I suppose it’s about trust between people in the end.

We all should make efforts to not make the Christmas spirit fade anytime in a year. It should always remain and be felt even it's not December. I was reading diverse Christmas and holiday greetings over the Net and one of the messages that caught my attention is this: "this is the season of forgiving NOT JUST thanking". Well, I believe that we really NEED to forgive in order to express thanksgiving. We can never fully express how thankful we are for all the blessings we received if we don't do this act. The real essence of Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. It's all the reason why we are having the feasts, the gatherings, the exchanging of gifts...because God, through HIS Son, made that decision to forgive us our transgressions in order to have a relationship with us. As the Word says, "God so love the world that He gave His only begotten Son."

There are times I'd think about why is relationship WITH ME so important to God that He had to send Jesus here on Earth to serve, to suffer and to die an agonizing death ONLY to rescue me from my ungodliness and share an everlasting relationship with me. One Man had to suffer just because God wants me to have a relationship with Him. Doesn't make so much sense. Who am I? I've got nothing to offer Him anymore than He can offer me and the entire world. But HE wants me. He keeps chasing after me no matter how I try to run away. And, I believe this is the same with all human race. God intends for everyone to belong to Him.

Acknowledging this fact, there is truly a great reason for us to paint the town red. In fact, our merry making isn't enough because what God has done is something exceedingly praiseworthy. Nothing that our festivity can ever measure up to. Be that as may be, if we are to decisively offer thanksgiving, one of the best ways to do so is to FORGIVE. If we are truly thankful that Jesus saved us from our sins and we understand that He died so that we can be forgiven, then, whether we feel like it or not we must choose to forgive from the heart. Not because the person who wronged us deserves it, but because we are thankful that God forgave us even if we don't deserve to be forgiven.

So many people find it hard to forgive not because they can't. It's, actually, because of the what's-in-it for me mentality. Because we experienced betrayal and pain, we started living in fear that it might be done again to us. So now, we're being too careful. Many, often, reason they're just being "wise". Looking at it, it's more of a trust issue. It's looking after self to never be hurt again. If God thought this same way, I wonder if even a single person will deserve anything. I wonder if anyone will receive a second chance. Knowing that God knows what's in our thoughts and minds... He knows what we're gonna do the next second ... we are totally screwed! We can never pass godliness test. But, it's not the act that He is looking at. He offers trust without questions. Without telling us, "well, this is what you're gonna do after three minutes." No. He loves and accepts us wholly. Filthy as we are. He never said, "go and clean yourself up before I can receive you." In stead, He says, "I receive you so come and let's clean you up." How awesome is that?!

The world says, Trust should be EARNED. Not with God. None of us is trustworthy. All fall short, the Scripture says. But, God doesn't look at that. He looks at how HE can fix us. It's not about what we can do for ourselves to become better people. It's about what HE wants to do in order for us to fulfill the purpose He created us for. Taken that none is trustworthy, we are not to expect anyone to be trustworthy before we can trust them. If we choose to forgive, we also hafta choose to trust that any person can and will change. Maybe not immediately. Not after a day...not after a week...not after a month...It could take longer, in fact. But, the thing about trust is, it's same as faith. There's an absence of the thing hoped for. You can't see it right away. It's not yet visible. But, it eventually will be. Trust is believing in something or someone without logical reason. Otherwise, it's not trust. Yeah, it sounds risky. But, that's the essence of it. I don't understand certain things but I don't have to KNOW before I can CHOOSE to trust. It's a decision. It's voluntary.

Thing is, just like love, trust should be GIVEN. And, problem these days is that it's hard for people to give without assurance it'll be reciprocated. However, if we keep doubting...if we keep being suspicious about another person, we'll never be able to really trust. Because we're always thinking about protecting ourselves from pain. It's hard to give when we always come first before others. Fear hinders us from doing what we ought to do. We've been hurt before and we become prisoners of the bad experience so this time around we are guarded. Some are too guarded they can't release love because it translates to susceptibility to emotional suffering. One act from a person in the present that's similar to an act done by the person in the past triggers alarm. Until distrust rules the relationship. Cynicism becomes the main focus. It, then, manifests with the way we respond to people. Relationship suffers.

I am not saying that everyone should be trusted. Like, I can't welcome a criminal inside my house. I can't entrust my niece (I don't have one, though) to an ex-convicted rapist. That's extreme. All that God expects from us is to trust that HE is doing something in the heart of the person(s) we are dealing with on a daily basis. Someone might have wronged us but it doesn't mean they're always gonna do the same. Or, if they keep doing the same thing to us over and over as if they have no intention of changing, God still expects and requires us to trust that one day the person will change. Well, we all have things we want to change in us, don't we? And, most of the time, we keep failing and we find it hard to just change. But, we trust not ourselves to change what we want to change inside of us. We trust God that HE will change us. Similarly, if we are to trust anyone, we should first entrust them to God WHO can change the heart. The One Who can truly create change within. So, in stead of nagging and complaining about how a person never improves, it's much better to say a prayer and let God do the work in their lives.

"Love is patient and kind" means when we love someone, we should be patient in waiting til they become a renewed person; and, we must remain kind even we are hurting. Love always looks at the good of others. If it means enduring pain for now just so the other person is allowed his own pace to progress, so be it. That's love. That's trust. And I found out that the best gift we can offer each other is trust. Especially in love relationship. Well, it applies to friendship, too, because we always injure each other intentionally or unintentionally. But, those who are in a relationship ...those who are married ... trust is absolutely vital. I know of a couple who survived an ugly past only because the wife chose to trust that her husband is not gonna do again what he did in the not-so-distant past which hurt her. There's no guarantee but his word. Nevertheless, she chose to trust. What's more amazing is, she never kept record of the wrong. Never echoed the offense whenever they fought. She never spied on him. Never questioned him. Never doubted him. And that helped the relationship. Her decision made the husband really thankful and because of that he obliged himself not to cause her anymore heartache. How beautiful when we simply allow love to influence our actions. If we just simply stop over-thinking. If we quit fencing our grounds. Then, trust comes next. Trust comes easy.

If someone is really important to us...if a person means something to us... we want to keep the relationship with that person even when it hurts. I guess that's part of loving. Not being martyr. Part of loving is sacrificing a part of ourselves just so we can welcome a person into our lives. Just like what God did. HE sacrificed Jesus because we are important to Him. ...and just like what Jesus did. He denied Himself. Denied His rights...just so our relationship with our Heavenly Father will be restored. And, if we are sincerely thankful for this, we ought to FORGIVE voluntarily over and over...TRUST completely and LOVE graciously.  

“One of the biggest favors that you can do for yourself is to accept your loved ones for who they are, and not be constantly disappointed because they are not who you think they should be.”  ― Jennifer O'Neill

 

Let our scars fall in love.

So, am learning... and I believe every person learns one day at a time with every experience. Been stuck in the topic EXPECTATIONS for quite a while now. Taught me more about human nature and my own as I ponder about it more and more. And, one of the things I learned is that the only thing that really needs to be understood and applied by all is to NEVER EXPECT. It is what causes huge disappointment which later on results to great pain.

I came across this quote...

“It seems love is the root of all pain and most of its fruit only leaves a bitter taste behind.”
― L.F. Falconer

Too many people end up looking for things to point fingers at whenever pain is felt. Most of the time, it is LOVE that is blamed to be the culprit. Well, I do look for why I feel pain. I guess it's all part of it, right? When you feel pain in any part of your body, you try to figure out what's causing it and where it's coming from. I, recently, got a papercut on my index finger. At first, I couldn't understand what's causing my not-so-good-mood. Until, I figured it's coming from that papercut. Yet, knowing that I got a wound didn't help my condition. It only validated my urge to idle around. (Have very low tolerance to pain, FYI. And a small cut would take me to bed the entire day!)

...and I know that people, too, have reasons for doing what they're doing and most of it is related to emotions. When they feel pain, they become defensive...they react...they find reasons to justify whatever that results from pain. Most of the time, because they're hurt, they also get to hurt others. 

They say, love hurts and it's the cause of pain. I dunno what to say about that, actually. What I know is, when you love pain is inevitable. NOT because they're twins. It's because when people love, attached with it is expectation. When they give, it's but automatic they expect they're also gonna get something in return. So, when love isn't returned exactly how they thought they deserve or they thought will be given back, it disappoints them. Eventually, it causes pain. Like we all know what we are capable of giving. A part of us also hopes that that same amount of love will be lavished to us by the very persons we give love to. Not realizing that what we know of love may not be the same as what others know of love. It's been said many times that people come from different backgrounds, culture...what-have-you... and yet, we still don't get that even in the topic of love, people differ. So, we are not supposed to impose the kind of love we have in mind to anyone. 

Thing about love is we should focus giving not receiving. If we receive, just receive without any kind of expectation. We must only receive with a thankful, appreciative heart. Period. Because if we expect it to be more than what is being handed to us, we are more likely to just get disappointed. Worse, we might just complain. We're disappointed and we make the giver disappointed, as well, because we're not happy with what we receive. And, it's frustrating not only for us who aren't content but also to the person who prolly have given their best.

For me, comparing the degree, measure, height, width, depth... whatever you might wanna call it...of love we can offer and, actually, give is but being self-righteous or proud. When we start saying, "I did this for him/her" we practically upbraid another for how lowly, poorly, scantily we think they have given to us. Doesn't show any appreciation at all. And, why should we appreciate, in the first place, when we have given much and this is all we get, right?!!! But, that's exactly why EXPECTATION should never be in the picture. Because every thing that we do is a choice. We choose to give much, and that's our choice NOT theirs. They'll prolly humbly tell us we need not do certain things for them, y'know. But, we make that choice. And if we choose to give more with the expectation that it will be returned to us double or more, then, that ISN'T GIVING. It's INVESTING. You don't invest love. You simply just give it and wait if it flourishes. That's why LOVE IS A VERB not a noun. Now, if it doesn't grow the way it should with the amount of love you've given, then that's where LETTING GO comes in. And, it's NOT letting go of persons. It's letting go of all else that you have already given and not continue clinging to how much was invested or wasted. Problem with people is their "what's in it for me" mindset -- the I-won't-give-unless-am-sure-it's-gonna-be-returned thinking. We're such good business people. No wonder too many marriages fail. Too many relationships end. We are but self-seekers. We can't give and let go. We expect and we take long records of how much we've already invested and how little we've received. Whatta sad reality, don't you think?

I know a lotta people will tell me AGAIN that it's a fact of life. It's reality and over emphasizing it...blogging about it... is just a waste of time. It's useless. Maybe. Because talking about this now isn't going to change me instantly. Knowing all these things that I am saying have not fully made me to become the person God wants me to be. But, it doesn't mean that it can never happen. That's why I am continuing the pursuit to learning how to apply knowledge. Besides, isn't it everyone's habit to just keep pouring out their opinions about just ANYTHING?! I mean, come on now, all over the social network sites people just blurt out trash talks, express their emotions nonchalantly, share their sentiments about their problems within the walls of their homes as if it's for the world to know...talk about their opinion about Manny P's defeat or whoever famous someone out there... I mean, I guess we all gotta start talking about things that truly matter. Things that will eventually improve the world... relationships...for real IF we only start opening our eyes to what really needs to be done.  IF we only start changing the way we understand and view LOVE. 

Love, trust...they're things which when you give away should be let go. Don't attach strings to it that we make people indebted to us. Because relationship isn't lending to people. It's GIVING to people. You hurl a penny to a lil boy in the street and you just forget about it the next second. You don't take a picture of that lil boy, get his name, his home location...so in the future when he becomes big, he can return back to you what you gave him. NO. It doesn't work that way when it comes to love. You can't be sorry you gave love. You SHOULD only be happy and content you did.

It was said, "If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." Lemme restate that...people can, actually, give everything they have and still have no love. Imagine, we can do things but not necessarily out of love. Whatever other reason there might be for doing so, I guess more of it is for self-interest. To feel good. To look good. To impress people. I dunno. But, it's true. And, am saying this because I used to think that I am such a loving person. I can do and had done many things for people who are important to me. I have a big heart for the poor and I did feeding programs and all. Well, I didn't do those things to impress anyone, that am sure of. It's a heartfelt giving. It's my thanksgiving to the ONE Who showered me with abundance of blessings and graces. But, my heart was proud, I must admit. Why? Because I didn't let go. I recounted almost EVERYTHING I have done for someone...for people. By doing so, I only aggravated the pain that's already torturing me inside. I kept thinking and thinking about how good I have been and yet I was done wrong. The expectation was clearly there. And, obviously, I didn't let go. There were strings attached so I kinda felt those people owe me kindness or whatever I deserve. 

LET GO. Don't attach strings. Love, help, trust, forgive...then let it go. Don't remember. Don't list'em down. Give as in give away. Don't expect anything in return. Then, life is gonna be much easier, happier, freer. 

I so love the concept they introduced and highlighted in the movie, "Pay it Forward" -- returning the favor not to the person who gave you favor but to other people...not necessarily those you know... until you build networks of people extending goodness and multiplying it. The concept is, in fact, Biblical. We are being blessed to become blessings. We do not bless because we wanna be blessed back. The aim is to GIVE and DO until it becomes a cycle. A practice.

Contemplating about these things made me trace what still aches me. Why I haven't completely healed yet. It's because I haven't let go and expectation still remains. 

There's this friend whom I loved dearly. I gave all that I thought would help her, would build her up, would help her spread her wings. I didn't deny anything from her. Supported her in every area of her life. I trusted her. So, I thought she's taking everything to heart as appreciation. Little did I know she's scheming. She's saying nasty things about me to other people. She's even making me look like a monster to them like am doing her wrong. She made them believe that I was treating her badly and who knows what else she said?! Worse, she was telling everyone I was jealous of her. Nasty! Well, she disclosed to me that she learned from someone about something about me which offended her. Ok, whatever! But, thing is, we're almost always together and she never opened up to me about it. She trusted that person more than me. Like why? We could have prolly talked about it like heart-to-heart. Why did she have to turn to other people, say the worst things about me, gossip about me, make people hate me in stead of resolving the problem?  It seriously damaged me. Questions overflowed in my head. I had never been that attached to anyone. I had never made a decision in my life to be as open as that to a girl friend. With her, I became totally transparent, open and attached. So, twas a terrible experience. A horrible one. I dunno if I am still capable of trusting.

But, that's my point. I have to let go. I already have given what I had given and I should just leave them behind now without remembering the glory that is due me and stop asking for credits. I offered friendship and sincere love. It ends there. I need not attach a string to it and cause her to be accountable for all that. It's my decision. She also made a decision to repay kindness with evil. That's her freedom. I can't tie her by the neck only because there's some emotions, finances involved with the help I gave. I need to let go and freed myself from the baggage that weighs me down because unless that pride in her heart melts, she will never acknowledge she was done good. That's her problem not mine. My issue is, I gotta help myself heal. People are free to do what they want or feel like. I gotta respect that even if it's gonna hurt me. I can only pray and hope that one day they'll realize things but to be burdened by the strings will only slow down my recovery. 

Been wondering why I haven't moved on. Have I not yet forgiven? I have. But, I gotta let go of the investments lost and just receive what was returned to me in stead of regretting that I made a bad choice. It's never a bad choice to love. It's the most beautiful thing whether the person deserves it or not. Because it's not about the recipient, nor it's about the giver but the sincerity with the giving. 

To not be hurt...I found out it's more effective to:

Don't expect from people. 

Let go and don't attach strings.         

In stead of, restricting yourself from loving; being too choosy or careful who deserves what; blaming people and things; choosing not to love and trust; avoiding people...better remove the real and damaging weeds: EXPECTATIONS and ATTACHMENTS. 

Another long one...gotta end this for now. And again next time SOON...

  

“Sometimes we fall in love and end up losing ourselves. We allow ourselves to become different people. But we have choices... We can choose to find the person we used to be, the person we really are. Or we can continue on as this new being." ― Amid the Roar 

Live in love, y'all!