I'm so done with mean-spirited people and I no longer get their brand of humor.

“I advise you to stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they're your parents. Because, if you're the kind of person who senses there's something out there for you beyond whatever it is you're expected to do - if you want to be extra-ordinary- you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you're not extraordinary. Instead, you will probably become as ordinary as they expect you to be.” 
 ― If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You

Twas another enlightening fellowship with my Leaders' group last Sunday (2ndth of June 2013) afternoon. We talked about the "Grasshopper Mentality" with reference from the book of Numbers chapter 13. It's basically talking about how little you look at yourself is how others will look at you. And, it's true. Sometimes, the way we look at ourselves ― so little ― becomes us and we invite others to treat us that way ― small. It's still a different story, o'course, if you think highly of yourself. That's not even a suggestion to remedy this problem. What this practically teaches us is we better start appreciating ourselves how we're designed and quit comparing ourselves with others. They're different designs with different purposes. Just concentrate on your own and do the best that you can with the gifting that's given you. No matter how small you think your contribution is to the society, it's still needed. Nobody hinders you from reaching a goal but yourself because you're too focused on an image you yourself created. 

By feeling small you end up insecure. And from this insecurity will ignite the negatives within. It's dangerous. It's damaging. Many people react to this insecurity by pulling people down, and attacking their emotions. They want others to stay down with them so they'd do every possible thing to break their faith in themselves. Pretty lonely down there so they rather want companions. Never allow yourself be among this group of people. Believe how God defines you and live around that definition so nothing can tear you apart. 

Don't resent those people who try to kill your dreams, though. Being a hater won't take you anywhere either. Pity them, in stead. Have compassion for them that their fate is like that. If all possible, help them out of that pit. Be the good influence in their lives. But, know that at the end of each day, it's their choice. Don't take it upon yourself to clean all their mess. You're not a failure if nothing good happens to them. Just plant the seed and go on with your journey. There may still be more along the road who need your guiding light.

We are all created FOR each other NOT against each other. Those who are treating you roughly still have a good purpose in your life. Face them with confidence. None of us are designed for another's enjoyment and pleasure. We need not please everyone. Give your best at all times, but should that remain not enough for them, know that it isn't your problem anymore. You can't live your life always trying to meet people's expectations. That life's exhausting! Nothing will ever suffice because the wants and needs never run out. Just do your part in anyone's life and keep in mind never to inflict pain. At least, not deliberately. That should do.

I lived a hard life and barely enjoyed my growing up years because I've been too occupied trying to please people around me. There came a point when I started resenting the person I become. Envying so many things that others enjoy and I don't. Most of my decisions are influenced by whether or not it will make everyone happy. Sounds selfless, but it's actually selfish. Selfish in the sense that the reason why I am doing my best is because I want love and appreciation. I wanted to be embraced by these things. But, sadly, am only as good as my last performance. Next day is another. And many of the wonderful things I'd done are nothing but history. It's life. So, it's pointless to allow yourself revolve around people. There's more in life that need attention. There's more to life than just being loved and appreciated. What I learned is, if you just keep yourself busy loving and appreciating, there's no time nor effort wasted. Care not too much about receiving. Just get busy giving without expectation of return. 

Allow no one's definition of you affect you. Never allow people to dictate your fate by listening to what they THINK is for you or not for you. If you'll just be real honest with yourself, you are your best judge. Don't believe too much what others THINK  are your strengths and weaknesses. It's helpful to get feedback, of course. But, to be weighed down by criticisms and opinions...that's the worst move you'll ever make. Be wise. Understand that God has given you talents, skills and gifts. Utilize them and don't let people dim your light just like that. You can't stop people from throwing stones at trees that bear so much fruits. Take that as a compliment. ^_^

Toodles! ^_^

“I can’t”… “It’s not possible”… “I’m Not good enough” 
― These are lies the demons of  your past use to scare away the possibilities of the present.”
― Steve Maraboli

I blink to clear my vision.

God never allows pain without a purpose in the lives of His children. He never allows Satan, nor circumstances, nor any ill-intending person to afflict us unless He uses that affliction for our good. God never wastes pain. He always causes it to work together for our ultimate good, the good of conforming us more to the likeness of His Son (read Romans 8:28-29).  

― Jerry Bridges

I think the sweetest thing that can happen to anyone's to be freed from all the shackles of past pains. To move around lightly in the present. But, it's not an overnight thing. Like most things, it involves a process. Often, people want to rush things. They want things happening NOW. They want to skip certain phases and it frustrates them more. Not realizing that the more they wait for change to take place, the more it seems far from happening. There isn't really much to do but to continue living. Same routine. Life shouldn't be hindered by an event. Especially not by unpleasant ones. To reach a destination, one must continue walking and even with obstacles ahead ― Jump over them, take a detour, crawl under...whatever way possible ― CONTINUE. No circumstance must be allowed to take control of your life. Utilize every difficulty and turn them into opportunities. It's seeing beauty in the ugly.


Pain isn't gonna stop happening. We may try and find reasons for things or we may keep questioning why things hurt but none of these will help. I used to think that if I only get the answers to my questions, it would be a lot easier to go on. It won't be as painful. I was thinking that knowing can be a salve. I didn't believe the saying, "what you don't know can't hurt you." I realized it's just another excuse to allow myself remain in an emotion or condition or situation. It's comfortable that way. I got used to it and I resolve to just stay the same. But, life is like any computer game -- you move to the next levels. Each level has its own difficulty. Once you passed one, expect more difficult challenges in the next. Some challenges from the first levels may be present but they're easier to deal with. It's the tougher challenges that need more attention and getting used to.


Life has phases and you can't expect to encounter the same trials and problems as you move to the next. But, you gotta be wise in utilizing the "power ups" collected along the way. Challenges are meant to strengthen us not to weaken us. They're meant to make us more positive that whatever's ahead, we have the ability to face them.

 “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”   

― Eleanor Roosevelt

You will be a beautiful person, as long as you see the beauty in others.

“What the hell did you see in me?” 

“I saw YOU. That was all. Just you. Everything about you. And the entire package was everything I wanted. I didn’t want it altered or changed one bit. I just saw…you.”

―  One Last Chance 

Beauty can be seen everywhere even in the ugliest places and situations... simply by having the right set of eyes. The Bible says, 

"Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness." Luke 11:34 

"But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" Matthew 6:23

The way we view things makes a lotta difference. We can either see a situation positively ...or negatively. And depends on how we see a situation, that's how we respond. It's not the situation that ruins us, it's our attitude. If we don't realize and acknowledge this and make every effort to change the way we look at things, we are surely to end up filled with junk. 

It's a common excuse to blame others or circumstance for our failures or mess. A drug dependent pointing at his parents' busy-ness for his addiction. A teenage mom resenting her parents' separation. A womanizing husband ascribing his acts to his nagging wife. All these examples are nothing but lame excuses. We have been given free will to make our own decisions. We have the decision to either be influenced by outside forces or confront the issues we have within. Our responses to every situation we face reflect what we're made of. Our response to a given situation is based on our perspective ― how we perceive things. It's easier to pass the buck than to acknowledge one's own mistakes, it appears. 

I know of many "from rags to riches" stories. Those people didn't allow their circumstance to stop them from reaching their dreams. They did not wait for situations to change. They used their situations as inspirations to be better. They have the right set of eyes. 

Recently, I had a talk with a friend. She asked why bad things happen to good people. Sadly, I don't have the answer. But, what I know is, there's beauty in everything... only we have to find it. And if we can't really find it, we create it. Our vision is really limited. We can only see from an angle. Most of the time, we are positioned where the angle is bad. But, we need to remember that that angle is just a piece that completes the whole thing. 

There's this male friend who I've not seen for a while. He showed up one Sunday just to drop by and say hi. He asked about our common friend and said he wasn't receiving any mobile message from this friend anymore. All of us chanted, "he's really not replying to anyone!" I was surprised when he tried to convince us that this friend's replying to text messages because we all know that's not the case. He continued saying, "he replied to me once." I was impressed by how he rather see the positive instead of clinging to the negative. It doesn't matter to him whether our common friend replies frequently or rarely. What he sees is he does. 

Am also enthused by another person. Am just so amazed at how he CHOOSES to see only the good. He'd receive all sorts of discouragement, disparages, criticisms but what he chooses to hear are only what's helpful in building his hope. I asked him once about it and what he said was ...all the discouragement he's receiving only make him perform better. Whenever he's told he's not this and that...his response would always be "not yet, but soon."  In stead of sulking and hating, he uses the bad for good. Which reflects how good he is inside. How he sees things make him respond in an admirable way. 

There are times we can't really fool ourselves we're seeing only what's right in front of us ― unpleasant. No matter how we twist our lenses, it's just but that. Besides, we're really in a chaotic world. A world full of injustice, partiality, cruelty... but we're given a choice to have a better perspective. This doesn't mean we are to lie to ourselves we're not seeing what we're seeing. It's just choosing to draw the good in every bad. Seeing the beauty in the unsightly. Because there isn't any help in complaining about or sulking over what's not nice. But, if we rather change our perspective, we can respond far better; ultimately, improving our attitude and character. 

“In other words: Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. 

Don't just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.”  

―  Bossypants 

 

  

   

Love someone but let them be themselves.

“I don't deserve you. I'm not made for relationships. 

I know I'm going to *&$# this up. 

I'm going to drive you away or do something to hurt you, 

and you'll be added to my list of people I screwed over. 

You should walk away now.” 

― Unwritten Rules

What I learned about love is it's always trusting... believing only the good. I never thought about this nor it ever entered my mind in the past. Sure, I heard about this idea. To many, this translates to martyrdom. I've got nothing to say about that. Well...possibly. But, isn't love really about "sacrifice"? God gave His only Son as a sacrifice for EVERYONE'S trespasses ONLY because EVERYONE is important to Him. "God is love", the Word says. Someone always gets hurt by loving because loving is doing and it is denying of self.

Going back to my first idea... how wonderful it is to be loved without attachment nor expectation of return. By simply being loved is itself a gift. You know the kind which requires you not to be anyone else but yourself ― when you're at your worst...the monster nobody will ever endure...yet you're still loved. And, you're like squeezing your brain for reasons why you're loved like that when you don't even think you're lovable. Then, you'd just start melting and wanting to become a better person.

I think that's how love works. You are moved and changed because of love. You can't be any better by earning love. That only will put pressure on you thinking you only deserve love when you're at your best. When there are reasons for it. I found out it's not that way. You can't change because you wanna be loved. That isn't possible. Maybe possible...but very temporal. Your real self will always come out. It's hard to always try to be your best for fear people won't like you. It's being loved that gives the desire to be a better person. It's being loved that melts the hardest heart. Love is without reason. If it has, that's not really love but attraction. You're attracted to a person because of certain qualities you thought a person has. But, when that certain quality is covered by other qualities that aren't so nice, attraction fades. 

Love never fades. Love never gives up. Because love is beyond reason. It's just is. 

I understood this quite well, actually. For a looong time, in fact. But, until I've experienced it first hand, I didn't completely believe it's possible in this world. And, this time, am not only talking about God's love. Well, guess, God really has a wonderful way to make people really experience things that are hard to believe. HE's funny and brilliant that way. I thought that I was the only person striving to love unconditionally. But, God is truly faithful. He gives the best gifts wrapped in regular paper instead of nice wrappers. 

I couldn't believe I'd ever experience being loved at my worst. Well, God never stopped loving me. So aware of this. But, I mean, when all those years I've been longing to be loved and accepted (by people) without me having to be always nice and all or without me having to always meet their expectations...I was so frustrated those times. Can't anyone be loved as they are anymore? Does love always have to require people to be a certain way? Twas tiring trying to be always your best because you're only as good as your performance and behavior. It's like you're always in an audition for a role...best foot forward or you're out. I felt that way. And, in my desperation I cried out to God. All those times I did, He assured me of His love. In fact, I'd been so content with that love. Until, He sent someone to prove to me that unconditional love exists in human form, too. 

With this person, I never have to be my best. Am allowed to be who I am ―  am allowed to think, feel, act, behave the way I want or the way I feel NOT what and how others want or expect. I felt freedom. And, that's a relief. Love allows you to just be who you really are without you having to worry not being accepted if they found out you're not the gift they're expecting inside the box. It's wonderful that way. Love is free. You need not work to earn it. Love is a gift. If you hafta buy it, it isn't love. So, don't sweat it. 

This person am talking about has witnessed the darkest side of me when crazy, angry, frustrated...etc. Funny how this person was still able to say "you're beautiful" after me lashing out for long minutes. You know what I mean? Who don't look for reasons to love me but just do. Yes, there are things this person likes about me but those aren't even the measure used to continue wanting to be around me and yeah ...loving me. Those, in stead, are used to see through me. They serve as reminders that storms come, but they don't last. Just like my behavior for the moment esp when I get too emotional. They're only for a while. There's still bigger truth about me that gets covered by my tantrums and mood swings. 

The one who truly loves believes in you not only who you are at a given moment but the real "you" inside. Even the "you" you're not even aware you are, in fact. They're the mirror to your soul. And their love changes you. Their love gives you the desire to be a better person. 

The love chapter in the Bible says, "Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits." Who could've thought I'd really experience this in this world? When all I thought I was the only person who desires to love this way...I was made to encounter this kind of love, which sounds only possible in romantic movies and novels. Stories that make people giggle but remain mostly fantasies. Love like this, I realized, is for real. 

Whenever I think about this person, I am learning more about love. Love is really a verb, like I'd said many times in my blog posts. It's "doing". When you're living in love and walking in it, you don't see anything else. You don't expect. You don't wait to see if it's worth what you can offer. It just comes out naturally. You don't need to be aware or alert all the time that you must love. It's just like breathing. You don't forget it. It's involuntary. This person is gifted with sooo much love. Pure love that doesn't require me to love back and to be always proper. In fact, I'd been cruel most of the time. Still, this person gets to say, "you're loving, compassionate, sweet, understanding, gentle...blah blah blah" even after all the harsh treatments and words received from me! How amazing is that?!

The Bibles says, "blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed". I've always believed in love because I believe in God with all of me. Well, am MORE blessed it seems... because I believed and then seen. ^_^

Skeptics and cynics, am sure, they're just gonna think and say there's ulterior motive behind. Can't and won't blame them. Like I'd always say, perspective makes so much difference. If they choose to see things in a negative way, they're free to do so. I wish them the best because LIFE can be seen beautifully with all its mess and chaos. It's just having the right eyes. It's just a matter of choice. And I say this because I was, myself, a cynic. Once seen the world only as a terrible place. I have new set of eyes! 

...and PLEASE, I am NOT in love or anything. Don't gemme wrong. I was just enlightened about things unimaginably TRUE. *big smile*

                

True love never questions what it costs the giver.

I think that it's easier to give love than to receive love. At least, it's how I understand why many people keep their distance from those who love them. Whenever they think and believe that they're unworthy of love, they shy away and refuse to accept it. Their self-critical attitude ― NOT people ― disqualifies them from deserving love. In the process, they can't return love; rather, they reciprocate love with pain. 

By not knowing how to receive love, we also fail to love. We can continue the cycle of love ONLY if we give and take. When we give and not want to receive, the giver feels unappreciated and repelled. They most likely won't wanna give anymore. When we don't give and just keep taking, people feel abused. Wisdom speaks balance. Although, it is possible (and is actually recommended) to love without expectation of return, it is everyone's responsibility to learn and practice both giving and taking to maintain the cycle.

One of the biggest lies people believe is the word "unworthy". They always think that they gotta work to deserve love. In fact, they have their perceived standard of how love should look like. When others don't meet that standard, they consider them unworthy. By this standard they qualify who is deserving and who isn't. Similarly, they can't receive love because they're over-critical of their own selves. They don't meet the standard they formulated in their mind, so they think of themselves unworthy. The result? Love hindered.  

What we all need to absorb is that love is freely given. It's a gift. We don't need to toil to earn it. It's something bestowed regardless of our performance, behavior and appearance. We need to understand that there are simply loving people sent into our lives to make a difference. To bring out the best in us. To ignite what good within us that went hiding for long due to past failures, hurt and disappointments. People are God-sent messengers of love to help us become the persons we ought to be. These kinds of people see through us. They see beyond the monsters we are outwardly. If we just know how to receive love, we'll be able to see through ourselves, as well. They are the people who define us not with our mistakes and defects. They're the mirrors of our souls.

God chose to love us. We don't have to earn it. We only have to respond to it. God gives us loving people as gifts. We don't need to buy gifts, do we? No. What needs to be done is to receive and then appreciate. No matter how we think and feel we're undeserving of love because of who we are and what sins we've committed, remember that it's not about us. It's the giver's choice to give. We don't respond to kindness in a hurtful way, in stead, with gratitude and thankfulness. Those are enough to deserve a love so great.

If you know how it feels like to be rejected, you won't dare reject anyone, would you? Refusing love is rejecting love. We live in this world where INVESTMENT has become more important than the real important needs of every individual. It's sad, that even in loving, we act as investors. Our value is only as good as our performance. But being deserving of love isn't measured by performance. Truth is, nobody deserves love. We all fail. We all will malfunction at one point in this lifetime. No matter how good we do now, there'll be a time when we'll do badly. But, that doesn't nullify all the rest of the good we've done through the years. Love should, in fact, be our inspiration to be better than we were yesterday. It should cause us to change our ways. 

Quit running from God while HE runs after you with HIS unconditional love only because you feel guilty, shy or whatever. Stop refusing a love being given to you. Don't shoo God and people away only because of insecurity, critical-mindedness, and feelings of unworthiness. You only need to offer your palm and take it. No requirements needed. Just your open heart. 

“My identity and my security 

are not in my spiritual progress. 

My identity and my security 

are in God’s acceptance of me 

given as a gift in Christ.”

― J.D. Greear