I see me three years ago today...

My life is as if enclosed in the world of showbiz. Somehow, it feels like people are relentlessly after my next moves. My affairs have been such a big part of their lives that they could not go through a day without discussing about me. Should I even be flattered? I wish it could somehow be considered like soft-soap; you know what I’m saying? It’s not the case, though as I am now tremendously disconcerted. I wish they would just leave me alone. People around me are like paparazzi that never leave as if I am such an important item. I mean, come on! I would understand if I were Britney Spears or something. Only I am just a simple girl that you will see in the same lonely and lackluster corner everyday; just a simple girl dreaming to have a quiet and unruffled life. Can I just have that? Can anyone of you just give me that? I do not need your attention. Believe me, I can go on whether you notice me or not, so please stop giving me all these attention now. I desire to just run far away and shut myself off from everyone. I am so damn sick and tired of small-minded people who cannot find anything good to say about anyone. No prank, I am and I’ve always been.

Wait, I must listen intently to myself. I have started acting like a certified grumbler! What is happening to me? This is all so unbelievable! The past days have been knotty for me, yes. People left and right are causing me distress. If I were a manic depressive freak, I could’ve already found myself at the morgue with all other manic depressive bodies lying on hard-wearing steel beds. Guess, this juvenile child inside me is in fact a warrior that never gives up on any fight. Yet, evidently, my heart had gone worn down.

Not that I had gone cynical or anything. Don’t get me wrong, I get to smile and laugh once in a while. I can only apologize to people who I should be focusing on for the lifts they give me whenever I am low. I do feel gratified because of them. And I believe they are one of the biggest reasons that I hang on strong. They are what cause the sparkle in my eyes and the delight in my heart. They do…and I hope somehow, in spite of my incessant ramblings, they still could see how they have made a big difference in my life.

Life, they say, is never easy. What more can I say?

~ the talked-about is always the last to hear the talk ~

Again, I question why people just won't stop passing nasty words around. I don't really care whatever the degree of nastiness. It actually may not be considered nasty, intfp... passing gossips ...hearsays...whatever you want to call it! ...thing is, why bother passing along something that is completely none of your business? Just doesn't make any sense to me. And I can't even decide whether to pity or loathe them. I am pissed, yes. They are making me believe more that nobody is deserving of trust.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't trust you anymore, Miss Plastic Coke Bottle. I don't feel sorry for you, though. I feel sorry for myself that I even gave you a bit of my trust. It's such a waste of resources. Should've just saved them for someone who deserved it more than you do. You deserve none. You are like a leech trying to suck some freaking blood from different people for your own grandiose pleasure. You're such a pathetic empathy magnet. You gotta be dealing with your pathetic self issues! ...and I hate that I have given you that precious space in my Yahoo Blog. Hate that I even said kind words about you. Now, I can't help but believe all the nice things you said about me were all but like you...all lies!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...there's another type of poison perhaps a little more insidious - thought poison - commonly called "gossip." Thought poison differs from body poison in two ways. It affects the mind, not the body, and it is more subtle. The person being poisoned usually doesn't know it. Thought-poison is subtle but it accomplishes "big" things. It reduces the size of our thinking by forcing us to concentrate on petty, unimportant things. It warps and twists our thinking about people because it is based on a distortion of facts, and it creates a guilt feeling in us that shows through when we meet the person we've gossiped about. Thought-poison is zero percent right thinking: it is 100 percent wrong thinking. And contrary to lots of opinion, women have no exclusive franchise on gossip. Every day many men, too, live in a partially poisoned environment.