Even If It Kills Me, I'm Gonna Smile.

Been wondering about how intuition works and if it's a natural thing. It is not. I should know. And it's the same reason I couldn't understand why I get to have feelings of something that's happening to a person close to me even if that person is far away. It's kinda weird and freaky (I must say).

But, unfortunately (or fortunately?) ...I have it. I am one of the intuitives. Thing is I dunno how to handle this kind of gift. It could be an advantage, actually, only if I know how to make use of it. Only I don't.

There will be instances when I'd get to feel something. Sometimes, I'd suddenly feel so down and low. For no apparent reason, that is. So, am kind of annoyed with myself. Why not? There are lotsa things to do and your chest will suddenly feel so heavy. Who wouldn't be annoyed?!

Like just recently, I was supposed to do articles (for Lila). Then, I felt this heavy feeling in my chest. Not that my breast had grown bigger, ok?! I dunno. I can't even tell why. If only I could.

You know how it feels to suddenly feel so sad and anxious or even extremely uneasy over something unknown?! Dammit! It's weird and I hate myself for that. Of course, anyone's initial reaction to this kind of feeling would be irritation. I was damn irritated that I was feeling that way.

The next day, I found out that dad was confined to the hospital. It's only then that I understood what was the feeling about. But, to make sure, I had to ask mom when did dad start feeling ill. She told me that they noticed something wrong with dad the day before he was sent to the hospital.

...Which was the day I felt that inexplicable feeling!

I get to have feelings about things. Grrr. Now, to be able to put it to good use so I won't be sulking the whole day over something I don't understand, I think I should learn to know how to read intuitions. And not just live with it as if it's not affecting me. Cause it does! BIG TIME.

After reading a few articles about intuition, I found out that intuitives are sensitive to "energy" released by people. Most intuitives would even absorb them. Like me. This explains why I get to suddenly feel so bad upon seeing someone in pain. Even if that person is not saying or showing anything that gives me an idea of what he's feeling.

..I dunno but how can I feel an energy coming from a person who's far away? Worse... not knowing why. Like my dad. I felt there was something wrong but I dunno what. I can't explain where's it coming from. I only know there's something wrong.

At that time, I didn't know it was anything about my family. What's playing in my head during that time was there could be a very unpleasant energy around me. Which, made me dismiss the idea that there could be a deeper reason behind that unexplained despair inside me.

Then.. the day after dad was confined to the hospital (in the ICU section), I had a strange dream. Dada was talking to me in my dream; telling me that dad was already dead.

I forced myself to get up. My heart was throbbing real hard and fast. I was also trembling. It was 6 in the morning. I had not enough sleep the night before. Really weird. I had to rush to the hospital to check.

I reached the hospital fast and he was just ok. What was the dream about? When should I take a dream as an intuition? Cause I've had several dreams that were actually intuitions and I just dismissed all. How can intuition help me?!

I hope to know.

Problems won't stop coming. Somehow, I am losing grip. But, I know it's unfair. Life is not just about problems. There are still so many reasons to go on.

Like my cute stuffs. Hehe. They make me smile somehow. Petty reasons, yes. But, they represent events and people that give meaning to my life. So, maybe with these stuffs I could keep myself smiling amidst the troubles I am currently facing.

Yeah...Please do. And help me reach my ultimate dream. Puhleeeeaaaaseee?!!!
...And then lock me inside and never let me go. I promise to be good.

Bratz Notebook!!! *wink wink*
Just one of my collections. I loooovvvveeee notebooks!





Another one!





My PINK diary. *big smile*

This is where I write everything that happens to me in a day. Not really a burn book. It's too cute to be a burn book. I just write down events and my emotions there.

My Old diary.

I made the design in front. *wink* I used to make greeting cards. A few are just sitting around the house so when I was given the blue notebook, I made use of the card to paste on the notebook. It was a plain royal blue notebook. And I don't like royal blue. So, I did something about it. It made me happy. *smile*

PINK bedroom slippers recently bought for a cheap-o price.
I hate it when people violate pinkie by stepping on it. GRRR




Am wearing them! Cutie! AWwww





The Richie Riches!





Richie Rich Bear





Cheap-O slippers...




Purple optical mouse

FYI: They're not on auction, ok? Just took photos of them to divert my attention from so many pre-occupations.

If you don't find them cute, just keep your mouths shut and save your opinions. Just give it to me. I think they're cute so I posted them here. Made my day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was not able to watch the NCAA games last Wednesday. But I was able to watch the last minute of the 2nd game -- San Beda vs. Mapua. Hehe. The San Beda Red Lions won (of course) by 10 points, 87-77. Their 3rd win for the season.

Grrr...I hope am telling the right information. Anyway, Kelvin dela Pena, at the last 2.5 seconds on the clock, was fouled out. Very unwise act. They could've been defeated with less point lead.

Well, I can't really judge as I was only able to watch a very brief part of the game. Maybe, he has valid reasons for acting that way. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, everyone who did not watch the game. Hehe. Like me.

Thanks to Inbound Pass, I got some helpful information. So, the MIT Cardinals were able to take the lead. An 8 point lead during the third quarter, which was stolen back by the Red Lions before the third quarter ended. Whew!

I've always thought that Mapua could be a threat with Kelvin dela Pena playing. But I didn't know that Coach Koy Banal's son, Jonathan, will also contribute greatly to the team's performance. He finished with 15 points next to the leading scorer Sean Co who had 18 for that game.

Samuel Ekwe did not play for this game after the incident during their game with the UPHD. But, obviously, it did not affect the team's preformance. Yehey!

Alamajal did good and so did Menor, Escobal and Marcelo (who was the game's Accenture's High Performer).

Here's the stat:

SBC (87) – Aljamal 21, Menor 13, Lanete 12, Gamalinda 11, Escobal 10, Marcelo 10, Tecson 3, Maggay 3, Hermida 2, Taganas 2.

MIT (77) – Co 18, Banal 15, Del Rosario 13, Dela Peña 11, Acosta 6, Pascual 6, Sumalinog 4, Guillermo 4, Mazo 0.

Quarter Scores: 27-21; 42-38; 64-64; 87-77

UPHD defeated CSB, 62-52. Also by 10 points.

Haven't checked last July 6's games. *sigh*

Pinoy Big Brother Season 2 is over.

Yes, Beatriz Saw was Pinoy Big Brother Season 2 Big winner. After four months of tough challenges, fun, misunderstandings and longing to being with their families again, the four remaining house mates finally moved out of the Pinoy Big Brother House last night.

Wendy Valdez, being the most controversial because of her sharp tongue and temperamental mood, had to face the audience's disgust. She heard loud "boos" as she appears from the back stage.

I dunno where she drew (got) that confidence, actually. Or it could be strong fighting spirit (?). She didn't mind the crowd anymore and went on talking. If it were me, I won't be able to talk anymore and would just run away. But she is not me. She is a very tough person.

Yeah, she had gone through a lot. So does everybody else, I must say. I had gone through a lot too. Maybe our only difference is our way of dealing with things.

(I just found out that she joined Bb. Pilipinas 2005.)

The fight with Gee-Ann and Bea and her whining were really petty. I even think it's her way of getting noticed. If all the rest had shown the best of their attitudes, she did otherwise. With this in mind, "the antagonist will always be remembered" ... like in soaps. Yes, kontrabidas are hated but the more they are hated, the more they are talked about, right?

Well, I can't tell this as a fact. Who knows what's behind her actions and reactions. Or her real motive. Everyone is aiming for the gold. Everyone would dare do anything to get it. I, too, would. I mean, come on! Why, winning is everything!

And come on now. Wendy is intelligent. You can tell with the way she argues. She thinks a lot. It could really be a tactic. For whatever reason, I think if people really find her a despicable person, then they better just stop making her more popular than she already is. The more the name "Wendy" is said, the more we are giving her reasons to succeed.

Who knows? I mean, she can't really be that bad. But, again...just like in telenovelas... everything being exaggerated. Emphasis is the key word. The fault or bad must be highlighted so the good will shine.

I don't know but, I think, PBB has become a non-reality thing. It looks pretty much a scripted "reality" show. Why? Because of how things had turn out. Not that they really gave the house mates scripts. They just instructed them to follow a certain format. Something like that.

Why did I say this? Because the show has to survive. Y'know television stations competition. And in order to do this, they have to keep it from becoming boring. Same things over and over. Doing the tasks, bum around, talk, sleep, cook...basic things. There has to be something else. Let's give it color. Deviate from the routine.

Although, the staff of PBB had to disappoint the majority, Wendy had to stay for until the final night. This is for the rating. Like what I said, the more we hate...the more we love to witness what else is going on.

I am not a fan of PBB, but I found myself hooked following it -- what will transpire and how things will turn out. How Wendy snatched the 3rd place from Gee-Ann? That, we will never know. But, if the majority really hated (hates) Wendy, then why the hell she got 1.2 million votes?!! Such a wonder.

WENDY. The girl's a fighter. The girl didn't care anymore how people would perceive her. All she cared about was to reach her destination. A perfect epitome of a go-getter. We must not forget where she came from. Not that am judging her, ok? But, let's face it. If you have that chance of reaching the top, would you still hold back? NO! That's stupidity.

Wendy was just practical. Whatever her reasons are, I think we all just have to see beyond our disgust. Frankly, I hated her for being such a bully. For being manipulative. Here's my idea about the fight...

She was upset that both girls wanted her out. That caused all the trouble. The friendship she was expecting from the two is her own definition of friendship. Gee-Ann assured her that she loves her and even said she was her idol. But, as far as I can remember, Gee-Ann did not say she will kiss-her-ass. This is competition. Friendship is beyond everything else. So, I couldn't believe Wendy when she was nagging about them voting for her to leave the house.

Wendy felt as if she was stabbed on the back. Truth is, she was not. So happened that the two girls had to choose who to vote out. If, in case, the two girls missed to tell her their real reasons for choosing her to leave...that's already their problem. But, to act immaturely and (sorry for the pun) boorish...it's just so despicable.

...but, yeah, after giving it some thought...it couldn't be just her temperamental side. Being the big winner is a very important factor. Again, tactic...strategy.

She was on the Buzz this afternoon pleading her case. She can accept all what people will throw at her, but she wants us to spare her family. And yes, she's right in saying, it's not her siblings' fault that she's their sister and it's not her mother's fault that she's her mother's daughter. I think the family deserves respect.

Am not sure, though, if the crowd really booed her family. Or her alone. But, I just observed that she has completely transformed from being a wolf to being a sheep when she appeared on the Buzz. Perhaps, she really realized her mistakes. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

As for Gee-Ann, I feel her. We're pretty much alike. Like me, Gee-Ann used to be a hermit too. Dependent on other people. Drawing strength from others. Like me, she was also scared to go out of her own world. But because of PBB, she changed. There was a very significant and noticeable improvement in her personality and character. Yehey for her!

...so even if she wasn't the big winner, it's like she is still the winner.

Both Bea and Mickey deserve the prize but, of course, there can only be one big winner so...congratulations to Beatriz Saw.

And congratulations to the 3 others:

Mickey Perz
Wendy Valdez
Gee-Ann Abraham

Oh...you think I am ending this blog now, huh?! Not just yet. I have to mention how Toni Gonzaga lost her wit while interviewing the Slovenian house mate.

She had to end the short interview because they're already running out of time. So, she said...

"We still want to talk to you but the time here is not so much..."

...like huh?! LOL

Sorry Toni Gonzaga fans if you will ever hate me for including this part. hehehe... Well, it only proves that she is, just like us, human! fwahahaha

Too bad I don't have that video.

Note: This is not a Wendy hate blog, ok?!