I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it.

Today, I received a package from VA, USA through FedEx. Been expecting this really, but wasn't expecting it to arrive today. Good thing am home. Or, a bad thing? Twas a huge box for what package I expected but didn't even mind wondering why. So, I opened the box and voila! It doesn't contain only one book but two with four DVDs and some packs of sweet goodies! Thanks, Tom!

Until now, I still don't know what I should feel. Maybe, because I wasn't really expecting anything like this to happen. Yes, I know it was me who requested GOD to give me something that will keep me more occupied so I can escape from the feelings of depression but my request was nothing as grand as this one.

Twas Friday (or Saturday) last week when I fervently prayed to GOD about my sitch (one of the many times I poured my heart out to HIM the past weeks). Asked HIM this and that. One of the requests was to help me get my attention off this nagging emotions inside me. Sunday early morning, I received a call from Tom with his loud news he's going to hire me as a full time proposal writer. Because my brain was still slumbering at that moment, I reacted a bit unexcited. In fact, I kinda responded like, "hey, are you nuts?! This is not my field, y'know." I found myself refusing the offer almost immediately while Tom kept his patience encouraging me that it's a very good deal.

For almost an hour (or so), we were just talking about the same thing. And because I knew he's not gonna stop until I say YES, I had to tell him I need time to think about it, which he respected but still left me with more encouraging words (and compliments) before letting me go.

But, I was too engrossed with my emotions. I took it as if it added burden to my already heavy chest. It's so wrong how I felt, I know. This is a blessing, for crying out loud! I've been hearing about people being laid off here and there. Mom told me about my cousin who's, mind you, a very intelligent girl but lost her job recently. And here I am sulking about the job being offered to me?! Just what was I thinking, right?

They're offering me a very generous compensation for one. In addition to what I am already earning monthly, here's another PhPxx,xxx plus a commission based bonus of PhPxx,xxx for every successful proposal. This is just for the first months of training. By the 3rd month, he promised to raise my basic to PhPxx,xxx still with the cbb. So, that can already buy me a new car in less than 10 months!

I will be spared of sulking and feeling sorry for myself for two. Tom was straightforward enough to tell me that the first 5-6 months will be very demanding for me. The fact that I need to learn the ins and outs of the industry...I may be required to work 10 hours or as needed per day. This translates to >> I won't have any chance to feel myself anymore. << My hours will be spent productively.

Because I will have to spend longer hours being more workaholic and OC, I can probably have good night slumbers at the end of each day for three. Am expecting more headache, more backache and drained mind. All these can surely get me exhausted enough to have comfortable zzzs.

This is going to widen my knowledge and opportunities for four. Not a lot of people are given this rare opportunity to learn while working. The offer's nothing like no-brainer than the tasks am presently doing. Not that I don't love the 2 jobs I am currently juggling. Just, this one is a real challenge. In addition to learning more, there's the opportunity to get acquainted with more possible clients and business partners.

GOD answered my prayer for five. Guess, HE's staring back at me with so much pity because of how crushed I am or I am making myself to be. So, HE gave me something to appreciate.

Obviously, I understand how silly I am to refuse such an offer. I clearly understand that there are more reasons under 'advantages slot' than 'disadvantages slot".

Now, looking at the contents of the package, I feel fear. Fear of failing or of not meeting what's expected of me. I want to question GOD, "why do you trust me this much?" In fact, I believe I have already asked HIM this several times. Cause, I can't seem to take it whenever HE's like placing such great faith in me. HE believes in me that much when I can't even believe in my own self. But, well, just like what Wilbert's forwarded message to me says, "When we are given heavy loads by GOD, it only means that we are WORTHY of HIS trust". It's comforting to know that GOD thinks I am worthy of HIS trust. This makes me feel so guilty right now. I should stop whining and being a wimp.

Thanks to Ron W. for always posting reminders from the Bible on FB. Here's what I need to keep in mind from this day forward:

John 14:27 — Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Peace is what GOD is giving me. HE wants me to not let my heart be troubled and to be not afraid. HE will guide me.

Finally, who even posted this as her blast in FB? "Do not ask the Lord to guide your steps if you are not willing to move your feet." -- ME!


Toodle-oo!