My first post for the New Year. *BIG SMILE*
It's 2009.
Another chance More opportunities to grab to improve quality of life and live with purpose. New Year's resolutions? Not that I don't believe the list can help. But, so far most in the list only end up another failure(ssssss). More reasons that people get disappointed with themselves. Myself included.
Looking back, I didn't really have any resolutions at all. Except those times when my professors told the class to make one. Maybe, I found it pointless. Dunno. Not until the last few months of 2008 when I began listing down "daily" resolutions and go back to the lists time and again to see if I am keeping up with them. It's more effective, in fact. As I have my resolutions handy since they're in my small notebook, which I always bring along with me. It's become more like a TO DO list. This is what I'd rather suggest for everyone to do.
2008 was a good year for me. Not because everything that happened that year was wonderful. It's more of because the way I view things changed completely. No regrets. No bitterness. No grumbling. No discontentment. No more '
could've beens'. Past is long gone. There's tomorrow to look forward to and present to live by. I resolve to not anymore say, "
I wish I were...", "i
t could've been better if...", "
if only...". Whatever that did not happen in my past meant not to happen for reasons. I don't need to know the reasons. If the reasons appear right under my nose, I'd be thankful my questions have been answered. If they don't come at all, I'd still be thankful because I am a better person today.
Things do happen. Sometimes they have to happen. I won't say that I have completely let go of the bitterness that locked me inside my bubble. But, I have learned to accept everything. Besides, if it weren't for the bad experiences, my full potential won't ever be unleashed. It's the sad events in my life that gave me deeper understanding and discernment. I can never be more thankful in my life had I not gained wisdom. So, I choose to look back with thanksgiving. Whether the memory I have to remember is sad or happy. Because I am here to live today to serve my purpose and not everyone is given that privilege. So, I will live each day with so much meaning and purpose.
While browsing some
Happy New Year! glitter comments I had seen some comments like, "
Goodbye 2008! You s%#k!" ... "
2008, am glad you're over!" ... Poor 2008 (or whatever year). When it's not really the years that make or break people. It's always people. How they view things. How they deal with situations. Fact is, we're all so prepared receiving good things but never prepared for the trials. So, when what we call
bad luck happens, we have no idea how to get by. We sulk and stay in one corner and believe that "life is unfair".
The best way to start each year is to acknowledge that not-so-good-things can happen. Days can be rough on us. But, with good disposition, we can always get by and survive triumphantly. Knowing that things just happen and accepting that they are not always in favor of us, we can ready ourselves whatever might come along. And, entrusting our cares to GOD will better help us more.
If remembering sad experiences is inevitable, remember them and think of their positive effects in your life.
I never always received what I wanted. My dad was not the very generous one. In our household, exchanging of gifts was never a practice. And not so many people remember to give me Christmas presents. Yes, not even my godparents. Not even my relatives. Not even my closest friends. So, as a child, Christmas eve for me was nothing extraordinary. It's just like any other day except there were colorful lights, Christmas tree, carols and more food. But, in stead of being bitter about this, I can just revel on what it taught me -- that real joy and true happiness do not come from material things. It taught me the meaning of contentment. I didn't grow up believing that receiving gifts is extremely necessary to make one happy or to make a Christmas eve fun. What it taught me was something more meaningful. That is the urge to make someone else happy. And this is nothing that is forced. It comes from within. A sincere desire to contribute something to another's happiness. Sums up to a trait called, selflessness.
The trait I just mentioned may not appeal to all. This is a trait prone to abuse as two of my closest and sensible friends would tell me. And, I know it for a fact. But,
who deserves what? is what I ask myself all the time. If I received Christmas presents each Christmas when I was a child, it still won't change anything. I deserve not any present if to consider all the bad things against the good I had done. "Deserve" is such a strong word for me. If for each good thing I do I'd get a star and for every bad a star taken back, there won't be anything left and it could even be not just zero but a negative with a 2-digit number, maybe.
Yes, I am too critical with myself. And I struggle trying to do what's right and proper all the time as much as I can, although, most of the time I fail. It's been my hobby. I evaluate myself a lot unfairly most of the time. But, I am happier this way than fool myself into thinking that I have been righteous and deserve so much more. Then, end up being selfish. My heart is just not created this way. Unfortunately for me. So, instead of my heart condemning me each time, I rather make myself happy with pain from not getting what I deserve. I do end up broken hearted but, at least, fulfilled.
Not a lot will understand. Foolish, maybe. Naive. But, this is my heart. And it's what it wants. I do not want this, if you ask me. But, I am bound to make use of what gift I have, which is compassion. Although, there is still one thing I need to work on, to forgive.
With all these said, I can add another blessing from 2008. I have sincere and caring friends. Not so many, but real. They look after me which I can't do for myself because I am bound to do something that serves my life's purpose. They are mirrors that tell me what I cannot see. Because they love me, they strive to open up my eyes to the reality of the world, which used to be unknown to me. Not to turn me into a callous person, but to protect me from unforseen emotional anguish. They may have seen me stubborn and impractical, but they embraced me like that. Perhaps, they are thinking their suggestions are not even considered. They just don't know. But, what's important is they remain. Aren't they splendid blessings? To me, they are.
I love 2008 because it brought me out of my depressive state. For the past years before 2008, I had been lonely. There was no meaning in my life although there were so many things accomplished and achieved. I became wiser. And, I learned to understand what the "grace of GOD" truly means. It taught me that I don't need to struggle because I can trust GOD. There are things that I can do and so many things I cannot. And those that I cannot do, I should lift up to HIM and let HIM do the work for me while I keep myself busy with those that I can. It's liberating. Because I came to the point when I can't anymore stop ...with this in mind, "
so little time so much to do". So, I kept moving. And each failure ...I tortured myself. Twas such a bondage. Intoxicating. Slowly killing me.
When I acknowledged my dependence to GOD, HE freed me from the bondage I myself welcomed in my life. HE spoke to me and said,
"Struggle no more. Let ME carry you." And boy, the next thing I know, I felt so light. There was lesser burden. And as I lift up my burdens to HIM each prayer, I feel HIS love moving in my life. Crawling through my system. So, the compassion that is already in me becomes greater by the day.
GOD made me realize so many things:
One, that I am just like everybody else, HUMAN. Not and can never be righteous. So, even if I struggle to be one, I will only fail. So, I was released from that bondage of condemning my own self.
Two, I cannot do things on my own. I know no better so HE gave me real friends.
Three, HIS grace is sufficient. I should not fret. HE will provide. I will NEVER be empty.
Four, there is no point worrying when HE is at work. HE knows what I need before I even ask. Just like our parents give us things they think are best for us, GOD knows what is best for us. Nobody else knows better than HIM.
Five, HE has forgiven me and will always ready to forgive my weaknesses, failures and sins so I should also forgive myself and move on. Waking up a better person each blunder.
Six, that my deeds will never be enough. Because HIS weaknesses are still greater than my strengths. And my strengths are worse than HIS weaknesses. This taught me the real essence of the word
humility.
Seven, everything that is given by HIM is absolute. Nothing can take anything from us if it's given by GOD.
Eight, if it is just hard to trust, I should just trust GOD because HIS promises never fail.
Nine, although, everything has reasons, I should be content not knowing what. It is better to just put my trust in HIM and go on. Searching for answers can only hamper my mission. I'd only get stuck. Then, in the end, knowing the reason only makes me bitter.
Ten, I am not alone. Never was. Nuf said.
Eleven, accepting myself including my weaknesses and failures is one way to improve myself, and not to mention, is very liberating. I no longer wish things should've been different like I used to. Now, I am not anymore stuck to accomplishing nothing. Past is past. There is nothing that can be undone. But, there is so much that I can do with my present. And my future is much more promising.
Twelve, I now know that I am designed this way for a very good purpose. So, there is nothing to resent about. Both my strengths and weaknesses serve some special purpose in my life's journey.
...still too many to list down here...
...Now, I can say with all gladness that since the day I was born, my years have been nothing but blessings. No single year had been a bad one. From this day forward, I will look back with thanksgiving because GOD has been good to me.
No need for me to list down all material blessings I received last year for me to say it was a good year. No material thing can equal the joy that is in my heart right now for what GOD has done in my life. And my wish this year is that all people will give themselves a chance to experience this same joy. Real joy.
Happy and A BLESSED New Year, all!!!
.png)
