Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time.

Twas Dad's birthday last 23rd. That was 2 days ago now. No bash...just some pitch ins from me and my siblings. Didn't visit him. Just sent pizza and that's it. Not that I didn't want to. There's a reason why.

A couple of days before his day, I bought this nice card. I carefully chose it with a message that I truly meant to tell him. Dunno about you, guys, but always, I'd take time to choose greeting cards that have the message I sincerely want to tell the persons I give them to. What I gave dad has the words I longed to tell him. Finally, this time I was able to tell him.

With the card is a 2-page letter with other things I had to add -- my wishes for him and all the things I sincerely want him to know about how I feel about him. Even until now I still keep this hope that he will take my words seriously. Especially my request for him to start enjoying his life.

Am not sure but I believe I understand him better now. He has a different view of the world. Dad is very logical about things. He is very self-critical like myself. And I guess he is critical in judging people, too. This kinda repels him from mingling with others. Not to justify his ways but... who can blame him? The way I see it, so many people and events in his life made him cynical. He is very intuitive like myself and, perhaps, many proved his intuitions to be true. This could be the reason why he doesn't associate with others so much... to avoid more disappointments. I only wish I am not such a big disappointment for him.

I dunno how he took my letter. I love him and the bitterness that used to live inside me is continuously fading. And I am loving him more as I inch by inch understand him better.

Happy Birthday to Dad.

Dad thinks I am a good writer. *smiles* This is already a compliment I can consider. Especially coming from him.

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.

June 9, my agenda was to finally pay Ron a visit in the hospital. That afternoon, though, I received a mobile call from G telling me that Ron already had turned up his toes. I couldn't say anything else but, "seriously?!!" (with glaring eyes) ...but why would someone lie about something as serious as that?

Am still recalling the disbelief from the sound of my voice after G said the exact time -- 9:05am. Didn't even hear it clear enough so, I think I sent the wrong info to some (9:02am). It's indescribable how I felt at that moment. But sure it's dominantly unbelief...trying to keep the hope that I just might heard it wrong OR G might just have gotten the wrong info.

But, yes, Ron is already at rest.

The one thing that sooo disquiets me now is I didn't have the chance to visit him when he was still fighting for his life. Well, as if it's gonna help. I dunno whether it could be anything helpful or not. I just thought that giving him this idea that he is loved and many people care, could've brought him more strength. Thing is, I was not aware at all that his condition was that bad. He was admitted to the same hospital some years ago and I was able to visit him back then.

I was informed only after a month he's been in hospital. I was not even aware he's been there since June 4. That he's been in need of blood donors and been in and out of ICU.

Am no savior so, my presence might not be anything important. But, of course, as a friend wish I was there.

I remember what message he used to send me. Think he sent it more than a couple of times. Something with, "I live to suffer...". I hate that I didn't even bother asking him about this message, though I find it strange. Should've asked "why". Should've lent him an ear.

...his battle is over now. I rather want this for him than let him keep bearing the torturous pain. So, enough of my selfish rants. I wasn't able to visit ...I wasn't there to listen to whatever he might longed to share... and there's nothing I can do about it anymore. Enough of the "should'ves". This is what's best for Ron.

Here's a song for you, Ron...

Oh we never know where life will take us
I know it's just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
It's okay now
Goodbye my friend

I've seen a lot things that make me crazy
And I guess I held on to you
We could've run away and left well maybe
But it wasn't time and we both knew

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the love you gave me through all the years
Will take away these tears
I'm okay now
Goodbye my friend

Life's so fragile and love's so pure
We can't hold on but we try
We watch how quickly it disappears
And we never know why

But I'm okay now
Goodbye my friend
You can go now
Goodbye my friend