Most people, as far as I can see, when they're in love with someone and the love isn't returned feel that they have a grievance. They grow angry and bitter. I wasn't like that. I never expected you to love me, I didn't see any reason that you should. I never thought myself very lovable. I was thankful to be allowed to love you and I was enraptured when now and then I thought you were pleased with me or when I noticed in your eyes a gleam of good-humored affection. I tried not to bore you with my love; I knew I couldn't afford to do that and I was always on the lookout for the first sign that you were impatient with my affection. What most husbands expect as a right I was prepared to receive as a favor. ― The Painted Veil
Relationships seem harder these days because people aren't anymore willing to give unless they're so sure it's gonna be returned. Lately, I've even started asking myself if it's really true what the world says, "It takes two to make a relationship work." Logically, yes, it appears that it has to be a tandem effort. If it's just one it's most likely not to succeed. That's why it's called "relationship". You relate to a person (or persons). I can try and do everything I can to keep a relationship going but without the active participation of another, it's next to impossible to maintain. Either of the two persons need the partner's voluntary cooperation to keep it alive. Or it will eventually become tiresome for the person loving and working more.
I don't wanna delve so much into that view, though, if I am to consider the power of love. I think the very reason why most relationships don't last is because people believe it always has to be a tandem work. But, there'll always come a time when either one of the couple will fail and commit a mistake...grow tired and show less or no interest in keeping the relationship. Although, love may still be there, the other one also gives up after getting so tired from doing all the dirty job fixing the partner's mess. It's become an obligatory task of both to do something for each other and if that's not anymore happening, the relationship isn't anymore as good as it used to be. So, they end up parting ways.
Always the easy way out. Very rarely that people choose the unpopular move, which is to exert more effort and extend greater love. I dunno but I am saddened by the fact that we are only being fueled by what the loved person can give. If they fall short, our performance also gets affected. The basis of love isn't anymore from something divine and abstract. We already start to give reasons for it. "I love him/her because..." "I love him/her only if..." "I love him/her but..."
By saying this, I am not trying to suggest that we should put up not being loved in return. That we should allow another person to treat us less than we ought to be treated. But, all am saying is, if we are to love, we need to stop focusing on expectations of return. There's a need to stop waiting and watching for obvious signs the love is increasing or deteriorating and in stead keep on doing and giving. I mean, just like the concept of running in a race and just looking ahead in stead of around to see if the rest of the others are running the same pace...or the concept where one is basing effort on the efforts of others (like in the workplace). I'd often hear people complaining ... "this and that person do lesser tasks and here I am drowning in the piles of work to do!" Even in love, our attitude is the same. We are unwilling to give more and resent tolerating another's lacks and weaknesses. Like the line I'd always use, we have been accustomed to doing investments rather than doing charity.
Relationships started going around "what's-in-it-for-me" mentality. "If I love you, you should love me back just the same way as I expected." No wonder a lotta quotes like this proliferates...
It's funny how we need to be reminded what the nature of love really is. I think the real problem is we've become so into convenience. Everything instant and easy. Technology makes life a lot simpler, so we thought. And everything being convenient, we refuse anything inconvenient. We don't wanna walk extra mile anymore. Why? What for...when I can simply get out that door? Nothing is as valuable to us as ourselves these days. We all think we're that special so we deserve more than what is being given us. Nothing is worth fighting for. Not even love.
But, as I meditate on how God is loving me, I realized there's no truth to what the world is injecting in the thoughts of human race ― "It takes two to make a relationship work." I won't deny it's a lot easier if both give the same amount of effort. But, I believe any relationship can still work for as long as there's still one person willing to give. Willing to love. "As long as one heart still holds on then hope is never really gone."
Pure love can change things. What cannot be moved by an act of kindness? Even the most jaded heart love can break. Only those who can't receive love because they know they're unworthy cannot be moved by it.
Some time ago, I didn't know how to receive love. God has been pouring His love graciously upon me but I just can't receive it because I know I was undeserving. Where did this thought come from? From the world which has been yelling at everyone saying: you aren't good enough. Someone's not good enough. You need to work work work before you can enjoy anything including love. And, that's why we also set that standard when loving others. But, God proved to me that it's all a lie that I need to deserve love before I can grab it. His love for me so moved me that it caused a change within. I am able to love with at least lesser expectations because He didn't expect from me. In fact, it's His choice to love me and I had no influence in that decision of His. I was not required to be loveable first. He just loved me and from it I learned to love Him back. His persistent love created between us a relationship that no one can ever break. He worked hard so that love can conceive in my heart. He didn't force me to love Him; in stead, He wooed me that I may start loving Him.
For the longest time, I have been in a relationship with Him, it's all His work. I know about Him, I think about Him. I talk to Him. But, I wasn't really enough. Everything wasn't enough. I kept failing and I kept hurting Him with my actions and decisions. Most are deliberate. The love had been one-way for quite some time. What's amazing is, He never thought of leaving. He chose to stay and remain patient as I strayed. As I neglected Him. In stead of growing tired and giving up on me, He found genius ways to love me more so He can draw me back to Him. It's been all Him. So, why should I believe the lie of the world?
Yeah, yeah...He's God and we're not. Another lie people say. Another lie they allow to influence their beliefs. But, that's just all lie is about ― LIE. When you start experiencing the love of God, you get to have an overflow. He fills you with His abundant love and all the good stuff that it becomes more than enough to share with others. Well, too bad lies come one after the other. And worse, we may not fully enjoy LOVE in its truest form if we keep choosing to believe in lies. As for me...I've stopped believing them. I now only believe in LOVE.
“Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.”
― Gary Chapman
Toodle-oo!
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