I think I have to start with this...Warning: Get a pillow and a teddy to hug because this is going to make you sleepy. (I bet) Good luck and sweet dreams! hihihi
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So, what do you do when you are filled with emotions? But the emotions are rather unpleasant...? They say, do not dwell on negative things. In stead, think of happy thoughts. Focus on things that make you smile to shift your attention from the situation that's causing sadness.
Yeah, right. It's always easier said than done. Advice is easily given but come to think of it, when it's you who was in that dire situation, it's damn so hard.
I've seen people who just laugh at problems. They try so hard to not show they're hurting. I don't even know if that's the best thing to do. Well, they look like they're coping better. But, are they not torturing their hearts by doing so? Am just wondering.
Well, there could really be truth in the saying "laughter is the best medicine". Besides, it's really the brain that's controlling the heart, right? Maybe, we should try "mind over matter".
But then again... it's easier said than done. People have different tolerance level to pain. People have different ways in interpreting situations. People have different attitudes towards problems. And...people have different strengths.
I am not necessarily weak. But, I am more of a feeling person. And that's probably why it's so hard for me to cope easily with dilemmas. But, I promise myself that from this day on...I will try my best to look at things in a different perspective -- in a positive perspective.
I must!
Maybe, it's about time that I start doing self-preservation. Problem with me, I care so much about other people... I become overly attached to people that their problems become my problem. I make it my obligation to do something about another's condition that I am forgetting that I also have my own problems to solve. Worse, when nothing positive comes out, I blame myself. Which is so WRONG!
More than anything, I should be looking after my own self. Like what Lila keeps telling me. "Think about yourself." She'd always remind me that. (And, dear...YOU also have to remind yourself THAT!)
Zee also taught me the value of "making wise investment". Not the financial thing. It's basically about investing in the right persons, in the right situations. He told me that there is nothing wrong to invest your time and effort in friendship for as long as your investment won't just be put to waste. This is the most sensible lesson a person has ever told me.
Zee is not really a close friend. In fact, we rarely talk. But, I'd say he's such a sensible person. And even if we don't see each other now, I can still clearly remember what he taught me.
Yves, too, taught me a lot. And I so appreciate that she understood how I am as a person without me having to explain so much. I didn't have to adjust for her to like me. When she told me that there is nothing wrong with me...it made me feel good about myself. Cause, I have the tendency to put all the blame in myself for how people treat me.
...In one of our conversations, she told me that "you are brought up that way...if you're squeamish...if you're classy or however people perceive you...it's not your fault. You are brought up that way. If they don't like you for who you are, then...the hell with them! You don't need to adjust for people only because you want to be their friend."
She's made her point by saying that. I cried within. At the back of my mind, was thinking that she's the most sensible person I've ever met. Must I say WISE?
What these three people (I mentioned) taught me are still etched in my head. Though, it didn't improve my depressive state so far, it's helping me understand that it is really not my fault if people just sneer at me. I know I did my best to be approachable. I think that is effort enough.
What is this about by the way? Well, I am just reflecting that I have wasted so much time, effort and emotions on people who can't even appreciate me. Which is NOT right. And I want to stop this silliness soon. There are a lot more people out there who deserve what I can share with them. People who are not too arrogant to accept the fact that there are just persons who seem to be "too-good-to-be-true".
This is the ultimate
culprit of everything...
I hate that I am not in my best self right now only because I have harbored so much resentment inside. Sincerely, I feel bad that, "Greenie", even up to the last minute looked at me with so much dislike. Til now, I can't understand where that dislike's coming from. As far as I know, I did what I have to do. Yes, I feel bad. Thinking that I should've/could've tried harder...maybe something fruitful could've happened.
...on the other hand, there is no point blaming myself again. Like what Zee said, maybe she didn't really consider me a friend after all.
Lila also told me that. Now, she keeps reminding me that I am a person of real value. If they can't get themselves to like me, then fine. I have to help myself. Yes, Lila is damn right. I must help myself.
How do I sound now? I sound so bitter. Maybe I am...deep inside. It feels so helpless that I always have to explain myself. People just put judgment on anyone as fast as they can. That's the best thing they can do.
But, lemme correct Lizzie. I did not gave too much effort just because I want / need to be appreciated. If I ever exerted more than enough effort, it's because it's what my heart told me to do. It's what made me happy. At least doing those things gave me a sense of accomplishment.
No, I wasn't waiting for something in return. But, is it really hard to just treat me right? To treat me properly? That's just all that I was asking for.
Well, how can I expect this much from people? Maybe they have much more and heavier issues within them than what I have in myself, right?
Maybe Greenie has so much issue within her. I must pity her.
Right now, what I need to do is to stop asking questions..."WHY?!!!" Logic and rationality is not anymore the issue here. There are just people who are bound to be conceited. And that's why they're called "Green-Eyed Monsters".
My message for all Greenies in the world... "LIVE A LIFE!"
...but not with these (temptationssss)...GOODNESS!!!
Colorful sweets!! yumyum
Wait...I don't like sweets, right?!
...maybe I do?
Grrr...but they look sumptuous...
Maybe I can forget about dieting for now.
One donut won't hurt, anyway. *wink*
What is this rant about? NOTHING!!! Fwahaha...
You can just think that I had a very nice day that's why I was ranting. *wink*
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