Prolly it's just me. Still overwhelmed and still can't believe. How can you easily mend when you sincerely cared for someone, offered your real friendship and love to this person, given your time and effort ... only to find out that some nasty words said about you can influence this person's view of you and unsparingly judge you? I smell a lil odor of ungratefulness here. Or unreal friendship, perhaps? The friendship was only based on good weather condition. When storm comes, everything is wrecked.
Am not sure if it's a problem on the giver's end or the recipient's end. If it's the giver's, what lesson learned is this:
be always careful NOT to show any negative attitude whatsoever, or else, EVERY good you have done will be forgotten -- crumpled, thrown into the rubbish and expunged from history.
This is what happens when you can't consistently be nice. So, don't be(?).
It's such a tough job to be a nice person, don't you think? Why would anyone want to be nice at all if one single wrong done can be a license for people to say you've only been showing a facade? Well, one way to heal is be numb to judgments. "Don't let others' opinion of you define you." I agree. Just so happens that rumors ruin reputation. That's why we are reminded to be careful with our words... be careful what you say ABOUT or TO someone because "our words can either be a brick to build or a bulldozer to destroy".
My concern here is, "can't anyone remember the good a person has done anymore?" After all the good things done to you, you rather see the bad? Worse, you have to drag other people to hate this person, too! This reminds me of a professor who showed the class a smooth white sheet and asked what do we notice. Everyone started saying their observations being, "there's a small dot in the middle!" The professor continued saying, a bigger tendency of people is to find what's wrong in someone or something, in stead of just seeing the whole. Which is true. Why are we such critics, in the first place? When we know in ourselves that there are lotsa imperfections in us.
By saying this, I don't mean that we must never tell another what's wrong with him. We should. It is our social duty to try to correct another being, especially a loved one, for their sakes. But, this should be done with love and sincere concern. Not to disparage or to humiliate or to abase. Not to tell them they are no good and we are far better. Correction should be done out of real concern for the welfare of the person.
This reminds me of another situation. Your friend has halitosis, would you tell him or not? Or would you just let another person do that for you?
One way to gauge whether a friend is real or not is if (s)he can openly correct you when you've done something wrong and not tell someone else about it. Isn't it called gossiping when you rather tell someone else something about someone? I mean, issues within two persons need not be broadcast-ed to the rest of the world outside them. As much as possible, keep it between the two of you. Talk about it when your friend offended you. chances are, (s)he might just be facing a battle that's why (s)he behaved the way (s)he did. When friendship is real, offenses can easily be forgiven and forgotten. Mature friendship understands that we all are going to inevitably hurt each other because of one simple explanation -- we all differ from each other. We think, act, speak, feel...differently. That makes each of us unique.
Trusting is hard in cases like this. Why? Picture this... you've offended someone, but (s)he rather not tell you and act friendly, still. Showing bright smile and all. But, in your absence, there (s)he blurts out what (s)he finds wrong in you to people who are totally not involved! And these people will start throwing judgment at you because the nasty words came from a reliable source, anyway -- your close friend!
How can you trust this friend if (s)he can smile at you as if nothing's wrong when inside (s)he harbors ill feelings? When is the smile real? When is it not? How would you know if you're being offensive to him/her if (s)he chooses to pretend (s)he's not affected by anything you say or do? Can't we just be completely REAL to each other? Is confrontation really not an option, at least, to try to restore a threatened relationship? *sigh*
What's more sad is, they're sooo into themselves that they don't/can't acknowledge they'd done something which hurt you. I'd quote a pastor. He said, "it's easy to forgive until you have something to forgive." True enough. There are, actually, offenses that are easy to forgive and to forget. People who you don't have to sweat forgiving. Personally, I find it hard to forgive those who you give your full trust to and then betray you. Hmmmm, sounds like it's all on me. My mistake. Wrong choice of who to trust. Ok, I'd shut up now and end up taking all the blame.
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