Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!

What makes me happy?

Little things can make me happy. I am not hard to please. Need a proof? Well, I just bought two pairs of slippers at a cheapo price. Ok, cheap is not a good term. Erase. "Economical" could be a better term.

No, I did not have to haggle. Come on now! The prices were really marked down.

I didn't know there are places (like MP) that sell very cut-rate products. I have two photos of slippers here. Guess how much are they.

How much is this pair of slippers?

grrr...it's dark!

Pick a guess.

How about this one?!

Dunno with you but I think everyone should be buying wisely. Slippers...we just step on it. Why should it really be expensive?

Ok, I am not questioning preferences, now. If you rather want a thousand worth of slippers, why the hell should I care? It is your money you are spending.

My point is, with me, in stead of buying very expensive stuffs, I'd rather buy cheap ones that are of good quality and buy as many my money can buy. Practical, right?

I will be receiving too many raised eyebrows for sure. Or, expressions like, "yuck, she really meant that?!" Hypocrites!

In as much as everyone wants to maintain status quo (I included), there is just no point, though. Kind of messing the order of things. What the heck is the problem if one is not wearing branded clothes? Or, what the hell is wrong with eating fishballs? *glaring eyes*

Don't question me now. I don't eat a lot of foods because of allergy. Clear? But without allergy, I would eat fishballs! I would eat foods from "JolliJeep".

For goodness sakes! Why won't I, right?! Just like everyone, I want to save. I need to save. Only that option is not for me.

So, I am kind of raising my eyebrows, too, whenever I get to meet people who are too conscious about buying "original" branded stuffs. As if!

No matter how much your clothes are, those won't change the way you look. If you're freaking ugly, you will remain ugly. Nothing will change that.

I do believe that it's you who should be carrying the clothes and not the clothes carrying you. It's just impossible!

There are people who give excuses like, "am already ugly so I better do something about it." Again, no thousands of worth clothing could ever make you become (or feel) beautiful. Just look around and you'll see there are lotsa not expensive clothes to buy that would look good on you. Believe me.

...and the only solution to ugliness is confidence but definitely not conceit! Admit it that you're not as good looking as everybody else and feel ok about it. It is not your fault, anyway.

Come on now! If all of us have the choice, we all could've chosen to have the prettiest faces, right? Only that's not the case.

Well, if you've got more than enough bread to spend, why not? Buy as many expensive and branded clothes you want. It is your choice. This is just my personal view.

Thing is, yeah, we get to buy every stuff. The latest gadgets, etc. Now what? These things can only give us temporary happiness. Being able to buy whatever we dream of buying only feeds our desire to get more. It kills our contentment.

...worse, it causes greed and envy.

This is just my personal observation and opinion, ok? Am moving on to another story (ranting) now.

GRRR How I hate small-minded people! (Here I go again whining...can't help it.)

Couldn't really believe how mean and rude people can get. I gave it my best to enjoy my stay in Manila. Who would think I'd end up strolling around Star City?

Yes, I was at Star City. I wasn't really expecting it has gone from bad to worse. I think the amusement sections inside the malls are far better than Star City.

...and because I previously had an appointment, I was dressed well. Without really expecting that the place was like that. Ok, to give you a clear picture, people were wearing very simple clothes. As if they're home. I also didn't know that the place looks like a "peria".

I enjoyed it there, yes. I had fun with the games where you can get huggable stuffed toys. Only I was only able to get the small items which I called Richie Riches. Grrr!!! Imagine, I had to spend like about 200PhP up just to get one of those very tiny stuffs!!! Geesh!

...and just watching people enjoying the rides was enough. Really, I will never ride those! Goodness!!! so, I just yelled with them from a certain distance.

Twas almost fun except that I got none of the huge huggable toys. Frustrating!

...and until twas time to go home.

On the way to the exit... was mesmerized by the many cheap stuffs you can buy there. Only, those two heavyset and haglike women (forgive me for the pun) really made it sure I'd hear their intention of insult.

They were a couple of feet away from me. They were discussing about Iwa Moto who was also in the place. One of them loudly spoke these words:

"Si Iwa Moto nakafatigue pants lang...'tong si Iwa Iwa...naka 'pink' high heels pa!"

This is Iwa Moto, btw...

Come on now!!! They really compared me to her?! Whatda?!! What for? The heck am a lot prettier than her... Grrr... Just look at me and see for yourself!

See what am talking about?! Absurd!

Was affected, yes. Why not? I was the only one wearing "pink" high heeled stilletos around.

Next scene was me pulling their hair while cursing them with all the nasty words I know!

Do you really believe I did that? Of course, I did not. The scene was really like ...me dumbfounded and couldn't even say what I was meaning to say properly. Couldn't believe how people can be such jerks!

Gecko was trying to get me to talk cause all I could say was, "humps!"

Twas only inside the car that I was able to clearly tell about what happened. And was so so hurt. Just can't conceive how loutish people can get.

Come on now! So, what if I was dressed better than Iwa Moto?! She is she and I am I. There's no point in comparing.

I know just what those freaks were trying to say, of course. Am no dumbo. They were only trying to tell me that I am no one and Iwa Moto is a star, which gives me no right to dress that way!

Duh! Moronics! Where the hell did their brains go?! Why should they be so bitter that there are just people who dress better than the others?!!! Come on now! I wasn't trying to prove something. As if I know there will be celebrities there. Whatdha?!!!

Yeah, I have to admit I was not dressed properly for the location. But, like what I said, I had a previous appointment. We thought of going some place to have fun. Should I really have to explain everything to everyone so they'd stop raising their eyebrows?! *glaring eyes* Can't even show you a photo of the place cause going there was not really part of the plan.

Problem with most people, they're too envious and because there's nothing that they can do about things, they just bully around. Grrrr!!! How I detest bullies! Why do they even exist? *&%#$!!!!

Those ignoramus really ruined my night! Why the hell do they care if it's what I was wearing?! I won't question them if I was wearing very provocative clothes. I wasn't wearing two piece swim wear for crying out loud!

...and I didn't even question why they're so fugly! Live a life for goodness sakes!

I can't let go of instances like this one cause, I can't put up with pea-brains! I don't see a point why they have to lord over someone. And come to think of it. It's really not about me dressed inappropriately. It's about their personal issues. They know for a fact that they can't wear something like that. Come on now! If only they can, they would.

Yes, I am damn certain of what I am saying. Have seen this before. Have had the same experience long long before. Pretty much the same thing. Was wearing a mini floral skirt, which girls scoffed at. A week after, saw them wearing the same thing already!

Grrr...Don't gimme &#%@$ anymore! If you people have personal issues...same with me! Live a life just like what am doing. This is me and if you can't handle it then shoo!

...and yeah. Keep your big mouths shut! Please please I beg you to not display your meatheads. I mean, isn't it already obvious?! Disgusting!

Yeah, I must say I am still passionate about telling you this story. It's just too ridiculous to let pass.

So, I can only apologize for the mean words.

Anyway, those little Richie Riches made me a bit happy. And that chance of touring Star City, I'd say was still something. Besides, there's no place I can go to without half-bakeds, anyway.


Current state: trying to get over. Am telling you, with someone like me, it's just so hard to take the truth about the world. Am still such a hermit!

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Took another online test yesterday. This one involved colors. I was shown a set of colors and the instruction was to click on all the colors in any order I wish. So, I did (without really knowing why).

I actually thought it will give me a personality profile. Surprisingly, it gave me details of my present condition. It also provided me with the present problems I am currently facing.

Amazingly, it did give an accurate information about what is going on within me. Sleek!

The detail is shown below...

Paper+Tiger took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Needs a way of escape from all that oppresses her ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

I made a quick review. Well, it said that the result was my personality. The way I see it, however, it's just the present condition I am in.

Anyway, I almost couldn't believe I was reading it. Yes, it did help. And I just hope to be able to bring back my resilience or I might just completely lose it.

Nuf of the quiz...

Binkie made me realize some things. We talked about my dad. It's Father's Day on Sunday (June 17). So, I kinda remembered my dad.

Inch by inch I am understanding my dad. Why is he like that and all. Binkie suggested that I better do something about it. I mean, to help my dad become open to us (his family). Yeah, right. He has been a loner. Such a loner.

Actually, been thinking and planning about this for years now. Only I didn't know how.

How by just talking with someone who really listens one can clearly understand things that used to be vague.

I figured some things about my dad with Binkie. It really is something having someone to discuss things with. And probably this is the same reason why dad remained aloof. He had none. No one dared invading the box where he keeps himself.

We have a lot in common. And I guess we have the same personality. I have been constantly observing myself and each time... I'd see dad in me.

There is this one (out of the many) painful conversation I had with dad when I was younger. It caused me so much inferiority (and not to mention pain). I kept it to myself and became bitter.

Just like any other student, I aspired to land a job that would make me wealthy. Someone told me about working as a stewardess. So, I had to ask dad for his opinion. It's also another way of letting him know of my plans.

In stead of receiving encouragement, his words put me down. I dunno if I should even make mention of his answer (like verbatim). What? For the sake of getting sympathy. No. I don't find it necessary.

His words were rather harsh. I think this statement should be enough. Plus he had to compare me to my two sisters. It was totally OUCH! It kinda made me feel damn inferior and insignificant.

But the talk with Binkie...triggered my deeper thoughts. Made me figure out that dad, just like me, can see potentials in people. He saw my potentials. He also had foreseen my weaknesses. This world is too harmful for me. And I do not belong to the world. He only tried protecting me from what harm the world might cause me.

Guys are normally not good at expressing their thoughts in the best and clear way they should. Perhaps, dad too, failed to say things in a way he should've. So, he got me badly hurt.

Now, I blame myself for not understanding this long time ago. Like, for years, been thinking and re-thinking "why?" And it is only now that things are becoming clear.

Dad is me and me is dad. We're pretty common. And more than anyone, I should be the one to understand him.

Well, I still can't understand his being scanty, though. And I think I never will.

We have undergone totally different experiences. Perhaps, that's the only thing that makes us a bit different, in terms of dealing with situations and problems. But we are just the same.

...and I believe, this is the same reason why I had never become angry at him.

Not to justify my actions, I think everything happened for the best. I left home and it was meant to happen. Not for anything else but for me to unravel the mystery behind dad.

It is Father's Day on Sunday. (Should I really mention this twice?) Binkie told me to start doing my move. Dad needs someone to talk to him. Just like I need someone to talk to me. Someone who will be persistent enough to get me to talk. Dad never found that person.

This is the challenge I am faced with now. To be persistent enough to get him to talk. To assure him that I understand him completely.

How can we just forget that just like us, other people also have needs within them? When we're hurt, we get to overlook the needs of others. As if the world is just our own.

Hell, no. People need us.

Our parents love us. That is for a fact. Only, different people have different ways of loving. Dad loves me.

I can't anymore remember when but some months (or a year) after I left the house (maybe)... mom told me that dad was always standing by the gate as if waiting for someone (for me).

My heart had hardened by the overwhelming pain from that one big fight with dad 4 years ago (midnight of February 2003). But my heart broke when mom told me about dad waiting for me everyday. Sincerely.

I just can't go back there anymore. I have made a decision to live on my own. And I believe this is for the best. But I am not giving up on understanding and trying to change dad. There is always hope.

In this life, I might not be able to completely understand everything exactly how I should. My dad included. Am still trapped in the past, I must say. My life can never move on smoothly unless I work things out with myself and the issues I have within.

Dad, he is misunderstood. Whatever his reasons are for being the way he is, I assure him that forever I will keep the same respect I have for him. And I will work that my siblings will do the same.

I may never have expressed how much, but I respect and I look up to dad with all the person I am. All that I am now is because of him. Because he tried his best to make me a better person. Now, I can say that I am proud of what I have become not for my own decision. But because I have a dad like him.

I owe a lot to him and to my mom who has consistently been looking after me even now that I have started to live on my own. No matter what happens, they are still the reason for my existence.

...I love my dad.

Happy father's day to all fathers in the world!


Current mood: Mushy and sentimental.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It is a wise father that knows his own child."

"Role modeling is the most basic responsibility of parents. Parents are handing life's scripts to their children, scripts that in all likelihood will be acted out for the rest of the children's lives."

"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~