Love me for my flaws, fine. But never dare allow them to hurt you.

“People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza. 

What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them. 

What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza? (What? Not enough pepperoni? I'll be right there!) 

Of course not. When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator until it gets all green and moldy. It doesn't matter to me anymore. 

These are two very different definition of the word 'love'. 

It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you? 

Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?'” 

~ Mary Beth Bonacci ~

Because of the endless ways people describe love ―  based on how they give it, or how they want to receive it ― there is no more one standard to distinguish real one from something that simply feeds a need. And each person has countless undefined needs longing to be met. So many end up taking whatever satisfies what current need one feels should be attended first. Then, this becomes their definition of love. "I need appreciation." "I need attention." "I need this and that and that and that...."  and the list of needs goes on...........

There is certainly nothing wrong asking for our needs to be attended. But, once it becomes our basis for weighing whether we are being loved or not, then we selfishly control how a person should express or give love. We end up implementing unspoken rules which when not met, become what we use against the person in subject. It would be fair to simply say, long as no deliberate wrong is done to me, then the love of the person is not to be questioned. Bottom line is, not one person fully understands how God wants love to be demonstrated. That's all. We base it on whether we are gratified or dismayed. Unreliable scale.


There is this idea put into a book called, "The Five Love Languages".  The intention of the author (from my perspective, sure you have your own, too) is to help couples understand their own love language against their partners'. This way, they can understand how the other person wishes to be loved and their own expression of love. What problem I found is when we use this as a gauge whether the other is exerting effort to love us in the way we wanted to be loved. When we start imposing on another how we want to be loved. It's totally opposite what the Bible teaches, "love does not insist its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5).  The Bible only tells us to be selfless. How "it is much better to give than to receive."  Because Jesus didn't face the sufferings looking at us and asking Himself whether He should continue going through such suffering since people didn't look like they're gonna love Him in the way He wants (even deserves).  But, it's certainly of a huge benefit if we use the book to just remind ourselves that our loved ones love differently than we do. Go ahead and learn, just never impose.

I still hold that love is a decision. A decision of the one loving. Whether they get the love they want back or not, they choose to love regardless. One question we all should ask ourselves before even entering a relationship is if we are willing to give love in spite whatever we might not appreciate about and receive from our love objects. We can't go on blurting out the words, "I love you" without understanding what are its implications or meaning. I came to understand that the reason we all keep on getting disappointed is not that our loved ones don't really love us. It's more of, we just don't accept the way they are loving us, which differ from one person to another. We have a picture in mind of what love should be.

Of course, there are people who love in a damaging way. I won't deny this. And this is the very reason why a great number of people are broken. These people love in a harmful way because they are not really loving but investing. They're giving, and so they are imposing returns. Worse, they foist what could gratify them, not anymore considering the welfare of the other. They think because they're feeling deeply for another, it's love. When it could only actually be nothing but INFATUATION. A strong one. And this is where the decision comes in. Are we going to continue loving a person and commit to understanding them, though we are hurting? Such is what is called, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

While unconditional love is something that comes out naturally ― there is no need for internal deliberation whether you'll continue loving or not ― there still will come a point when a decision has to be made against the loved object for the sake of harmony and peace (especially inner peace) when they are being destructive. Because none of us deserves to suffer a kind of cruelty done by a self-seeking person. It will be so draining. We can always love from a distance. A relationship should be beneficial to both parties. It's looking after each other's welfare and promoting each one's. Of all the SIGNS we must look for, it is whether the relationship is making us better individuals or destroying us. This is the measure we should be using. Selfish? No. Because we are to be cultivators of one another. And if we are broken, then we will keep breaking each other. As they say, "hurt people hurt people."   

As love is a decision, it is solely our obligation to ourselves whether we are gonna choose to love anyone or set them free.....instead of making them liable to our own decision. We must never tell anyone "I did this and that for you so ..." Well, not everyone really says this (verbally) but from their acts it's what they're really communicating. We should give people the freedom to either return the love the way they love or simply refuse the offer. And not try to fashion anyone according to our liking just because we want them, but not completely.......when we like only parts of them. We can't try and make anyone fit into our mold. If we love a certain way, we can't expect the same from another. Let them be who and how they are. That is one way of loving selflessly.


It saves us exhaustive emotional drain if we simply put the responsibility on our own selves whether to subject ourselves to a kind of suffering or reject it. Not a wise thing to keep someone and do blame game later on. There is no need to keep a person like an object because we feel deeply for them. We can love them all we want without owning them, but we must not say we love them and at the same time resent who they are. That's so irreconcilable.

“People like to say love is unconditional, but it's not. And even if it was unconditional, it's still never free. There's always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won't be happy unless you are ... I just don't want that responsibility.”

~  Katja Millay ~

Enough of my musing.... 

I don't act my age... I act my personality.

“Age is not specified by years, but how you feel. Right now, I am 99 years old.”  

~ Unknown ~

 

So it's Wednesday and introversion goes on. Since I've been insisting to live a normal life of an ex-nocturnal, I make an everyday attempt to be awake in the day time (as much as possible, get up early in the morning, NOT noon or past noon!) and sleep at night. There had been improvements during the first few weeks, but I guess am simply consistent at being inconsistent when it comes to certain things. I am generally not into routines and I wish life allows that. You know, when you don't need to follow agenda and just be spontaneous EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yet, introversion is another battle...

Third day of the fifth month of this year, am still struggling to keep up to my goal being a day person. Summer is not the best time to do this. I can feel my body resist every time. Drains me. And I can think of all sortsa ways to keep me alive and interested, but I'd end up JUST awake!

 

Frustrating! And, of course, there is no excuse for being unproductive just because one is a night owl. Believe me, inside, I wanna do a lot. Just my body won't cooperate! Is it even  my body or it's my brain also too lethargic to give commands?! Urgh! Seriously fighting this and if anyone has any suggestions that could truly help, do share them, I beg!    And, please note COFFEE isn't ANYMORE helping!

In my melee with whatever you call this state, I grabbed my mobile phone and found this interesting bit of information, which am sure real enthusiasts already know (or not). It's this Korean Age thingie, which actually is a concept from China and is widely known as East Asian Age Reckoning. Am not really a fan of Korean stars, nor their drama series, nor their products...but I won't deny that I did enjoy watching a few of their shows. Just not like I did the Taiwanese television series I've recently followed, Fall in Love with Me, though. 

I so like the actress, ❤❤❤❤❤ Tia Lee, (also Tia Li Yu Fen, Keiko, Li Xin Le)  ❤❤❤❤❤ who played Tao Le Si (Thea Tao). She is not only good in acting, she also sings and models. She's a member of the girl group, Dream Girls. (And I just followed her on Instagram! She'll be celebrating her birthday on the 11th of this month! ...just found out from a quick research.)

Photo credit to Chinesemov.com

 

Anyway, sorry for the segue. Going back to Korean Age topic (which is the reason why am writing this)...so, I seen this video c/o QZ...(go search them on Facebook if you have an account. They post share-worthy stories.) I've downloaded the video to my computer and uploaded it here so I can share it without trouble... 

It's interesting, and at the same time, it made me think why should there be additional something to remember? I mean, there is just one time in a person's life that they are born. And that's the commonly known and standard basis for age. But, there is something like this!!!  Anyway, it's what it is...........

If you plan to fly to and visit Korea, this may be something you need to know. So, I also searched for Korean Age Calculator. Thanks to the boundless reach of www. So if you've already booked a flight to Korea, or still planning to visit,  might as well calculate your Korean age and be prepared if any local will ask. *wink*

Mine? Figures are not a topic I'd ever entertain so, don't even bother asking. :P Toodle-oo!

“You see, I don't think age matters so much as people think. Parts of me are still 12 and I think other parts were already 50 when I was 12….”

 ~ C.S. Lewis ~

I'm an exception to a rule that doesn't even exist

“We should not want to be the same as others and we should not want others to be the same as us. Rather, we ought to glory and shine in all of our differences, flaunting them fabulously for all to see! It is never a conformity that we need! We need not to conform! What we need is to burst out into all these beautiful colors!” 

C. JoyBell C.

My Instagram followers change in numbers by the day. Not consistently increasing, sadly. It goes up and down. I get to have mixed emotions about it. The side of me that doesn't care about numbers makes me simply cool about it. While the side of me that is competitive and wishes to gain more followers (for unknown reasons) causes me to feel badly. My response varies. At times, I'd be so affected that I'd try to find ways to keep the numbers and make them grow. Other times I'd simply let it be. I prefer the latter, if you ask me.

I realized that no matter what I do, I can never keep what was never mine to begin with. People come and go and one of the things truly significant I learned in life is this: what God brings to me will never be taken away from me. This saves me from the pain of trying to please people just to keep them. When they wanna go, I just need to let them without needing to change who I am just so to try and make them stay. It already hurts enough to feel that I'm not accepted for who I am, why must I inflict more pain to myself just for my need to win anyone back who don't truly like me for me?

I came to a point where I started hating myself because I am not who people wish me to be. They always find something I don't have and later on dismiss me. Compare me to whoever is better for them. That hurts. And I thought if I could adjust and turn myself into someone everyone will like, then I won't need to be dissed all the time. Sadly, it doesn't go that way. Because reality is, people are never satisfied. They are in constant search for what gratifies their need. And they have endless list of needs and wants. They even confuse the two.

After years of frustration because I came to dislike myself, too, wisdom dawned on me (finally) that every person on Earth is created by God and He designed them uniquely for His very purpose. God designed me this way because I have a role to play. And because I lived allowing people redefining me, I failed to do my role in the lives of people God placed in my path. My identity was so messed up I didn't know who I was. I had to be what people wanted me to be that I lost my individuality. All because I needed to gain their favor else I'll lose them. I was hankering for approval. I wanted to be liked. And I'd do anything and everything to be embraced. Yet, people embraced not me as a whole but just when their needs are met.

It drained me, eventually, til I dropped the fight. I gave up. I cannot keep losing the person that I am because people are discontent with who I am and what I offer. Sooner or later, the demands will get tougher and I'd be wearing hundreds and thousands of masks that the real me becomes buried in the thick layers of identities that aren't me. So, I resolved to let off all the masks and simply be me. Take me or leave me, I'll be fine.

It's strangling when people dictate how you should be. How they want to be treated. How they want to be loved. How they want to be appreciated. How they want you to keep adjusting so that they have reasons to keep you. Of all the good you've done, just one dissatisfaction is enough for them to dump you. Funny how this line comes out of people's lips, "I accept you for who you are" yet entitlement leads them out the door. The acceptance is only as good as when they're gratified. Long as their needs are being met.

This line seriously makes me cringe especially coming from brothers and sisters in Christ---"I gave everything, done everything. I deserve much more than this. Enough is enough." And I'd be a hypocrite if I will say I never said this line (or even thought of it, at all) in my life, though, I was never the goodbye type of person, because I take people for who they are in the best way I can. It's not always easy. But, I go by the teachings of the Word. But, I'd be lying if I will deny I've never said the line. Because I, too, am susceptible to entitlement. Works make people entitled. We all think we DESERVE  things because we worked hard to get them. So, we treat people that way, too. We treat them like some robots that should follow every demand we have because of what we did for them. This makes us entitled. It's such a vicious cycle we end up doing things for others in hopes of returns. And when we find them not good enough investment, we dump them. 

Am not making a drama out of the numbers of my IG followers, please don't get me wrong. That's too shallow. Who cares? Social media is nothing but superficial. Everything is mostly facade. But it caused me to contemplate on how much people (myself included) work hard to be liked. And even if they don't admit it, act as if it does not matter, deep down it does. It affects every single one of us in a way we aren't aware. It influences our confidence, our response to people (esp to those we assume don't like us), our mood, attitude, and finally our character. Because one of the basic needs of man is to belong. And when we're made to feel not accepted, a part of us shatters. This is because God created all us for fellowship. With Him, and with people. And together we fellowship with Him. 

It's an absolute Truth that we're created for fellowship. And because of this reason we innately have this longing for acceptance and belongingness. At first, I thought this reason should make me more persevering in unity. To work harder so that I will be liked. To keep changing and adjusting for the sake of fellowship. One wisdom I learned from Jesus is that, He knows who are His people. Everyone who God sent Him comes to Him and sticks with Him. He remained Who He is regardless of the numbers He might lose. He DID lose a lot! Significantly lots. He said what He had to say even if it means people turning away from Him. Even if it will cost Him enemies. He didn't bother what people will say. He held on to His humanity and purpose.

Of course, I don't mean to say that we are not to change ourselves even if our behavior is already harming others. We are called to be like Christ. God wants us to be better. He wants us to improve so that we may be able to fulfill our calling. So that we can do the good God has planned for us to do. We all have flaws and imperfections. But these don't need to be harmful to others if only we'll let God teach us how to live according to His standard of living. My being bratty sometimes will be of use in certain situations but it needs to be controlled. I am not to allow that side of me to control me. This is a picture of how God accepts and allows my humanity, while working in me to become like His Son Jesus. Making evident the Fruit of the Holy Spirit present in me. I don't need to change my being squeamish because of fear that people will dislike and judge me. But I will certainly need to make adjustments so that I can do the ministry God has called me for. Yet, this even is not gonna depend on my own ability and strength, but it will be with the help of Jesus through the Holy Spirit.  

I am often tempted to stray away from the seriousness of my posts in all my Cyber Hideouts for the sake of numbers. For the sake of followers, esp that I am aiming to promote my charity movement. I remember how when I was still making rather grumpy and narcissistic posts that I gained more readers and followers. Sometimes I get to think that it won't hurt if I gear a lil to the side that appeals to my audience. But, something in me already changed dramatically. I am not anymore for numbers, nor for competitions, nor for popularity. Not that I was for these things before. Guess I just don't really see, at all, how it's going to add to my value as a human being if I aim for these things. So, the heck if the numbers fluctuate! What I should be concerned more is how I can enlighten the people God placed in my life and how to make a difference in a world that makes everyone conform to its standard. ^_^

"They laugh at me because I am different. 

I laugh at them because they are all the same."

 Kurt Cobain

Sometimes not speaking says more than all the words in the world.

"Think of people you consider fanatical. They're overbearing, self-righteous, opinionated, insensitive, and harsh. Why? It's not because they are too Christian but because they are not Christian enough. They are fanatically zealous and courageous, but they are not fanatically humble, sensitive, loving, empathetic, forgiving, or understanding—as Christ was. Because they think of Christianity as a self-improvement program they emulate the Jesus of the whips" 
- Timothy Keller

Am striving so hard never to touch any issue involving politics. Though, I've been an avid follower of the Senate hearings lately, I try not to be so invested in it to the point of spilling my thoughts all over social media. Quite tempting to engage in discussions here and there, really, but what will it profit anyone or anything if I do? 

My mental-snapshots put into words: The assemblies had turned into farcical spectacles with its troupers mixing up their roles. While their supporters yakking on the sidelines acting like juries. And social media has become an extended avenue for them and their henchmen to employ gratis infomercials where they creatively assert their clashing vantage points. There's just too much hullabaloo following the appointment of PD30. 

...And that's just about how I rather describe the happenings. But there is no need to single out and talk smack anyone. No need to look at everything with critical eyes. I sure do have untold imperfections of my own to deal with. So little time so much (far better things) to do!

Why am writing this is because we may all be entitled to our personal opinions, but seriously, there's no need to keep blurting them out. Doing so only suggests we're shoving down each other's throats each other's opinions, being fully convinced that ours is way better. Exposes the neediness inside of us for praises and attention. It's just sick! If I'm wrong then why the need to assert personal opinions and resort to name-calling? We can all simply keep our opinions safely secured within the walls of our homes, and it's just fine. The planets will still remain in their orbits. We are not required nor demanded to always have an opinion about everything to breathe. Our opinion is not mandatory, especially, if they're not gonna be of any benefit but just adds more bruise to the already injured world.

It's timely, actually, cause I was really contemplating on writing about being opinionated. I didn't intend to write it in this way, though. But, then I read a post that was overly opinionated. Not to mention disparaging! None of us has any right to discredit anyone only because we hold firmly to our opinion. And it's totally foul to slur the rest of everyone else whose beliefs and opinions are at odds with ours for crying out loud! 

Regardless of our educational background, title, and social status (compared to the persons next to us), we are not to belittle anyone. Enough of name-calling and then class certain people as idiotic. Being educated yet without discretion makes one abhorrent. We can't demand diplomacy from others when we won't even initiate it ourselves. Many condemn our president for his foul-mouth saying he's messing the country's reputation. Now look who's talking?!!! Trash talking each other on social media isn't proving we're no different from him?!!! By keeping our eyes on others, we only multiply them. What we condemn others of, we must condemn in us first.

I was about to hit send when it dawned on me that it would be better if I just blog it than stir up disputations in another's backyard. After all, it's their wall. They can fill it with bitter remarks all they want and it shouldn't be my business. Just I can't let pass why the need to be so condescending. Leave others alone to their opinion for goodness' sake! They're not dumbos for having minds of their own. We shouldn't give ourselves the right to look down on anyone for we all do have our own weak spots. We all are defective, and that doesn't give anyone any right to vilify us even so. *sigh*

Here's the comment I intended to post (edited): 

Everyone falls into *this, if truth be told. All have tendencies to be *one-sided and then strongly argue their position; believe firmly what was established in their minds with or without conclusive evidence; and maintain that those who think differently are crackpots.

Thing is, there are too many considerations to assess for any of us to give premature conclusions (on anything). Senator Gordon set a very good example: to dig for beyond a shadow of doubt truth, we must allow perusal sans prejudice. Problem is, we all come from differing opinions. We speak with partiality because we all want to prove our points by way of assertion. We desperately want to convince others what we so believe in and if they don't, we revile their judgments and then them as individuals. Hence, the bashing. 

One group says the other group is taking the public for a ride and on a separate interview the other group also accuses the former group the same. It's funny how both parties are theorizing there's a trend to silence whatever. Well, from the audience seat I'd say, they aren't anymore functioning as investigators, but tacticians. Now that's an opinion plainly spoken, but clear of derision.

As onlookers, however, we should just be on the ball, carefully observing without bias. Without having to cling too much to what we hold as true in order to make fair judgment. We can't all see from one perspective and that makes us all unqualified jurists. Yet, we boldly shout out our two cents, "hey here's my mind, case solved!" When, in fact, we only help turn things into a train wreck.

Our goal should be unity. The voice given to us, our freedom of expression, should be accompanied by prudence and decorum. And the purpose should be for harmony and not discord. We express ourselves through communication not to ruffle each other's feathers but to articulate our minds for the purpose of understanding. Not necessarily to make everyone agree, but to make them understand where we're coming from. And no matter how differently we think and feel, we must respect everyone's prerogative. We don't need to always agree with each other, we only need to allow diversity. 

Respect is everyone's birthright. We may say it has to be earned...true, in many cases. Some really deserve scoffing because they asked for it. Nevertheless, we respect not because they deserve it, but because we are respectful. "A tree is known by its fruit." What we do or say reflects the quality of what we're made of. It's a shame to point at anyone and calling them names yet not self-aware we're also doing the same thing they're doing. You say someone is boorish? Go check your status postsssss (reflect on your unspoken thoughts, too) before you give yourself the right to focus on the speck on your neighbor's eyes.

Never define anyone or anything by your opinion because you sure don't wanna be defined by their opinion...or do you? Have your opinion, fine. But keep things straight. Don't be pushy. You see, even the normally sensible people dissolve into blabbering, overweening, blinkered and pompous schmucks. We can be as opinionated as we want to be, the world allows us that. But let's just not be vindictive and come around blurting our thoughts out unprovoked. 

"There’s nothing wrong with being well informed and developing strong opinions. The temptation is when we feel the need to express them, even when it may not be our place to do so." 

 "Fools don’t want to learn from others. They only want to tell their own ideas." [Proverbs 18:2]

"I tell you that everyone will have to answer for all the careless things they have said. This will happen on the day of judgment."

 - Jesus

       [Matthew 12:36]

We gotta stop walking with our eyes on everyone else.

"If we had no faults, we should not take so much pleasure 
in noting those of others"
-Maxims

Perhaps, tis not only me who scrolls down news feeds on social media and finding articles that seem worthy of reading.  Truth be told, scores of writings provide knowledge we'd prolly never assimilate had it not been shared virtually. Not until WWW was it made readily available to everyone of-the-essense information other than current events which we can pick almost everywhere. One of which are those articles that discuss about personality concerns.

Just some days back when I was suffering from unbearable migraine attack that I got to bump into this writing on the subject of narcissism. And agree with me that if you have anyone in mind you strongly believe (or suspect) to have this condition, it will interest you to click the link and read through. You bet, I did. *wink*


Strangely, though, I found myself asking this: "how true are these facts about me than it is about them?" I was AGAIN convicted by my Counselor! At times, I wanna request my Counselor to be allowed my maleficent thoughts, but then get carried back to a light-bulb moment―I rather NOT be! Am all-the-time saved from the monster in me. Sweet!


As I was learning more about hints of what delineates a narcissist, for each points I asked myself if it describes me instead of whether it is describing someone I know. And I guess situations like this plainly exposes whether one is living in humility as expounded in the Word ― "In whatever you do, don’t let selfishness or pride be your guide. Be humble, and honor others more than yourselves." [Philippians 2:3] ― Whether I am living up to the standard of God; let alone others be accountable to their own obedience OR disobedience to the Word. What matters is, am I obedient to it?


That was a moment I was truly tested ...when no one was watching. How will I take my thoughts captive to be obedient to the ways of Jesus? Would I excuse and use the validity of my argument based on the life testimony and behavior of someone I know OR would I simply allow myself be put right as my Counselor reminds me of Christ's code of behavior? The choice was mine. After all, I was alone scanning the article. I was left to my own decision. My Counselor wasn't forcing me with a gun pointed to my head, nah-uh! Twas simply a gentle reminder from a loving Father. *smiles*


Change starts from within, indeed. Conforming NOT to the ways of the world can only start when one strictly applies the teachings of Jesus, rather than making excuses as to why one's rationalization is warranted. I can go about all the defensible justifications I can think of just to prove I am far better than whoever that person I am labeling a narcissist all-I-want, but the truth speaks volume―I am one. I don't have to fall into any of the points described to be one, the fact that I consider myself highly than I ought to, I am one. And if even after being admonished by my Counselor I continued judging and labeling anyone "that" then, I prove myself having such high self-esteem that I can't take the log off my eyes yet I insist on talking about the speck in another's eyes (yes, even just in my head).


One way to train ourselves to be humble is to gauge our own intents and motives. Are we comparing ourselves to others? Are we trying to prove we're better than anyone? Are we asserting that our opinion is far well-grounded than everyone else's? The Bible tells us that we are to run our own individual race. We are responsible and accountable to our own acts. And we are not going to be compared to the performances of everyone else around. God will be judging us individually separate from the persons next to us. [Read Romans 2:6 and 2 Corinthians 5:10] So, enough of pointing at the imperfections of whoever and focus on the countless blemishes in us.


In times when we're led to a situation that cues us to deduce anyone to anything...to judge them...let's pause and remember this: "You have no right to criticize your brother or look down on him. Remember, each of us will stand personally before the Judgment Seat of God." [Romans 14:10 TLB]


One thing more, we are to guard ourselves with our use of the social media. Almost everything there subtly tempts us to compare, to envy, to covet, to criticize, and a lot more. We are to protect ourselves from being corrupted by the world, which is by the way, what God considers as pure religion [James 1:27].

 

A personality flaw: Going out of one's way to make sure everyone is okay.

“Ever since people first existed, they have been doing all the things we label codependent. They have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn't help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting people's feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn't have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn't believe they deserved silk.”  ― Melody Beattie

Yesterday, I had a catch up chat with an old friend and I surprisingly opened up. Maybe I needed it. That chat made me reflect more.

So, as it turned out, I sounded negative. Well, I have to remind myself that people take another's words not from the person's perspective but their own. Or, I prolly wasn't so clear with my point.  But, if anything, I guess what is sure to be true is that I am affected deep down that the concern consumes me enough to even talk about it.

And, just now, I read the same topic I ranted about to my old friend from a writer I am following on a social media site. It's not actually the first time that she did write about thoughts that have been bugging me. This is like the nth time now. (Could it be she's the person who is being molded by God in the same manner as He is molding me? That even possible? Or, maybe God is just communicating some things to me...)

Anyway, yes, I've been thinking about it lately. In spite of the heavier concerns I carry, I manage to carry this one, too. Which, according to my friend is a waste of time and energy. I thought so, too. Just it's not that easy for me to drop for whatever reason. Call it unwise if you would, but I have my reasons.

Then this writer wrote it just the same way I'd say it! Though, I think she is more honest about the matter than I am. For me, it is not my issue. It just looks like it. I'd say it another way because I don't believe that is my issue. I don't know. But, ok, if I will be real honest now...am I wanting people to like me? Do I care too much that they do, which is why I am so affected when I learn about anyone not liking me? From the talk with my friend, I would say the answer is a whopping YES.

I give other reasons for being hurt when I learn about fake friends...like I wish they could've just been open and told me about whatever it is that they don't like about me or whatever I did which offended them...or, they shouldn't influence other people who don't know me yet to dislike me in the same way they do, at least...or, how unfair it is that they define me according to their small minds... yada yada yada...

If I will reflect again, I know that I've been bothered by the fact that certain people are faking things with me. They're ok with me when we're together but it changes altogether when they're with other people. And it's crazy. How can people simply be two-faced rather than just tell it to my face whatever is so annoying them that I do?! Why can't we just all be real honest with each other? Tell each other real stuff instead of flattering each other and then bash each other behind each other's backs? Ridiculous! I want to understand this. I know that it's not always easy to be blunt because everyone wants to be gentle and not hurt another's feelings. But, isn't it the same thing? Because when it reaches the person talked about, they are sure gonna get hurt just the same!

Yeah, this is what I've been whining about in my head and what I blurted out to my friend (and which I almost always cry out to God about). But it's only now that it's becoming clearer ...that behind the reasons I hold is the real root of my load ―  I want people to like me. I adjust for them so they could like me. And because I can't get all of them to like me, I get frustrated.

Not that it didn't get to me ever how nonsense it is to care whether people like me or not. After all, I've lived my life inside a bubble. Lived my life in isolation. Like a hermit. So, it didn't cross my mind that this could be the real issue within me. And when it did cross my mind, I simply denied it because I believe that I didn't care even if I am not liked. I just don't like what people are doing―smile at me and act everything is cool, then in my absence would frown and say nasty things. For me...I understand that everyone of us have somebody we don't like. We simply can't like everybody. But, we don't have to do them wrong. We don't have to say ill things against them. I hold this principle so strongly as the Word says, "don't do unto others what you don't want others do to you." And because this is where my focus is on, I missed assessing myself regarding the issue of people-pleasing.

I've said over and over and over that Christians ought to love one another. They must not harm anyone. We may not like everyone, but we must love all. And the Bible highlights that loving thy neighbor is the fulfillment of the law. Somehow, I have become too legalistic about this. I am imposing  this command on people when I should allow them to choose to either obey or disobey the command just as God gives people their willful choice to follow Him or not. Not realizing that the imposition comes from my nagging demand to be liked. Yeah, I said that's not my issue. I just don't like that their sharp tongues influence others to join their troupe to be my detractors. But, then, I insist on the love-thy-neighbor command just so they would stop doing me wrong. There is an ulterior motive. When I should rather want people to sincerely love because it is God's command.

All my life I've been struggling so hard to be comfortable in my own skin. I guess I successfully managed to appear like I am, which others translate as me being either confident or stuck-up. I can't put me in the category of a people-pleaser because of the fact that I am being me almost all of the time, which is the very reason why a lotta people don't like me, I believe. Because I say what's in my mind. I don't tell people they're looking great when I don't mean it from the heart. I say what I mean. I act me and not how people want me to be. I talk the way I talk. I refuse when I really don't like a thing. I readily say NO, when I mean no. I don't conform just to be liked. And so I can't convince myself that I am a people-pleaser.

Right at this moment, however, I've given it a thought. However I try to categorize things based on my understanding, I guess I need to simplify it. Because I am concerned that people do what they do, and I want to understand what makes them dislike me...and it bothers me that they don't like me then, I am under that category I so deny ― I am wishing to be liked. I long so badly that people see me the way I really am instead of painting a different me in their heads. Sadly, though, it's beyond my control. I can't get people to do as I wish. That includes how I want to be seen. And I gotta give them their freedom to live even if they want to live with a hateful heart.

Like how my friend puts it, celebrate the people who do like you and do away with people who don't. Maybe, it's not as bad as it sounds. Cause am sick and tired of the consumerism practice going around relationships. People have become disposable commodities. If you're not of any benefit to me...if you're not satisfying my needs, you can go! That way of life is for me deeply hurtful. People are not objects to be used. But, I guess what my friend only means is, let them be (my very own mantra, would you believe?!). I don't know exactly how to do it, but I gotta do it for my peace' sake.

And, this message is not only for me. It's for everybody else who are becoming more wounded by this deceitful desire that masks itself in innocent ways. Truth is, we can't please everyone. Even Jesus was hated for no reason. (See John 15:25) People may have their reasons to not like you, and you must simply give them that. There is no effective way to market yourself enough to people who have long decided they wanna be hateful. So, why bother?

The only person we ought to please is God. And if we are to please others, we do so for their benefit. (Romans 15:1-13) So we can contribute to their welfare and not to tolerate their bland side. We all need to grow. Authenticity is more important than being liked. Whoever accepts you for you, is really for you. Those who only like you because you please them, they're gonna be hard work eventually. A high-maintenance relationship is tiresome! You're gonna have to constantly toil to keep them. Which is why, we all need to simply let the door swinging open and close. Letting people come and go. Not as we please, but as they please.

I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

Freedom of speech or freedom of expression must not be a privilege given to certain people and be denied to some others. And if we are just going to use intellect more than ego (feelings), we will be a little less harsh with the description we give the man. Too many seem to be taking advantage of the said freedom to voice their dismay to the extent they explicitly give him names such as bigot, false prophet, hypocrite and many others. In fact, even before the issue came up, he and his family have already been used as laughing stocks by stand up comediennes who bring home moolah for doing so. Yet, nobody dared defend their rights as humans. Their dignity have been trampled on. Now it can be excused as simply comedy?! How convenient is that? While the dude only gave an innocent, honest and bold answer to a question using an analogy. It's a surprise that the ones who've been calling him names don't seem to understand and accept logical rationalization, yet demand theirs be heard and received.

I have not been writing in defense of him. If truth be told, I am not a fan. I was never a supporter. I didn't even like him. He is overrated in my opinion. But, I am standing by him because he courageously drinks from the cup given him. The man speaks not to impress nor to be famous. He speaks what most would be careful to announce in fear of people's judgment. I write not to applaud him but with the intent to try put things into perspective. 

Truth of the matter is, too many a number just got it all wrong. No one was compared to anything. Should we just go back to the question and focus on the NOUN, the topic is clearly "Same-Sex Marriage". The question is NOT "how do you regard homosexuals?" but "what is your take on Same-Sex Marriage? "Group of people" as opposed to "Behavior/Preference".

And to emphasize further, his opinion was SOLICITED. He did not come around shouting, "you people should repent of your promiscuous ways or you will all go to hell!" Nor did he say, "you guys are animals." Let us all please understand the difference and his circumstance.

It took me a few views of the interview to make sure I was not missing a point. But, whichever angle I look at it, twas a general statement emphasizing basic logic―an animal's natural instinct is to find the opposite gender to mate. And if animals know this basic actuality, then they're better creatures than those who were endowed with moral judgment.  Is this not sound analogy? Did he make mention of names? For everyone's convenience here's the video and watch it once again without any biases.

Another way of saying what he said would be, "No, I am not for Same-Sex Marriage. Common Sense tells me that we don't see male-to-male or female-to-female animals mating. If animals instinctively find the opposite gender to mate (given that they have no sense of right and wrong), then humans are worse than animals."

Let us try to break it down...

His position: "I am not for Same-Sex Marriage"   

His justification: Common Sense tells me that we don't see male-to-male or female-to-female animals mating. If animals instinctively find the opposite gender to mate (given that they have no sense of right and wrong), then humans are worse than animals."

*Note: "Humans", as general, was what he said. 

Considering that he is coming from his personal standpoint, his statement sounds rather like―"I am not for Same-Sex Marriage because my judgment tells me that it would make me lower than animals if I'd be for it." As listeners, we take one's opinion as applied to the one giving his or her opinion and not as if addressed to us. Had the question been, "what do you think of the LGBT group?" and his answer was what he answered, it would've been totally foul.

Can't emphasize it enough that he was asked and he gave his opinion (belief, conviction) and he did not do so with the intention to shove it down anyone's throat. He did not do so to earn money. He plainly answered the question. Yes, he is running for office. Yes, he should've known separation of Church and State. Still, it is his conviction expressed because it was called for. Nobody has any right to demand a person to set aside his values (or religious belief) to tolerate another's, nor dictate to him to speak apart from what he believes in only because he is running for a position in government. Don't we all plead for freedom? Why do we detain him within what we believe should be his answer? If others can freely and deliberately satirize another for the sake of entertainment and laughter, why is an innocent remark worthy of reproach?

His response was without judgment nor condemnation with it. No hidden agenda. Plain honesty. Won't we rather have an individual speaking truth instead of lie?

I am not being insensitive to the feelings of those protesting by saying these things. Please slow down in making judgments. I have loved ones and friends who are queers. I love them and I respect their preferences. They're given their rightful freedom without being judged.

Yes, a large number may have been hurt, this fact is not put aside. Did he not quickly apologize, though? Let us in stead aim for understanding and be open to reasons. See from all angles. Acknowledge the innocence of his ground. 

Know when an opinion is being shoved down another's throat against an opinion simply stated. When an opinion is being forced on anyone, the manner it's said is completely different. It's suggestive or manipulative, while an opinion simply stated only provides justification. He did not preach his religion then demand for viewers to yield. 

It is just unfair that when Christians talk about the Word, they're accused of many things. They're called religious freaks and whatever. Don't we all lie everyday? But, just because we're all liars none of us must point out that it is wrong to steal? Are we all just going to keep shut cause none of us have any right to tell when something is wrong because that is considered judging? But, don't we all make judgment on a daily basis―others' looks, behavior, manners? ...and our basis mostly comes from preference/opinion...we think some people are dressed oddly or some others talk in a manner that we find annoying. It is our predisposition to have opinion and express it.

We (Christians) do not proclaim God's Word because we are perfect. We are imperfect humans who are working hard to obey God. We do fail every single day. We don't claim to be righteous when we speak of what the Bible says. Our struggle to do good and to fight what's evil is not a joke. When we say sin as it is, it does not come from our own biases or opinion (nor do we impose it on anyone). It is Written. But when we are persecuted as bigot, what is the world's basis? Christians are collectively tyrannized. We are prevented from speaking our hearts and minds out or else we will be severely castigated. Where is equality and freedom, then? We're being bullied to shy away only because our weapon is the Truth. Now who is intolerant?

Saying that "it is a sin to commit murder" makes no one self-righteous nor religious fanatic―It's a statement. Telling someone that it is wrong to gossip does not make one judgmental―Another statement. Telling a person (s)he is a "slanderer" IS judging―It's conclusion. One does not condemn a person by quoting the Bible, unless it is spoken with a certain tone―"You are gonna burn in hell because you are this and that" versus "it is said in the Scriptures that it is against God to do this and that..." please clearly see the difference. One's behavior toward others is another story, of course. We, Christians, bully no one. 

Saying that an ACT is wrong is NOT judging. DEFINING a person BECAUSE of his or her act IS judging. We don't go telling people they're bigot. We can rather communicate properly if we find their assertion offensive. Then we can all meet halfway. This is the freedom of expression that is fair to all.

    

Finally, speaking the Truth in love does not have to equate to exchanging the Truth for tolerance. We are not told to withhold the Truth from anyone because we do not want to offend. The Word Itself is offensive to those who do not want to submit to it. The challenge to Christians is not loving people, but loving God above all. Jesus offended many when He overturned the tables and this scene became one solid reason for certain people to question the truth that He is without sin. But was hate His motivation for doing what He did? Twas His zealousness for the House of the Lord that brought Him to act that way. When it comes to the Truth, the challenge to Christians is to either save their own lives or lose it. The choice who to offend.  Jesus said, "I did not come to bring peace, but sword." [Matthew 10:34]

God commands us to love our neighbors, yes. This requires us to accept everyone and treat them as He would treat them with great love, with so much grace and compassion. But, we are commanded to love Him more than His creations. When the topic of God's Law comes to picture, it becomes a completely different cause. Our loyalty is then tested. 

Oh, and before I end this post...I encourage everyone to watch the unedited video of the interview. 

Live and walk in LOVE. ❤

"So have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?"

Whose right is right? 

This is a question I asked in my post during the time a sensitive topic became controversial. And currently, it's become, again, a question since different groups have their own opinion about Manny Pacquiao's bold answer to an interview question, which required him to give his own stand/opinion about the issue of "Same-Sex Marriage". A lotta people gave their comments and expressed disappointment on how, as they say, he maligned the LGBT group. They are calling for RESPECT. Known media icons violently reacted. A great number called Manny uneducated and idiot. Even some Christians did not approve of what he did. Then, of course, there are still those who supported Manny and came to his defense. 

But the question remains whose right is right?

Have we forgotten that the person we hailed as our National Hero said this line, "He who does not love his own language is worse than an animal and smelly fish"?  And this line is widely accepted and taught in schools. Must we, then, vote this person out as our National Hero as he did not acknowledge and respect "freedom of choice" and furthermore offended not only the people in his time but also the current generation of Filipinos who are mostly English speakers? Just what is the comparison between people who practice their freedom to choose what language to use and an animal and a smelly fish? I mean, do Philippine animals love Filipino language and actually loyally use it that's why Jose Rizal had to say they are better than Filipino people who do not patronize their own language? Does it degrade, in anyway, the Philippines as a country if its citizens rather use another language as their medium of communication? But, I believe Jose Rizal only had such great passion for the country that he expressed his nationalistic point of view in this manner, and not necessarily because he "hates" people who do not speak the Filipino language. In the same way, Manny Pacquiao has such great zeal for the Law of God and he expressed it using an analogy, which if you come to think of it makes a lotta sense. 

If we are just not  bias about Manny's statement, we will find that he's actually talking about the "natural order of things" based on God's design. An animal's "natural" instinct is to search for "opposite" gender to satisfy its sexual need/urge. Plain and simple. His statement is NOT idiotic but factual. There may be records of certain animals observed to display "homosexual behavior", yes. Yet, it is UNNATURAL in a sense because the intention for copulation is reproduction. Mating is intended for multiplication. And if homosexuality behavior should become a practice, every animal species will decline in number. Again, it is against the natural order of things. Research what causes certain animals do what they do, and may we all be judges as to whether their behavior must be considered acceptable and should be practiced by humans. (Read: Are There Homosexual Animals? Note the subtitle: Lots of animals engage in homosexual behaviour, but whether they are truly homosexual is another matter entirely.) 

In fact, the LGBT groups' argument that homosexuality is natural because it exists in the animal kingdom makes them concede to what they say is condemnation to them because they compare their own selves to animals by justifying, "if animals do it, it is natural... therefore we also can."  But animals do not have sense of right and wrong. They cannot read the Bible. They go by instinct. Humans are created to make proper judgment. Why must we follow practices that animals do? Homosexual behavior among animals is not even a lifestyle choice. And animals do not operate within any moral context. Just because animals have certain practices does not mean those practices must be embraced and observed by humans. Some animals eat their young, but this does not permit humans to be cannibals. Some insects after mating devour their partners, yet it is unacceptable for any human to do the same. We cannot, and must not, use animal behavior as basis to justify our chosen behavior.

Here's another additional fact. homosexual is also different from "hermaphrodite". To highlight a bit the difference, hermaphrodite is "natural". Meaning, the organism is naturally created the way it is — having both male and female reproductive organs. While homosexual is more of a preference or what is commonly known as sexual orientation. No matter how anyone asserts that it is biological or has scientific basis, each gender still remains to have only one reproductive organ and have no option to change later on. Except through surgical means. We know from sex education for which these organs are intended.

Manny did not say the things he said out of hate, but out of passion for God's Word. He was asked what's his stance and he answered from his strong conviction. Does he hate LGBT by answering a question in the manner he did? Did Jose Rizal hate Filipino English speakers when he composed his poem? I believe, they are only fighting coming from their own positions. Besides, the topic is clearly NOT about LGBTs but SAME-SEX MARRIAGE. It is not people Manny referred to, but the ACT or PRACTICE. He is against the ACT/HUMAN LAW...whatever you call it... NOT the people. How come people react violently as if they ARE the act? ...So, why did he have to compare humans to animals? — To remind us all the "natural order of things" — "opposite"-sex as designed by the Creator of the universe and NOT "same"-sex. There's purpose why it is male and female. It is not for humans to re-order the design of God. That makes us violators of His design. Read excerpts from my post, Let's All Stand Firmly Together Against the Many Faces of Hate:

"If artists are protesting that their designs are being copied, therefore, their lawful right to their masterpieces is violated, how much more the Creator of all things has the right to also make a stand?..."

"...as advocates of God's Law, Christians will speak of what the Law says. Christians act as Law enforcers or policemen.  What does a law enforcer or a policeman do? They have the duty of maintaining law and order. In their (Christians) case, they are maintaining the Law of God to keep everything IN "order".  Must they be charged for doing what they're supposed to be doing? They are fighting NOT for what they want, or feel, or think. They are fighting for what has long been established―God's Law and Decrees."

Mr. Pacquiao is an advocate of God's Law. He did not speak in front of camera out of nowhere just to shout out his firm belief and to provoke anyone. He was asked. So happened that his opinion is not widely accepted by everyone. Because many have chosen self-rule. “In the last times there will be people who laugh at God and do only what they want to do—things that are against God.” [Jude 1:18] People will fight for what they hold as their rights. And as we all uphold convictions and advocacy, it is inevitable that we will offend others. It is given. But, which right must we uphold, ours or God's?  

You hate those prophets, who go to public places and speak against evil,  

even though they teach good, simple truths.  [Amos 5:10]

The time will come when people will not listen to the true teaching. 

But people will find more and more teachers who please them. 

They will find teachers who say what they want to hear. [2 Timothy 4:3]

But, Manny is not one who says what people want to hear just to please them and win their votes. Of course, he knows he will lose a large number of voters for sticking to his stance. But, just like Jesus, he chose to please God by advocating the Truth than fearing the judgment of men. Now, is Manny without sin? Is he faultless? Did he never commit sin? We all know he did, and surely, he still commits certain violations against God. No one is righteous. Pointing out sin does not require one to be without sin. But must he stop speaking the Truth only because he isn't perfect?

Christians only act as police officers maintaining/enforcing God's Law. They're not perfect. They also commit certain violations just like policemen, judges, politicians do. But, they still ought to do their duty as God's servants, nevertheless. [Let's All Stand Firmly Together Against the Many Faces of Hate]

People wanted only to do evil. So God left them and let them go their sinful way. And so they became completely immoral and used their bodies in shameful ways with each other. They traded the truth of God for a lie. They bowed down and worshiped the things God made instead of worshiping the God who made those things. He is the one who should be praised forever. Amen.

Because people did those things, God left them and let them do the shameful things they wanted to do. Women stopped having natural sex with men and started having sex with other women. In the same way, men stopped having natural sex with women and began wanting each other all the time. Men did shameful things with other men, and in their bodies they received the punishment for those wrongs. [Romans 1:24-27]

And may we not also forget that Jesus made statements like, "you brood of vipers!"  Vipers are venomous snakes. He called some people snakes. He referred to gentiles as dogs. He calls His people sheep.  Jesus used metaphors and they can all be found in the four Gospels. If we do not want to be compared to animals, then let us behave like humans and not pattern our actions on their behavior and practices.  

Related Readings:

Truth is Hate to Those Who Hate the Truth

Why Does the Truth Offend?

25 Reasons Why the World Hates Christians and Christianity 
Jesus Did Not Call Us to Be Nice