It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.

Father's day yesterday and I wasn't even able to greet dad and Mamai personally. Awww. Am I a bad daughter & grand daughter? I actually planned to send dad and Mamai something but, was totally swamped. Plus, Sunday is time for Church. Sorry. *frowns*

Well, isn't it evident yet how busy I have been? Since the start of June, this is the first blog posted. I dunno where my blog will go after a few months. Down the drain ... I hope not. Wishing so hard that my PR won't go zero. *crossed fingers*

Pastor Rico talked about dads (of course). He emphasized how important it is to honor and respect our dads no matter how they have been to us. Good or bad. Nobody's perfect and being bitter won't change anything. We all have to look past our dads' shortcomings.

He asked how many attendees still appreciate their fathers. I sincerely raised my hand. Dad has never been the father I always wanted to have. In fact, he has never been one but a critic to me. I lived most of my childhood life hearing his harsh comments. Like what I posted last year, never had he said a single praise about me.

But, I can sincerely say that I appreciate him for how I have become. Many things I owe to him and I truly understand why is he like that. Maybe, I can say this because I am now finally away from him. I'd often feel upset whenever my siblings grumble about him being like this and that, though. Especially when it's Mom telling me about him. But, my respect for him never changed. Am not sure why.

I guess my love for him remains in spite of all my bad memories of him. There are times I still blame him for my insecurities and lack of self-confidence. Whenever I see persons with great personality, I get envious. I could've been like them. Full of self-confidence and are able to walk in the middle of the crowd chin up. But, how can I? When all I had heard my entire younger years were criticisms ... From my own father.

Truth is, if I will list down all the good things and the bad things I experienced with dad, more will go under bad things. Very few will go under good. In fact, whenever I hear the word 'dad', all I remember is pain.

I can't really say am not upset anymore. But, what am sure of is, I love him and I respect him no matter what. And am still not losing hope that one day, he'd change and I can finally experience to have a real dad.