We hate and we love for reasons that are known only to us.

Dear Self,   

You have been doubted, hated, talked about, made fun of, hurt, lied to, lied on, broken and at your wits end. With that being said, I commend you for the fact that you are still standing. Your courage speaks volumes! I know your struggle and the pain you’ve endured. You are more than a conqueror. I am proud to say that your heart belongs to me. Nothing can keep you down and no one can steal your joy. All of your storms have ended up blessing the sky with rainbows. Don’t give up, continue to stand tall and love yourself first. You are appreciated...  

~ Self

―  Words from a Wanderer  ―

Life is a privilege. Living is a choice. There are decisions that got to be made and however good your intentions may be, people will always see things the way they want. Hurting others isn't always a deliberate act. People will get hurt no matter how careful you try to be with their feelings. And it's not always anyone's fault. It's just their expectations aren't met. So, why bother too much? All that's there to do is live your life. Strive harder to be a good person and do not hurt anyone. If, still, someone gets hurt or offended ...mainly by being you, by your choices, by just being there... know that you can't please everyone. It's not always your fault. So, stop trying. Trying harder will only frustrate you. So, just do the best that you can and leave the rest to happen the way they should. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Live your life to the fullest. ^_^

 

  

Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who NEED it.

“Righteousness and generosity are inseparable. 

The person whose heart longs for God also longs to give to others.” 

― Dillon Burroughs

For the 2ndth time, I encountered the same modus operandi. I am sure many commuters have encountered the same and maybe more and different kinds. Am not a regular daily traveler. Thank God! But, I was given the chance to experience something, which I believe had to happen to broaden my understanding of God's heart.

It's been a debate in my head whether to extend alms to the beggars in the streets. I've, actually, resolved to not give cash; instead, I offer food. But, most of the time, however, I have none with me that I can offer. And my heart bleeds whenever I just walk away without giving anything, especially when the beggar's a senior citizen or a small child. There are times, I break my own rule. I still give some money. But, I'd say, it's with careful judgment. 

One early evening, about a couple of weeks ago, I was about to go home and just outside the building where I stay stood a young man. He was wearing a uniform and carrying a huge backpack. He's just a bit taller than me, slim. He looked haggard. Nonchalantly, he approached me as I walked toward his direction. At first, he was speaking so faintly. So, I had to ask him to repeat what he said. Then, he started telling me about his long day. 

His story was... well...he started by saying that he lost his wallet and nothing's left to him. He and his classmates had an interview at Medical Plaza. Said they were in the area since eleven that morning. Twas already past 8 when I bumped into him. He introduced himself as a nursing student and they're hoping for a slot in the clinic for OJT. He wasn't able to detail to me how he lost his wallet, though. And, I only figured it now. Boo! Anyway, he went on telling me that he's left by his classmates with nothing. I asked where's he's phone. He wasn't able to give a clear answer but he didn't say twas also stolen. I asked for his identification or whatever he can show me, but all he said was there's nothing left because his wallet was taken including all important stuff like credit and debit cards. Asked his name...I can't remember anymore. Besides, there's no point. He could be lying about it, anyway. But, it sounds like Xyrille and his last name was foreign. According to him, his father's half Japanese. Though, it didn't sound Japanese to me. 

After he shared his story, I asked him..."so, what do you need from me?" He, then asked if I can extend help by giving him any cash amount he can use for his fare home. I asked, where's home? His answer was Bulacan. I had no idea how much is the fare to that place so I asked him how much he needed. Found it unbelievable when he said he needed 300 Pesos! That's an obvious hint he was duping me. Well, while I was interrogating him, I knew he was trying to trick me. It's not that I was playing along or something but days before this happened, I was enlightened by God's Word, so... (I'll talk about it later.)  He had to explain why 300 Pesos. I had to cut him and told him I can only give him a hundred and asked him "will this do?" I remember him saying, "it's ok. I'll just ask from other passers by." Before I left I told him, "God bless you" and tapped his shoulder. His last words were, "thank you."

When I reached the lobby, I phoned a friend who stays in Bulacan. Asked him how much is the fare from where I am to Bulacan. I wasn't really surprised when he said, the most is 60 Pesos. Then, I shared what happened.

It broke my heart. What's playing in my mind that time was "some people abuse kindness, which causes good people to be cynical." I can't really blame how most of the people I know are refusing to give alms and say they're (the beggars) just members of syndicates. But, I had to guard my heart not to shrug off the idea of giving. If there's any mistake I'd done that time, it's I didn't take the chance to be bold enough to speak the Truth to that boy. Could've changed his heart completely. Yet, I don't wanna be hard on myself. Twas something new to me. I only need to learn from it.

My reason for not turning my back on that boy is what I understood from the Bible...found in the book of John chapter 6 verses 25-35.  In verse 26, Jesus revealed to the people the motivation of their hearts. He exposed to them that they're not after His miracle but they want to have their fill (for their stomachs) and they knew that Jesus and His disciples will provide food. What fascinated me was the fact that Jesus knew their intentions. But, He was not bothered by that. He did what He had to do ― to be generous regardless of what their reason was for being there. If Jesus, Himself, made a decision to still be generous in spite their wrong intention, what right do I have to withhold from anyone God's generosity to them? I am only a steward of His blessings. And I am here on Earth to be a blessing. So, I have no right to hold back benevolence.

This is not to say that Christians must do things blindly. Of course, there's a call for wisdom in different situations. And it should always be with the leading of God's voice when it comes to giving away God's blessings. Again, we are only His stewards and we must be very careful how we handle His resources. But, that particular situation, I believe, God allowed to happen to give me a first-hand experience of what the passage I mentioned earlier means. Like the Word teaches us, "faith without action is dead" ...whatever God teaches us through the Word and Jesus' example, we should be able to put to practice according to His purpose and guidance. 

So, the next time it happened to me, which was just a few days ago, I already knew how to handle it. I looked the person in the eye and said, "am sorry but I encountered this same thing just a week ago so I can't help you." Then, I gave him a sincere smile. Wish I had the boldness to share the Word, but well...God's grace will always be sufficient for me. In my next adventures I am more equipped!  ^_^

Gratitude paints little smiley faces on everything it touches.

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.” ― Hebrews 13:2

There are times it gets to be tiring to do good. To continue doing good. Guess it's but natural to feel the need for appreciation once in a while. Why, it's never easy to choose to be kind all the time, y'know! Especially, it's not as easy to risk offering a helping hand to people who have the biggest possibility to simply abuse help. In this world, almost everyone's after their own. Many are too busy to stop a while and attend to the needs of others. When you observe them and what they value, you're sure to start wanting to just look after yourself, as well. It's tempting to just shrug off the idea of giving a helping hand when you realize how very few people are willing express gratitude.

I always remind myself to not bother whether others are doing their Christian duty or not. It's not my problem if they choose not to. And I shouldn't also concern myself too much if people choose not to remember what good was done to them. It's their life. Besides, in the book of Luke chapter 17, Jesus healed ten lepers and only one returned to thank Him. So, whatever! But, I guess what am trying to put across is, although it shouldn't be one's aim to try and earn the favor, recognition, appreciation, acknowledgement... etc. of people, deep down they're like a cold beverage that quenches thirst after a hard day's work. It's a big encouragement!

...and I am encouraged! I thank everyone who takes time to show appreciation for the good I've done and the impact I made in their lives. Just when I thought no one notices or acknowledges, God makes a way to assure me that my good works don't go unnoticed. They're all acknowledged and appreciated.

It's not really a rare occurrence that I receive "thank you" and commendation messages, actually. But, what makes this one special is, it came at a time when I started feeling discouraged because it seems that none of what I do is appreciated, anyway. And many would even give me a cold shoulder after or would behave ungrateful. I've reached another point when I simply just wanna take an indefinite break from doing good to others. Just God won't allow me to take a leave, though. Rather, He refuels me with encouragement through sincere people who express their thankfulness for what little or big I'd done. Even things I do not do out of the ordinary but have impact in their lives.

    

I divorced social networking sites for the second time for almost a week last week. Today, I reopened my Facebook page and I received a message from a cyber acquaintance. Gives me motivation to not stop doing what I started doing whether or not it's acknowledged because I'll really never know who needs help the most. I have no idea how many lives are being saved by doing just one random act of kindness everyday. ^_^ 

Well, what a wonderful way to start the day!

Cheerio, peeps! Smile and always be kind. 

That's what life is ― adjustment.

“Life is similar to a bus ride. The journey begins when we board the bus. We meet people along our way of which some are strangers, some friends and some strangers yet to be friends. There are stops at intervals and people board in. At times some of these people make their presence felt, leave an impact through their grace and beauty on us fellow passengers while on other occasions they remain indifferent. But then it is important for some people to make an exit, to get down and walk the paths they were destined to because if people always made an entrance and never left either for the better or worse, then we would feel suffocated and confused like those people in the bus, the purpose of the journey would lose its essence and the journey altogether would neither be worthwhile nor smooth.”  ― Chirag Tulsiani

True. Life is a lot like a bus ride. Am not a frequent bus rider and I get to be really impatient inside a bus. But, I think I've learned some worthwhile lessons in the every ride I make. 

As in a bus ride, in life, we meet various kinds of personalities. Some we easily get along with. Some don't find us appealing ...and no matter how we try and be friendly to them, all they're after's to reach their destination. Some will start small talks and then out of nowhere stop talking. And these are just but to name a few scenarios, which are undeniably true in life. 

We should realize that it's not life that is difficult. It's relationship. Life is pretty simple, in fact. It's like riding a bus ― getting along with other bus riders and relating to them as they are WITHOUT imposing our own agenda. Just, it's not how we do things, though. We try so hard to shove ourselves down people's throat only because they're in our path. At times we want to stop them from leaving because we've already started feeling comfortable around them. We resent whenever they snooze along the trip leaving us without a companion. What we must realize is, many people simply just want to ride a bus ―  to live (and to be given the right and freedom to do as they wish) and reach their destination. Most of the time, it's not about us. It's not about them finding us uninteresting or what. People have their own personal issues and concerns just as we do have our countless issues and concerns. And, we just gotta let them be. 

Let's not be surprised if some people leave by choice or by fate. We own NOTHING. The sooner we realize and accept this, the more we're saved from unnecessary disappointment, anger and pain. God gave all us free will. If He does not get in the way for us to practice our freedom, then let's not get in the way for others to live the way they want. We can't expect people to live the way we see best for them and enforce it on them. Life is in itself a teacher. The best lessons are better experienced. And we must be selfless enough to allow people live freely without emotionally manipulating them just to get what we want. If they wake up one day feeling like escaping from the world, then let us not feel so badly that we address through a gesture how we didn't like their present decision. It's their life. Live yours. Don't make them walk on eggs.  

...and there are people who really make our ride uncomfortable and this is inevitable. Sometimes, we also play this role. For some reasons, there are people who find satisfaction in inflicting pain to others. But we are without options. Our stopovers, like school and Church, equip us to have the right attitude. We can simply ignore them and choose what battles to face ― remain composed and not be affected by their behavior; we can move to another seat; or we can drop off the nearest station and take another bus. Maybe there are more options, in fact. Just the thing is, we need to help ourselves enjoy the ride. ^_^

So, let us simply enjoy life. Live independently with others. It is a choice. It's our privilege!

 

  

We can be mended. We help mend each other.

“Because that happened to me when I was little, this is how I will now treat other people"; "Because so and so beat me up and hurt me a long time ago, that gives me the right to treat people the way I treat them, today"; "Because life was hard on me, life should be hard on everyone else around me"— does this sound/ look familiar? It's called victim mentality. When people choose to be the direct product of everything that happened to them, the direct product of every single pair of hands that hurt them. And the world, to these people, must bend over backwards in order to accommodate their wounds. Some people don't want to be loved; they just want to make the world pay.” 

- C. JoyBell C.

If God even exists, why is there so much hatred and injustice in the world? Why would a loving God allow too many bad things happening instead of going down and change all that?

Typical questions but pretty tough to answer. Agree?

When I heard of these questions one time again, I thought of the hatred certain people I personally know of have in their hearts and how much they won't let go of it. How they refuse to allow themselves to just forgive. No matter how long has it been in their hearts and so many wonderful things happening in their lives at the moment they still hold on to that feeling of hate.

Am not saying they have no basis for feeling the way they do. In fact, they have all the reasons to be angry. They'd been done wrong. And if I were in their shoes, am sure it's gonna be hard for me to just let it pass. There are even petty offenses that I find hard to forget. I'd often think how certain people just can be so reckless with another's feelings. Should they be bailed out as easily as that?

Justice shouts and echoes in our ears. We all think we DESERVE justice...for the things people done wrong to us. We want them to be punished for hurting us. We want them to suffer the way we did for inflicting us pain.

Evil exists in this world. And it's evil in the hearts of people that makes them do bad. And evil is done to multiply evil. When another heart is broken, there conceives hatred. It's just a matter of time that it gives birth to evil through actions and reactions.

I believe God offered FORGIVENESS so the problem of hatred will be solved. He first forgave us and He expects us to also forgive. He used to punish people in the ancient times for their wrongs almost immediately or required them to offer sacrifices to be forgiven. But, those didn't work. Their hearts were still filled with evil desires. They continued doing wrong as they pleased.

He sent LOVE into the world in the form of Jesus. The life of His Son showed how to defeat hatred. It's by denying Himself each time He's wronged. Denying His right to retaliate and defend Himself. It's giving importance to relationship than self. It's about selflessness. Love is humility. Love is accepting that the world is mad and crazy. That the world could cause so much harm because of evil that is in it but it shouldn't anymore be multiplied. It has to DIE [end].

Forgiving is ...evil being done to you, but you don't have to pass it on. It has to die in you. Hatred need not conceive and give birth to more evil. It can stop by choosing to forgive and let go and then repaying it with LOVE. This way, though evil may still exist, hatred need not multiply.

Now, how about INJUSTICE? Don't we all agree that injustice is done when the offender gets away with whatever evil he does? This is practically why we can't stop spreading hatred. Because we think offenders need to pay. But, God doesn't think that way. Truth of the matter is, we all need to pay for something. But, He doesn't meet us everyday thinking about how He can punish us just like how we go about our lives every single day thinking about how someone has done us a terrible thing and we require justice. We carry with us every single day the offense and the offender. Only later to realize that they're not the only ones we'll bump into in this world. There'll be more offenses and offenders along the road. All are just the same like us--HURT. So, we collect so much hate until we are consumed by it.

God wants us to renew our minds and replace JUSTICE with LOVE. Hurt people hurt people. They are not about relationships. They are about getting even. They just want repayment. That's why many people find it hard to TRUST. Because they're so filled with collections of offenses. Not knowing they're collecting junks. Things that are of no worth and eventually rot. So, they live every day of their lives stinking and unaware of it. But, those around them get affected.

When we don't forgive, hatred only grows bigger and bigger until it can't anymore fit in our hearts and it starts manifesting in our lives. We start rotting inside and the stench starts coming out. All the people we come across with receive this hatred through us--by hurting them or by being reckless with them. Usually in the form of harsh words, judgment, slander, stealing, bullying, snobbing, through animosity and hostility...and many others. Eventually, these people also end up broken. And they go out in the world bumping into other people and multiplying hatred.

Forgiveness puts an end to hatred. Where there is no hatred evil will not persist. We have been offered forgiveness. We also must be willing to offer it to help heal the world from the damaging hatred.   

 “The opponent strikes you on your cheek, and you strike him on the heart by your amazing spiritual audacity in turning the other cheek. You wrest the offensive from him by refusing to take his weapons, by keeping your own, and by striking him in his conscience from a higher level. He hits you physically, and you hit him spiritually.”  

- E. Stanley Jones, Gandhi: Portrayal of a Friend

 

  

I'm a little rose who grows in deep and difficult places.

“The desire to love someone always exceeds the desire to be loved by someone & that's exactly why we end up loving the person who doesn't deserve that LOVE.” 

 ―  Bombay Girls 

Maybe I'm thinking too much. Not sure. But, a very huge part of me is convinced that everything is just part of God molding my character. Some of my previous posts tackled about God isn't after my comfort but the perfection of my character. And it's not just for me, in fact. It's for everyone who claims to be Christians ― Jesus' followers.


Just looking at the second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself"...creates a lotta questions in my head and one of which is, "why did Jesus had to add 'as yourself'"? Why didn't He just plainly say, "love your neighbor"?


I've heard a few number of people complaining about difficult people in their midst. These difficult people make their lives seriously hard. And I feel the victims so much. Been there. Have encountered people who love to boss around, pick on others, slander, and all sortsa things that really test a person's patience. Twas the toughest, I must say.


Interestingly, at least based on my experience, whenever I retaliated, or just slightly avenged myself, or even just entertained the idea of getting back... I come out so WRONG. And, of course, I felt bad. I asked God why does it seem unfair? Others can and I can't. People do nasty things to me, and I must just let it pass. Let go. For some time I allowed excuses to allow me be the bad version of me. I told myself it's just but fair if I be a mirror to people. How they treat me is how I treat them. Thought it's a fairly good solution to the difficulty I was faced with.


Eventually, I was placed in a situation where I screwed up badly. I broke hearts ..... and God's heart. :(  I failed terribly. I looked at how a mess I was. And during that time, I felt I deserve NOTHING. Especially, not God's love. It brought so much emptiness in me. I knew in my heart I can't live without God. I knew what's wrong. And I thought I was so trapped ...as if there's no escape. Was looking for ways how I can redeem myself. But, God's love is truly unfailing. He proved me this. It's been hard for me to understand what grace means because I was simply like many people who have a wrong mindset ― that for as long as I am carefully following rules, am good. Am safe. God taught me, it's not about my performance. It's not about how many rules I successfully followed. It's all about His love. This I learned when I came to a point when I can't anymore list down a good thing about me. A time when I started to just keep referring to what I had done in the past but can't anymore do. I gave myself a bragging right to take credits only because I performed pretty well.


While I was erring, I noticed how I was so forgiving of myself. I told myself excuses like what the world allows everyone to use, "am only human". And a lot more other excuses there is. Including, "God has forgiven me, who cares who doesn't?" And, "who's not sinning?" All rationalization just so to bail me out of the errors I committed. Yeah, I was so forgiving of my failures and weaknesses. Although, there's guilt haunting me time and again.


All of us are so forgiving of our own mistakes, failures, sins, errors... none of us keep punishing ourselves for what wrongs we have done. That's how we are to ourselves. And that is because we have natural love for ourselves. We attend to our needs and we allow ourselves room to grow. We break a vase, we can simply forget about it when we don't realize how that vase could mean so much to its owner. Yet, we can let go easily and sleep soundly at night. The owner, on the other hand, could still be feeling upset but setting aside emotion because relationship is more important than the harm done. We almost never consider that. It could mean less to us because it's (the vase) not ours. And, yet when the same thing is done to us, we feel their same emotion. We realize that it's hard to trust again once trust is broken. In most cases, we can't anymore entrust the things we value most to the person who's careless in handling what to us is precious because we're kinda sure they're not gonna be responsible in taking care of it.


From looking at both sides, I got the answer to my question. Jesus added "as you love yourself" because like I mentioned earlier, we are forgiving of ourselves. We don't allow ourselves be weighed down by a mistake we committed no matter how small or big. Most, if not all, simply just shrug it off and say, "I'll just make up for it"...not realizing that we had probably broken something that's irreparable (once damaged) but very valuable to the one who owns it.


Those relationships that had gone bad...there's always someone wrong and someone wronged. And the one wronged almost always readily extend forgiveness for the sake of the relationship. So many say, it's martyrdom... it's stupid...it's madness... but, it's actually a reflection of how they love themselves. They readily forgive because they know they're forgiving of themselves. They understand that humans are prone to choosing to do wrong. They're not exemptions. So are their partners.


When God persisted in loving me, I realized what sacrifice He had to do and how painful it is to keep allowing Himself be wronged simply because He wants me. There's nothing so magnificent about me that He should want me, but He does. Period. He didn't require me to be anyone but myself. My messed self. And, the more amazing thing about Him, He is fully aware of my weaknesses and susceptibility to committing the same things but is still willing to trust me. He still has faith in me that I will do as Jesus did. God places more importance in His relationship with me than His right. That ignited my desire to extend grace, love and compassion to people. Especially to the unlovable.

The way God is so tolerant of my failings makes Him suffer for taking in all my mess. I always offend Him. And one of the terrible ways I offend Him is whenever I live in doubt and unbelief. Whenever I don't live in faith as if He's not true to His Word. And I know that if a close friend or a family member will not take me for my word, I'd really feel insulted and hurt. So, I know that God is badly hurt whenever I do wrong. And He sacrifice His feelings just so to maintain a relationship with me. He's been running after me. He's always waiting for me to come back. He never gave up on me. And He does all these things in spite of me.


Those times when I hurt God, though, I feel bad and guilty...I still am very forgiving of myself regardless how the crimes I committed may be unforgivable. If I am forgiving of myself, I must be forgiving of others because that's one way of obeying the command, "love your neighbor as yourself".