We can be mended. We help mend each other.

“Because that happened to me when I was little, this is how I will now treat other people"; "Because so and so beat me up and hurt me a long time ago, that gives me the right to treat people the way I treat them, today"; "Because life was hard on me, life should be hard on everyone else around me"— does this sound/ look familiar? It's called victim mentality. When people choose to be the direct product of everything that happened to them, the direct product of every single pair of hands that hurt them. And the world, to these people, must bend over backwards in order to accommodate their wounds. Some people don't want to be loved; they just want to make the world pay.” 

- C. JoyBell C.

If God even exists, why is there so much hatred and injustice in the world? Why would a loving God allow too many bad things happening instead of going down and change all that?

Typical questions but pretty tough to answer. Agree?

When I heard of these questions one time again, I thought of the hatred certain people I personally know of have in their hearts and how much they won't let go of it. How they refuse to allow themselves to just forgive. No matter how long has it been in their hearts and so many wonderful things happening in their lives at the moment they still hold on to that feeling of hate.

Am not saying they have no basis for feeling the way they do. In fact, they have all the reasons to be angry. They'd been done wrong. And if I were in their shoes, am sure it's gonna be hard for me to just let it pass. There are even petty offenses that I find hard to forget. I'd often think how certain people just can be so reckless with another's feelings. Should they be bailed out as easily as that?

Justice shouts and echoes in our ears. We all think we DESERVE justice...for the things people done wrong to us. We want them to be punished for hurting us. We want them to suffer the way we did for inflicting us pain.

Evil exists in this world. And it's evil in the hearts of people that makes them do bad. And evil is done to multiply evil. When another heart is broken, there conceives hatred. It's just a matter of time that it gives birth to evil through actions and reactions.

I believe God offered FORGIVENESS so the problem of hatred will be solved. He first forgave us and He expects us to also forgive. He used to punish people in the ancient times for their wrongs almost immediately or required them to offer sacrifices to be forgiven. But, those didn't work. Their hearts were still filled with evil desires. They continued doing wrong as they pleased.

He sent LOVE into the world in the form of Jesus. The life of His Son showed how to defeat hatred. It's by denying Himself each time He's wronged. Denying His right to retaliate and defend Himself. It's giving importance to relationship than self. It's about selflessness. Love is humility. Love is accepting that the world is mad and crazy. That the world could cause so much harm because of evil that is in it but it shouldn't anymore be multiplied. It has to DIE [end].

Forgiving is ...evil being done to you, but you don't have to pass it on. It has to die in you. Hatred need not conceive and give birth to more evil. It can stop by choosing to forgive and let go and then repaying it with LOVE. This way, though evil may still exist, hatred need not multiply.

Now, how about INJUSTICE? Don't we all agree that injustice is done when the offender gets away with whatever evil he does? This is practically why we can't stop spreading hatred. Because we think offenders need to pay. But, God doesn't think that way. Truth of the matter is, we all need to pay for something. But, He doesn't meet us everyday thinking about how He can punish us just like how we go about our lives every single day thinking about how someone has done us a terrible thing and we require justice. We carry with us every single day the offense and the offender. Only later to realize that they're not the only ones we'll bump into in this world. There'll be more offenses and offenders along the road. All are just the same like us--HURT. So, we collect so much hate until we are consumed by it.

God wants us to renew our minds and replace JUSTICE with LOVE. Hurt people hurt people. They are not about relationships. They are about getting even. They just want repayment. That's why many people find it hard to TRUST. Because they're so filled with collections of offenses. Not knowing they're collecting junks. Things that are of no worth and eventually rot. So, they live every day of their lives stinking and unaware of it. But, those around them get affected.

When we don't forgive, hatred only grows bigger and bigger until it can't anymore fit in our hearts and it starts manifesting in our lives. We start rotting inside and the stench starts coming out. All the people we come across with receive this hatred through us--by hurting them or by being reckless with them. Usually in the form of harsh words, judgment, slander, stealing, bullying, snobbing, through animosity and hostility...and many others. Eventually, these people also end up broken. And they go out in the world bumping into other people and multiplying hatred.

Forgiveness puts an end to hatred. Where there is no hatred evil will not persist. We have been offered forgiveness. We also must be willing to offer it to help heal the world from the damaging hatred.   

 “The opponent strikes you on your cheek, and you strike him on the heart by your amazing spiritual audacity in turning the other cheek. You wrest the offensive from him by refusing to take his weapons, by keeping your own, and by striking him in his conscience from a higher level. He hits you physically, and you hit him spiritually.”  

- E. Stanley Jones, Gandhi: Portrayal of a Friend

 

  

I'm a little rose who grows in deep and difficult places.

“The desire to love someone always exceeds the desire to be loved by someone & that's exactly why we end up loving the person who doesn't deserve that LOVE.” 

 ―  Bombay Girls 

Maybe I'm thinking too much. Not sure. But, a very huge part of me is convinced that everything is just part of God molding my character. Some of my previous posts tackled about God isn't after my comfort but the perfection of my character. And it's not just for me, in fact. It's for everyone who claims to be Christians ― Jesus' followers.


Just looking at the second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself"...creates a lotta questions in my head and one of which is, "why did Jesus had to add 'as yourself'"? Why didn't He just plainly say, "love your neighbor"?


I've heard a few number of people complaining about difficult people in their midst. These difficult people make their lives seriously hard. And I feel the victims so much. Been there. Have encountered people who love to boss around, pick on others, slander, and all sortsa things that really test a person's patience. Twas the toughest, I must say.


Interestingly, at least based on my experience, whenever I retaliated, or just slightly avenged myself, or even just entertained the idea of getting back... I come out so WRONG. And, of course, I felt bad. I asked God why does it seem unfair? Others can and I can't. People do nasty things to me, and I must just let it pass. Let go. For some time I allowed excuses to allow me be the bad version of me. I told myself it's just but fair if I be a mirror to people. How they treat me is how I treat them. Thought it's a fairly good solution to the difficulty I was faced with.


Eventually, I was placed in a situation where I screwed up badly. I broke hearts ..... and God's heart. :(  I failed terribly. I looked at how a mess I was. And during that time, I felt I deserve NOTHING. Especially, not God's love. It brought so much emptiness in me. I knew in my heart I can't live without God. I knew what's wrong. And I thought I was so trapped ...as if there's no escape. Was looking for ways how I can redeem myself. But, God's love is truly unfailing. He proved me this. It's been hard for me to understand what grace means because I was simply like many people who have a wrong mindset ― that for as long as I am carefully following rules, am good. Am safe. God taught me, it's not about my performance. It's not about how many rules I successfully followed. It's all about His love. This I learned when I came to a point when I can't anymore list down a good thing about me. A time when I started to just keep referring to what I had done in the past but can't anymore do. I gave myself a bragging right to take credits only because I performed pretty well.


While I was erring, I noticed how I was so forgiving of myself. I told myself excuses like what the world allows everyone to use, "am only human". And a lot more other excuses there is. Including, "God has forgiven me, who cares who doesn't?" And, "who's not sinning?" All rationalization just so to bail me out of the errors I committed. Yeah, I was so forgiving of my failures and weaknesses. Although, there's guilt haunting me time and again.


All of us are so forgiving of our own mistakes, failures, sins, errors... none of us keep punishing ourselves for what wrongs we have done. That's how we are to ourselves. And that is because we have natural love for ourselves. We attend to our needs and we allow ourselves room to grow. We break a vase, we can simply forget about it when we don't realize how that vase could mean so much to its owner. Yet, we can let go easily and sleep soundly at night. The owner, on the other hand, could still be feeling upset but setting aside emotion because relationship is more important than the harm done. We almost never consider that. It could mean less to us because it's (the vase) not ours. And, yet when the same thing is done to us, we feel their same emotion. We realize that it's hard to trust again once trust is broken. In most cases, we can't anymore entrust the things we value most to the person who's careless in handling what to us is precious because we're kinda sure they're not gonna be responsible in taking care of it.


From looking at both sides, I got the answer to my question. Jesus added "as you love yourself" because like I mentioned earlier, we are forgiving of ourselves. We don't allow ourselves be weighed down by a mistake we committed no matter how small or big. Most, if not all, simply just shrug it off and say, "I'll just make up for it"...not realizing that we had probably broken something that's irreparable (once damaged) but very valuable to the one who owns it.


Those relationships that had gone bad...there's always someone wrong and someone wronged. And the one wronged almost always readily extend forgiveness for the sake of the relationship. So many say, it's martyrdom... it's stupid...it's madness... but, it's actually a reflection of how they love themselves. They readily forgive because they know they're forgiving of themselves. They understand that humans are prone to choosing to do wrong. They're not exemptions. So are their partners.


When God persisted in loving me, I realized what sacrifice He had to do and how painful it is to keep allowing Himself be wronged simply because He wants me. There's nothing so magnificent about me that He should want me, but He does. Period. He didn't require me to be anyone but myself. My messed self. And, the more amazing thing about Him, He is fully aware of my weaknesses and susceptibility to committing the same things but is still willing to trust me. He still has faith in me that I will do as Jesus did. God places more importance in His relationship with me than His right. That ignited my desire to extend grace, love and compassion to people. Especially to the unlovable.

The way God is so tolerant of my failings makes Him suffer for taking in all my mess. I always offend Him. And one of the terrible ways I offend Him is whenever I live in doubt and unbelief. Whenever I don't live in faith as if He's not true to His Word. And I know that if a close friend or a family member will not take me for my word, I'd really feel insulted and hurt. So, I know that God is badly hurt whenever I do wrong. And He sacrifice His feelings just so to maintain a relationship with me. He's been running after me. He's always waiting for me to come back. He never gave up on me. And He does all these things in spite of me.


Those times when I hurt God, though, I feel bad and guilty...I still am very forgiving of myself regardless how the crimes I committed may be unforgivable. If I am forgiving of myself, I must be forgiving of others because that's one way of obeying the command, "love your neighbor as yourself".

Behind My Mask

“I like interesting myself in the lives of others. God put these people in my life for a reason. Maybe for my learning. Hopefully to help them. I like it when I can help. My heart aches for those who suffer and walk a difficult path.”

What compassion I have for people is from God and He is the One sustaining me and giving me the ability to extend a helping hand to those who are in need and asking in humility for help. It is a privilege to serve others because in doing so I am serving God. But, I can never do it with my own strength. God makes sure that I am equipped. He has prepared me for the tasks. I am strong because He gives me strength. ^_^

Let lemons be lemons.

“As you go about your daily life, you will encounter many lemons. Sour expressions, sour attitudes, sour auras! The good thing is that if you don't want to be a lemon, you don't have to be! Just don't let those lemons rub themselves all over you! And you don't even have to save them!” ―  C. JoyBell C.

Am reminded of this person who commented on one of my FaceBook wall posts. He was boldly insisting that it's impossible for people to love unconditionally because only GOD can do that. He strongly believes that NO ONE can love like how God loves. Well, that's his. I respect his belief. On my end, however, I have strong belief that it is possible because like what the Word says, "everything is possible to those who believe"... and "we can do all things through Christ Who gives us strength". From these verses, loving unconditionally is possible BUT requires a lotta faith. NOT on self but on God's grace.

I see the point of this person, actually. It's hard to love. At least, it's hard to go on loving. It seems to get tougher and tougher as you get to know and understand the nature of every single person you're in a relationship with. And am not talking about romantic relationship. This is about "relationship" in and of itself. Fact is, most of the time, the hardest to love are the people closest to you. Maybe because they don't see the need to be gentle, or kind, or nice, or polite... They think everything can be just ok. You've grown too familiar. They think they know you enough because of the long-standing togetherness. There's so many factors, actually, and one is LABELING.

Often, we THINK we KNOW, but we really don't. So many times, we readily assume how a person's like just because we've been with them, experienced them, spent time with them. And this is true even within family. Each one has their own perception of another person or a situation. It's not always that the truth of one agrees with the truth of another. And these two don't necessarily match the real truth. There can even be another truth from another's eyes, if you come to think of it. But from this springs disharmony in many cases. There are so many truths that come forward, which only cause confusion. Whose voice is worth listening to? Is this even the deciding factor?

What am I saying? I don't know, too. I'm smack dab in the middle. I strive to have unconditional love, but it makes it hard for me to love when around certain people who don't even choose to give even an itsy-bity love. Or at least make themselves a lil easier to love. Which makes me remember what the person I mentioned earlier said in his comment...it is IMPOSSIBLE to love unconditionally. For how can you really say you're loving unconditionally if everyone around you is willing to love back ...or is loving you back? Meaning they'll not make you walk on eggs doing so. This makes me realize that what hinders people from loving this way is the want... the need... the longing... the desire to be loved. Everyone is after receiving. And even those who are full of love and are generous in giving love also want, need, long and desire love and everything else that comes with it ― appreciation, understanding, encouragement... just to name a few ― but, like what they say, the one who loves more often receives less. 

I mentioned labeling because most of the time, we automatically attach a label or a tag on people. Of course, there's always a basis...and they're usually valid. Then, we live believing these tags forgetting there's also a word "progress". When you're being judged, criticized, condemned... loving becomes a can of worms. Countless times I've been harsh with a few number of people. Made assumptions as to who they really are. Lived believing I know much about them. And countless times, I've been treated harshly by umpteen number of people. Was assumed to be the person they created in their minds ...and they believe they really know me enough to define me.

Being in both sides cyclically, I grow more in compassion. Am not gonna deny that there are many times I simply just wanna stop my aim to have unconditional love and just accept that yeah, maybe it's only God Who really can. Truth is, I am convinced that it could only be a vain attempt. I'd bruise and wound myself doing so...for what?!!! And then I'd be reminded of Colossians 3:23..."in whatever you do, do it as if you're doing it for God and not for men."  This doesn't necessarily make it easier, but it turns my focus where it should really be.

For me what makes unconditional love obtainable is not being in the right set of people. Not surrounding myself with lovable individuals and discard the rest. It is by looking at how loved I am by God, my Creator. The Creator of ALL human race. Am sure He didn't make a mistake having created the despicable ones ― the haters, the bullies, the judgmental, the gossips, etc. I constantly remind myself that if I love God, I should have love and respect for all people because they're all HIS creations. I can't and shouldn't allow myself detest anyone because it's also detesting God's grand plan. For whatever reason certain people are the way they are is not anymore my problem. It's God's. Complaining about or resenting them is telling God He did a huge mistake. What about me? If I am to intently look at myself, I must say HE did make a mammoth! I must firstly look at how faulty I am before I bellyache about how so many people are undeserving of love. I am humbled because apart from God, I am nothing. I don't take credit for the untold good I did. Am just like everyone else ― flawed. And, jumping down anyone's throat is practically saying I'm in the clear or at least, relatively...when that only makes me self-righteous.

Self-righteousness is telling yourself you're far better than others because you've done more good and less evil than most people you know. There's a basis for comparison and it's the sins of others against your own. Only, this isn't God's basis. God's thoughts and ways are simply a far cry from ours. Like night and day. And if I may take credit for the zillion good I did in my lifetime, I could probably have more rewards than others. But, of course, still nothing that squares with what the likes of Mother Teresa had done. Simply put, I ...and all of us must have a proper estimation of ourselves.

Loving unconditionally and having compassion for others aren't farfetched. But, require humility and an honest estimation of self. Whenever I find it hard to love anyone because of a blemish...mostly attitude / behavior problem... sins... I look at my own grubbiness. It's only when you have an honest assessment of who you really are apart from God that you'll start having the compassion of Jesus. Then, you'll start seeing all God's creations through His Eyes. By looking at myself and acknowledging how hopeless I am yet still trying to be an inch better by the day... I can assume that people, too, are in my same boat. Just with different challenges and struggles.

“Christians must treat their enemies as 
brothers, and requite their hostility with love.
Their behavior must be determined not by the
way others treat them, but by the treatment
they receive from God.”

― The Cost of Discipleship

“Having Christian convictions can’t ever negate having Christ’s compassion.”

“Everyone is a resource. They serve a purpose. You serve a purpose. I compartmentalized all of you. You are here to prop me up, to tear me down, to straighten my spine, to lighten the load. To be my carrier pigeon, my work horse, my lover, my fighter, my friend, my enemy.”
―  Christopher Gutierrez

There was a time in my life when I was trying to place things where I thought they should belong. Set rules and lived around them. Was strictly following each one. Y'know, like always be on the right side of the corridors, never stray away from the sidewalk, be polite especially to the elders... I even made rules for myself. I didn't unnecessarily expect others to be loyal to basic rules. In fact, I was considerate enough to take them as they are with no complaints. O'course, there were times I asked myself why are some people the way they are? Guess it's part of my being a RULE-person. Was thinking too much that I was trying to rationalize how come certain people don't act the same way as I do. Especially growing up in a Christian community, I had expectations of everyone around me. Not big ones. Just what I thought Christians should be like. 

What's good about me being that girl with many rules in mind, I didn't force them on anyone. God's been really faithful that He gave me wisdom not to impose on anyone what I THOUGHT "should be". Growing up, I kinda have this idea that I am not anyone's writer...definitely not their creator. Which, helped me respect their design. Being this observant girl, I noticed there are people who don't care about others... they are just about themselves. I learned about bullies even at an early age (when bully wasn't still a common term). Some people are naturally timid. Some fearful. Some are indifferent. Some are naturally kind. People vary. People have different personalities. At times, I can't understand what's the point of being around this diversity. And, many times, I wished I have the option to choose which kinds I want to be surrounded by. Sadly, it isn't possible. I can always try...but will always be in vain.

It's far more convenient if we're given the choice to pick the kinds of person we want to stick with us. No hassles. We can just throw away whoever doesn't belong or doesn't meet our standard. But, isn't that a character flaw? A bratty attitude? How can we mature in every area of our being if all that's before us are only things that we find pleasurable? How can we learn what LOVE really means according to God's definition of it if we're surrounded by only loveable people? In fact, the Word tells us to "love one another" (John 13:34) ...it didn't tell us to be choosy in who we want to love. In other parts of the Bible, we're even instructed to "be tolerant with one another" (Colossians 3:13) and to "carry each others burdens" (Galatians 6:2). Why should there be instructions like these if we are to mingle only with people who we can get along with? The challenge of Jesus' commandment comes when unloveable people are in our midst. Are we gonna follow HIS commandment or are we gonna complain why God created too many malfunctioning individuals and placed them in our paths? 

We've been occupied by judging the sins of others around us that are pretty more evident than ours that we fail to judge our own character and attitude. We even quarantine ourselves from them ― trying to isolate ourselves from being contaminated by their filthiness...forgetting that Jesus did not isolate Himself. HE called sin SIN and sinners SINNERS yet not with judgment but with HOPE that they will one day become the persons God intends them to be. Jesus walked here on Earth. The same contaminated world where we currently are. But, in stead of the world infecting HIM, HE infected the world. He said, “I did not come into the world to judge people. I came to save the people in the world." (John 12:47, ERV) We are not created to save people. But, we are instructed to be "imitators of Christ" (Ephesians 5:1). Live a life of love. Love others just as Christ loved us. He gave himself for us—a sweet-smelling offering and sacrifice to God (v2).  

Of'times, I ask myself why many Christians remain self-righteous pointing fingers at others only because those people are struggling with certain sins. Why aren't they seeing through God's Eyes? Why are they still living like the Pharisees who are mostly into rules and regulations that are so hard for humans to follow because they are by nature sinners? Why, instead of helping people be released from sin, guilt and shame...they are the ones causing them to get stranded in that mire?  Why, as Christians, we're still surprised that other Christians are struggling with sin? Aren't we reading the Word? Have we not yet realized that even Jesus' apostles struggled in unbelief and many other sins even when Jesus was walking with them? Jesus even knew about what to take place but allowed them to commit those mistakes ― Peter denied Jesus, Judas betrayed Him, etc. ― Because HE wasn't focused on the sin but on the fulfillment of His own purpose. It's actually interesting how Jesus even told Judas, “What you will do—do it quickly!” (John 13:27, ERV) 

Jesus walked on Earth without making it hard for people to live the Christian life. HE set the standard with HIS life as an example. HE allowed them to be their selves, and change at their own pace while growing in the love of God. It is God's love fully experienced that causes changed lives. When all we do is highlight how wrong people are, we're only pressuring them to be what we THINK they ought to be NOT what God wants them to be. When we do not stop judging and condemning, all we'll end up creating is a place of hypocrisy ― people wearing masks for fear they will not have anywhere to go to.

We are on a contaminated planet. It is contaminated on every level. It should have been quarantined from Heaven. No reasonable God would go near it with a ten-foot pole. But, Jesus is not a reasonable God. He became a human being. HE took on your uncleanliness and mine. In stead of the world infecting Him, He infected the world.  

The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout...as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So, everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So, we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners. 
― Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg

It is not a question how big or small your sin may be. The Word says, "whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." (James 2:10) There is no other way to call "breaking a commandment" but SIN. Almost every second, we break Christ's commandment ― "love one another" (John 13:34) ― by judging others. By making Christianity hard for them. Are we just gonna watch a person while he drowns and just state how wrongly he made choices that's why he's drowning? Do spiritual quarantine because they're contaminated and they might infect us? Do we really underestimate the power of Christ in us that we fear we're powerless in fighting temptation? That we're afraid of leprosy...of germs? Jesus healed. And Jesus still heals...through Christians, His followers. Where are they? Where are His followers? Why are we Christians acting like Pharisees and Sadducees isolating ourselves from sinners in order to be set apart? Isn't our righteousness from Christ alone? Aren't we justified because of Jesus' death on the Cross of Calvary? And...aren't we sinners? Christians are saints who sin. Not entirely by choice but because by nature humans are. For as long as we're in the flesh, we cannot separate ourselves completely from sin. It's an every second denying of self, which everyone of us find hard to do. If our salvation is by grace then why aren't we gracious to those who are badly in need of it? What about Jesus' commandment?

Is't because someone's a stealer does it make you far better because you're only struggling with temperament? Your neighbor's an adulterer and you're just a gossip? Someone you know's a murderer and you're only a sluggard? 

"God sees with utter clarity who we are. HE is undeceived as to our warts and wickedness. But when God looks at us, that's not all HE sees. He also sees who we are intended to be, who we will one day become."   

Let's see through HIS Eyes. Let's infect this contaminated world with love...not with judgment...not with hate...not with self-righteousness... "In Jesus, we see that true spirituality always makes a person more approachable, not less. It is in the act of touch that we become most present and real to each other."

 

"Everyday you and I walk through God's shop. Everyday, we brush up against objects of incalculable worth to Him. People. Every one of them carries a price tag, if only we could see it."

  

*Quotes are from the book  Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg.