I'm an exception to a rule that doesn't even exist

“We should not want to be the same as others and we should not want others to be the same as us. Rather, we ought to glory and shine in all of our differences, flaunting them fabulously for all to see! It is never a conformity that we need! We need not to conform! What we need is to burst out into all these beautiful colors!” 

C. JoyBell C.

My Instagram followers change in numbers by the day. Not consistently increasing, sadly. It goes up and down. I get to have mixed emotions about it. The side of me that doesn't care about numbers makes me simply cool about it. While the side of me that is competitive and wishes to gain more followers (for unknown reasons) causes me to feel badly. My response varies. At times, I'd be so affected that I'd try to find ways to keep the numbers and make them grow. Other times I'd simply let it be. I prefer the latter, if you ask me.

I realized that no matter what I do, I can never keep what was never mine to begin with. People come and go and one of the things truly significant I learned in life is this: what God brings to me will never be taken away from me. This saves me from the pain of trying to please people just to keep them. When they wanna go, I just need to let them without needing to change who I am just so to try and make them stay. It already hurts enough to feel that I'm not accepted for who I am, why must I inflict more pain to myself just for my need to win anyone back who don't truly like me for me?

I came to a point where I started hating myself because I am not who people wish me to be. They always find something I don't have and later on dismiss me. Compare me to whoever is better for them. That hurts. And I thought if I could adjust and turn myself into someone everyone will like, then I won't need to be dissed all the time. Sadly, it doesn't go that way. Because reality is, people are never satisfied. They are in constant search for what gratifies their need. And they have endless list of needs and wants. They even confuse the two.

After years of frustration because I came to dislike myself, too, wisdom dawned on me (finally) that every person on Earth is created by God and He designed them uniquely for His very purpose. God designed me this way because I have a role to play. And because I lived allowing people redefining me, I failed to do my role in the lives of people God placed in my path. My identity was so messed up I didn't know who I was. I had to be what people wanted me to be that I lost my individuality. All because I needed to gain their favor else I'll lose them. I was hankering for approval. I wanted to be liked. And I'd do anything and everything to be embraced. Yet, people embraced not me as a whole but just when their needs are met.

It drained me, eventually, til I dropped the fight. I gave up. I cannot keep losing the person that I am because people are discontent with who I am and what I offer. Sooner or later, the demands will get tougher and I'd be wearing hundreds and thousands of masks that the real me becomes buried in the thick layers of identities that aren't me. So, I resolved to let off all the masks and simply be me. Take me or leave me, I'll be fine.

It's strangling when people dictate how you should be. How they want to be treated. How they want to be loved. How they want to be appreciated. How they want you to keep adjusting so that they have reasons to keep you. Of all the good you've done, just one dissatisfaction is enough for them to dump you. Funny how this line comes out of people's lips, "I accept you for who you are" yet entitlement leads them out the door. The acceptance is only as good as when they're gratified. Long as their needs are being met.

This line seriously makes me cringe especially coming from brothers and sisters in Christ---"I gave everything, done everything. I deserve much more than this. Enough is enough." And I'd be a hypocrite if I will say I never said this line (or even thought of it, at all) in my life, though, I was never the goodbye type of person, because I take people for who they are in the best way I can. It's not always easy. But, I go by the teachings of the Word. But, I'd be lying if I will deny I've never said the line. Because I, too, am susceptible to entitlement. Works make people entitled. We all think we DESERVE  things because we worked hard to get them. So, we treat people that way, too. We treat them like some robots that should follow every demand we have because of what we did for them. This makes us entitled. It's such a vicious cycle we end up doing things for others in hopes of returns. And when we find them not good enough investment, we dump them. 

Am not making a drama out of the numbers of my IG followers, please don't get me wrong. That's too shallow. Who cares? Social media is nothing but superficial. Everything is mostly facade. But it caused me to contemplate on how much people (myself included) work hard to be liked. And even if they don't admit it, act as if it does not matter, deep down it does. It affects every single one of us in a way we aren't aware. It influences our confidence, our response to people (esp to those we assume don't like us), our mood, attitude, and finally our character. Because one of the basic needs of man is to belong. And when we're made to feel not accepted, a part of us shatters. This is because God created all us for fellowship. With Him, and with people. And together we fellowship with Him. 

It's an absolute Truth that we're created for fellowship. And because of this reason we innately have this longing for acceptance and belongingness. At first, I thought this reason should make me more persevering in unity. To work harder so that I will be liked. To keep changing and adjusting for the sake of fellowship. One wisdom I learned from Jesus is that, He knows who are His people. Everyone who God sent Him comes to Him and sticks with Him. He remained Who He is regardless of the numbers He might lose. He DID lose a lot! Significantly lots. He said what He had to say even if it means people turning away from Him. Even if it will cost Him enemies. He didn't bother what people will say. He held on to His humanity and purpose.

Of course, I don't mean to say that we are not to change ourselves even if our behavior is already harming others. We are called to be like Christ. God wants us to be better. He wants us to improve so that we may be able to fulfill our calling. So that we can do the good God has planned for us to do. We all have flaws and imperfections. But these don't need to be harmful to others if only we'll let God teach us how to live according to His standard of living. My being bratty sometimes will be of use in certain situations but it needs to be controlled. I am not to allow that side of me to control me. This is a picture of how God accepts and allows my humanity, while working in me to become like His Son Jesus. Making evident the Fruit of the Holy Spirit present in me. I don't need to change my being squeamish because of fear that people will dislike and judge me. But I will certainly need to make adjustments so that I can do the ministry God has called me for. Yet, this even is not gonna depend on my own ability and strength, but it will be with the help of Jesus through the Holy Spirit.  

I am often tempted to stray away from the seriousness of my posts in all my Cyber Hideouts for the sake of numbers. For the sake of followers, esp that I am aiming to promote my charity movement. I remember how when I was still making rather grumpy and narcissistic posts that I gained more readers and followers. Sometimes I get to think that it won't hurt if I gear a lil to the side that appeals to my audience. But, something in me already changed dramatically. I am not anymore for numbers, nor for competitions, nor for popularity. Not that I was for these things before. Guess I just don't really see, at all, how it's going to add to my value as a human being if I aim for these things. So, the heck if the numbers fluctuate! What I should be concerned more is how I can enlighten the people God placed in my life and how to make a difference in a world that makes everyone conform to its standard. ^_^

"They laugh at me because I am different. 

I laugh at them because they are all the same."

 Kurt Cobain

Sometimes not speaking says more than all the words in the world.

"Think of people you consider fanatical. They're overbearing, self-righteous, opinionated, insensitive, and harsh. Why? It's not because they are too Christian but because they are not Christian enough. They are fanatically zealous and courageous, but they are not fanatically humble, sensitive, loving, empathetic, forgiving, or understanding—as Christ was. Because they think of Christianity as a self-improvement program they emulate the Jesus of the whips" 
- Timothy Keller

Am striving so hard never to touch any issue involving politics. Though, I've been an avid follower of the Senate hearings lately, I try not to be so invested in it to the point of spilling my thoughts all over social media. Quite tempting to engage in discussions here and there, really, but what will it profit anyone or anything if I do? 

My mental-snapshots put into words: The assemblies had turned into farcical spectacles with its troupers mixing up their roles. While their supporters yakking on the sidelines acting like juries. And social media has become an extended avenue for them and their henchmen to employ gratis infomercials where they creatively assert their clashing vantage points. There's just too much hullabaloo following the appointment of PD30. 

...And that's just about how I rather describe the happenings. But there is no need to single out and talk smack anyone. No need to look at everything with critical eyes. I sure do have untold imperfections of my own to deal with. So little time so much (far better things) to do!

Why am writing this is because we may all be entitled to our personal opinions, but seriously, there's no need to keep blurting them out. Doing so only suggests we're shoving down each other's throats each other's opinions, being fully convinced that ours is way better. Exposes the neediness inside of us for praises and attention. It's just sick! If I'm wrong then why the need to assert personal opinions and resort to name-calling? We can all simply keep our opinions safely secured within the walls of our homes, and it's just fine. The planets will still remain in their orbits. We are not required nor demanded to always have an opinion about everything to breathe. Our opinion is not mandatory, especially, if they're not gonna be of any benefit but just adds more bruise to the already injured world.

It's timely, actually, cause I was really contemplating on writing about being opinionated. I didn't intend to write it in this way, though. But, then I read a post that was overly opinionated. Not to mention disparaging! None of us has any right to discredit anyone only because we hold firmly to our opinion. And it's totally foul to slur the rest of everyone else whose beliefs and opinions are at odds with ours for crying out loud! 

Regardless of our educational background, title, and social status (compared to the persons next to us), we are not to belittle anyone. Enough of name-calling and then class certain people as idiotic. Being educated yet without discretion makes one abhorrent. We can't demand diplomacy from others when we won't even initiate it ourselves. Many condemn our president for his foul-mouth saying he's messing the country's reputation. Now look who's talking?!!! Trash talking each other on social media isn't proving we're no different from him?!!! By keeping our eyes on others, we only multiply them. What we condemn others of, we must condemn in us first.

I was about to hit send when it dawned on me that it would be better if I just blog it than stir up disputations in another's backyard. After all, it's their wall. They can fill it with bitter remarks all they want and it shouldn't be my business. Just I can't let pass why the need to be so condescending. Leave others alone to their opinion for goodness' sake! They're not dumbos for having minds of their own. We shouldn't give ourselves the right to look down on anyone for we all do have our own weak spots. We all are defective, and that doesn't give anyone any right to vilify us even so. *sigh*

Here's the comment I intended to post (edited): 

Everyone falls into *this, if truth be told. All have tendencies to be *one-sided and then strongly argue their position; believe firmly what was established in their minds with or without conclusive evidence; and maintain that those who think differently are crackpots.

Thing is, there are too many considerations to assess for any of us to give premature conclusions (on anything). Senator Gordon set a very good example: to dig for beyond a shadow of doubt truth, we must allow perusal sans prejudice. Problem is, we all come from differing opinions. We speak with partiality because we all want to prove our points by way of assertion. We desperately want to convince others what we so believe in and if they don't, we revile their judgments and then them as individuals. Hence, the bashing. 

One group says the other group is taking the public for a ride and on a separate interview the other group also accuses the former group the same. It's funny how both parties are theorizing there's a trend to silence whatever. Well, from the audience seat I'd say, they aren't anymore functioning as investigators, but tacticians. Now that's an opinion plainly spoken, but clear of derision.

As onlookers, however, we should just be on the ball, carefully observing without bias. Without having to cling too much to what we hold as true in order to make fair judgment. We can't all see from one perspective and that makes us all unqualified jurists. Yet, we boldly shout out our two cents, "hey here's my mind, case solved!" When, in fact, we only help turn things into a train wreck.

Our goal should be unity. The voice given to us, our freedom of expression, should be accompanied by prudence and decorum. And the purpose should be for harmony and not discord. We express ourselves through communication not to ruffle each other's feathers but to articulate our minds for the purpose of understanding. Not necessarily to make everyone agree, but to make them understand where we're coming from. And no matter how differently we think and feel, we must respect everyone's prerogative. We don't need to always agree with each other, we only need to allow diversity. 

Respect is everyone's birthright. We may say it has to be earned...true, in many cases. Some really deserve scoffing because they asked for it. Nevertheless, we respect not because they deserve it, but because we are respectful. "A tree is known by its fruit." What we do or say reflects the quality of what we're made of. It's a shame to point at anyone and calling them names yet not self-aware we're also doing the same thing they're doing. You say someone is boorish? Go check your status postsssss (reflect on your unspoken thoughts, too) before you give yourself the right to focus on the speck on your neighbor's eyes.

Never define anyone or anything by your opinion because you sure don't wanna be defined by their opinion...or do you? Have your opinion, fine. But keep things straight. Don't be pushy. You see, even the normally sensible people dissolve into blabbering, overweening, blinkered and pompous schmucks. We can be as opinionated as we want to be, the world allows us that. But let's just not be vindictive and come around blurting our thoughts out unprovoked. 

"There’s nothing wrong with being well informed and developing strong opinions. The temptation is when we feel the need to express them, even when it may not be our place to do so." 

 "Fools don’t want to learn from others. They only want to tell their own ideas." [Proverbs 18:2]

"I tell you that everyone will have to answer for all the careless things they have said. This will happen on the day of judgment."

 - Jesus

       [Matthew 12:36]