The period of limerence lasts on average six weeks before reality sets in and each partner begins to notice that the other is not quite perfect.. A vital thing to understand is that (despite what you've absorbed from a hundred sappy movies) limerence is not romance. It can be the launchpad of romance, but you won't really know what kind of relationship you're in until the glow of limerence fades.
It's a study by a psychologist back in the 1980s. What do we know? Love is not what we think it is. But, finally, I've found an answer to "why people mistake some feelings for love." When one is happy with someone, they immediately jump into the conclusion that "it could be it (love)". Could be. But, not always. It is just a launchpad (limerence). This is also the same reason why couples divorce after a some years of being married (there are times marriages last for just a year). Because once upon a time, they were blinded by something that caused butterflies inside their stomachs. They weren't really thinking. All they ever cared about was what's making them happy. They only cared about the overwhelming feeling that's engorged them. We know better now. Our folks never learned about what we're learning now like "limerence" and other discoveries on love-relationships but they were able to sustain their intimacy for generations. Why can't we? Is it because we are given so many choices? There is divorce in the US and Annulment in the Philippines. Just what is the difference between the two? Yes, I know of the legal terms but basically they are just the same. They separate families.
The bottom line here is, I think everyone (especially the younger generations) should understand that love is something else. It is not what we see everyday. Man and woman of our dreams walking along the busiest street and we found them. Then, it ends there. It is not. Love is more than that. You need to ask yourself questions to really say, "this is it!" Questions like: "is this the person I want to see first thing in the morning laying beside me?" "Will I be strong and mature enough to accept this person's flaws?" "Will I be able to forgive and compromise?" "Can I see myself with this person til our old days?" These are but a few questions to ask yourself. I posted Morrie's quote about marriage on my previous post. But I will post it here again...
In this culture it's so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that. But the poor kids today, either they're too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced. They don't know what they want in a partner. They don't know who they are themselves--so how can they know who they're marrying?
In many cases, love is never enough. Not because we strongly feel for someone already means, we'd end up with each other happily ever after.
"marriages are such high-maintainance relationships"
Of course, when we're looking for love, we are also looking for a future with someone. And because we are all unique; because couples are two individuals, there is still a need to consider whether we can deal with another person (the person we choose to be in a relationship with). Not because we love someone already means they are meant for us. That it is already that easy to deal with each other's differences. No, it doesn't work that way. If it does, then there couldn't be divorces. With the many options laying on the table, people are given the right to make choices even if they are not entitled to it anymore. I am talking, of course, of married people. After some fights and arguments, they'd resolve to breaking up. It's the most convenient thing. They still hope that out of this grueling relationship they can still find true happiness. Only, after several failed relationships and they've reached their 40s, many haven't found what they're looking for still. So, how's it? Bottom line, feelings don't go with happy endings. Not all that can make us happy is good for us. More so, not all that can bring us temporary happiness could really make us happy.
A research by social psychologists Michael Argyle and Mark Cook confirms the importance of eyes meeting across a crowded room. They found that when humans experience intensely pleasurable emotions our pupils dilate and become larger, which unconsciously and involuntarily betrays our feelings. What is more, a small increase in the secretion of the tear-ducts causes the eyes to glisten, producing what Argyle and Cook call the 'shining eyes of love'.
It is easy to think that love ends because of some monstrous piece of bad behaviour, but more often it decays gradually through a million minor hurts. In fact, loving attachment can never be taken for granted and, like anything precious, it needs to be carefully tended.
We all have the responsibility of teaching the younger generations to choose their partners well. And that love is not everything. Of course, it is the most important component of any relationship but, to believe in it so much without using our heads, it couldn't lead to anything good. Their future might still be at risk. Be wise.
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