“Never waste a minute of your precious life by squandering it thinking about people you don't like.”

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will NOT change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”

Funny thing about unforgiveness is that one lives in the past that he tends to neglect about today. In stead of keeping the focus on what is NOW, he keeps looking behind. What happened in the past cannot be undone, but it can still wreck the present by sulking over something you cannot anymore reverse. When the fact of life is simply...someone will always come and hurt you... purposefully or accidentally. Nobody's perfect. And you know in yourself that you've also hurt someone in the past. You've also said harsh words to another. And this is because we are all flawed. We are not always in our good state. That is why, we need to forgive others for what they'd done evil to us. And we also need to forgive ourselves. Then, let go. Because no matter how you sulk over spilled milk, there is nothing much you can do about it.

We must also not judge others for the wrongs they'd done. None of our mistakes define us. Each person gets to be in a state of emotional insanity, every now and then, when placed in an uncomfortable situation. Yet, that occasional emotional insanity doesn't entirely define who we are. And to hate someone for being occasionally emotionally insane is foolish. If we can only learn how to be as tolerant as we are to ourselves when we get to be in a state of emotional insanity, we'll find it easier to get along with others. We'd find it easier to understand them and forgive.

Grudge in your heart will only rob you of happiness. One good example I can share is this:

Someone was done something which to her was offensive. She took it real personally that no matter how the other person explained her side and uttered apologies, this girl simply can't move on and this affected the way she behaves and the way she views things. She harbored grudge in her heart so every time she bumps into this person, she explodes like a volcano. She can't have peace within.

What's worse in nurturing grudge is it leads to bitterness. What happy life we could've had becomes more impossible to achieve because our vision is blurred by anger. Happiness is, indeed, a choice. For we cannot control nor expect people around us to demean the way we wish they would. Our friends will even always fall short of our expectations. Things won't always go the way we want. But, we can always choose to forgive each little lapse and let go.


You'll hear people say, "he'd done me this. I can't forgive him." Or, something like, "had you not done that I couldn't have reacted this way". Thing is, no one can always be too careful not to hurt another. Not even you. Not even me. There will always be something we do that'll hurt another intentionally or unintentionally. And if you even carefully listen to what was said..."had you not done that"... well, sadly, it's already been done. It's past tense. Nothing can be done to undo it. We just need to accept that it did happen and learn to forgive. Choose to forgive. Don't carry the load. Grudge is such a burden to carry. One can choose to put it down and leave it behind and walk with great ease in stead of feeling sorry that it had to happen and forever carry the choler.

While it is true that had things didn't happen the way they did, life could've been much better. But, that's just a fact of life, though: things happen. More often, what happens make us. It is our choice if we'll allow a situation to break us. But, again, it is a matter of choice. And if your eyes ever open and you realize that a situation broke you, it's never too late to pull yourself back together.

Pointing at what happened in the past is like blaming history for your situation. I talk by experience. I used to keep blaming someone for something wrong done to me. But, I had to learn the hard way that reacting negatively to it won't help me in any way. Because of anger, I misbehaved. I hurt people. Then, I realized that's not me. That's not who I am. I had become a different person. I allowed my anger unleash the monster in me. I couldn't anymore recognize myself. One day, I woke up and told myself, "this isn't me". It dawned on me that what really was making me unhappy is the fact that I know I was not anymore the person I used to know. Day by day, as I acted negatively to this particular person, I became more frustrated not with the person but with myself. Then, I recognized it's not really the other person that brings out the good or the bad in me. It is my own self.

"had you not done that, I wouldn't have reacted the way I did" is just taking the blame off you. Someone said the same thing to me. I just can't understand why does she keep reacting to a situation that was way bygone. As far as I'm concerned, the current sitch is far different and apologies have been lavishly given. Truth is, she only refuse to snap out of that episode in the past as if it's still happening in the present. It's like still living in the Marshall Law era when we have so much democracy in the present. Or, trying to feel the pain when the wound has already healed. Just doesn't make any sense.

I am not saying this because I want to be forgiven nor I believe I deserve to be. All I desire is for everyone to learn the benefits of forgiving. It doesn't only release you from deep pain. It also teaches you how to live a life free from negative emotions and it also saves you from becoming the monster you never want to be.

Whether or not a person deserves to be forgiven...whether or not a person says sorry... forgiving is not some favor you give anyone. It is a favor you give yourself. But, I guess, just like experience is the best teacher...one can never truly learn to forgive unless he gets into a situation where he needs to be forgiven.