“The desire to love someone always exceeds the desire to be loved by someone & that's exactly why we end up loving the person who doesn't deserve that LOVE.”― Bombay Girls
Maybe I'm thinking too much. Not sure. But, a very huge part of me is convinced that everything is just part of God molding my character. Some of my previous posts tackled about God isn't after my comfort but the perfection of my character. And it's not just for me, in fact. It's for everyone who claims to be Christians ―
Jesus' followers.
Just looking at the second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself"...creates a lotta questions in my head and one of which is, "why did Jesus had to add 'as yourself'"? Why didn't He just plainly say, "love your neighbor"?
I've heard a few number of people complaining about difficult people in their midst. These difficult people make their lives seriously hard. And I feel the victims so much. Been there. Have encountered people who love to boss around, pick on others, slander, and all sortsa things that really test a person's patience. Twas the toughest, I must say.
Interestingly, at least based on my experience, whenever I retaliated, or just slightly avenged myself, or even just entertained the idea of getting back... I come out so WRONG. And, of course, I felt bad. I asked God why does it seem unfair? Others can and I can't. People do nasty things to me, and I must just let it pass. Let go. For some time I allowed excuses to allow me be the bad version of me. I told myself it's just but fair if I be a mirror to people. How they treat me is how I treat them. Thought it's a fairly good solution to the difficulty I was faced with.
Eventually, I was placed in a situation where I screwed up badly. I broke hearts ..... and God's heart. :( I failed terribly. I looked at how a mess I was. And during that time, I felt I deserve NOTHING. Especially, not God's love. It brought so much emptiness in me. I knew in my heart I can't live without God. I knew what's wrong. And I thought I was so trapped ...as if there's no escape. Was looking for ways how I can redeem myself. But, God's love is truly unfailing. He proved me this. It's been hard for me to understand what grace means because I was simply like many people who have a wrong mindset ― that for as long as I am carefully following rules, am good. Am safe. God taught me, it's not about my performance. It's not about how many rules I successfully followed. It's all about His love. This I learned when I came to a point when I can't anymore list down a good thing about me. A time when I started to just keep referring to what I had done in the past but can't anymore do. I gave myself a bragging right to take credits only because I performed pretty well.
While I was erring, I noticed how I was so forgiving of myself. I told myself excuses like what the world allows everyone to use, "am only human". And a lot more other excuses there is. Including, "God has forgiven me, who cares who doesn't?" And, "who's not sinning?" All rationalization just so to bail me out of the errors I committed. Yeah, I was so forgiving of my failures and weaknesses. Although, there's guilt haunting me time and again.
All of us are so forgiving of our own mistakes, failures, sins, errors... none of us keep punishing ourselves for what wrongs we have done. That's how we are to ourselves. And that is because we have natural love for ourselves. We attend to our needs and we allow ourselves room to grow. We break a vase, we can simply forget about it when we don't realize how that vase could mean so much to its owner. Yet, we can let go easily and sleep soundly at night. The owner, on the other hand, could still be feeling upset but setting aside emotion because relationship is more important than the harm done. We almost never consider that. It could mean less to us because it's (the vase) not ours. And, yet when the same thing is done to us, we feel their same emotion. We realize that it's hard to trust again once trust is broken. In most cases, we can't anymore entrust the things we value most to the person who's careless in handling what to us is precious because we're kinda sure they're not gonna be responsible in taking care of it.
From looking at both sides, I got the answer to my question. Jesus added "as you love yourself" because like I mentioned earlier, we are forgiving of ourselves. We don't allow ourselves be weighed down by a mistake we committed no matter how small or big. Most, if not all, simply just shrug it off and say, "I'll just make up for it"...not realizing that we had probably broken something that's irreparable (once damaged) but very valuable to the one who owns it.
Those relationships that had gone bad...there's always someone wrong and someone wronged. And the one wronged almost always readily extend forgiveness for the sake of the relationship. So many say, it's martyrdom... it's stupid...it's madness... but, it's actually a reflection of how they love themselves. They readily forgive because they know they're forgiving of themselves. They understand that humans are prone to choosing to do wrong. They're not exemptions. So are their partners.
When God persisted in loving me, I realized what sacrifice He had to do and how painful it is to keep allowing Himself be wronged simply because He wants me. There's nothing so magnificent about me that He should want me, but He does. Period. He didn't require me to be anyone but myself. My messed self. And, the more amazing thing about Him, He is fully aware of my weaknesses and susceptibility to committing the same things but is still willing to trust me. He still has faith in me that I will do as Jesus did. God places more importance in His relationship with me than His right. That ignited my desire to extend grace, love and compassion to people. Especially to the unlovable.
Just looking at the second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself"...creates a lotta questions in my head and one of which is, "why did Jesus had to add 'as yourself'"? Why didn't He just plainly say, "love your neighbor"?
I've heard a few number of people complaining about difficult people in their midst. These difficult people make their lives seriously hard. And I feel the victims so much. Been there. Have encountered people who love to boss around, pick on others, slander, and all sortsa things that really test a person's patience. Twas the toughest, I must say.
Interestingly, at least based on my experience, whenever I retaliated, or just slightly avenged myself, or even just entertained the idea of getting back... I come out so WRONG. And, of course, I felt bad. I asked God why does it seem unfair? Others can and I can't. People do nasty things to me, and I must just let it pass. Let go. For some time I allowed excuses to allow me be the bad version of me. I told myself it's just but fair if I be a mirror to people. How they treat me is how I treat them. Thought it's a fairly good solution to the difficulty I was faced with.
Eventually, I was placed in a situation where I screwed up badly. I broke hearts ..... and God's heart. :( I failed terribly. I looked at how a mess I was. And during that time, I felt I deserve NOTHING. Especially, not God's love. It brought so much emptiness in me. I knew in my heart I can't live without God. I knew what's wrong. And I thought I was so trapped ...as if there's no escape. Was looking for ways how I can redeem myself. But, God's love is truly unfailing. He proved me this. It's been hard for me to understand what grace means because I was simply like many people who have a wrong mindset ― that for as long as I am carefully following rules, am good. Am safe. God taught me, it's not about my performance. It's not about how many rules I successfully followed. It's all about His love. This I learned when I came to a point when I can't anymore list down a good thing about me. A time when I started to just keep referring to what I had done in the past but can't anymore do. I gave myself a bragging right to take credits only because I performed pretty well.
While I was erring, I noticed how I was so forgiving of myself. I told myself excuses like what the world allows everyone to use, "am only human". And a lot more other excuses there is. Including, "God has forgiven me, who cares who doesn't?" And, "who's not sinning?" All rationalization just so to bail me out of the errors I committed. Yeah, I was so forgiving of my failures and weaknesses. Although, there's guilt haunting me time and again.
All of us are so forgiving of our own mistakes, failures, sins, errors... none of us keep punishing ourselves for what wrongs we have done. That's how we are to ourselves. And that is because we have natural love for ourselves. We attend to our needs and we allow ourselves room to grow. We break a vase, we can simply forget about it when we don't realize how that vase could mean so much to its owner. Yet, we can let go easily and sleep soundly at night. The owner, on the other hand, could still be feeling upset but setting aside emotion because relationship is more important than the harm done. We almost never consider that. It could mean less to us because it's (the vase) not ours. And, yet when the same thing is done to us, we feel their same emotion. We realize that it's hard to trust again once trust is broken. In most cases, we can't anymore entrust the things we value most to the person who's careless in handling what to us is precious because we're kinda sure they're not gonna be responsible in taking care of it.
From looking at both sides, I got the answer to my question. Jesus added "as you love yourself" because like I mentioned earlier, we are forgiving of ourselves. We don't allow ourselves be weighed down by a mistake we committed no matter how small or big. Most, if not all, simply just shrug it off and say, "I'll just make up for it"...not realizing that we had probably broken something that's irreparable (once damaged) but very valuable to the one who owns it.
Those relationships that had gone bad...there's always someone wrong and someone wronged. And the one wronged almost always readily extend forgiveness for the sake of the relationship. So many say, it's martyrdom... it's stupid...it's madness... but, it's actually a reflection of how they love themselves. They readily forgive because they know they're forgiving of themselves. They understand that humans are prone to choosing to do wrong. They're not exemptions. So are their partners.
When God persisted in loving me, I realized what sacrifice He had to do and how painful it is to keep allowing Himself be wronged simply because He wants me. There's nothing so magnificent about me that He should want me, but He does. Period. He didn't require me to be anyone but myself. My messed self. And, the more amazing thing about Him, He is fully aware of my weaknesses and susceptibility to committing the same things but is still willing to trust me. He still has faith in me that I will do as Jesus did. God places more importance in His relationship with me than His right. That ignited my desire to extend grace, love and compassion to people. Especially to the unlovable.
The way God is so tolerant of my failings makes Him suffer for taking in all my mess. I always offend Him. And one of the terrible ways I offend Him is whenever I live in doubt and unbelief. Whenever I don't live in faith as if He's not true to His Word. And I know that if a close friend or a family member will not take me for my word, I'd really feel insulted and hurt. So, I know that God is badly hurt whenever I do wrong. And He sacrifice His feelings just so to maintain a relationship with me. He's been running after me. He's always waiting for me to come back. He never gave up on me. And He does all these things in spite of me.
Those times when I hurt God, though, I feel bad and guilty...I still am very forgiving of myself regardless how the crimes I committed may be unforgivable. If I am forgiving of myself, I must be forgiving of others because that's one way of obeying the command, "love your neighbor as yourself".
Those times when I hurt God, though, I feel bad and guilty...I still am very forgiving of myself regardless how the crimes I committed may be unforgivable. If I am forgiving of myself, I must be forgiving of others because that's one way of obeying the command, "love your neighbor as yourself".
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