Sometimes when you open up to people, you let the bad in with the good.

This semi-long chat with someone, actually, answered some of my own questions. Yeah, it's really damn hard to give trust to just anyone. Really doesn't matter if this is a childhood friend...a new friend...a best friend you're sharing your (darkest) secrets with. Fact is, sooner or later, this person whom you trusted can still spill everything out. Regardless what motive. Even a very petty argument may lead to a kiss-and-tell act. Or, maybe not intentionally. It could be this typical drinking session scene -- everyone gets drunk and viola! There goes your story.

Trusting involves a great deal of preparedness. You have to understand the entire picture. That it's not just about you and you trusting. There's another person you are involving. And it doesn't matter whether this person makes a vow to never disclose your secret to anyone. We can't control what the other person will do. And, it's only vain to utter, "I trusted you" after this someone had relayed the story and the whole world already knows.

Who's to blame, really? This I can't answer, still. Nevertheless, I believe both have the responsibility. But, going back to the key "preparedness"... the one disclosing the secret to another should know that promises are made to be broken. (Ok, Let's just say 'mostly')... but not because you chose to trust, the other person will really be a friend. Or, at least, take the commitment to keep the secret to himself. No. It could be just like this line in the flick, "Horton Hears a Who?"...

"promise me to never tell anyone..."
"Ok. But, if we'd ever tell someone, will tell that someone to not tell anyone."
(not the actual wordings)

Yes, there are trustworthy people. Very scarce, however. They must be in the woods...hiding. My point is, one should only share his/her deepest secrets when he/she's really 'prepared'... Prepared to take the consequences. The outcome. "Will the other person really accept me after I tell all?" Or "will this person change the way he/she sees me?"

Everyone, I think, gets to the point of asking the same questions. And this might be what's stopping them from sharing their wrongs or mistakes to friends and loved ones. Such a dilemma, if you think of it. A really serious issue.

My opinion is, when there is no need to open up, then, don't. Who cares about your past, intfp? But, if this wrong or mistake involves a special person, then, that's another story. If this secret will surely hurt the other person once he/she finds out in the future...worse from another person and not from you... then, I believe there is a great need to sit with that someone and talk things over before it's too late. Confess and face the consequence. Either that or live with guilt. "Open rebuke is better than secret love."

None of us have the obligation to share all to friends or people close to us. This is our initiative. Could be out of need for someone to listen and so at least ease the burden a lil. We choose to trust with no one pointing a gun to our heads. It's a decision we make. Now, I strongly believe that, if someone confessed to me something wrong he had done to me in the past, I owe him something big. Because he took courage to tell me. And that's amazing. Honesty is another way of showing we truly love someone. But, if the secret doesn't concern me at all, I won't really mind. Although, am sure I'd appreciate the trust. Why would I give a fuzz? Unless, it directly involves me, of course. And maybe even it concerns me, if it's in the past, there's nothing that can be done to undo it. No other better response but accept.

People differ. Each one reacts differently from one sitch to another. So, careful thinking is very necessary if one is to open up some misstep in the past. First, is't necessary to tell this person? When I say, 'necessary', I mean...is there a bigger possibility that this someone will learn of the secret? Second, will this person understand? Third, can this person accept the truth? Lotsa considerations, actually.