It's a lazy Sunday morning. Not so warm. In fact, windy. But, am still feeling lazy. Isn't it a habit, on the second thought?
I turned to my desktop computer and saw my abandoned blog and thought of writing something meaningful. There's really nothing so interesting to share but I thought of something that might inspire. Here goes...
There has been so many changes in me, I noticed. Depression is not as active in my lifestyle as how it used to be, for one. Inch by inch, am learning the art of letting go of things I can't do anything about and surrender them to GOD. Not that I wasn't trusting HIM before. Just, I used to act as if I always have to do something or act on a situation right away. This has been my mindset. Just like what the local saying implies ..."Mercy resides in God; deeds are in men".
Some petty things I thought need not be consulted to GOD. Then, I realized, petty things can soon become big struggles when I try to fix them myself. Why? Because no matter how I think I am good at resolving things, my wisdom is still not enough to understand some reasons behind things that happen. My decision making is not as brilliant as I think it is. I had to learn this by going through some struggles. Those struggles consumed my strength until I had to look up and ask GOD to carry me. Something I had never really done in the past.
Oftentimes, we are too engrossed trying to deal with things on our own believing that we are tough enough to handle situations. It is not enough that we consult GOD our plans or decisions. We hafta admit that we are incapable without HIS grace. Admit that there are areas in our lives where we're having difficulty handling and we need HIM to start carrying us. This time around, I am able to tell HIM that there are areas in my life I cannot change with my own effort because I am too weak. That my heart desires to obey HIM but my nature is not strong to follow, so, I need HIM to work in that area for me as I surrender it to HIM. I have never felt so loved in my life until I opened up to my FATHER. Tis an amazing experience. HE made me feel accepted and loved for who I am... including my weaknesses.
...and each time I am reminded of HIS great love for me, this line in a song would start playing in my head... "YOU see the depths of my heart and YOU love me the same..." Who can love us the same way? Knowing and seeing the filth in our hearts and minds but still loves us just the same without condemnation or blame; but, stares back at us with so much mercy and love. GOD is truly amazing.
Have gone real tired of depending on my own efforts. Struggling to always be righteous. Do things in my power knowing what's right and what's wrong. Avoid this because it's wrong and struggle to do another because it's right. Well, I am blessed because GOD has really equipped me with values and attitudes to be a good Christian since I was young. But, guess, I had been too confident about this fact that I failed to recognize my great need for HIS grace. Until, some goodness within me started hitting the skids. Guess, that's what happens when we rely on our own strength.
Now, I can humbly tell GOD that I can't or I won't lift a finger on this or that concern because I am too weak. That I won't make a decision without HIS blessings. It's harder to correct a mistake than avoid making one. Come on, GOD is just a prayer away. We can confidently come directly to HIM and HE will surely listen. Not because we are good or obedient or righteous. But, because HIS love for us is great and immeasurable. No amount of good deeds can make us worthy of HIS love, but HIS love for us alone gives us authority to come to HIM for help. Knowing this, I feel the privilege of being under HIS grace. And I just want to be under it forever. *smiles*
On a different note, I cannot stop myself from mentioning... the San Beda Red Lions were dethroned by the San Sebastian Stags after losing 2 finals games Thursday and Saturday. *sobs* They were doing real good in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd quarter during the 2nd finals game at the Cuneta Astrodome, which could've given them a chance for a 3rd game. But, in the last quarter, they lost their baskets and made too many errors giving the Stags great advantage. Just sad but, well, twas undeniably a good game.
Toodle-oo.
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