Excuse me. I guess you didn't recognize me. I've been traveling, and I'm all schlumpy.

My previous post may mean different things to whoever reads it. Some would think am complaining (and it did sound like that). Some would think I deliberately choose to disregard important people in my life. Some would take it as if am self-pitying. Some others may just consider this another blah blah from the sentimental me.

Maybe, I was whining (a lil). Because I work like there's no tomorrow out of concern for some people. Believe me I won't even lift a finger if only to earn wealth for myself. I rather just waste away time counting lizards on the walls. Am that laid back. But, this vision. This prevailing desire within me. It just tells me to go on. Not that I am asking everyone to worship me for my sublime ambition. But, just like a small kid, I am yearning for some appreciation.

...and, NO. Never my intention to ignore (most especially) the very significant persons in my life. Tis such a crime to do. Tis like taking off a crucial part of my system and leave myself to die. Suicide.

It seems to me, though, that I tend to feel responsible for everything. I leave this vision a short moment and I fail everyone. This is just how it is. Nothing else.

Self-pitying. Yes. Because am too weak to protect myself and yet I strive to protect a whole bunch. Am exhausted.

Another blah blah. Maybe. But, I have to post this for the need to be understood.

.......................

Sneaked out yesterday before lunch to see my Aunt (and one client sent a message minutes after. Great timing!) Twas wonderful to see her. Eight months to wait before I get to see her again. By then, I hope I have already learned the word 'balance'.

Just conversed about trivial things the entire 4hours. Made fun of 'Nanay' (her mom) all throughout the time. Granny can't remember me anymore. She kept asking who my mom is and what does she do. Twas an awkward moment for me. Somehow, I was blaming myself for not being able to visit them as often. But hey, she can't remember Mom either. To think Mom's visiting them everyday.

That was rather weird a feeling. Thought the characters in telenovelas were over reacting when they cried about a family member who had amnesia and can't recognize anyone. I felt like crying, too, when Nanay can't remember me. And until I left late afternoon she still couldn't remember who I am.

We just joked about how I completely don't look like their kin. Which is so true. Somehow, I felt a lil relieved. Plus considering the fact that she has Alzheimer's.

.......................

Reached home early evening very ill. So dizzy, I just threw myself on the sofa and took a nap. Been sick for the most days of the month. Can't imagine how I will survive summer. *sigh*

(am supposed to post photos of my rashes on the arms and legs but am too lazy to work on them now. maybe next time. am so sure nobody's interested to take a look at them, anyway. red, itchy rashes!)

At this very moment, my head's heavy and in pain. Rashes had disappeared and no more itch. Yey! But, body pain is so insufferable. I move like a sloth. Hope to feel better soon.

I'm supposed to do everything for the colony? What about my needs?

Today, Aunt E will be flying back to The Greens. Never even had the chance to visit her and spend time with her. What really matters most, in the first place? Am trying to weigh whether or not my move was right or would it only cause me another heartbreak?

TPDL says, "time is the most precious gift because you can only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time."

...and yes. I won't ever stop quoting this. It moved me big time, though it's hard to just put learnings to actions sometimes.

By not spending time with her and, in stead, spending time with more people I intend to help...does it mean I love her less? Her vs. people I don't really know. Never even met. And I chose to stick with the latter. Silly how I always end up giving greatest importance to those who rather cause me pain. Though, I know they can never love me back. While there's my aunt who has always loved me...

Am I not giving off myself too much to those who have no real concern for me at all? Who can't appreciate a single sacrifice I do and still willing to do. Is't self-less? Or is't another wrong decision?

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

Here is just what it is. How stereotypical that people misreckon another's motive, in fact, explicitly basing things on how they themselves (with ax to grind) would act or react had they been in the same situation. Fancy how it's such a vicious habit to give in to one's conceit. And actually believe theirs have the purest intents. While all others are plainly tall story. Worse, how vile the words they spread just to gain favor.

And here's more. How some people can slylessly malign another instinctively beyond one's shrewdness. And how with so much ease they can just put a mask on and face their easy picking as if nothing happened and 'surprisingly' with a pretentious but very pleasant smile.

Simply wicked.

“I have learned to love that which is meant to harm me, so that I can stand in the way of those who are less strong. I can take the bullets for those who aren't able to.”

Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.

Nothing else. No other reason. Just you are &%#$ sure your intentions are good yet it's bad what they rather see. So true you can't please everyone. In my case, I can't seem to please anyone at all. Why the heck should I care, anyway? Am so drained. Disoriented.

I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I can think any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Am not in my best self lately and frustrations are dragging me back to my leery self. But, as always, I try to pull myself back to being cherubic -- trusting. An adj that used to be inherent in me...which this world has been trying to snatch away with all those deceits, lies and selfishness. Good news, the world is NOT successful 'yet'. Eventually, maybe.

Gimme reasons to smile pls? Well, Hippo just did when he drawn himself on a big, white paper laid on the table where Burgoo crew inscribe their names on when introducing themselves to their starving customers. Scroll down.

Taduh! Hippo.

Isn't he sooooooo cute?! *wink wink* Made himself a portrait and left Burgoo a remembrance of his visit. Sure, the crew will never forget him.

.........................................................

...a hint to another vittles indulgence...
sure you have an idea what I will show next *wink*



@ ITALIANNIS

watermelon shake everywhere!
this @175PhP ...yum!





this is another MUST try (Italiannis).




unexceptional but filling.



starter.

.........................................................


@ BURGOO




Wow - Fish Fingers and Fries



I like -- Seafood Jamabalaya Rice




Everybody likes -- Shrimp and Baby Back Platter

Think all these made me smile? Not at all. With a bulging midsection...feeling so heavy... could hardly get up from seat?! Nah! Left me with more guilt to confess, actually. Heh.

Well, just another ho-hum post from me. Thanks for reading. Cheerio.