Thursday, February 28, 2013

"LOVE doesn't come with conditions."


“Love isn't just about everything nice. It's more of sticking it out when it's hard...when you're mad...even when you're tired.” ― The Best Man

It's not always that I get to have long conversations with relatives. Twas an enlightening one Tuesday night spending hours with my aunts, cousin and mom. Was very happy to see my nephews, brother, sister and her husband after a while. Learned many things. I came to acquaint myself with my roots. Somehow, the talk opened my eyes to many other angles and sides I'd never seen before. I realized I had remained naive. Still too many facts about life I wasn't aware of.

Not that I just received everything as was fed to me. Yes, I am not gonna deny that everything made sense. Answered many questions I'd been searching to get. It's like the yak really meant to happen. For whatever reason it had to happen. And, am hoping it's rather beneficial than destructive to me.

So many things discussed which confused me about what lessons I have been learning from the Scriptures and God's wisdom. Shook the foundation that I thought already established strongly in my core. But, I am reminded of the Word... "the enemy only comes to steal, kill and destroy". Yes, that talk really had to happen but I won't let it be used against me. I have been graciously given the understanding of the Truth for me to fail. No, I will hold on to God's Truth not the world's.

The past was relived as we talked about dad. I had to keep reassuring them there's no resentment whatsoever left in my heart. Twas long gone. In fact, even before it sprung, I already pulled the weed. I have no ill feelings toward my father. Maybe, people simply have their own perceptions of things no matter how carefully words are chosen. 

There are so many things I can charge against my dad, if truth be told. I was denied the experience of having a father who could've nurtured my emotional needs, built my confidence, and given me assurance that I am loved not for the good I do but for everything that I am. It ached me for years that I put so much effort in making my dad appreciate me; yet, instead, I was consistently rejected, put down, neglected and ignored. Yes, I have all the reason to be angry and bitter. And, I think, the way he was to me did affect me big time. It caused me to fear a lot of things. It caused me to be negative and to shut my world off. I had more than enough rejections, that's already it! But, well, God has really been awesomely gracious to me. He intervened even before the ill feelings were allowed to sink in. I was healed. And, everything else that happened after -- all the experiences, failures, pain -- simply made me more wise, loving and understanding.

Love isn't really something to have, but something to DO. I realized that I was wrongly loving. I love my dad so much and all I ever focused on my entire younger years was to have his love, as well. No doubt he loves me, too. He's prolly just not good at expressing it nor verbalizing it. Thing is, I was loving with the hopes that I will HAVE his love, too. Eventually, it's taken its toll on me. I became tired because HAVING didn't seem possible. I came to a point when I don't anymore want to DO because I knew it's impossible to HAVE.

It's like those men who I consider without backbones. Those who are only testing the waters. They don't wanna DO. They just wanna HAVE. So, if they see no possibility of HAVING, no way they're gonna DO anything. Why waste effort? Why invest? Loving seems nothing but a business.

That gave me an alert during the long talkfest with my relatives. I heard the word DUTY. I heard someone said, "relationship is just like corporation". Love (as it appears) is nothing but an investment. Don't give if there's no return. Broke my heart.

I almost believed its benefits. It's enticing to take because life would be more comfortable and convenient like that. Think about yourself. Love yourself more. Keep everything -- even people and loved ones -- at a safe distance unless they prove they're worth all the efforts. If things get hard, just walk away. Sounds to me as if people are no different from objects. Get rid of them when they're not anymore useful. You gotta preserve your happiness and comfort because you're entitled to it. All these focus on SELF. Self-interest. Funny how even Bible verses are being twisted to justify selfish reasons. "Love your neighbors as yourself" is translated as, "love yourself first before you can give love...for you can't give what you don't have." 

How sad that relationships don't anymore matter as much as it should because God values His relationship with human race. No matter how insignificant people are, how useless...because they're foolish and wicked... God sees beauty in each one and He is more than driven to love them more without requirements. But, people? ...they give themselves all the right to qualify whether a person or persons should or should not be accepted. Imagine, we have the guts to say to another how they don't belong because they failed in meeting certain standards when we don't even meet God's standards!? Ridiculous.

But, there's one thing I came to realize about the phrases I heard during the late night yak. That as a Christian, I should be too careful not to believe the world anymore. That I should be inwardly transformed by the renewing of my mind. God didn't put me on Earth to be comfortable. He put me on Earth to share the suffering of Christ. And that means, I must deny myself...my feelings, my hurts, my rights, my opinion...my everything...for love and relationships. Many people out there don't know God and can't experience His love because they turned away from Him. I am among Christ's representatives walking on Earth to deliver that gift of love to those people. If I allow the world to influence me, I won't be of any use as Jesus' agent. There is no purpose for my existence anymore.

I am not OF the world; although, I am IN the world. I am the change the world needs. If it is to suffer for the sake of relationship and the salvation of people God is running after, then suffer it is. Relationship isn't about getting or having what I want. Relationship is about loving others because God loves them the same way as He loves every single soul in this world. Truly, those who don't love don't know God because they never experienced His love. They have not experienced HIM Who is Love.

Loving my neighbor as myself is treating them the same way I treat myself: I am very forgiving of myself. I excuse myself whenever I fail. I overlook my weaknesses. When I am hungry, I feed myself. When I hurt someone, I try hard not to keep blaming myself for my selfishness. I don't highlight my flaws. In fact, I magnify my virtues. ...just to give some examples. I strongly believe that if I am to love my neighbor as myself, I need to extend the same patience, love, understanding, forgiveness, etc. to them because that's the way I love myself. I can't love myself enough to be able to extend love to others. I NEED God to supply me that love so that I can extend love. It's only God Who can abundantly give everything that I need so I can be generous to others. It's not when I put myself first before others that will enable me to give. In fact, I'll sure be more wanting and greedy if that's how I do things. My wants will never end as I keep having. That's one of the lies the world feeds people even Christians. The Word encourages Christ's ambassadors to "never give up in doing good" because it gets tiring at some point. It gets really painful most of the time that giving up seems to be the best solution. However, it's not what God intends to happen. HE wants us to "finish the race" successfully.

I won't do anything for the sake of duty alone. I am not gonna keep treating people good because I know that's what I am called for. Maybe, it's a good start when love is not felt. But, it shouldn't be the reason for doing things. God isn't being gracious out of duty but out of love.

No arguments...it's hard to love people. It's exhausting. But, because God chooses to love me every time I fail...every time I sin...every time I act selfishly, I choose to live and walk in love, as well. I love because God first loved me.  
“Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that’s charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.

“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.”  [Luke 6:31-38 MSG] 


Friday, February 15, 2013

Our job is to love people even when it hurts.

As I struggled to get myself to sleep just before lunchtime some time last month, a question dawned on me. Why would a loving God require His people to deny themselves --their rights, their feelings, their etc-- sacrifice and take all the pain? Isn't that deprivation? From the Prayer Meeting the night before that day, I even heard from a Pastor that God is our Heavenly Father. Would a father want his child to be in pain and take all the agony of self-denial? As far as I'm concerned, fathers even tell their kids to fight back when being bullied. So, why is God instructing His children to give the other cheek, forget about themselves and promote peace?

...and before I even start asking Him this question, He already answered me. The reason is because He wants His children to be just like Him. Just like His Son Jesus Christ. I realized how much people hurt Him every single second of each day by doing things that are against Him or hurtful to Him. But, He looks past almost everything. He tolerates and extends more and more patience because He loves His people. Just like what says in the Scriptures, "Love covers all offenses". God chooses to ignore every mistake, every wrongdoing, every sin...just to keep His relationship with His people. And He wants all His children to do the same because relationship for Him is more important than opinion, feelings...who's right or who's wrong...  

The Word tells us, "You are God’s dear children, so try to be like Him." (Ephesians 5:1, ERV)  In the Scriptures God says, "Be holy, because I am holy." (1 Peter 1:16, ERV)

It's unquestionably hard to extend forgiveness. There are even times when all we ever do is to wait for the person who wronged us to come to us and apologize for a wrong done before we can convince ourselves they ought to be forgiven. Then, there are even times, no matter how sorry the person already is, we still find it hard to pardon the offense. More often, even the doer of the misdeed. Forgiveness becomes more of a chore when we allow ourselves to justify the way we feel -- the hurt. We feel and it's excuse enough to continue dwelling in that episode when we're mistreated. And, there really is a ground for anger if you come to think of it. But, we can always choose to respond in a good way when angry. We don't always have to aggravate the situation. We don't always have to get even. We shouldn't always think of avenging ourselves.    

The apostle Paul asked this question "...Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?" (1 Corinthians 6:7, NET)

Made me think. Easier said than done. Someone gossiped about you... stole something from you... lied to you ...physically assaulted you... and all you want is justice. Don't we all deserve justice? I believe we do. But, don't we also offend, provoke, agitate, annoy the people around us intentionally or unintentionally every so often? We can even madden anyone just by being us. When we insist on what we want, we already violate another being. Most of the time, it's the person closest to us who we antagonize more often. When there's relationship, misunderstanding is almost always not absent. And thing is it's not always intentional. It's just because relationship is hard. There are times we don't understand our own selves. How much more the other person we're relating with?

One of the disciplines I'd like to apply in my life is to understand that I am dealing with another person -- different persons...on a daily basis. A person with his/her own mind, decisions, feelings. I cannot impose on him/her what I want to happen. And it's not right for me to expect him/her to act or react, think, behave the same way I would at a given situation. I have to allow the person be who s/he is. That's his/her canvass. I have my own. And to deny him/her that privilege of living the way s/he wants is denying him/her individuality. God, Who is the Creator of everything here on Earth, does not even deny me my right to be me. When He gave me free will, He allowed me full access to it without questioning why my decisions are faulty. He just let's me be. He would nudge me from time to time and remind me whenever I misbehave but He doesn't insist on what He rather wants me to do. He is an All-Knowing God but He doesn't boss me around. So, who gives me (or anyone of us...mere humans) the right to act gods? To lord over anyone only because we think of ourselves better than others.

No, God isn't being hard on me when He tells me to deny myself. He only wants me to be more loving, to be more patient, to be more tolerant of the weaknesses of another being...because He treats me that way. And, if I am treated with kindness and gentleness ...which, in fact, I don't deserve...then, it's just but right that I extend that same grace. Otherwise, it's much better for me not to receive such treatment at all.

As I start and develop more relationships with people around me, I find it hard to follow Christ's command to "love my neighbors as myself". Esp, when I know that I am very critical of myself. I punish myself whenever I fail. And, when I know that I don't deliberately wrong anyone. When I am being careful not to hurt anyone's feelings. Somehow, I expect others to do the same. To do their own roles as Christians. But, then, as I am reminded that "none is righteous...not even one" I am helped. God's Truth always helps. We all have struggles. And, I believe that everyone is doing their best to be better individuals. It's just really hard when you're trying to change what is innate in you. It's like trying to be a flower when you're a bee.

God doesn't focus on my failures, weaknesses, trespasses... He even forgives readily when He sees my sorry heart even before I actually ask for forgiveness. And I feel His grace every time. So, even when it's hard, I strive to remain true to the Second Greatest Commandment because I know that Christ did His part so I can be part of His family. And if I belong to God's Kingdom, it must follow that I have the same fruit. Otherwise, I only prove that I don't really belong.

By saying, "why not rather be wronged" doesn't mean you're just gonna allow people to step on you. I don't think that is God's idea of how His children should be. It only means that Christians should respond in such a way that God is still gonna be glorified. 


Authentic Christianity is when 
a Christian values faith more than comfort.


Something to ponder about...   

True love requires sacrifice. 
God doesn’t call us to be comfortable.

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“As Christians you should be like bridges to Heaven; letting people walk on you to get there.”

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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I'm not drunk ...I'm just intoxicated by you.

First time after decades am listening again to local radio station online and picked 90.7 Love Radio. Can't stop myself from laughing while listening to this DJ called "Papa Jack". Not really him but his caller, Evelyn. She's asking for advice about her hubby who has been away for yearsss to work abroad (Middle East) and never returned despite her incessant request for him to come back even for a short visit. I laughed my heart out when Papa Jack asked her when was the last time she talked with her husband. Her answer was, "next month" in her native accent. LOL

She also shared she once checked his husband's FaceBook account and found out he's been posting messages on a girl's page. When she confronted him, he got really angry at her.. He then, changed his password, according to Evelyn. She no longer can access his page and so is hers as they share the same "password". Just for emphasis sake, they share the same password not account and because he changed his, she can't anymore access hers! Hahaha

Laugh trip while at work helps my groggy state more than a cup of hot, rich and strong coffee.

Just sharing. hihihi  Am back, cyber friends!

...but, ta-ta for now. Gotta focus.



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A Love with a promise of permanence.

"...if any hear MY voice and open the door,  I will come into their house and eat with them,  and they will eat with ME." ...

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