People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. Check yourself against this list of obstacles to a pleasing personality:

• interrupting others
• sarcasm
• vanity
• being a poor listener
• insincere flattery
• finding fault
• challenging others without good cause
• giving unsolicited advice
• complaining
• attitude of superiority
• envy of others’ success
• poor posture and dress…

What is unacceptable is the fact that many people do not want to see their part in the mess. They refuse to see their own fault by pointing fingers at and highlighting the mistake of others. How many are sincerely willing to admit they provoked someone into acting like a monster? They don't want to acknowledge that there must be something about them that cause another to act a certain way.

Fault-finding is a dangerous game. While one is occupied scrutinizing the being of another person, (s)he fails to see what (s)he badly needs to see and change in him/herself. The more that (s)he passes the blame on others, the more that (s)he fails to improve his/her character. Hardly do people willingly forgive the mistakes of others the same way as they easily and willingly forgive their own. Nit-picking is probably the easiest way to divert people from seeing their flaws. But the damage is menacing.

Strangely enough, Christians do a lot of this. It is this holier-than-thou attitude that repels many unbelievers from receiving Christ's invitation for salvation. Many Christians abuse Biblical scriptures by pronouncing them aloud only to make the other follow what they feel this poor person needs to change in him/herself. In stead of letting GOD grow the seed, they force the seed open.

These are are just some of the lines you will hear from those who are supposed to show themselves "the light of the world": "do this" ..."do that" ..."I am right"... "you are wrong". "I know"... "you do not see the bigger picture, I do"... "You should've"... just to name a few.

They do not understand that their lives alone can move people, not their empty words. That their examples should've been enough. They do not realize that people observe what they say against what they do. They are not ashamed to point out the wrongs of others while they do the same wrongs. They claim to read the Bible, but just like what the apostle Paul said, "always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth." They misunderstand the Word. They even misuse it for their own purpose -- to prove they are right and far superior than others.

Jesus Christ, HIMSELF, warned us,

"Do not judge so that you will not be judged. "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Jesus didn't even say that we must not judge, at all. If we are to read carefully, HE emphasized that we are not to "hypocritically" judge our neighbors. Stop trying to remove someone else's mote while your own mote is evidently showing. Note that HE also used "speck" and "log". What you see is a speck and there is a log in your eye!

None of us is righteous, therefore, NONE of us has the right to judge anyone's life. We have more than enough flaws to deal with for us to have time to look at the flaws of others.

In fact, Jesus made it clear that He especially had a problem with the hypocrisy of the Jewish religious leaders of His time. In other confrontations with them, Jesus made some pretty strong statements against those leaders:

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness..." (Matthew 23:25-28)

Many strive to look clean. They think they can deceive everyone because they do look sleek and neat. But, the hate inside them comes out as naturally in their speech. Truly, "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." We cannot successfully hide what we have inside. We can dress up decently, make all attempts to sound pleasing, show a bright smile at all times... but, "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."

We must all remember that our righteousness come from Christ alone. No good works (esp no pretension) will help us out of our miserable state. We don't do good works because we are good. We do good because of the Holy Spirit, so that no one can boast. Let us get rid of the holier-than-thou mentality. We all fall short of the glory of GOD.

It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.

Here's how it works... something is said about someone. Doesn't matter whether it's good or bad or terrible; true or just hearsay. The recipient's perception of the information will judge it based on two conditions -- (1) if the recipient of the information is indifferent, (s)he will just ignore. (2) If the recipient already has some rancor or even mindset about the person being talked about, they're kinda biased. The information, then, ends up being a weapon. A deadly one. The recipient(s) become talebearer(s) themselves. Next thing you know, the information's been spread like a virus infecting anyone who dare touch it.

What many don't realize is that gossip doesn't do as much bad to the one being talked about than to the infected. It is a toxin. It infects everyone. It becomes part of their system. It pollutes their judgment.

Gossip is like a delicious delicacy everyone wants to feast on. Not knowing they are being poisoned from the inside out. Because it's not a delicacy, but a contagion. Yet, people find it enjoyable for as long as they're not the topic.

What's sad is that people don't even take time to think before believing hearsay. People will believe what they want to believe. Regardless of the source.

The hardest and the most painful thing to realize is the fact that you may be a victim. You can decide with your heart to be good, but if right from the start you've already been judged, no good deed can ever remove the venom from their system. More so, if their hearts are filled with envy and hate there is totally NOTHING noble or grand enough you can do to satisfy them.

Sometimes, I wonder how come when people hear something ill being said about another they don't ask themselves "why is this person telling me this?" It puzzles me why we allow others to pollute our minds with their sharp tongues. And why we engage into this kind of activity. Nonsensical.

It's oh so true...gossip is not a mouth problem, but a heart issue. "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" -Matthew 12:34.

"Evil people look for ways to harm others; even their words burn with evil.
Gossip is spread by wicked people; they stir up trouble and break up friendships."
-Proverbs 16:27, 28

Another thing I realized... we have to be very careful WHO we trust. The friend smiling at you and having fun with you...telling you things like, "am just here when you need someone to listen" ...may end up backstabbing you. Be careful of their traps. They may show you they care, but what they're after is a little information to say against you behind your back. They're actually your enemies in disguise. Waiting to hear something they like about someone they don't.

"Count not him among your friends who will retail your privacies to the world."