How can I not believe in things that everyone else sees?

Why does it seem that I always have to play the role of a second best? I am starting to hate it. Why can't anyone choose me for me and not because they want to be rid of someone? ...Because someone left them or they're fed up with the relationship? This is so insulting for me. I feel like I am just someone they can run to whenever they are in need of rescue. What am I -- a social worker? I feel like I am robbing a bunch of women their loved ones. It is just so frustrating. And I don't like the way it makes me feel. I feel like a crap. I feel like they're using me as an outlet or something. Can't men be man enough to commit? I don't like it that they always find a way out of what troubles they caused. And I am the accomplice. I just so despise it.

Yes, maybe I am just upset. I am saying this because I am damn upset that people can't love anymore. One time they'd tell you how much they love you and then later on after seeing the real you -- the attitudes they didn't know you have, they will just call it quits. Or if they found out that they want something else and you don't have it, they'd start treating you differently, give you less time and would make you damn insecure about yourself. And in stead of telling you up front, they'd make you guess. and girls would go like, "just what is wrong with me?" Girls would go crazy thinking what to do and try change themselves. It's just so habitual. Men just take the easiest way out. When they are broken they'd go look for some sort of entertainment at another's expense! How boorish! Insensitive freaks! (Sorry...I just feel so upset.)

I know I have no right to be rude even with words but I cannot contain this anymore. I don't understand a thing. I have so many questions running in my head and it's like I am starting to lose my sanity. For goodness sakes! Anyone tell me, Why?

I am in pain right now. I don't know what to believe. I don't know who to trust. And I am incapable of reasoning. People are full of schemes. They do things for their own advantage. For their own pleasure. For their own happiness. They don't even consider another's. How could they?

Ok, it's not right that I am generalising. Not all men are the same. But how can I not? Can anyone tell me?
There's someone I know who once loved a girl. After some time he realised he don't love the girl anymore because he couldn't put up with her despicable attitude. How can you fall out of love with someone just because of freaking attitude? I don't get it. You love someone for who they are. Without questions. That's why it's called love. If it's just infatuation or mere crush then I'd understand. Because you're just attracted to someone for physical reasons. But love is something else. Love is accepting. What if someone tells me he loves me and then after some time my ugly attitudes show? Will this someone leave me too? It's really freaking scaring the hell out of me. Nobody's perfect for goodness sakes! All of us have flaws. If people fall out of love because of something they discover...something they don't like about someone then nobody can love. Nobody is capable of loving. Nobody can be loved because of imperfection.

I found a new girl friend. She talked about pure love. She's insisting that there's no wrong in LOVE. She insisted that Love is pure. There is no fear in love. I know about it. I've read it several times in the Bible. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)...I don't understand this as clearly as I understand it now.

Pure love means loving unconditionally. Loving unconditionally means loving without conditions; Loving with all your heart. Seeing past someone's mistakes, imprefections... Who could really give this? So far, I have found none...only my mom.

Mom, she put up with my dad all her married life. She accepted all that dad had her put through. And I admire her so much for that. I know that she loved my dad unconditionally. Having seen all dad's imperfections, she loved him, stayed with him and they're still together til now. That is unconditional love. So, how can anyone say that it is impossible to love unconditionally? I think those saying this just don't have the will to do so. Love is also a choice. Someone may be hurting you but you can still choose to love them. And by loving someone with all your heart can/may cause change. Well, ideally speaking of course. But the problem nowadays, people just don't want to commit. They are just not willing to commit. Because there are so many options laying on the table. They think they can get away with things just like that. The world has given people more reasons not to stay. It is so sad.

In this culture, it is so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that. But the poor kids today, either they're too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced. They don't know what they want in a partner. They don't know who they are themselves--so how can they know who they're marrying?

I find myself in question again

I hope to be able to give people the best advice I could ever give anyone. The book, "The Purpose Driven Life" is a good self-help book because it teaches us on how to live life with purpose (as the title suggests). And not only that advices were given. They're given with depth. They're no non-sense advice. I took the book seriously, though what's written there is a bit hard to follow. I mean, of course, it's not easy to just alter whatever plans one might have already set for himself. It's hard to start again. I should've read the book long time ago. But, maybe I just need to collect all the courage I have to have a purpose driven life.

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"The most important and precious asset in a person’s life is time. It is a limited commodity in one’s life. Whereas one may make more money, one cannot make more time. Because of this, it is the most vital sacrifice one can offer to another of the human race—the absolute greatest way one can demonstrate unselfish love toward another is through focused attention. Often fathers forget this, believing that providing material things for their wife and children is sufficient to show their love. It is not! Nothing takes the place of spending time with those who should be loved. When a person gives one’s time to another, he is giving of himself—a true act of unselfish love—because to give one’s time to anther is to take it from one’s self."

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Hmmm.... So, this is why when I give time to people, they kinda think it is because I have something special for them. Ok, let me state this clearly. Most of the guys interested in me would think they have a chance on me because I spend time with them. Which is not really the case. I am naturally like giving everyone time. Because my purpose in life is to show compassion...to give love. Not necessarily in a romantic form. Just that there's no other way but to share a moment of my time. And I hope that guys would stop focusing on finding a partner. Relationships can take many forms. They might be looking for someone to share a relationship with but the only relationship I can give them is friendship. I am saying this because, although, yes, I may be giving them "the most important and precious asset in my life" and that I care for them...and maybe I love them in a platonic way (or friendly way), I only am doing this because of the purpose I should serve. Nothing romantic. Nothing intimate.

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Attention says, “I value you enough to give you my most precious asset – my time.” When you give someone your time, you’re giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. You can always make more money, but you cannot make more time.

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Yes, "relationships are what life is all about". I don't blame people if they keep searching for someone to share a relationship with. I just don't get why they do the searching almost all the time. It puts me in a situation where I don't know how to share my time with people without giving them false hope that I might be the one they've been looking for. I want them to understand that there are people like me who just want to give of themselves without romantic attachments.

Anyway, I agree that time is the best gift we can give people, although I only realised it just now. And it makes me feel guilty that I give less of my time to my family. It's like I can let the time pass without seeing or talking with them. Does it mean, I love them less? *sigh*