Sometimes when you open up to people, you let the bad in with the good.

This semi-long chat with someone, actually, answered some of my own questions. Yeah, it's really damn hard to give trust to just anyone. Really doesn't matter if this is a childhood friend...a new friend...a best friend you're sharing your (darkest) secrets with. Fact is, sooner or later, this person whom you trusted can still spill everything out. Regardless what motive. Even a very petty argument may lead to a kiss-and-tell act. Or, maybe not intentionally. It could be this typical drinking session scene -- everyone gets drunk and viola! There goes your story.

Trusting involves a great deal of preparedness. You have to understand the entire picture. That it's not just about you and you trusting. There's another person you are involving. And it doesn't matter whether this person makes a vow to never disclose your secret to anyone. We can't control what the other person will do. And, it's only vain to utter, "I trusted you" after this someone had relayed the story and the whole world already knows.

Who's to blame, really? This I can't answer, still. Nevertheless, I believe both have the responsibility. But, going back to the key "preparedness"... the one disclosing the secret to another should know that promises are made to be broken. (Ok, Let's just say 'mostly')... but not because you chose to trust, the other person will really be a friend. Or, at least, take the commitment to keep the secret to himself. No. It could be just like this line in the flick, "Horton Hears a Who?"...

"promise me to never tell anyone..."
"Ok. But, if we'd ever tell someone, will tell that someone to not tell anyone."
(not the actual wordings)

Yes, there are trustworthy people. Very scarce, however. They must be in the woods...hiding. My point is, one should only share his/her deepest secrets when he/she's really 'prepared'... Prepared to take the consequences. The outcome. "Will the other person really accept me after I tell all?" Or "will this person change the way he/she sees me?"

Everyone, I think, gets to the point of asking the same questions. And this might be what's stopping them from sharing their wrongs or mistakes to friends and loved ones. Such a dilemma, if you think of it. A really serious issue.

My opinion is, when there is no need to open up, then, don't. Who cares about your past, intfp? But, if this wrong or mistake involves a special person, then, that's another story. If this secret will surely hurt the other person once he/she finds out in the future...worse from another person and not from you... then, I believe there is a great need to sit with that someone and talk things over before it's too late. Confess and face the consequence. Either that or live with guilt. "Open rebuke is better than secret love."

None of us have the obligation to share all to friends or people close to us. This is our initiative. Could be out of need for someone to listen and so at least ease the burden a lil. We choose to trust with no one pointing a gun to our heads. It's a decision we make. Now, I strongly believe that, if someone confessed to me something wrong he had done to me in the past, I owe him something big. Because he took courage to tell me. And that's amazing. Honesty is another way of showing we truly love someone. But, if the secret doesn't concern me at all, I won't really mind. Although, am sure I'd appreciate the trust. Why would I give a fuzz? Unless, it directly involves me, of course. And maybe even it concerns me, if it's in the past, there's nothing that can be done to undo it. No other better response but accept.

People differ. Each one reacts differently from one sitch to another. So, careful thinking is very necessary if one is to open up some misstep in the past. First, is't necessary to tell this person? When I say, 'necessary', I mean...is there a bigger possibility that this someone will learn of the secret? Second, will this person understand? Third, can this person accept the truth? Lotsa considerations, actually.

There are too many mediocre things in life...and LOVE shouldn't be one of them.

Paper Tiger's soup kitchen was a success.

...and another answered prayer today ('yesterday' by the time this is posted) to share before I go to the details. I kinda uttered once before this day, 'how I wish the weather will not be too hot on the day of the planned SK'. If you all noticed, the weather has been a lil unbearable lately; but today, (at least in Manila) twas cloudy. It even drizzled just about the same time as I was doing the activity. God really is moving in ways we can only imagine. *sincere smile*

Twas a great feeling to see smiling faces as they receive blessings. To me, it's actually mixed emotion. Was filled with joy and at the same time moved by those kids' situations. They toil the entire day...walking around the streets and highways to sell "Sampaguita", cigarettes or wiping cloths to motorists... paying no attention to the sun's radiant heat. And if you just closely observe, these children are very young. At least most. Maybe around 5-10. They're in ragged, torn clothes and with growling tummies. Twas a pitiful sight.

We trekked Ortigas. It's the area where we usually see lotsa street kids. Only, afternoon is not the best time to look for them. It is during this time that they are scattered in different areas to get more customers so it kinda took us long to dispatch the goodies.

Our first child -- a cigarette vendor. Found him along EDSA under the flyover going to Greenhills. The red light gave us a good chance to hand the goodies to the small boy. He was already knocking at the window of the black F50 in front of us (to the right) when we called on him. He moved to our direction hesitatingly and was surprised to see the goodies being handed to him. The boy grabbed the food and said "thank you". He walked slowly away to the isle and sat to start with the food. At that time, I was really teary-eyed thinking the boy might already be starving and that chance of getting free food is already something.

Our first group (a group of boys) we found in the posh part of Ortigas Center. They were picking up bottles and steel metals. We parked shortly to give them goodies and left. I was moved when before we closed the car windows they said, "thank you" with so much sincerity. Tears collected around my eyes as I felt how they appreciate a simple act of generosity. And yeah...how evident that they haven't eaten anything yet when it's already way past lunch.

These are just the same scenarios the entire SK hours. Same... only becoming more intense emotions with each child. Particularly, this group of girls who also thought of their parents and siblings. I mean, they are already safe. They already have food. But, no, that's not enough. If they are going to eat, their siblings and parents are also going to eat. Proof that there's really good in everyone.

Twas a wonderful feeling to be a part of a few peoples' lives. Even for just a few seconds. What's more fulfilling is to see the smiles on their faces. Like telling you, 'you answered one of our present needs'. It's addictive. It won't stop today. There is going to be a series of this event. This is a gift I give myself. And there is joy in my heart.

Can one man make a difference? There are days when I believe, and others when I have lost all faith.

Today will be another fulfillment of one of my many heart's desires. I will go out in the streets and reach out to the less privileged by doing soup kitchen. Somehow, I hope to touch their lives in my own humble way. I hope to make even a lil difference in their lives.

This is a gift I am giving myself. They say, "you give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give..." I have no idea how to give of myself. I don't think I am selfless enough to begin sharing that kind of love. So, for now, I think lil sacrifices will do. Like, staying under the radiant heat of the sun, sweating my underarm, burning my skin and yet still show a sincere smile.

Shh! I told you to be quiet! Even me. Who's still talking? Oh wait, that's me.

Am trying to be as calm as I can be. It's extremely difficult not to be affected. Because I am. Am trying real hard not to say a single thing about the way I am feeling now, but the more I try, the more I am threatened to explode. I will. Eventually, maybe.

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I hope people would stop accusing another for being this and that only because they are judging themselves. Not because this is what you will do in a certain sitch, it's also what I am going to do in a similar sitch. I am I... and you are you. There will never be a chance that I will ever be you or like you.

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Why until now these things are still such a big surprise to me?! Haven't I seen these all before? No, because I used to live in a bubble. And I'd prefer to stay in my bubble.

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Just guess which line is not from a movie...

You run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another

Guess what?! I kinda thought I probably might be the living character that is "Lars" in the movie, "Lars and the Real Girl". Just we have only one thing in common (which is not totally common) -- we care for non-living things. Him, his Bianca. Mine, my Teddie. What made a lil difference, though, is that he considered "Bianca" alive just like everyone else. While, I never thought Teddie was alive at all.

Whatever concern I have for Teddie is because he's my possession. And I care so much for my belongings. And Lars, well, he had so much emotional baggage he's been carrying most of his life that it became too difficult for him to accept life as it is along with the many wonderful things in it.

I did sound like I have too many emotional baggages in my older posts, yes. I won't even deny that I am actually thinking, maybe, I do have so many emotional baggages that I can't anymore freely and completely give my trust (to people like how I used to), but, it didn't reach the point that I became an anti-social. At least in a way I understand its definition. Well, I used to be a loner. Is that already considered an anti-social?

But, isn't it always nice to feel accepted and cared for? I think that's the only time we can truly feel at ease with the world. When people stop doing bad and hurtful things to one another and in stead show them how much we are involved in another person's life. Have we never thought we might already be too wrapped up in our own selves? It's probably time to look around and tap another's back.

You gave me my first glimpse of a real life. Then you asked me to go on with the false one. No one can endure that.

I know it's been a while. And I was actually thinking most of you have grown tired checking if there's any new post in My Green Room, and evidently, a bigger number lost hope that I'd ever go back writing anything (even the most ridiculous piece a blogger can ever write about).

I am so sorry if I had to be away. Been real busy the past months working on my newest film.

...and if you're not convinced and you think I have done some serious offense to the blogging world... here and take a look at the movie poster. It's my pleasure to show you.

Is this proof enough?

It's such a bad way to do a comeback, I know. Using my blog and its influence to promote my movie... But, I still hope that my fans out there would still support me no matter what.

No, this is not an offshoot of April Fools. I just thought it's better to make fun of what I had to go through in stead of whining (which I actually did the past 2 months... Guess I just got sick'n tired of doing the same).

Well, here, am back blogging. *big smile*