I lived too much in my head instead of the real world.

Has it ever occurred to you why you do the things you do? You work everyday. You work hard. I know a lotta people who are simply good at what they do. Expert. Connoisseur. And they still want to become better. Best. Some have achieved sooo many things not common to majority. There are those who have traveled much of the planet. At first, you'd be amazed. It's really impressive. But, at the end of the day, you'd ask "are they really happy?"

I believe it's not what we do, what we achieve, how far we have reached, what places have we gone to ... that makes us happy. Am convinced it's the meaning behind all these things. The purpose. The motive. Are we doing what we're doing because it makes us happy OR we're happy that's why we're doing what we're doing? 

Am reminded of the question, "what drives you?" It's worth the thinking, right? Hmmmm... I work hard to... blah blah blah... and those are my purpose. How about my goal? *at wits end* Well, am simply not a planner. I don't plan my life. I have strong desires, of course...like, I want to reach out to the homeless. Provide them a shelter. Educate them and give them livelihood. It's also my strong desire to give my grannies a comfy and convenient life in their old age. Because I love them. Does that mean I love the homeless, too? I sooo love my Lolo and my Lola that's why there's this strong desire to provide them a better life now that they're very old (in their 80s). But, what could be the reason for my desire to do what I said I wanna do for the homeless? What drives me?

When I was still active doing the feeding program I started as an activity a few years back, I felt a sense of fulfillment  in doing that kind of work. It kinda gave me sense of worth, which I never felt even after I had achieved so many wonderful things. NOT when I became a consistent Dean's Lister. NOT when I appeared on some TV programs. NOT when I was cast-ed in a movie. NOT when I (unbelievably) was able to make it to modeling. NOT when I was awarded for having done an exemplary performance when I joined the corporate world. NOT when (again unbelievably) started a biz (am totally not a business person!). NOT when I earned my first seven digits. Just to name a few or you might think I composed this entry to brag. *sticks out tongue* 

If there was anything I felt having achieved these things, I would say it's rather PRIDE. I was, of course, proud of myself. But, that's just about it. So what? And, I know that there are a lot more others who have achieved more than I did. 

But, there's something about sense of fulfillment. Being proud of what I have achieved only makes me wanna want MORE. It gives a longing to grab, grab and grab. I gotta overtake my previous achievement. I hafta think "what's next?" It's like a long list of TO DOs. And tomorrow, there's more.  There's still more that life offers. I wanna go to Sweden. I will grab an iPad 2 Gold History Edition. I will buy the 2009 Lamborghini Murcielago. I will try the 12 inch “Pizza Royale 007". I will carry a Mouawad's 1001 Nights Diamond Purse. I will wear a pair of Gucci Woven leather boots. And even if I already have these things, I will still want more. Am feeding my pride. And in order to keep feeding it, I am driven to do more. Work more. 

It's funny how we yearn to have certain things and when we already have them, it seems we don't want them anymore. I can't believe how Samsung i900 Omnia (this is my high-end gadget til now) is now nothing but a thing of the past. It isn't as desirable as it used to be when it was first released. How many gadgets have been released since? And, people just can't be satisfied. Now, there are what they call Tablets. I haven't even educated myself about the iPhone (4s, 4, 3GS) and the iPod (nano, shuffle, touch, classic)! Ok, ok...am not a gadget person, but still! I mean, we want a thing now and then we don't want it anymore later because there are still so many to grab. Lust of the eye!

I look at the stack of shoes in my room and I can't feel any sense of fulfillment having them when I bought them with my hard earned money. I don't even get to use them cause I am so loyal to one pair of shoes I wear almost ALWAYS. Those who observed prolly have in their hearts to give me a new pair, if you know what I mean. But, that's my point. NOTHING satisfies. And, things simply wear off. It's just a matter of time.

Reminds me of these lines found in Ecclesiastes 2...

But then I looked at everything I had done and the wealth I had gained. I decided it was all a waste of time! It was like trying to catch the wind. There is nothing to gain from anything we do in this life.

I began to hate all the hard work I had done, because I saw that the people who live after me would get the things that I worked for. I will not be able to take them with me. Some other person will control everything I worked and studied for. And I don’t know if that person will be wise or foolish. This is also senseless.

So I became sad about all the work I had done. People can work hard using all their wisdom and knowledge and skill. But they will die and other people will get the things they worked for. They did not do the work, but they will get everything. That makes me very sad. It is also not fair and is senseless.

What do people really have after all their work and struggling in this life?  Throughout their life, they have pain, frustrations, and hard work. Even at night, a person’s mind does not rest. This is also senseless. (ETRv)

    

Am not saying there's anything wrong with acquiring things. That's not what I meant. Like what the same author wrote in chapter 3...

I learned that the best thing for people to do is to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live. God wants everyone to eat, drink, and enjoy their work. These are gifts from God. (ETRv)

I guess, it's better if we start asking ourselves why do we do the things we do? Why do we want as many accomplishments? Are we getting sense of fulfillment out of these things? Can we say to ourselves... alone in our rooms ...without any spectator... that we're truly happy? That we have joy and peace in our hearts? 

More from the book of Ecclesiastes...

Then I thought, “Why do people work so hard?” I saw people try to succeed and be better than other people. They do this because they are jealous. They don’t want other people to have more than they have. This is senseless. It is like trying to catch the wind.

 Some people say, “It is foolish to fold your hands and do nothing. If you don’t work, you will starve to death.” Maybe that is true. But I say it is better to be satisfied with the few things you have than to always be struggling to get more.

Those who love money will never be satisfied with the money they have. Those who love wealth will not be satisfied when they get more and more. This is also senseless.

People work and work to feed themselves, but they are never satisfied. It is better to be happy with what you have than to always want more and more. Always wanting more and more is useless. It is like trying to catch the wind. (ETRv)

Some more things worth thinking ... Why do I want what I want? Why do I want MORE? What can satisfy me? What is enough for me?

So many questions! Oh, but these questions will reveal what's truly in our hearts.



Gotta sign off now. Toodle-oo!

“My life's an open book. Some of the pages are a little ripped, but it's open.”

In order to be really happy, I figured... we must understand that in this world, we own NOTHING. That anything can be taken away from us in an instant. Accepting this fact will help us to let go easily without leaving a desire in us to cling on to whatever we want to keep. 

I looked around and I see people who, just like me, are living their own lives, making their own decisions, moving around in accordance to their will. When I want some munchies, nothing and no one can stop me from grabbing the next bag of chips I like. I choose a big bag of chips. I choose the cheese flavored one. If you also want some munchies and you're only gonna ask me to divvy, you can't insist what flavor I should buy. Buy your own!

On the other hand, we can agree what flavor to buy. You don't really need to chip in. It is up to me if I want to consider your request. You cannot force what you want unless you decide it's your treat. I can also be very considerate, in fact, and pay for the snack. ...It's called generosity. 

Free will. Such a simple word yet hard to truly fathom. 

For many, it has become really hard to let go only because they haven't learned to understand freedom of choice. Or they have not learned to accept and respect another's choice, maybe.

When a love relationship ends, there's always one left and often stuck. The one left can't believe what just happened and, how in a blink of an eye, the other person changed. Surprised how love has gone in a flash. Often, they become too engrossed trying to figure out where they went wrong that it becomes their way of life. They keep reviewing the videotape in their head hoping to solve the puzzle. So, it's hard to move on. It just makes it hard to move on but nothing gets resolved, actually.

We're very curious about the WHYs. But, even if we get the answer, there are simply things that can't be fixed anymore. There are things when broken remain broken. Irreparable. You may have already learned what you needed to and promised never to do the same again; sadly, though, the other person already made a decision. And no matter what you do, they've already chosen to move on...without you. 

Regrets. Another reason why many still suffer. They hold on to "what could've beens", "should've"... Everything in life is nothing but LESSONS. We are all faulty beings. We'll always screw up. But, we must never feel sorry for the mistakes to the point of misery or depression. Just learn and try never to do them again. Apologize if it's gonna give you peace but throw regrets away and move forward.

Blame. I guess it's part of being human to point fingers at. In failed relationships, however, we often take the blame so we can't forgive ourselves. This causes us  to allow ourselves to be doormats. "I screwed up so I just deserve this." The guilt within makes us permit the other person to do whatever they wish just for us to keep them no matter it pierce us. Unconsciously, we also blame them that they're just as imperfect as we are. No help at all.

Regrets and blame aren't really the problem. The real problem is that we can't find it in our hearts to just accept that certain things happen. We don't need to know why. And knowing the reason why won't help even. So, why bother? (In fact, knowing just makes it more complicated.)

Or, maybe it helps to know WHY.

Ok...Why? Because of freedom of choice. Unless, of course, in case of death which none of us would choose. But, if you think again, if it's not anyone's choice then there's a Higher Being who willed it. 

Lovers get left behind because someone exercised their freedom of choice. They don't want the relationship anymore. They fell out of love. They got bored. Whatever their reason may be, it is not for us to question. It's simply what they want. It's their decision. Regardless of the motive, a choice has been made. We only have to accept and respect it. 

Nobody owes us any explanation. As the idiom goes, "Live and Let Live." We surely won't feel comfortable if people around us keep asking us why we dress the way we do, why we speak a certain way, why we sleep with our eyelids slightly apart. I think that's annoying. Of course, my examples are ridiculous but isn't it also ridiculous to keep asking questions as if the answers will change a thing? Don't we find ourselves annoying whenever we keep asking in our mind why we were left for another? It only makes us feel insecure. So, we start comparing ourselves to the new found partner. And it adds to the already present depression in us. We have to understand that most of the time it's not about us. It's simply about freedom of choice. Preference. Prerogative. 

I am amazed at how God respects our freedom of choice. In fact, I often mull over how HE must be hurting because of our choices; yet, HE lets us be. Isn't it totally selfless? HE doesn't insist what HE wants. HE searches our hearts so HE knows the motive behind every decision, but HE simply allows us to live the way we want. How HE desires the best for us but HE understands that we also have our own desires so HE allows us the freedom to make choices. I believe that's TRUE LOVE. No coercion. I mean, HE is our Creator. Our everything. Yet, HE practices humility by respecting our freedom. HE surely knows better but HE doesn't slap that to our faces. HE is powerful and HE can just make us love HIM, but HE rather wants us to love HIM by will.  

God shows us how we can live life to the full. How we can live in thanksgiving and joy. We only have to be selfless. Learn to get out of ourselves and realize that life is not about us. We aren't the center of the universe. We can't expect people to live for us or according to our wants. They have a life, too. So, stop looking for justifications, reasons or explanations and just realize that it's all because they have to make a decision. Their choices will not always be favorable to us, of course. And it's too much too expect that we get only the best things. Everything's part of life. That includes PAIN. Live with it.

Actually, pain is felt only because of selfishness. We want something. We don't get it. It hurts us. Of course, we'll always want something. But, knowing that we can't always have what we want will keep us from pain. Let's throw the bratty attitude and don't treat people as if they're lifeless, mindless... as if they can be owned. Like, look around and you'll see a few or maybe more people desiring you but you have preferences. You made a choice, too. Only not favorable to them. That makes it quits. *devilish green*  

 Til next time...

    

I don't fit into any stereotypes. I like myself that way.

So I got invited to share my wits by being a Wizpert. ^_^  Isn't it cool? I mean, I have not been consistent adding more scribblings to my almost oblivious page and someone actually found my thoughts ("knowledge" as he put it) of great value. Geesh! Whatta way to start Tuesday! Thanks to Michael Weinberg. Nothing else makes life a little more wonderful than appreciation.

This means, I hafta be active again. And I should better not be too critical of myself. Often, although I have brilliant ideas to share, I tend to brush them off and tell myself they might not make any sense to the world. I mean, there are like gazillion of bright minds across the globe confidently expressing their opinions, which are truly worth reading, in fact. So, as always, I take the back seat and keep mine to myself (or share them silently to those closest to me).

I'll hafta battle this inferiority thing inside of me to fulfill the prophecy given to me early this year. Exude positivity, Zhilaohu! Do not mind so much what other people will say. They always have something to say, anyway. I can't stop for anyone. Especially not for those who got nothing good to say. 

Made me realize that successful people aren't concerned. That's the key. They're aware that there are eyes watching their every move but they simply can't stop for anyone. They have to live. They are passionate to live. The I-don't-care-what-you-think attitude gives them freedom to do whatever they feel like doing. I don't think there's anything wrong with that for as long as they're not stepping on anyone's foot. Critics are nothing but hurdles along the way. We are not to treat them as red lights or walls.

"I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!"

 Wanna share this inspiring video...

 

I became so used to being competitive. Gotta work hard to be better. Better than who? Whoa! This is the first time I ever asked this question. All I can remember is, I grew up wanting to make my dad appreciate me. I didn't mind making him proud of me, actually. Just appreciate me should've been enough. So, I gave my best to excel in almost everything. I was an achiever. I did excel in many things. Even things I never imagined I could do. But, twas never enough. And because I lived seeing myself through the eyes of my dad, I failed to appreciate my own self. Took a toll on me big time. So, I gave up and started to see myself through the eyes of others. Silly. Exhausting. I learned that the world demands a lot when you're more than willing to give more than you should. They'll even take advantage! Learned it the hard way. It will drain you. Not worth it.

I was freed when I finally started seeing myself through the eyes of God. HIS love for me helped me regain the confidence and self-esteem I lost only by making attempts to be appreciated. I wasn't aware of the thirst for some things -- love, appreciation, concern, etc -- and it actually affected me sooo much. But, God has always been faithful. HIS Word made me understand my worth...

“Before I made you in your mother’s womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I chose you for a special work...” [Jeremiah 1:5, ETRv]

But, then, it was not all bad. Truly, "in everything God works for the good of those who love HIM." [Romans 8:28]  Everything in my past made me who I am today. That strong desire to receive appreciation from Daddy simply turned me into a better person now. Still, it's all worth it. Nothing to regret at all. 

So...am coming back to doing my thing...WRITING! I won't hesitate anymore. Applying what the Word says, "Whatever you do, do it from the heart for the Lord and not for people." [Colossians 3:23, CEBv]

 Toodle-ooh!

 

Some people just need a pat... on the head... with a hammer.

I have something else in mind to write, actually. But, I don't think I can word it now in such a way no one will have a clue am talking about this one person. Or, in a way that this person won't know it's about h--. So, I thought of writing about Facebook. *big smile*

No, am not gonna write about its early beginnings nor facts about it. Just had some observations and came up with Dos and Don'ts in using this popular social networking site. Am sort of an FB junkie as its been part of my daily life. (Like it has to be on even I am doing something else.) This is where I get information, current events and others (Twitter, as well) from since I don't have TV. (Yes, I have none. So, please donate. Oh, I have preference, btw. PM me if you have a kind, generous heart.) 

Yeah, I just felt like I should share my two cents how people should conduct themselves in the FB environment... If you find them senseless, that's your problem! Kiddin'...

Here goes my wisecracks...

Don't ACCEPT a friend invite then REMOVE them after. It's kinda rude. Especially if it's for no apparent reason.

I've heard people say, "I can do whatever I feel like doing. It's my page, anyway!" Yeah yeah...but, be considerate of other people's feelings. Imagine how they jumped in elation upon seeing a notification showing you've accepted their friend request; then, out of nowhere, you come to a decision that can devastate them forever. Guess it's much better not to ACCEPT friend invitation at all. Don't break anyone's faith and have them thinking all their life whatever they'd done wrong. And, don't ever think they won't notice you "un-friended" them. They will.

Better not keep adding people you don't personally know.

Ok, it's another way to make friends. You must be hoping to be really friends with this person. Taken. Maybe, it's proper to also send them a private message with the request and a bit of introduction how you're acquainted with them. At least, do things a little ethical. But, be ready for possible rejection.

Facebook is not a BURN BOOK, so don't post your mean, uncouth remarks about people you dislike or worse hate.

Quoting Cady from the movie "Mean Girls", "Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter."

Gone are the days when people are urbane. Now, everyone seems to be taking advantage of their freedom of expression. They don't anymore know what are to be kept privately. Whatever pops into mind will conveniently be broadcasted. Whoever's reputation crushed doesn't matter!

Use your own photos. Bet everyone has a face to show.

Could be a strategy to invite more friends? Just it's nothing but a desperate move. You'll rather look pitiful you hafta rob another's photo who you deem far better looking than you. Heh. Try taking gazillions of photos and try different angles til you achieve the look or pose you like. TahDah! There you have your fantastic profile photo. *wink*

I won't assume anyone would sign up to have an FB account with the intention of remaining unidentified or something. Unless, stalking a crush, maybe. Geesh!

Not everyone is interested to read updates of what's going on in your life each day. No need to narrate how you feel, where you went, what you ate, what movie(s) you watched, what color of clothes you're choosing... seriously.  

Unless you're Paris Hilton or Lady Gaga, maybe. FB is that awesome it allows its users to tweak privacy setting. You may inform your closest friends who might be sincerely interested to know what you're currently doing. Doesn't have to be EVERYONE.

Stop the solicitation of fan signs, puh-lease!

If you're someone I admire, I'd prolly do one for you without you having to request. But, I won't even do that for any celebrity or famous icon. I dunno, but it just doesn't make sense to me. Am gonna take a picture of me with someone's name on any part of my body or written in a piece of paper. Then, I'll post it and tag the person who owns the name. For what?! Like am a fan?!

Your opinion may be brilliant but it doesn't have to be advertised. And if it isn't brilliant, the more it shouldn't be circulated.

I mean, so what if you think Jessica Sanchez should've won? No matter what you think should've happened, it won't change the fact that she didn't. Expressing opinion often leads to quarrel and unnecessary misunderstanding, or worse, trouble. One throws out his opinion for the purpose of showing off what (s)he knows. To prove something... which starts friction between another person or group. Then ends in provocative statements. There are issues we need to let die for the sake of peace.

Remember this..."Intelligence [opinion] is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off." 

Before posting or sharing information that causes panic, first find out if the source is reliable. Validate.

We don't wanna take part in causing heart attack, right? When posting anything of great importance to the society, might as well include the source of information. This way you do not lose your credibility.

No trash-talking allowed! 

Same as, it's not a Burn Book. Might as well start a private online/offline journal (in case paper and pen aren't anymore your thing) if you really need to unleash all those negative feelings. It isn't helpful that we infect others with all the negativeness, agree? As if, it makes us any beautiful, smarter, respectable publishing nasty rumors or comments about another!

Facebook is NOT like The Jerry Springer Show!

Except those who are under 15 years old, all of us are expected to conduct ourselves as educated individuals. We are not to expose shaming details concerning our parents, siblings, relatives, friends. Whatever issues are currently happening in your household, it is your duty as member of that family to not divulge private, sensitive matters. Keep them private. If you need to communicate to anyone your innermost thoughts and feelings, there is a better way to do that: privately send them a message. Or, why not talk to them in person, in stead? The world doesn't need to know the drama inside the walls of your home. 

....................................................

...just to mention a few. Still have a lot in mind but, but and but. 

Before I conclude this entry, I'll add two things more to the list. Difference of these two, they're POSITIVE!

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  1 Corinthians 10:31

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Colossians 3:17

Toodle-ooh!