Smile... Tomorrow will be worse.

It's 1 in the morning and I am in front of a personal computer monitor working. Do I sound like complaining? Don't get me wrong, I am not. Just that I am reminded of how it used to be common to sleep during the night time and work during the day time. It's just two weeks and I feel like it's been years.

This poncan has been sitting here on my computer table for two days now. Notice I mentioned the word "two" twice. *sigh* It is just so empty being here. And I start noticing even the most trivial things around. Why does it feel like I am alone in a crowd of a few? I don't know either. Damn, am starting to talk to myself again. Will it qualify me as an egotist if I believe myself is the only person I can find sensible to talk with? The way I see it, it makes me both egotist and schizophrenic. Who the hell cares?

I received a text message from someone a couple of hours ago. It's the typical mushy quote one gets from anyone. This quote, however is from "Ally McBeal". It goes like this...

There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that sanity. Somebody who never lets go...somebody who cherishes you forever.

I only wish it's that easy to just end up with somebody who will love you forever. Sad fact is, feelings give us so many tricks. We fall in love with someone we should not fall for. We hurt the ones we should not hurt. We most often mistake our feelings for something else and it either makes the other person go or stay. If they go, we try hard to run after them and believe we cannot live without them. If they stay, we give them more than enough reasons to leave. People make life so complicated when it should just be as simple as learning to ride a bike. Sometimes, it takes some falls to be able to ride it successfully without falling. But if you keep facing forward, you would hardly notice you've already reached your destination.

Most of the time we blame life for being complicated when it's supposed to be the other way around. The only thing it did wrong was to give us too many options than we can take. People can't settle for what was readily offered to them and in stead, look at the countless choices laid before them. Until they end up trying out every single option without having to come up with a single choice they can stick with. We cling on to something for some time. But because there are still other options, we rather not stay for long. We get fed up and leave something behind for a better choice. We do it constantly. And it kind of frightens me.

Loving someone incessantly is being less sane... so the quote says. Could be, yes. For how can you relentlessly love someone who cannot love you in return? But, if you look at the various choices, would you find what you are really looking for? Love is a feeling. Can you choose to not feel that way? Between choices and feelings, what could weight more for you? We can simply just walk away and look at many other options or we can stay and wait. Which is more insane? *scratches head with both hands*

This is not going anywhere, is it? I don't even know what I am discussing about. In fact, I don't even have a clear idea what's that line about. Totally, I am blank and for the next few days, my mind will keep wandering away from myself, perhaps until I find my way out from what's jading me. *yawns* And I have just created another blog entry without making any sense!

Before I tick on the publish button, let me share with you what I have learned in between February 23 and February 24, 2007. I have learned that people accuse other people for doing this and that without realising they are doing the same. That's all. Boo!!!