when you don't even think you're lovable. Then, you'd just start melting and wanting to become a better person.

I think that's how love works. You are moved and changed because of love. You can't be any better by earning love. That only will put pressure on you thinking you only deserve love when you're at your best. When there are reasons for it. I found out it's not that way. You can't change because you wanna be loved. That isn't possible. Maybe possible...but very temporal. Your real self will always come out. It's hard to always try to be your best for fear people won't like you. It's being loved that gives the desire to be a better person. It's being loved that melts the hardest heart. Love is without reason. If it has, that's not really love but attraction. You're attracted to a person because of certain qualities you thought a person has. But, when that certain quality is covered by other qualities that aren't so nice, attraction fades. 

Love never fades. Love never gives up. Because love is beyond reason. It's just is. 

I understood this quite well, actually. For a looong time, in fact. But, until I've experienced it first hand, I didn't completely believe it's possible in this world. And, this time, am not only talking about God's love. Well, guess, God really has a wonderful way to make people really experience things that are hard to believe. HE's funny and brilliant that way. I thought that I was the only person striving to love unconditionally. But, God is truly faithful. He gives the best gifts wrapped in regular paper instead of nice wrappers. 

I couldn't believe I'd ever experience being loved at my worst. Well, God never stopped loving me. So aware of this. But, I mean, when all those years I've been longing to be loved and accepted (by people) without me having to be always nice and all or without me having to always meet their expectations...I was so frustrated those times. Can't anyone be loved as they are anymore? Does love always have to require people to be a certain way? Twas tiring trying to be always your best because you're only as good as your performance and behavior. It's like you're always in an audition for a role...best foot forward or you're out. I felt that way. And, in my desperation I cried out to God. All those times I did, He assured me of His love. In fact, I'd been so content with that love. Until, He sent someone to prove to me that unconditional love exists in human form, too. 

With this person, I never have to be my best. Am allowed to be who I am ―  am allowed to think, feel, act, behave the way I want or the way I feel NOT what and how others want or expect. I felt freedom. And, that's a relief. Love allows you to just be who you really are without you having to worry not being accepted if they found out you're not the gift they're expecting inside the box. It's wonderful that way. Love is free. You need not work to earn it. Love is a gift. If you hafta buy it, it isn't love. So, don't sweat it. 

This person am talking about has witnessed the darkest side of me when crazy, angry, frustrated...etc. Funny how this person was still able to say "you're beautiful" after me lashing out for long minutes. You know what I mean? Who don't look for reasons to love me but just do. Yes, there are things this person likes about me but those aren't even the measure used to continue wanting to be around me and yeah ...loving me. Those, in stead, are used to see through me. They serve as reminders that storms come, but they don't last. Just like my behavior for the moment esp when I get too emotional. They're only for a while. There's still bigger truth about me that gets covered by my tantrums and mood swings. 

The one who truly loves believes in you not only who you are at a given moment but the real "you" inside. Even the "you" you're not even aware you are, in fact. They're the mirror to your soul. And their love changes you. Their love gives you the desire to be a better person. 

The love chapter in the Bible says, "Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits." Who could've thought I'd really experience this in this world? When all I thought I was the only person who desires to love this way...I was made to encounter this kind of love, which sounds only possible in romantic movies and novels. Stories that make people giggle but remain mostly fantasies. Love like this, I realized, is for real. 

Whenever I think about this person, I am learning more about love. Love is really a verb, like I'd said many times in my blog posts. It's "doing". When you're living in love and walking in it, you don't see anything else. You don't expect. You don't wait to see if it's worth what you can offer. It just comes out naturally. You don't need to be aware or alert all the time that you must love. It's just like breathing. You don't forget it. It's involuntary. This person is gifted with sooo much love. Pure love that doesn't require me to love back and to be always proper. In fact, I'd been cruel most of the time. Still, this person gets to say, "you're loving, compassionate, sweet, understanding, gentle...blah blah blah" even after all the harsh treatments and words received from me! How amazing is that?!

The Bibles says, "blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed". I've always believed in love because I believe in God with all of me. Well, am MORE blessed it seems... because I believed and then seen. ^_^

Skeptics and cynics, am sure, they're just gonna think and say there's ulterior motive behind. Can't and won't blame them. Like I'd always say, perspective makes so much difference. If they choose to see things in a negative way, they're free to do so. I wish them the best because LIFE can be seen beautifully with all its mess and chaos. It's just having the right eyes. It's just a matter of choice. And I say this because I was, myself, a cynic. Once seen the world only as a terrible place. I have new set of eyes! 

...and PLEASE, I am NOT in love or anything. Don't gemme wrong. I was just enlightened about things unimaginably TRUE. *big smile*

                

True love never questions what it costs the giver.

I think that it's easier to give love than to receive love. At least, it's how I understand why many people keep their distance from those who love them. Whenever they think and believe that they're unworthy of love, they shy away and refuse to accept it. Their self-critical attitude ― NOT people ― disqualifies them from deserving love. In the process, they can't return love; rather, they reciprocate love with pain. 

By not knowing how to receive love, we also fail to love. We can continue the cycle of love ONLY if we give and take. When we give and not want to receive, the giver feels unappreciated and repelled. They most likely won't wanna give anymore. When we don't give and just keep taking, people feel abused. Wisdom speaks balance. Although, it is possible (and is actually recommended) to love without expectation of return, it is everyone's responsibility to learn and practice both giving and taking to maintain the cycle.

One of the biggest lies people believe is the word "unworthy". They always think that they gotta work to deserve love. In fact, they have their perceived standard of how love should look like. When others don't meet that standard, they consider them unworthy. By this standard they qualify who is deserving and who isn't. Similarly, they can't receive love because they're over-critical of their own selves. They don't meet the standard they formulated in their mind, so they think of themselves unworthy. The result? Love hindered.  

What we all need to absorb is that love is freely given. It's a gift. We don't need to toil to earn it. It's something bestowed regardless of our performance, behavior and appearance. We need to understand that there are simply loving people sent into our lives to make a difference. To bring out the best in us. To ignite what good within us that went hiding for long due to past failures, hurt and disappointments. People are God-sent messengers of love to help us become the persons we ought to be. These kinds of people see through us. They see beyond the monsters we are outwardly. If we just know how to receive love, we'll be able to see through ourselves, as well. They are the people who define us not with our mistakes and defects. They're the mirrors of our souls.

God chose to love us. We don't have to earn it. We only have to respond to it. God gives us loving people as gifts. We don't need to buy gifts, do we? No. What needs to be done is to receive and then appreciate. No matter how we think and feel we're undeserving of love because of who we are and what sins we've committed, remember that it's not about us. It's the giver's choice to give. We don't respond to kindness in a hurtful way, in stead, with gratitude and thankfulness. Those are enough to deserve a love so great.

If you know how it feels like to be rejected, you won't dare reject anyone, would you? Refusing love is rejecting love. We live in this world where INVESTMENT has become more important than the real important needs of every individual. It's sad, that even in loving, we act as investors. Our value is only as good as our performance. But being deserving of love isn't measured by performance. Truth is, nobody deserves love. We all fail. We all will malfunction at one point in this lifetime. No matter how good we do now, there'll be a time when we'll do badly. But, that doesn't nullify all the rest of the good we've done through the years. Love should, in fact, be our inspiration to be better than we were yesterday. It should cause us to change our ways. 

Quit running from God while HE runs after you with HIS unconditional love only because you feel guilty, shy or whatever. Stop refusing a love being given to you. Don't shoo God and people away only because of insecurity, critical-mindedness, and feelings of unworthiness. You only need to offer your palm and take it. No requirements needed. Just your open heart. 

“My identity and my security 

are not in my spiritual progress. 

My identity and my security 

are in God’s acceptance of me 

given as a gift in Christ.”

― J.D. Greear