Don’t Borrow Hate That Isn’t Yours

I've watched it play out countless times in my life—nice people growing cold and harsh toward someone they barely know, simply because a friend, family member, or colleague whispered poison in their ear. No personal injury. No direct conflict. Just secondhand resentment passed along like some twisted inheritance. And every single time, I find myself thinking, "What in the world did that person actually do to YOU?"

We're living in strange times where showing loyalty has somehow morphed into adopting hostility. If your friend is upset with someone, there's this unspoken pressure that you should match their anger or you're somehow betraying them. That you're expected to choose sides, form judgments, and construct emotional barriers over situations you never personally experienced or witnessed. It's subtle manipulation, but profoundly destructive. And remember, the "enemy" doesn't need to be loud to be effective. He prefers the quiet work of division.

You absolutely don't have to shoulder burdens that aren't yours to carry! When someone dumps their emotional wounds in your lap, that doesn't obligate you to transform their pain into your personal vendetta. There exists a critical boundary between offering genuine support and allowing yourself to be manipulated. That line gets trampled when authentic love deteriorates into gossip, and what started as empathy becomes a thinly-veiled excuse for spreading malice.

The world's broken logic says: "If they wounded someone I care about, I'm obligated to despise them too."

But Scripture speaks differently: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone... Do not take revenge... but leave room for God's wrath..." —Romans 12:17-19

God never commissioned us to become amplifiers of other people's unresolved grievances! He called us to walk in spiritual discernment, to love truthfully without compromise, and to deal justly with everyone. This means you don't trash someone's character because your relative had a falling out with them. You don't throw side-glances and cold shoulders because a coworker fed you their one-sided narrative. And you certainly don't drag someone's reputation through the mud because you received vague "warnings" without any substantial evidence.

I'm not dismissing genuine hurt, don't get me wrong. People absolutely experience real pain and betrayal. But really...as complex as it may be... you can stand firmly with someone who's hurting while simultaneously refusing to inherit their bitterness. You can provide genuine support without allowing their resentment to take root in your own heart.

The uncomfortable reality is that when we adopt others' offenses, it fundamentally distorts our perception. We begin viewing people through clouded lenses of hearsay rather than clear-eyed truth. Once that happens, you become spiritually entangled in the same web as the wounded person.

I've painfully discovered (through my own stubborn mistakes) that peace often flourishes precisely in those moments when I choose restraint. When I keep my opinions to myself about situations where I lack firsthand knowledge. When I refuse to participate in giving the cold shoulder or making cutting remarks simply because someone else is emotionally charged. That's not being spineless or disloyal. That's displaying godly wisdom.

Proverbs 18:17 cuts straight to the heart of this: "The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."

This means that hearing one perspective, no matter how convincing, doesn't constitute the complete truth. Unless you've witnessed the entire situation—without prejudice or bias—you have no legitimate standing to render judgment. You might end up harboring resentment toward someone who was actually striving for reconciliation all along.

Over the years, I've lost tremendous respect for those who tried pressuring me to join their campaigns of hostility. Conversely, I've gained profound respect for those mature enough to say, "That situation is between you and them. I'm choosing not to get entangled." That's authentic spiritual maturity. That's genuine strength. That's how you safeguard your spirit from contamination.

If you're reading these words while feeling caught in someone else's emotional drama, take this as divine permission: release yourself from it. Disentangle your heart. Give yourself the freedom to form independent judgments based on your own experiences. More importantly, earnestly ask God to help you perceive others as He does—not through the distorted lens of someone else's woundedness, but through His perfect truth and boundless mercy.

Because ultimately, hatred is an oppressive burden—even when it wasn't originally yours.

And friend, God never designed your heart to carry such toxic weight.

 

 

What If No One Notices the Good You Do?

I don't think we realize how deeply it runs...this expectation of reciprocity. It's buried in us like an ancient reflex we never questioned. Not just when we give big things like gifts or favors, but in those small moments that make up the fabric of our relationships. The effort you put into a conversation that the other person seems distracted through. The thoughtful gesture you make for someone that passes without comment. The way you remember their birthday, their struggles, their preferences, and wonder if anyone is keeping track of yours with the same care. These moments happen to all of us, almost daily, like little papercuts on our sense of connection.

And it's not anger that settles in first when we're left hanging. It's something quieter. More tender. A bruise forming under the skin that nobody else can see. That mix of embarrassment and disappointment we don't even have a proper name for. You touch it sometimes when you're alone, replaying the interaction, wondering if you're just being too sensitive, if maybe they're just busy, if perhaps you're asking for too much. We all do this private accounting in the silence of our minds, questioning if our expectations are unreasonable.

 

I feel it most on ordinary days, not during big conflicts or dramatic fallings-out. Walking away from a conversation where I opened up about something important and got a distracted nod or quick subject change in return. Putting effort into something like a meal, a project, an apology that was treated as forgettable or simply expected. Those moments when you're left standing there, holding the weight of what you gave, while the other person walks away unburdened, unaware of the small hollowness they've left behind. Everyone experiences this, from childhood friendships to workplace relationships to our most intimate bonds.

How I hate when I catch myself thinking about it, when I notice that mental scorecard materializing in my consciousness. Tallying up who's giving and who's taking, who remembers and who forgets, who makes the effort and who coasts on the efforts of others. It feels so small, so contrary to what I believe about love being free and unconditional. But the thoughts come anyway, especially when exhaustion or insecurity has worn down my better nature: "They didn't even notice what that cost me. Why do I bother reaching out when they never initiate? Would anyone care or even notice if I stopped trying?" I suspect we all have these thoughts but rarely admit them aloud, afraid they reveal something ungenerous about us.

What hurts most is carrying this invisible weight while looking completely fine on the outside. Nobody sees the calculation happening behind your eyes during ordinary interactions. The way you're measuring what's safe to give next time, how much emotional energy you can afford to invest. The little pieces of yourself you decide to hold back because those parts weren't treated carefully before. We become architects of invisible walls that no one knows they're bumping against. We smile and say "It's fine" when it isn't, because explaining why would require exposing too much vulnerability.

I've noticed something about this feeling though. When I let it drive me...when I start giving less, expecting less, risking less in relationships...I don't feel protected like I thought I would. I just feel more alone. More disconnected. The walls I build to keep disappointment out keep everything else out too—spontaneity, depth, those unexpected moments of connection that can't happen without some risk. I end up feeling safer but smaller, and I suspect this is the invisible tragedy playing out in many relationships that have cooled without any clear breaking point.

That line from Luke has always haunted me: "lend without expecting anything back." Not just money, though that would be hard enough. But everything that constitutes giving in human relationships. Your time when you're already tired and stretched thin. Your attention when you'd rather be elsewhere or your mind is pulling you toward your own concerns. Your kindness when it would be easier to be cold or simply neutral. The way you remember details about someone who might not remember anything about you. Their coffee preference, the name of their childhood pet, how their voice sounds when they're trying not to cry. These are the currencies we exchange that no one accounts for except ourselves.

I think about how God loves us, at least as I've come to understand it. With this ridiculous, excessive generosity that doesn't make any sense by human standards of transaction and return on investment. Loving us through our oblivion, our ingratitude, our distraction, our failure to notice or appreciate. I want to love like that. And goodness! It's not because I'm trying to be saintly or superior, but because I've tasted what it feels like to be loved that way, to be given to when I had nothing to give back, and it changed me. It's the kind of love that doesn't make you feel indebted but inspired to pass it on.

I fail constantly though, as we all do. There are days when someone's indifference breaks something in me and I pull back. I've felt the coldness wash over me...that moment when you decide "I'm done trying with this person" because the imbalance feels too stark, too hurtful. And every single time, it's brought me nothing but emptiness. No satisfaction. No vindication. No sense of having proven something important. Just distance, which eventually hardens into something more permanent if not addressed. I wonder how many relationships around us between friends, family members, partners are frozen in this state of mutual withdrawal. 🤔

So I'm learning to catch myself in those turning points now. The moment after disappointment when I can choose to either close up or stay open. Not in a doormat kind of way. There's definitely a difference between loving people and letting them consume you without boundaries. But in a way that says, "This is who I am, regardless of what comes back to me."  It's both a vulnerable place to stand and somehow also stronger than the alternative, like a tree that bends in the wind rather than breaking because it's too rigid.

I've been on both sides of this exchange throughout my life. I've been the distracted one who didn't notice someone else's effort until much later, if at all. I've been the one waiting for acknowledgment that never came, replaying my words and actions to see where I might have misstepped. It's so easy to misread each other, to let these small hurts accumulate until there's too much distance to cross without someone being brave enough to make the first move. I think of how many relationships in our lives with parents, siblings, old friends sit in this limbo of unspoken injuries.

But I keep coming back to this simple truth, and I think it's something we all recognize when we're honest with ourselves: I don't think we're looking for impressive love. We're not looking for grand gestures or perfection or someone who never disappoints us. We're looking for consistent love. Someone who keeps showing up, not because it's exciting or because they're getting something immediate out of it, but because they've decided you're worth loving through all the ordinary days. Through the silences and the misunderstandings and the times when neither of you is at your best. Through the seasons when you have plenty to give in return and the seasons when you're running on empty.

That's the love I'm trying to grow into, imperfect as my attempts often are. Not flashy. Not without disappointment or moments of keeping score. But steady. Present. Choosing to believe that love matters, even when it's not reflected back to me in ways I can easily recognize. Because when I love this way, I feel most like the way God designed me and most connected to something larger than my own needs and hurts. And I think that's something we all hunger for, beneath our fears of being taken for granted: to love freely and to be loved the same way in return.

 

The Silent Ways We Make Life Harder for Each Other

Lately, I’ve been noticing how quickly people form opinions about each other. Not necessarily in big, dramatic outbursts, but in those quiet, passing thoughts we all have. Someone takes a while to reply to a message, and the mind jumps to, “They’re avoiding me.” A parent is struggling with their kid in public, and people around them start whispering or staring. A person speaks with a different accent or wears something unfamiliar, and there's already a label in someone’s head. It happens so casually, like it’s part of daily life.

I catch myself doing it, too. Sometimes I don’t say anything out loud, but the thoughts are there. And when I realize it, I feel disappointed in myself. Because I know how much it hurts to be misunderstood. I’ve been on the other side of that look, that tone, that assumption. I’ve had moments where I felt like no one even wanted to hear the full story. They had already decided who I was or what I meant.

What’s troubling is that this kind of judgment doesn’t just sit there quietly. It leaks into how we treat people. It shows up in our tone, our posture, our silence. And over time, it creates this environment where everyone feels the need to explain themselves or prove their worth just to avoid being dismissed. That kind of pressure wears people down. It makes them retreat or shut off or become defensive, and then we blame them for being “difficult.”

There’s a verse in Micah that keeps coming back to me. It says we’re called to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God. That line about loving mercy stands out. It doesn’t say to occasionally extend mercy when we feel like it. It says to love it. To actually value being gentle and understanding with others, even when we don’t have all the facts. That’s not something that comes naturally, especially when we’re tired or annoyed or busy. But I think that’s the point. Mercy doesn’t come from convenience. It comes from choosing to see people as HUMAN before we see them as anything else.

I’m trying to be more conscious of that. I want to be someone who doesn’t jump to conclusions, even when it feels easy to. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt more often. I want to interrupt that cycle where pain gets passed around through criticism and assumptions. I don’t always get it right, and I’m still learning, but I don’t want to keep contributing to the kind of judgment that made me feel small when I was on the receiving end of it.

If there's anything I want to keep practicing, it's to stay open, even when it feels easier to close myself off. It’s not always comfortable. There are times when I feel like it’s safer to just protect myself or keep my distance. But the truth is, most people just want to be seen for who they really are, without having to explain themselves or defend their choices. And that’s what I want to offer—just being there, without rushing to judge or assume, and without pretending to have all the answers. I want to keep showing up and being real with others than anything else.

If we can all do a little more of this, choosing to stay open and show up without judgment, it could really make a difference. It’s so easy to fall into the habit of sizing people up or thinking we know their story, but when we let go of that, we create space for real connection. We stop adding to the hurt that’s already out there and start offering something different—understanding, grace, and simply being present. It’s not always easy, but if we all make the choice, even in small ways, it could change the way we interact with each other and help break that cycle of judgment.

 

A Night That Transformed How I See Love

You know, there’s something about Maundy Thursday that really gets me reflecting. It makes me think harder about love, not love as some nice idea we talk about, but love when it actually costs you something. I keep seeing Jesus washing the feet of people who were about to deny Him, betray Him, and walk away, and He still served them without holding back.

That is hard to face, because when I think about my own life, I realize I still tense up around people who have hurt me. We all know that feeling. It comes back in small ways, like in moments that catch you off guard. Maybe you can relate to some of the things I’m about to share. There was the friend who shared my deepest secrets after I trusted them. The person who twisted my words to make me look bad in front of others. The group that kept making me the target of their jokes until I dreaded walking into a room. I want to believe I have moved on from all of it, but the old sting still returns when I encounter them. I can feel the part of me that wants to shut down rather than open up to love again, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.

So no, this day does not feel like a symbol or a ceremony. It feels rather uncomfortable. It brings back things I thought I had buried. It reminds me that love, if it only shows up when it is easy or deserved, probably isn’t love at all. I am still learning how to live with that, not just understand it, but actually do something about it.

It's not hard to love the people who've always been kind to me, right? The ones who've never betrayed my trust or made me feel small. But when someone has deliberately tried to sabotage my reputation? When I've been excluded from gatherings because someone was spreading rumors about me? When I've been mocked for my quieter nature or made to feel like there's something wrong with me for needing time alone? That kind of love isn't easy.

And that’s what Jesus did.

It wasn't just the breaking of bread or washing feet if you think of it. It was actually WHO was at the table. Judas was there. Peter was there. All of them. The same ones He walked with, the same ones He loved. And in just a few hours, they would all leave. One would betray Him, one would deny Him, the rest would disappear. But He still served them. Still fed them. Still chose to love them without hesitation.

I’ve had those moments in my life too. The times when I reached out to someone who had hurt me deeply, offering forgiveness even though they never asked for it. When I defended someone’s character even after they had publicly humiliated me. When I stayed quiet about the things they had done, refusing to join in the gossip that had caused me pain. When I chose not to fight back after discovering someone I trusted had been working against me for months. I chose to do these things because I have seen Jesus do the same as I study the Bible. I have noticed how God favors people who choose to do what is right, even after they have been wronged.

If I am completely honest, I have to confess that I’ve been both Peter and Judas in different ways. I’ve stayed with people in their pain, yet carried silent resentment in my heart. I’ve told God I was doing it out of love, when deep down I was really just trying to feel needed or to be right. I’ve offered help and comfort, but with conditions, expecting something in return, even if it was only appreciation or acknowledgment. And when I didn’t get it, bitterness would grow, and I didn’t fight it as I should have.

There were times I kept replaying someone’s offense long after I said I forgave them. I would bring it to God in prayer, but more as a way to vent than to truly surrender it. Sometimes, I used prayer as a cover for pride, asking Him to change others while ignoring what He was asking me to let go.

I have avoided His voice when following it felt too costly. I have delayed obedience until it fit more comfortably into my plans. I have told myself I was waiting on His timing, when really, I was stalling because I didn’t want to let go. I have asked for clarity when deep down, I already knew what He was asking, but I didn’t like the answer.

I have spoken words that looked kind on the outside but carried judgment underneath. I have done things that looked like love but were rooted in self-righteousness. I have chosen what was easy over what was holy, not once or twice, but as a pattern. I have sought justice for myself while ignoring mercy for others. I have made peace with little compromises, thinking they weren’t a big deal, knowing full well they were pulling me away from Him.

These are not just mistakes. They are things I know would not please God. Things I have done not just despite Him, but against Him. And the hardest part is knowing I knew better and still did them anyway.

And still, I’ve been welcomed back to the table. Every time.

Jesus didn’t wait for me to have everything figured out before inviting me in. He didn’t need me to justify my delays or explain why I held on to things I should have surrendered. He saw every moment I chose comfort over obedience, every thought I nursed that went against Him, and He still called me His. He knew I would twist good intentions into self-serving choices. He knew I would speak His name with my mouth while resisting Him in my heart. And still, He welcomed me. I have given Him no reason to still welcome me. In fact, I can't prove anything. He simply loved me before I even knew how to love Him back.

That kind of grace leaves me speechless and in so much awe, because if I were Him, I probably would have walked away from me. But He didn’t. He stayed. He stays. Every time. It’s the kind of love Paul describes in Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He loved us while we were still in the mess, not when we had it all figured out. And He continues to love me, even when I still mess up.

Jesus knew what was coming. He knew Judas would betray Him. He knew Peter would deny Him. He knew the others would run and leave Him alone. And yet, He still chose to serve them. He loved them even at their worst. He didn’t defend Himself, didn’t retaliate, didn’t call them out. He simply stayed.

That isn’t the kind of strength our culture celebrates, is it? In our society, people who cut ties with anyone who hurts them, who publicly call out those who have wronged them, who make sure everyone knows when they’ve been mistreated are the ones praised. Many even advocate for that kind of resolve. You risk being mocked or ridiculed if you choose kindness. But Jesus’ example is completely different. He showed humility. He served the very people who hurt Him. That is real strength...not walking away. It is easy to just bail out, and that is actually weakness. Real strength is loving when it feels unfair. It is staying open when your heart has been broken. 

Sometimes I think we forget what that kind of strength actually looks like in real life. It doesn’t come out in big, dramatic moments or in doing something people would call heroic. More often, it shows up in ways that don’t get noticed and don’t get affirmed. It looks like choosing to stay quiet when everything in you wants to defend yourself, trusting that God sees what others refuse to see. It looks like praying for someone who has torn you down, even when the hurt is still there. It looks like staying kind to someone after finding out what they’ve said about you behind your back. It is refusing to meet their pettiness with your own, even when that would feel justified. It is holding on to your dignity when it feels like it’s already been taken from you.

In those moments, it doesn’t feel like strength. It feels rather like you are giving something up, and at times it can even feel like you are losing. But this is the kind of love Jesus lived, one that remained steady, fully surrendered, and willing to be misunderstood.

And the more I think about it, the more I see the weight of this kind of love. It is not something that only shows up when things are easy or when I feel safe. It's something that remains even when it hurts. It chooses restraint when reacting would feel more satisfying. It may not look impressive to others, but it is genuine, and I believe this is what actually changes people... maybe not all at once, but over time. But it sure moves the heart. This is the kind of love I still want to learn; the same love Jesus did not just talk about but lived out in front of us.

Maybe this is also the kind of love that I, and honestly all of us, need the most. Those moments when we finally let go of our need to be right, when we stop building walls just to avoid being hurt again, and when we choose to remain open even when it feels safer to shut down.

For a long time, I thought I needed to become stronger in order to love well. I thought that if I had more patience, more wisdom, or more control over my emotions, then I could forgive the way Jesus did. But I am starting to see that I had it the other way around. I do not choose to love because I am strong on my own. I am able to love because Jesus loved me first, and because He showed me what that kind of love actually looks like.

He does not grow tired of me even when I fall into the same patterns. He listens to the same worries I bring to Him without impatience. He welcomes me back even after I have ignored Him for days or weeks. He understands my limits before I even try to explain them. He sees the parts of me I would rather keep hidden, my insecurities, my selfishness, my fears, and yet His love toward me does not lessen. He remains constant when everything else feels uncertain, and even on days when I struggle to see any good in myself, His love does not change.

And that is what begins to change me. It is not guilt, not pressure, and not fear, but seeing that kind of love up close. It slowly creates something different in me, a willingness to trust again when it feels unwise, to give without expecting anything in return, and to remain open when everything in me wants to close off. Because once you have been loved that way, you begin to see people differently. Not just as those who can hurt or disappoint you, but as people worth staying for, worth serving, and worth the risk of being hurt again.

I have gone through Holy Weeks where I tried to get everything right, making sure I was praying enough, reflecting enough, feeling what I thought I was supposed to feel. But this time, it doesn’t feel like what I’ve known before. I do not feel the need to force anything. I do not need a breakthrough or a perfect response. I just need to be with Him, to sit in His presence even when I feel like I have fallen short too many times, and to receive His care even when I know I have not earned it.

Maundy Thursday stands out to me because it brings me back to this kind of love, one that does not make sense by the standards we all are used to. It is a love that expects nothing in return. That night, Jesus chose to serve the very people who would soon leave Him, and in doing so, He gave a command that still confronts us now: “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34).

Maybe that is what this week is meant to bring back into focus. Love does not always come with strong emotion. It does not always feel meaningful in the moment at least not by what people expect. Sometimes it simply looks like showing up, paying attention, and choosing to care for the person in front of you even when you feel tired or unsure.

We do not need to come up with the perfect way to respond to all of this. Maybe it is enough to be more aware, to stay open a little longer, and to resist the urge to pull away when things feel uncomfortable. Because this is how Jesus has loved me and you, not with conditions or expectations, but with a consistent presence that never grows tired of my returning.

And if you have ever experienced even a small part of that kind of love, the kind that sees you at your worst and does not leave, the kind that stands for you when you have no strength left, the kind that continues to give grace again and again, then let it shape you. Let it soften the places that have grown hard. Let it challenge the way you protect yourself. Let it change how you respond to others. Particularly to those who are careless with you.

Choose to love even when it does not feel fair. Stay open when it would be easier to shut down. Most of the time, it will not be noticed or understood, and you may even feel like it is costing you more than it should. But that is often what love looks like. Love is making the choice to refuse returning hurt for hurt, staying when walking away would be easier, and quitting the habit of hardening your heart just to keep the relationship.

And if you have received that kind of love or treatment, even in small ways, do not let it end with you. Let it shape how you respond to people. Let it carry into the way you speak, the way you forgive, the way you stay. That is how the love of Christ is lived out. 

Looking Through It, Not Just At It

Some days I wake up and I already feel surrounded. Not by people, exactly, but by everything else—thoughts, pressure, expectations, things I haven’t said, messages I haven’t answered, stuff I haven’t finished. And it doesn’t take long before I start going, “I can’t do this.” Not always out loud, but it runs on a loop in my head. I know how to keep it together on the outside, but inside, I’m panicking. I’m bracing. I’m trying to figure out how to escape what’s coming, even if it’s just an overwhelming Wednesday.

That’s the thing...Life doesn’t have to be in full-blown crisis mode for us to feel threatened. Sometimes it’s enough to just feel misunderstood. Or unappreciated. Or stuck. Or stretched too thin. It doesn’t have to be dramatic to feel heavy. And when it does, I don’t always know what to do. Sometimes I go into “fix it” mode. Other times, I shut down. I overthink, I isolate, or I quietly hope no one notices how not-okay I feel.

But the other day, this random story came back to me. Not the whole thing, just this image of someone waking up to find themselves completely surrounded. It’s from 2 Kings 6 about Elisha and his servant. His servant wakes up, sees an army outside, and freaks out. Totally fair, right? Because how do you stay calm when the thing you were afraid would happen is actually happening? But Elisha doesn’t panic. He says, “Don’t be afraid. There are more with us than with them.” And then he prays, “Lord, open his eyes.”

That part gets me every time. He didn’t say, “Lord, send help.” He didn’t say, “Strike the enemy.” He said, “Open his eyes.”

That’s when the servant suddenly sees what was always there...hills full of horses and chariots of fire. Not human ones. Heavenly ones. It didn’t remove the threat. It didn’t magically make life easy. But it changed what he could see. And that changes everything.

 

I think about how many times I’ve spiraled because I forgot that maybe I’m not seeing the whole picture. That maybe there’s help I don’t even know about. That maybe I’m not as alone as I feel. That maybe God’s already moved, and I just need the eyes to recognize it.

It’s easy to say, “Walk by faith, not by sight” when life’s going okay. But when tasks are accumulating, or someone disappoints you, or you feel rejected, or the future’s just blurry...sight feels like all you’ve got. And it’s not always kind.

But the story didn’t stop there. Elisha ends up leading the enemy army who came to capture him, by the way—right into Israel’s city. The king sees them and basically goes, “Can I kill them?” And Elisha goes, “What? No. Feed them. Give them something to drink. Then send them home.”

That part hit me hard. Because when I feel surrounded, I want to fight. I want to defend myself, prove my point, or disappear altogether. But Elisha? He leads with mercy. He could’ve finished them, but instead, he fed them.

Like Whoa! That’s restraint! That’s clarity. That’s strength that doesn’t have to scream. And the Bible says after that, the enemy stopped raiding. It was mercy—not revenge—that ended the conflict.

I think we forget that part. We think people need to be “taught a lesson.” But sometimes, what shuts things down is just... not reacting the way the world expects. Not matching energy. Not needing to be right or sharp or intimidating. Just letting mercy speak louder than fear or pride.

I don’t always get that right. Most days, I want to snap or shut down. But every time I remember this story, I’m reminded that maybe what I need isn’t escape, but perspective. Maybe the prayer isn’t “make it stop,” but “help me see.” And when I do see differently, I move differently too. Less panic. Less pride. More peace. More mercy. Not because I’ve figured it all out, but because I know I’m not the one holding everything together. And that, right there, changes everything.

 

 

How the Need to Finish Everything Is Finishing Me

I didn’t realize I was doing it again. That thing where I treat life like a string of urgent tasks—one after another, no pause in between. Where everything feels like it needs to be done now. Not later. Not when I’m ready. Now.

Sometimes, even when there’s no real deadline, something in me still speeds up. Still wants to check it off, clear it out, get ahead. Because if I don’t stay ahead, I feel like I’m already behind.

And sure, from the outside it might look like I’m just being productive. Responsible. But it’s more than that. It’s this constant undercurrent of “don’t stop.” Because if I stop, I’ll fall behind. And if I fall behind, I’ll never catch up. And if I never catch up, what was the point of trying in the first place?

It sounds dramatic when I say it out loud, but this has been the rhythm of my days lately. Work has slowly taken over everything. I eat while working. I think about work while doing other things. I try to rest but end up remembering something I forgot to do.

I started feeling like I was only “okay” if things were finished. Like the only way I could breathe was after the list was clear. Except the list never clears. It just reloads.

 

That’s when I knew something was off. This isn’t just about time management or responsibility. It’s about control. The kind of control that makes you believe you have to keep things moving at all times. That you can’t afford to slow down. That rest is for people who’ve finished everything—and you never really do.

But here’s what I’m finally facing... I’ve been living like everything depends on me. And it doesn’t.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

— Psalm 46:10

That verse always seems to show up when I least want to hear it. Be still? In this chaos? With all the pending things? Be still, when I’m trying to keep everything from falling through the cracks?

Yes. Be still. Not because everything is done. But because everything doesn’t have to be.

God is still God, even when I haven’t crossed everything off. God is still working, even when I step away.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

— Proverbs 3:5

That “lean not” part has been pressing on me. Because my understanding tells me: hurry. Finish it all. Don’t leave loose ends. But that’s not trust. That’s fear disguised as urgency. And honestly? The more I give in to it, the more anxious I feel. Because no matter how fast I go, peace never comes at the end of the task list.

So now I’m teaching myself to pause. Not because it’s convenient. Not because I want to.
But because I have to. For my soul. For my sanity. For my actual life that’s slowly getting swallowed by “just one more thing.”

Letting go of control doesn’t mean I stop caring. It means I start trusting. That God sees what I can’t finish. That He fills in the parts I can’t hold up. That He’s not measuring me by my pace—but by my willingness to rest in Him.

And maybe that’s what today is asking of you too.

Held by the Same Grace

Sometimes, the hardest thing to accept is that God also loves the person who hurt you.

Not because they were right. Not because what they did didn’t matter. But because God doesn't stop loving people just because they failed someone else.

And let’s be honest—that’s not the comfort we’re usually looking for when we’re the one left hurting.

It’s hard when you’re the one who got shut out, misjudged, betrayed, dismissed, or simply forgotten. Maybe they said something that cut too deep. Maybe they walked away without explaining. Maybe they made you feel like you didn’t matter, and now you’re left replaying the moment trying to figure out what you could’ve done differently.

And in those moments, it’s easy to assume God is standing closer to you than to them. Because you’re the one left bleeding. You’re the one trying to make sense of the silence, the distance, the shift in the relationship. You’re the one who stayed kind. The one who didn’t fight back. The one who tried to understand.

So naturally, you want God to step in and defend you. To show them what they did. To somehow make it fair again.

But God doesn’t always respond by showing you justice in the way you picture it. He doesn’t rush to pick a side like we do. He doesn’t pour out His love only on the person who got hurt. He pours it out on both.

He responds with mercy. Not just for you. But for them too.

And that’s uncomfortable—because it feels like grace is being extended to someone who doesn’t seem to deserve it. But that’s exactly how grace works.

It’s not because God is ignoring your pain. It’s not because what happened wasn’t a big deal. It’s because He sees something much bigger than the moment that broke you.

“The Lord sees not as man sees.
Man looks at the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks at the heart.”
(1 Samuel 16:7)

God sees the parts you’ve never spoken about—the ache, the restraint, the emotional weight you carried alone. And He also sees the parts of the other person’s life that aren’t obvious to you. Their fears. Their dysfunction. Their defensiveness. Their own wounds that haven’t healed right.

Most of the time, people don’t really set out to hurt others. But we all carry stuff. And when we don’t deal with it, we end up bleeding on people who didn’t cut us.

That doesn’t mean they get a free pass. It doesn’t mean you should ignore how it affected you. It just means that before you lock them into the role of "villain," it helps to remember that people who hurt others are often hurting too—just in different ways.

Sometimes they don’t know better. Sometimes they do, but they’re stuck in their own immaturity or pride. Sometimes they think they’re protecting themselves. Sometimes they just can’t face truth yet. We don’t always know. But God does.

And He is not turning a blind eye. He’s just working differently. Patiently. Quietly.

“He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
(2 Peter 3:9)

You’re not being asked to just let it slide. And you're not being told to just accept bad behavior. You're simply being invited to stop carrying the weight of it as if healing hinges on them making it right.

Because what actually frees you is not seeing them change—it’s knowing God is still just, still good, and still paying attention, even when it doesn’t look like it.

Letting go doesn’t mean you’ve given up on justice. It means you trust that God’s version of justice is better. More complete. More redemptive.

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil…
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,
live at peace with everyone.”
(Romans 12:17–18)

That kind of peace isn’t easy. It’s not passive either. It’s active surrender. Choosing to let God deal with the things you were never meant to fix. It’s not about excusing what they did. It’s about freeing yourself from being stuck in it.

You’re allowed to move forward, even if they never acknowledge what happened.
You’re allowed to heal without waiting for closure.
You’re allowed to stop wondering whether they understood your heart. God did.

And in time, maybe you’ll see that this isn’t about them getting off the hook. It’s about trusting that we’re all being dealt with—just in different ways. And in different stages.

That’s the kind of trust that sets you free.