I will not apologize for who I am.

Must I?

Sometimes, I want to pity myself for being myself. Not for anything, but because people don't find it easy to understand me. They always give different interpretations for each action I make. There are times that I rather just shut my world off. That way, nobody sees me, nobody questions me. I think it's better that way. I have to be sorry for myself that I can't allow the world to really get to know me. Because people in it almost always accuse me of having ulterior motive that at times I even start to doubt myself. Why can't they just take me as I am?

So much for a sad start. Still I am blessed for having people who believes in me. Just a few, though, but enough to keep me hanging. I just hope that people won't be too judgmental. None of us know any better. This is me. Live with it... take it, love it. hehe *shrugs*

"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular."
- Mean Girls

I myself am strange and unusual.

“I love you” is very easy to say. Indeed! And anyone can just tell you that without truly meaning it. It's so easy to trust. Everything seems easy but when you're already hurt, it's never so easy. What do I know?

I am the type of girl who is terrified to lay her heart out in the open. Terrified of a lot of things, actually. I hardly allow anyone get close enough to hurt me. Nah-uh! *shrugs* When the topic of relationship and loving comes in, I back off almost immediately. I am afraid of pain. Why does it sound like there's so much pain out there? There's so much pain in loving. Because, truth of the matter is, pain is almost the foster sister of love. And no matter how I re-read my favorite Bible verse about love... it only proves how much scared I am and will be. It's not working. It's like I am in a battle. I know I only have myself to protect me. So I shield myself from danger. It is so easy to trust but I can't just give it like that.

And for goodness sakes! As if! Come on people. Are you really thinking I can still get affected with all your worthless babblings?! I've had worst than that. Lemme tell you, nothing can hurt me as much anymore. All has been said about me already. And countless times I had proven everyone wrong. Want sommore?!