"If you love ME, love my rag dolls." - GOD

Sure we all desire so many things. This includes love. The very person we so wish will be with us forever. We desire strongly out of this longing inside. From this desire springs a lot more other things such as expectations, pain, disappointments...blah blah blah. Once, you thought if you only have this person (or something) in your life, you'll be happy. You never stop wanting, desiring, longing. Until one day, the person's (or the thing's) yours. Of course, at first, everything's fine and dandy. Butterflies and rainbows. Mostly sunny days. But, there'll always be storm. It will always come just when we least expect it. You probably have this in mind. You're prepared, no doubt. Why not? You operate with so much love. Just, little by little though, the other person whom you thought shares the same feelings with you don't operate with the same amount of love to your surprise. The relationship gets shaky. You try hard to hold it. To hold on. With all your strength. The love that once made you extremely happy is now causing you so much agony.

We keep asking GOD the question, "why?" "Why do I have to suffer?" "Why does it ache so bad?" We look else where for someone or something to blame without realizing that it is "our own selves" that caused us all these. It is our CHOICE.

This is what happens when GOD allows us to receive what we desire. He makes us realize how what we so yearn for can't truly make us happy. Happiness can't be found anywhere, in fact. It is within (if we are under HIS grace and love). If only we don't try to look for happiness outside of ourselves and just be happy who we are and what we have. Be content. Wait for GOD's perfect timing. We'll all be surprised at how right HE has always been.

Thing is, we all are unlovable. No matter how lovable you may look from outside, there are still so many things inside that can appear unlovable to others, eventually. (Just consider the number of broken relationships. What could've caused them?) In fact, looks will fade. One day, you'll also be unlovable. And it is in our unlovable condition that we, actually, long to be loved. NOT when we're lovable. It's easy to give love to lovable people. We all sneer at those we find unpleasant without realizing that we are, ourselves, less than lovable in the eyes of GOD. But, HE loves us, anyhow. Only GOD can look at our ragged selves with so much love and compassion. HE sees our thoughts and feelings. How we scheme against another. How we murder an innocent person with our minds. How we mess with our enemies' (sometimes even friends') reputations. All these HE sees. Yet, HE loves us still.

While watching the movie, "the Invention of Lying" one Monday afternoon, I thought, what I truly desire is to be loved in my unlovable state. Not when I am calm, patient and all the wonderful traits I have. I want to be loved more when am angry, depressed, irrational, dumb, careless...blah blah blah. I desire to hear, "I love you" just when I have done something terrible. Because this is just the time I need it. This is just the test how much one loves me. NOT when I am easy to love. How divine it would be if a "Mark Bellison" comes to me and sees me just as I am with all my bluntness & cruel remarks, and yet sees through me. Sees beyond my external. Anna McDoogles kept throwing him all the nasty comments he needed to hear. Enough to keep him away. But, he sees the unlovable in her without denying it and loves her still. She learned to love him back later on in the movie as she learned what it means to look beyond someone's appearance.

GOD loves us this way. He loves us so that even we're unworthy, ragged, wicked...HE still wants us. HE's still searching for us and wanting us to come back home to HIM. You probably have had people who professed their love for you and yet when you're at your worst left and never came back. Or, you left and they never searched for you. But, GOD, HE is the ultimate definition of LOVE. HE loves beyond reason. We never gave HIM any reason for HIM to love us. We don't even make enough effort; but, HE loves us just the same. Truly, in this world, we'll keep searching and searching for people, for things we think can make us happy. Can make us feel loved. But, it is ONLY GOD who can give us this kind of love and happiness.

I am always challenged by GOD to love others the same way. HE exposes to me how unlovable I am, yet HE loves me more and more. HE taught me that it is easy to love others, even the unlovable, when one experiences undeserved love. GOD has placed a tag price on each one of us. HE bought us for a price by sacrificing HIS only SON, JESUS CHRIST, as substitute for our sins. For yours and mine. If we only see how valuable each person is in HIS eyes, we'll probably see everyone valuable and precious, too.

We can never truly find happiness if we keep looking at imperfections. We should see imperfections right in the eye but we have to see it with love. We have to see someone's brokenness in order that we understand that all people are just like us...most of the time, broken. We, each one, fail. Almost always. If we are gracious in giving ourselves tolerance, then, why not give tolerance graciously to our fellowmen? We chase the wrong things. We keep asking and asking but are not willing to give. We demand that we be given happiness but we don't even take the responsibility to be good gifts to others. In stead, we hurt others. Sometimes, we hurt unintentionally, yet, don't feel any sorry at all. Apathy.

This is so sad.

I desire to be loved in my raggedness. Therefore, I must give love in spite of other's raggedness. GOD calls us to love HIM and HIS people (Matthew 22:36-40). It's a package deal.