After all, people are always separable.

Don't hold on to anything for too long. Don't love too much. Don't devote your life revolving around just a few select people. Don't give too much when you're getting too little. There are so many suggestions on how NOT to get hurt (emotionally). Is there any real technique to avoid pain? 

They said pain is part of life. It's inevitable. Babies and little children still get sick no matter how their parents take real good care of them. Even if they stay up all night looking after their sweet ones, protecting them from mosquito bites and all, they still get fever, cold or flu. (Not to mention Dengue, Measles, Chicken Pox...) There's no sure way to keep them quarantined from such discomfort. Adults even make every attempt to keep themselves from the same fate. They take vitamins and other popularly advertised supplements and trusting that their bodies will be immune. Still, things happen. Harm happens. Pain just keeps showing up. In any form.

Must I conclude that nothing can altogether protect us? Therefore, pain will always happen(?).

I do agree that pain exists and everyone will experience it, one way or another...every now and then. I believe, however, that it's all a matter of acceptance that things simply happen that will cut short the misery and suffering from it. And, we don't need any explanation why they have to. Because "the more you know, the more it hurts." It's like letting things flow naturally. People come and people go. If you hold on to anything with all that you are, then the time comes it has to go...regardless if it's voluntarily, unexpectedly, forcefully... you are sure to suffer loss. And loss corresponds pain. It may be too cliche to say, "let someone spread their wings and allow them freedom. If they come back, they're really yours for keeps"... but, I find it to be the only solution. Being in control of what must happen next (so, you do all the work you see needed done just to arrive at the result you want) only helps for a short period of time. Just count seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years... in a flash, the one you hold dear can be gone. And you're left alone devastated with questions that leave you restless, depressed --"what did I do wrong?" "In which part did I fail?" What else I haven't given?  Then, the endless (conscious or subconscious) self-blame begins. And the next thing you know, you're trapped in that moment when you were left behind. You're stuck in the past where it's nothing but sorrowful. Not realizing that "pain only remains as long as you keep allowing it to stay."   You are the one giving anyone or anything the power to hurt you. Only you. It's your choice -- brush it off and go on with the day OR wallow in it longer than you're supposed to and suffer.

Do I sound jaded or something by saying "brush it off and go on with the day"? (Lemme add...treat it as any regular day --with good and bad times...it is the bad time. Sadly.)  But, is there any other way of saying what we all need to hear, realize and accept?

I may never be able to give tips on how to control emotions. Will endorphin triggers help? (Don't think so as I've known so many women who felt rather hopeless and depressed after eating as much chocolate as they can. Because they gained weight and it made them feel bad about themselves more. I answered my own question! Boo!) How about Prozac? Any success?

But, I strongly believe that emotions can be handled carefully and properly. It's a matter of will. Knowledge helps, as well. If you understand and know that you are loving another being who was also given the will to choose, you can easily accept that they made a decision which can never be revoked even by you. (YES, even by you. It's too much to expect that you have the power to change anyone's mind only because you believed with all your heart and soul the love they once professed.) If you don't keep taking matters into your hands and try to insist on what you want or think should happen, it's easier to move forward. But, if you keep turning back, trying to salvage something that already gave up... something broken, something that's beyond repair... you only leave yourself miserable while the other person has already moved to the next chapter of their life.  

It's, actually, like the weather. You are wishing it'll be sunny. It's your wedding day. And, it's a garden wedding. Suddenly, it started raining cats and dogs! You can choose how to respond: Sulk in one corner; whine about it; blame the Weather Bureau for giving the wrong information; request for a tent; move to another venue; wait for the rain to stop and feel more excited about being wed to the person you have been dying to start your life with; keep asking why it rained... just to mention a few. It is a CHOICE.

Evidently, pain will always happen but you should find a way to remedy it. Just like when you feel sick, you don't nurture the disease. You find a cure for it. Similarly, you don't carry hurt with you everywhere you go. Then, try hard to show you're ok. Then, when you're alone in your room at night, you take it out and relive it by viewing the videotape in your head and rewind to the time your loved one said goodbye.

There's a remedy (or remedies) but I don't think "prevention is better than cure" applies. Like the DON'Ts I mentioned earlier.  They're no guarantees. Those are very defensive and selfish. How can you truly love anyone if you are too conscious of shielding yourself from pain? Something gets compromised if we try to be too careful in everything.

If you're gonna look at it, parents have natural tendencies to be protective. Mine were. And it didn't turn out very beneficial for me now. I am very sensitive, easily get sick, squeamish. Only because my loving and protective parents provided us a clean environment that allows almost zero bacteria (don't get me wrong, I appreciate that a lot.). It did protect me from getting sick then, but the disadvantages came out later on.

The DONT's I listed are nothing but vain attempts to prevent pain from invading your comfortable life but definitely, there are disadvantages. And one is the inability to experience the joy of loving and being loved. How? You become both occupied and preoccupied being watchful of any attack. You live in fear. You can't just trust. You're anticipating it can happen anytime.  Then, still get surprised when it does.  You either give too little (thinking you shouldn't invest much so even if it ends, there'd be less damage) or too much (thinking that the more you give the lesser the tendency for your partner to have reasons to leave).  And it's never a joyful ride.

I know of an effective way to remedy or handle pain. Lift it up to God. He is the healer of the brokenhearted. When it's hard to just trust, we only need to trust Him. People will always fail us. Even the ones we love. Because none is flawless. Each one expects something from the other. And all of us fall short of each other's expectations. So, we get hurt. If you come to think of it... wrongs, which cause pain, are subjective. Sometimes, it's just us. Sometimes, it's just them. But, rarely do we see this. It is but wise to surrender everything to the ONE who sees EVERYTHING. Who can truly solve the problem. Who can remove the unwanted feeling. Who gives us power to overcome ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Let's give up on taking all the pain in and the refusal to receive help. Let's open our clasped hands and willingly surrender. We need not fear, even PAIN. The Word says, "There is no fear in love. Perfect love (God) drives out fear." Drives out pain. Try it. *wink*

myLot User Profile

I lived too much in my head instead of the real world.

Has it ever occurred to you why you do the things you do? You work everyday. You work hard. I know a lotta people who are simply good at what they do. Expert. Connoisseur. And they still want to become better. Best. Some have achieved sooo many things not common to majority. There are those who have traveled much of the planet. At first, you'd be amazed. It's really impressive. But, at the end of the day, you'd ask "are they really happy?"

I believe it's not what we do, what we achieve, how far we have reached, what places have we gone to ... that makes us happy. Am convinced it's the meaning behind all these things. The purpose. The motive. Are we doing what we're doing because it makes us happy OR we're happy that's why we're doing what we're doing? 

Am reminded of the question, "what drives you?" It's worth the thinking, right? Hmmmm... I work hard to... blah blah blah... and those are my purpose. How about my goal? *at wits end* Well, am simply not a planner. I don't plan my life. I have strong desires, of course...like, I want to reach out to the homeless. Provide them a shelter. Educate them and give them livelihood. It's also my strong desire to give my grannies a comfy and convenient life in their old age. Because I love them. Does that mean I love the homeless, too? I sooo love my Lolo and my Lola that's why there's this strong desire to provide them a better life now that they're very old (in their 80s). But, what could be the reason for my desire to do what I said I wanna do for the homeless? What drives me?

When I was still active doing the feeding program I started as an activity a few years back, I felt a sense of fulfillment  in doing that kind of work. It kinda gave me sense of worth, which I never felt even after I had achieved so many wonderful things. NOT when I became a consistent Dean's Lister. NOT when I appeared on some TV programs. NOT when I was cast-ed in a movie. NOT when I (unbelievably) was able to make it to modeling. NOT when I was awarded for having done an exemplary performance when I joined the corporate world. NOT when (again unbelievably) started a biz (am totally not a business person!). NOT when I earned my first seven digits. Just to name a few or you might think I composed this entry to brag. *sticks out tongue* 

If there was anything I felt having achieved these things, I would say it's rather PRIDE. I was, of course, proud of myself. But, that's just about it. So what? And, I know that there are a lot more others who have achieved more than I did. 

But, there's something about sense of fulfillment. Being proud of what I have achieved only makes me wanna want MORE. It gives a longing to grab, grab and grab. I gotta overtake my previous achievement. I hafta think "what's next?" It's like a long list of TO DOs. And tomorrow, there's more.  There's still more that life offers. I wanna go to Sweden. I will grab an iPad 2 Gold History Edition. I will buy the 2009 Lamborghini Murcielago. I will try the 12 inch “Pizza Royale 007". I will carry a Mouawad's 1001 Nights Diamond Purse. I will wear a pair of Gucci Woven leather boots. And even if I already have these things, I will still want more. Am feeding my pride. And in order to keep feeding it, I am driven to do more. Work more. 

It's funny how we yearn to have certain things and when we already have them, it seems we don't want them anymore. I can't believe how Samsung i900 Omnia (this is my high-end gadget til now) is now nothing but a thing of the past. It isn't as desirable as it used to be when it was first released. How many gadgets have been released since? And, people just can't be satisfied. Now, there are what they call Tablets. I haven't even educated myself about the iPhone (4s, 4, 3GS) and the iPod (nano, shuffle, touch, classic)! Ok, ok...am not a gadget person, but still! I mean, we want a thing now and then we don't want it anymore later because there are still so many to grab. Lust of the eye!

I look at the stack of shoes in my room and I can't feel any sense of fulfillment having them when I bought them with my hard earned money. I don't even get to use them cause I am so loyal to one pair of shoes I wear almost ALWAYS. Those who observed prolly have in their hearts to give me a new pair, if you know what I mean. But, that's my point. NOTHING satisfies. And, things simply wear off. It's just a matter of time.

Reminds me of these lines found in Ecclesiastes 2...

But then I looked at everything I had done and the wealth I had gained. I decided it was all a waste of time! It was like trying to catch the wind. There is nothing to gain from anything we do in this life.

I began to hate all the hard work I had done, because I saw that the people who live after me would get the things that I worked for. I will not be able to take them with me. Some other person will control everything I worked and studied for. And I don’t know if that person will be wise or foolish. This is also senseless.

So I became sad about all the work I had done. People can work hard using all their wisdom and knowledge and skill. But they will die and other people will get the things they worked for. They did not do the work, but they will get everything. That makes me very sad. It is also not fair and is senseless.

What do people really have after all their work and struggling in this life?  Throughout their life, they have pain, frustrations, and hard work. Even at night, a person’s mind does not rest. This is also senseless. (ETRv)

    

Am not saying there's anything wrong with acquiring things. That's not what I meant. Like what the same author wrote in chapter 3...

I learned that the best thing for people to do is to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live. God wants everyone to eat, drink, and enjoy their work. These are gifts from God. (ETRv)

I guess, it's better if we start asking ourselves why do we do the things we do? Why do we want as many accomplishments? Are we getting sense of fulfillment out of these things? Can we say to ourselves... alone in our rooms ...without any spectator... that we're truly happy? That we have joy and peace in our hearts? 

More from the book of Ecclesiastes...

Then I thought, “Why do people work so hard?” I saw people try to succeed and be better than other people. They do this because they are jealous. They don’t want other people to have more than they have. This is senseless. It is like trying to catch the wind.

 Some people say, “It is foolish to fold your hands and do nothing. If you don’t work, you will starve to death.” Maybe that is true. But I say it is better to be satisfied with the few things you have than to always be struggling to get more.

Those who love money will never be satisfied with the money they have. Those who love wealth will not be satisfied when they get more and more. This is also senseless.

People work and work to feed themselves, but they are never satisfied. It is better to be happy with what you have than to always want more and more. Always wanting more and more is useless. It is like trying to catch the wind. (ETRv)

Some more things worth thinking ... Why do I want what I want? Why do I want MORE? What can satisfy me? What is enough for me?

So many questions! Oh, but these questions will reveal what's truly in our hearts.



Gotta sign off now. Toodle-oo!