Let lemons be lemons.

“As you go about your daily life, you will encounter many lemons. Sour expressions, sour attitudes, sour auras! The good thing is that if you don't want to be a lemon, you don't have to be! Just don't let those lemons rub themselves all over you! And you don't even have to save them!” ―  C. JoyBell C.

Am reminded of this person who commented on one of my FaceBook wall posts. He was boldly insisting that it's impossible for people to love unconditionally because only GOD can do that. He strongly believes that NO ONE can love like how God loves. Well, that's his. I respect his belief. On my end, however, I have strong belief that it is possible because like what the Word says, "everything is possible to those who believe"... and "we can do all things through Christ Who gives us strength". From these verses, loving unconditionally is possible BUT requires a lotta faith. NOT on self but on God's grace.

I see the point of this person, actually. It's hard to love. At least, it's hard to go on loving. It seems to get tougher and tougher as you get to know and understand the nature of every single person you're in a relationship with. And am not talking about romantic relationship. This is about "relationship" in and of itself. Fact is, most of the time, the hardest to love are the people closest to you. Maybe because they don't see the need to be gentle, or kind, or nice, or polite... They think everything can be just ok. You've grown too familiar. They think they know you enough because of the long-standing togetherness. There's so many factors, actually, and one is LABELING.

Often, we THINK we KNOW, but we really don't. So many times, we readily assume how a person's like just because we've been with them, experienced them, spent time with them. And this is true even within family. Each one has their own perception of another person or a situation. It's not always that the truth of one agrees with the truth of another. And these two don't necessarily match the real truth. There can even be another truth from another's eyes, if you come to think of it. But from this springs disharmony in many cases. There are so many truths that come forward, which only cause confusion. Whose voice is worth listening to? Is this even the deciding factor?

What am I saying? I don't know, too. I'm smack dab in the middle. I strive to have unconditional love, but it makes it hard for me to love when around certain people who don't even choose to give even an itsy-bity love. Or at least make themselves a lil easier to love. Which makes me remember what the person I mentioned earlier said in his comment...it is IMPOSSIBLE to love unconditionally. For how can you really say you're loving unconditionally if everyone around you is willing to love back ...or is loving you back? Meaning they'll not make you walk on eggs doing so. This makes me realize that what hinders people from loving this way is the want... the need... the longing... the desire to be loved. Everyone is after receiving. And even those who are full of love and are generous in giving love also want, need, long and desire love and everything else that comes with it ― appreciation, understanding, encouragement... just to name a few ― but, like what they say, the one who loves more often receives less. 

I mentioned labeling because most of the time, we automatically attach a label or a tag on people. Of course, there's always a basis...and they're usually valid. Then, we live believing these tags forgetting there's also a word "progress". When you're being judged, criticized, condemned... loving becomes a can of worms. Countless times I've been harsh with a few number of people. Made assumptions as to who they really are. Lived believing I know much about them. And countless times, I've been treated harshly by umpteen number of people. Was assumed to be the person they created in their minds ...and they believe they really know me enough to define me.

Being in both sides cyclically, I grow more in compassion. Am not gonna deny that there are many times I simply just wanna stop my aim to have unconditional love and just accept that yeah, maybe it's only God Who really can. Truth is, I am convinced that it could only be a vain attempt. I'd bruise and wound myself doing so...for what?!!! And then I'd be reminded of Colossians 3:23..."in whatever you do, do it as if you're doing it for God and not for men."  This doesn't necessarily make it easier, but it turns my focus where it should really be.

For me what makes unconditional love obtainable is not being in the right set of people. Not surrounding myself with lovable individuals and discard the rest. It is by looking at how loved I am by God, my Creator. The Creator of ALL human race. Am sure He didn't make a mistake having created the despicable ones ― the haters, the bullies, the judgmental, the gossips, etc. I constantly remind myself that if I love God, I should have love and respect for all people because they're all HIS creations. I can't and shouldn't allow myself detest anyone because it's also detesting God's grand plan. For whatever reason certain people are the way they are is not anymore my problem. It's God's. Complaining about or resenting them is telling God He did a huge mistake. What about me? If I am to intently look at myself, I must say HE did make a mammoth! I must firstly look at how faulty I am before I bellyache about how so many people are undeserving of love. I am humbled because apart from God, I am nothing. I don't take credit for the untold good I did. Am just like everyone else ― flawed. And, jumping down anyone's throat is practically saying I'm in the clear or at least, relatively...when that only makes me self-righteous.

Self-righteousness is telling yourself you're far better than others because you've done more good and less evil than most people you know. There's a basis for comparison and it's the sins of others against your own. Only, this isn't God's basis. God's thoughts and ways are simply a far cry from ours. Like night and day. And if I may take credit for the zillion good I did in my lifetime, I could probably have more rewards than others. But, of course, still nothing that squares with what the likes of Mother Teresa had done. Simply put, I ...and all of us must have a proper estimation of ourselves.

Loving unconditionally and having compassion for others aren't farfetched. But, require humility and an honest estimation of self. Whenever I find it hard to love anyone because of a blemish...mostly attitude / behavior problem... sins... I look at my own grubbiness. It's only when you have an honest assessment of who you really are apart from God that you'll start having the compassion of Jesus. Then, you'll start seeing all God's creations through His Eyes. By looking at myself and acknowledging how hopeless I am yet still trying to be an inch better by the day... I can assume that people, too, are in my same boat. Just with different challenges and struggles.

“Christians must treat their enemies as 
brothers, and requite their hostility with love.
Their behavior must be determined not by the
way others treat them, but by the treatment
they receive from God.”

― The Cost of Discipleship

“Having Christian convictions can’t ever negate having Christ’s compassion.”

“Everyone is a resource. They serve a purpose. You serve a purpose. I compartmentalized all of you. You are here to prop me up, to tear me down, to straighten my spine, to lighten the load. To be my carrier pigeon, my work horse, my lover, my fighter, my friend, my enemy.”
―  Christopher Gutierrez

There was a time in my life when I was trying to place things where I thought they should belong. Set rules and lived around them. Was strictly following each one. Y'know, like always be on the right side of the corridors, never stray away from the sidewalk, be polite especially to the elders... I even made rules for myself. I didn't unnecessarily expect others to be loyal to basic rules. In fact, I was considerate enough to take them as they are with no complaints. O'course, there were times I asked myself why are some people the way they are? Guess it's part of my being a RULE-person. Was thinking too much that I was trying to rationalize how come certain people don't act the same way as I do. Especially growing up in a Christian community, I had expectations of everyone around me. Not big ones. Just what I thought Christians should be like. 

What's good about me being that girl with many rules in mind, I didn't force them on anyone. God's been really faithful that He gave me wisdom not to impose on anyone what I THOUGHT "should be". Growing up, I kinda have this idea that I am not anyone's writer...definitely not their creator. Which, helped me respect their design. Being this observant girl, I noticed there are people who don't care about others... they are just about themselves. I learned about bullies even at an early age (when bully wasn't still a common term). Some people are naturally timid. Some fearful. Some are indifferent. Some are naturally kind. People vary. People have different personalities. At times, I can't understand what's the point of being around this diversity. And, many times, I wished I have the option to choose which kinds I want to be surrounded by. Sadly, it isn't possible. I can always try...but will always be in vain.

It's far more convenient if we're given the choice to pick the kinds of person we want to stick with us. No hassles. We can just throw away whoever doesn't belong or doesn't meet our standard. But, isn't that a character flaw? A bratty attitude? How can we mature in every area of our being if all that's before us are only things that we find pleasurable? How can we learn what LOVE really means according to God's definition of it if we're surrounded by only loveable people? In fact, the Word tells us to "love one another" (John 13:34) ...it didn't tell us to be choosy in who we want to love. In other parts of the Bible, we're even instructed to "be tolerant with one another" (Colossians 3:13) and to "carry each others burdens" (Galatians 6:2). Why should there be instructions like these if we are to mingle only with people who we can get along with? The challenge of Jesus' commandment comes when unloveable people are in our midst. Are we gonna follow HIS commandment or are we gonna complain why God created too many malfunctioning individuals and placed them in our paths? 

We've been occupied by judging the sins of others around us that are pretty more evident than ours that we fail to judge our own character and attitude. We even quarantine ourselves from them ― trying to isolate ourselves from being contaminated by their filthiness...forgetting that Jesus did not isolate Himself. HE called sin SIN and sinners SINNERS yet not with judgment but with HOPE that they will one day become the persons God intends them to be. Jesus walked here on Earth. The same contaminated world where we currently are. But, in stead of the world infecting HIM, HE infected the world. He said, “I did not come into the world to judge people. I came to save the people in the world." (John 12:47, ERV) We are not created to save people. But, we are instructed to be "imitators of Christ" (Ephesians 5:1). Live a life of love. Love others just as Christ loved us. He gave himself for us—a sweet-smelling offering and sacrifice to God (v2).  

Of'times, I ask myself why many Christians remain self-righteous pointing fingers at others only because those people are struggling with certain sins. Why aren't they seeing through God's Eyes? Why are they still living like the Pharisees who are mostly into rules and regulations that are so hard for humans to follow because they are by nature sinners? Why, instead of helping people be released from sin, guilt and shame...they are the ones causing them to get stranded in that mire?  Why, as Christians, we're still surprised that other Christians are struggling with sin? Aren't we reading the Word? Have we not yet realized that even Jesus' apostles struggled in unbelief and many other sins even when Jesus was walking with them? Jesus even knew about what to take place but allowed them to commit those mistakes ― Peter denied Jesus, Judas betrayed Him, etc. ― Because HE wasn't focused on the sin but on the fulfillment of His own purpose. It's actually interesting how Jesus even told Judas, “What you will do—do it quickly!” (John 13:27, ERV) 

Jesus walked on Earth without making it hard for people to live the Christian life. HE set the standard with HIS life as an example. HE allowed them to be their selves, and change at their own pace while growing in the love of God. It is God's love fully experienced that causes changed lives. When all we do is highlight how wrong people are, we're only pressuring them to be what we THINK they ought to be NOT what God wants them to be. When we do not stop judging and condemning, all we'll end up creating is a place of hypocrisy ― people wearing masks for fear they will not have anywhere to go to.

We are on a contaminated planet. It is contaminated on every level. It should have been quarantined from Heaven. No reasonable God would go near it with a ten-foot pole. But, Jesus is not a reasonable God. He became a human being. HE took on your uncleanliness and mine. In stead of the world infecting Him, He infected the world.  

The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout...as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So, everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So, we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners. 
― Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg

It is not a question how big or small your sin may be. The Word says, "whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." (James 2:10) There is no other way to call "breaking a commandment" but SIN. Almost every second, we break Christ's commandment ― "love one another" (John 13:34) ― by judging others. By making Christianity hard for them. Are we just gonna watch a person while he drowns and just state how wrongly he made choices that's why he's drowning? Do spiritual quarantine because they're contaminated and they might infect us? Do we really underestimate the power of Christ in us that we fear we're powerless in fighting temptation? That we're afraid of leprosy...of germs? Jesus healed. And Jesus still heals...through Christians, His followers. Where are they? Where are His followers? Why are we Christians acting like Pharisees and Sadducees isolating ourselves from sinners in order to be set apart? Isn't our righteousness from Christ alone? Aren't we justified because of Jesus' death on the Cross of Calvary? And...aren't we sinners? Christians are saints who sin. Not entirely by choice but because by nature humans are. For as long as we're in the flesh, we cannot separate ourselves completely from sin. It's an every second denying of self, which everyone of us find hard to do. If our salvation is by grace then why aren't we gracious to those who are badly in need of it? What about Jesus' commandment?

Is't because someone's a stealer does it make you far better because you're only struggling with temperament? Your neighbor's an adulterer and you're just a gossip? Someone you know's a murderer and you're only a sluggard? 

"God sees with utter clarity who we are. HE is undeceived as to our warts and wickedness. But when God looks at us, that's not all HE sees. He also sees who we are intended to be, who we will one day become."   

Let's see through HIS Eyes. Let's infect this contaminated world with love...not with judgment...not with hate...not with self-righteousness... "In Jesus, we see that true spirituality always makes a person more approachable, not less. It is in the act of touch that we become most present and real to each other."

 

"Everyday you and I walk through God's shop. Everyday, we brush up against objects of incalculable worth to Him. People. Every one of them carries a price tag, if only we could see it."

  

*Quotes are from the book  Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg.

   

 

I'm so done with mean-spirited people and I no longer get their brand of humor.

“I advise you to stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they're your parents. Because, if you're the kind of person who senses there's something out there for you beyond whatever it is you're expected to do - if you want to be extra-ordinary- you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you're not extraordinary. Instead, you will probably become as ordinary as they expect you to be.” 
 ― If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You

Twas another enlightening fellowship with my Leaders' group last Sunday (2ndth of June 2013) afternoon. We talked about the "Grasshopper Mentality" with reference from the book of Numbers chapter 13. It's basically talking about how little you look at yourself is how others will look at you. And, it's true. Sometimes, the way we look at ourselves ― so little ― becomes us and we invite others to treat us that way ― small. It's still a different story, o'course, if you think highly of yourself. That's not even a suggestion to remedy this problem. What this practically teaches us is we better start appreciating ourselves how we're designed and quit comparing ourselves with others. They're different designs with different purposes. Just concentrate on your own and do the best that you can with the gifting that's given you. No matter how small you think your contribution is to the society, it's still needed. Nobody hinders you from reaching a goal but yourself because you're too focused on an image you yourself created. 

By feeling small you end up insecure. And from this insecurity will ignite the negatives within. It's dangerous. It's damaging. Many people react to this insecurity by pulling people down, and attacking their emotions. They want others to stay down with them so they'd do every possible thing to break their faith in themselves. Pretty lonely down there so they rather want companions. Never allow yourself be among this group of people. Believe how God defines you and live around that definition so nothing can tear you apart. 

Don't resent those people who try to kill your dreams, though. Being a hater won't take you anywhere either. Pity them, in stead. Have compassion for them that their fate is like that. If all possible, help them out of that pit. Be the good influence in their lives. But, know that at the end of each day, it's their choice. Don't take it upon yourself to clean all their mess. You're not a failure if nothing good happens to them. Just plant the seed and go on with your journey. There may still be more along the road who need your guiding light.

We are all created FOR each other NOT against each other. Those who are treating you roughly still have a good purpose in your life. Face them with confidence. None of us are designed for another's enjoyment and pleasure. We need not please everyone. Give your best at all times, but should that remain not enough for them, know that it isn't your problem anymore. You can't live your life always trying to meet people's expectations. That life's exhausting! Nothing will ever suffice because the wants and needs never run out. Just do your part in anyone's life and keep in mind never to inflict pain. At least, not deliberately. That should do.

I lived a hard life and barely enjoyed my growing up years because I've been too occupied trying to please people around me. There came a point when I started resenting the person I become. Envying so many things that others enjoy and I don't. Most of my decisions are influenced by whether or not it will make everyone happy. Sounds selfless, but it's actually selfish. Selfish in the sense that the reason why I am doing my best is because I want love and appreciation. I wanted to be embraced by these things. But, sadly, am only as good as my last performance. Next day is another. And many of the wonderful things I'd done are nothing but history. It's life. So, it's pointless to allow yourself revolve around people. There's more in life that need attention. There's more to life than just being loved and appreciated. What I learned is, if you just keep yourself busy loving and appreciating, there's no time nor effort wasted. Care not too much about receiving. Just get busy giving without expectation of return. 

Allow no one's definition of you affect you. Never allow people to dictate your fate by listening to what they THINK is for you or not for you. If you'll just be real honest with yourself, you are your best judge. Don't believe too much what others THINK  are your strengths and weaknesses. It's helpful to get feedback, of course. But, to be weighed down by criticisms and opinions...that's the worst move you'll ever make. Be wise. Understand that God has given you talents, skills and gifts. Utilize them and don't let people dim your light just like that. You can't stop people from throwing stones at trees that bear so much fruits. Take that as a compliment. ^_^

Toodles! ^_^

“I can’t”… “It’s not possible”… “I’m Not good enough” 
― These are lies the demons of  your past use to scare away the possibilities of the present.”
― Steve Maraboli