Held by the Same Grace

Sometimes, the hardest thing to accept is that God also loves the person who hurt you.

Not because they were right. Not because what they did didn’t matter. But because God doesn't stop loving people just because they failed someone else.

And let’s be honest—that’s not the comfort we’re usually looking for when we’re the one left hurting.

It’s hard when you’re the one who got shut out, misjudged, betrayed, dismissed, or simply forgotten. Maybe they said something that cut too deep. Maybe they walked away without explaining. Maybe they made you feel like you didn’t matter, and now you’re left replaying the moment trying to figure out what you could’ve done differently.

And in those moments, it’s easy to assume God is standing closer to you than to them. Because you’re the one left bleeding. You’re the one trying to make sense of the silence, the distance, the shift in the relationship. You’re the one who stayed kind. The one who didn’t fight back. The one who tried to understand.

So naturally, you want God to step in and defend you. To show them what they did. To somehow make it fair again.

But God doesn’t always respond by showing you justice in the way you picture it. He doesn’t rush to pick a side like we do. He doesn’t pour out His love only on the person who got hurt. He pours it out on both.

He responds with mercy. Not just for you. But for them too.

And that’s uncomfortable—because it feels like grace is being extended to someone who doesn’t seem to deserve it. But that’s exactly how grace works.

It’s not because God is ignoring your pain. It’s not because what happened wasn’t a big deal. It’s because He sees something much bigger than the moment that broke you.

“The Lord sees not as man sees.
Man looks at the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks at the heart.”
(1 Samuel 16:7)

God sees the parts you’ve never spoken about—the ache, the restraint, the emotional weight you carried alone. And He also sees the parts of the other person’s life that aren’t obvious to you. Their fears. Their dysfunction. Their defensiveness. Their own wounds that haven’t healed right.

Most of the time, people don’t really set out to hurt others. But we all carry stuff. And when we don’t deal with it, we end up bleeding on people who didn’t cut us.

That doesn’t mean they get a free pass. It doesn’t mean you should ignore how it affected you. It just means that before you lock them into the role of "villain," it helps to remember that people who hurt others are often hurting too—just in different ways.

Sometimes they don’t know better. Sometimes they do, but they’re stuck in their own immaturity or pride. Sometimes they think they’re protecting themselves. Sometimes they just can’t face truth yet. We don’t always know. But God does.

And He is not turning a blind eye. He’s just working differently. Patiently. Quietly.

“He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
(2 Peter 3:9)

You’re not being asked to just let it slide. And you're not being told to just accept bad behavior. You're simply being invited to stop carrying the weight of it as if healing hinges on them making it right.

Because what actually frees you is not seeing them change—it’s knowing God is still just, still good, and still paying attention, even when it doesn’t look like it.

Letting go doesn’t mean you’ve given up on justice. It means you trust that God’s version of justice is better. More complete. More redemptive.

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil…
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,
live at peace with everyone.”
(Romans 12:17–18)

That kind of peace isn’t easy. It’s not passive either. It’s active surrender. Choosing to let God deal with the things you were never meant to fix. It’s not about excusing what they did. It’s about freeing yourself from being stuck in it.

You’re allowed to move forward, even if they never acknowledge what happened.
You’re allowed to heal without waiting for closure.
You’re allowed to stop wondering whether they understood your heart. God did.

And in time, maybe you’ll see that this isn’t about them getting off the hook. It’s about trusting that we’re all being dealt with—just in different ways. And in different stages.

That’s the kind of trust that sets you free.