Smile... Tomorrow will be worse.

It's 1 in the morning and I am in front of a personal computer monitor working. Do I sound like complaining? Don't get me wrong, I am not. Just that I am reminded of how it used to be common to sleep during the night time and work during the day time. It's just two weeks and I feel like it's been years.

This poncan has been sitting here on my computer table for two days now. Notice I mentioned the word "two" twice. *sigh* It is just so empty being here. And I start noticing even the most trivial things around. Why does it feel like I am alone in a crowd of a few? I don't know either. Damn, am starting to talk to myself again. Will it qualify me as an egotist if I believe myself is the only person I can find sensible to talk with? The way I see it, it makes me both egotist and schizophrenic. Who the hell cares?

I received a text message from someone a couple of hours ago. It's the typical mushy quote one gets from anyone. This quote, however is from "Ally McBeal". It goes like this...

There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that sanity. Somebody who never lets go...somebody who cherishes you forever.

I only wish it's that easy to just end up with somebody who will love you forever. Sad fact is, feelings give us so many tricks. We fall in love with someone we should not fall for. We hurt the ones we should not hurt. We most often mistake our feelings for something else and it either makes the other person go or stay. If they go, we try hard to run after them and believe we cannot live without them. If they stay, we give them more than enough reasons to leave. People make life so complicated when it should just be as simple as learning to ride a bike. Sometimes, it takes some falls to be able to ride it successfully without falling. But if you keep facing forward, you would hardly notice you've already reached your destination.

Most of the time we blame life for being complicated when it's supposed to be the other way around. The only thing it did wrong was to give us too many options than we can take. People can't settle for what was readily offered to them and in stead, look at the countless choices laid before them. Until they end up trying out every single option without having to come up with a single choice they can stick with. We cling on to something for some time. But because there are still other options, we rather not stay for long. We get fed up and leave something behind for a better choice. We do it constantly. And it kind of frightens me.

Loving someone incessantly is being less sane... so the quote says. Could be, yes. For how can you relentlessly love someone who cannot love you in return? But, if you look at the various choices, would you find what you are really looking for? Love is a feeling. Can you choose to not feel that way? Between choices and feelings, what could weight more for you? We can simply just walk away and look at many other options or we can stay and wait. Which is more insane? *scratches head with both hands*

This is not going anywhere, is it? I don't even know what I am discussing about. In fact, I don't even have a clear idea what's that line about. Totally, I am blank and for the next few days, my mind will keep wandering away from myself, perhaps until I find my way out from what's jading me. *yawns* And I have just created another blog entry without making any sense!

Before I tick on the publish button, let me share with you what I have learned in between February 23 and February 24, 2007. I have learned that people accuse other people for doing this and that without realising they are doing the same. That's all. Boo!!!

I've been broken now and again...I know what it feels like to see something funny and not laugh

It's pretty a long day. Nothing much to do... Well, there are so many things to do but I shut myself off from everything. The past days have been knotty for me. And 'til now, I still hold this distressed emotion. Boredom just had to set in again...perhaps. My mind seems to be wandering far away from my reality. Like my body floats by itself also wandering on its own. *Yawns*

Moments like this can make one feel so damn empty. Or have I just become numb from all these predicaments laid before me? I hope to retreat to my own peaceful world and never show myself again...

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Friends are like television. Some are like PBS and always asking for money...

Others are like the news with sad tales to tell every day...

Some are like that one station with the foreign language, you don't understand a word of it but you watch and listen anyway...

And then there are the ones like commercials: always changing, ever so annoying and only seem to be there when you're bored...

But every once in a while you meet someone who's like a really good movie of the week or a TV show you hardly ever get to see anymore because you're so busy.

Point is: hold on to the friends that you care about and since we don't have a remote control to mute someone or just change the channel, pick your friends carefully.

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Being a friend is also a role, with obligations, rules, and privileges of its own.
Whether or not you lean on your friends during a crisis, you should feel that, if you wanted to, you could. Friendship demands loyalty and devotion to each other and to your friendship -- especially when a crisis occurs. True friends are willing to be there for you; they do not just make hollow offers.

Love has places to go and people to hurt.

We have become a sloppy bunch of people. we say things we don't mean. We make promises we don't keep. On the human interaction stock exchange, our words have lost almost all their value. And the spiral continues, as we now don't even expect people to keep their word; in fact we might even be embarrassed to point out to the dirty liar that they never did what they said they'd do.

Love's cruel

When a guy no longer wants to communicate with me, and doesn't have the manners or courage to tell me that to my face, he's given me all the information i need.

He's not that into you!

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Talking to myself alone

"Sometimes, all the psychological help in the world cannot do anything. Sometimes, boredom just has to set in. You get bored with always having less than what everybody else seems to have, less than what you want. You start thinking that maybe you actually deserve better, not because you learned to love yourself or lost all that weight or saw that great episode on Dr. Phil, but just because you got bored. Bored with the same type of misery over and over again."

- He's Just Not That Into You

Reason and love are sworn enemies.

"Love and relationships are truly one of the most paradoxical aspects of being human. For it is in love that we find the greatest of strengths and the deepest of sorrows. Love can seem to be so fleeting and unachievable yet it remains well within our reach if we only learn how to embrace it's power. To experience true love, we must be willing to open ourselves up and sacrifice part of our heart and part of our soul. We must be willing to give of ourselves freely, and we must be willing to suffer. It is only when we expose our inner selves to the white hot flame of rejection, that love can burn so brightly as to join two souls, molding the two into one, creating a bond that joins forever. It is from this bond that we draw strength eternal and power ever lasting. It is in this thing that we call love that we find the means to achieve greatness, both in ourselves and in our lives."