“What is a friend, anyway?” This line is taken from the movie, “Jawbreaker”. Had seen the movie quite a number of times and the line remained echoing in my head since. Dunno but maybe my quest for a friend, who I can really call a friend, just caused me too much frustrations and regrets. Sometimes, I get to ask myself whether it’s me or it’s them. Whether I’m putting too much expectation on potential friends or I’m just one despicable person who anyone can’t get along with. This is already with reminding me not to be hard on myself, would you believe that?! Just that, I can’t help it. What is damn wrong with me?! Ok, I am not like everybody else. So? I mean, I didn’t think it is a requirement to be just like everybody else to get along. What is individuality about if that’s the case? Friends accept one another. At least, this is one of the few ways I can describe how friendship is.

There’s this person who I used to find objectionable, but he turned out to be like a mentor to me. He taught me about ‘investment’ and its relation to friendship. At first, it sounded odd. Investment?! Like what are you talking about? I am not after anything. And I am neither buying friends just so to keep one. Of course I had to allow him to explain, which I did. And now, I know I can never stop thanking him for what he had taught me. He may not know it but, what he taught me is something nobody else had taught me. Not my old friends, not my enemies, not my relatives, not my parents. It’s from someone who I didn’t like before for his attitude. Guess, I was so wrong for clinging to my impression of him. It was very wrong. Still, I walk with my head up and guiltless because once, we talked. That talk means a lot to me. I was able to tell him like straightforwardly how I used to see him and with that I allowed him to show his concern for me.

Investment has nothing to do with being real or not. It’s just knowing where to put your efforts to. Just like in business, you don’t just throw your money to this or that direction without thinking ahead where will it lead you to. Money nowadays is just so damn hard to earn just to waste it away for some nasty scams. So, you study it and you analyze if it is worth the effort. Same with friendship. You can’t just invest your effort on someone when you know your effort is worth your heart. Because the moment you give your heart to someone, you already allow that someone to take a part of you. And you’re not even sure if that part of you which they take with them they will handle with utmost care. It’s risky. In the end, you’re the only one who will get badly hurt. In my case, I always end up like that. And it hurts to think that none can take me as I am.

He’s right. And I have given it a thought. I told you, since that talk, I never stopped thinking and rethinking about how he said those words. I know and I guess everybody knows how brilliant he is. Because he is, indeed, brilliant. He is an experienced man. A man with principles, a man with wisdom and experience. Maybe, he is a true friend. I just didn’t know. Because of all people, I never expected him to be that concerned about my feelings and my condition. Who would really waste effort on someone who is nothing to you? Someone you don’t even get to spend time with, but he? He did that. For whatever reason, I will never have an idea. But how I appreciate it.

A friend is like a mirror. He shows you what is wrong without faking, missing a point or exaggerating. “He” just had to say what he needed to say the way he saw it. One day it’s like I wasn’t looking so good and I just had to look in the mirror. Yes, I saw myself clearly through him. There is something wrong. There is something I could not see so he showed me. Now, I am a learned person. Somehow I know what to do. Somehow, I know what to do.

A FRIEND

I've still been searching
And long have I waited
For someone to like me as me
To laugh with, to cry with
To be just beside with
A friend that's who I need

To fight with, make up with
To know that you need them
Believing that they need you, too
To walk hand in hand with
To argue, to talk with
A friend that's who I need

And even though I make mistakes
And never do anything right
A smile, a hug, can change all that
And everything will be alright

Someone who'll share all my dreams and ambitions
Someone who'll love me as me
I need this person, someone to rely on
A friend that's who I need
A friend that's who I need