The Best Age to Say, "I Do".

The Romeo and Juliet story kind of inspired young and old alike to the point that many would-be-couples believe that love is always something to be fought for. It is not. At least not always. Situations vary. Everyone of us is unique. There are so many factors to consider before coming up to a conclusion and say "this is really it."

Teens, nowadays, are so starry-eyed when it comes to love. Must I say, they have become too venturesome about it? …about experiencing it. Well, experience is the best teacher, ok. Only, most are becoming too audacious that they don't anymore think ahead. They don't try looking at the big picture anymore. They just go and attack without weapons. A sad truth.

Though, they might not see it the way I see it, I think it is something that has to be thought about shrewdly. People differ in the way they think. They may experience the same thing yet take to mean or see it in different ways. Pain for example. Some would take it real hard on themselves, some are just resilient enough to bounce back and find love again, some grow to be scared of loving once more, some would start focusing on another aspect of their being and believe that love will just come in time...these are just to name a few. But, experiences may suggest different things to everyone. 

The right age to marry is one of the most debated issues. It is just so easy to say that age doesn't really matter, but it does in common sense. So many factors to consider, the weightiest issue is maturity. Many would attest that maturity level cannot be determined by age. This is because people have different maturity level. Some grow up too fast. They have good decision skill. They see a problem coming and avoid it. Some don't. They take life as if everything is a game. And they don't play it right most of the time. Most will just run away from problems, leaving some clutter behind. When it comes to love-relationship, this is a pretty critical issue because the one left behind has always been the one at the losing end. In real sense, girls are usually at the disadvantaged side. Why? Because most girls become so emotionally attached that they right off see their future together with the guy they love without even considering if the guy look at the same direction as they do. When girls become serious about a relationship...about a guy, well I don't want to generalize, but most often than not, girls would devote without hesitation. They'd give their all, which explains why most girls get into trouble. You probably know what I meant with "trouble". Experience shows us that while maturity level differs from one person to another, age still is a big factor when it comes to tying-the-knot. There are indeed men who are responsible enough to face their mistakes. There are men who are responsible enough to take the consequences of their actions. When they get a girl pregnant, they'd work as what fathers would instinctively do to raise their child. But not all are willing to take responsibility. These men are the ones everyone would tag as "cheaters". 

I do not want to use the word cheater anymore. I just learned that it is not really to cheat that men (or women) decide to run away from responsibility. It is just plain irresponsibility. They are what I describe as "looking at life as if it's a game"; something to experience. And because it seems they can always get away with every trouble they make, they keep doing the same thing. It has become a vicious pattern.

This is the same with women. Although, yes, girls are conventionally emotionally attached, there are still times/situations when they wander off. Not because they scheme to cheat or something, but because naturally, people change. People desire so many things. When girls marry at a young age, they become deprived of a lot of things which girls of the same age enjoy. I think same with guys. And because they are still young, they want to enjoy their youth. Only they can't...anymore. And I believe that not only younger men and women feel this way. All of us want to enjoy things around us. So, I think preparedness, in connection, with marriage, only happens when one can already sneer at life's pleasures to attend to the most important matters. 

So, what is the right age to marry? For me, there is no such thing as "right". Or must I say everything can be "right" as long as we can take accountability for our actions. I'd rather say "ideal" in stead of "right". Right is like already established fact; a given truth. While ideal is like a set standard, which can be altered every now and then. I am becoming too technical with words now.

Personally, I think the ideal age to marry is between mid 20s and early 30s. Because at this age, most men and women have reached a stage where they can already adjust to situations, they have become good decision-makers, they are already able to earn a living and can allot their earnings for their family and are less selfish...these are just among other factors to consider before making a family. And they all boil down to one thing--maturity.

But, again, I want to emphasize that there is no right (or wrong) age to marry. It all depends on many factors.

In search for the answer to the question, “what is the right age to marry?” I found an acceptable answer from this site. But for your convenience I will include some part here. Read...

So how old should two people be when they marry? That depends on many factors-maturity level, ability to earn a living, progress in education, and so on. But we can say for sure that, statistically, marriages seem to be much more stable when they begin no earlier than the mid-twenties. As a matter of fact, a recent study indicates that the most stable marriages of all have a "starting date" of twenty-eight years of age. In their book, Marriage and the Family, researchers Marcia and Tom Lasswell conclude: "Divorce rates are lowest for men and women who marry for the first time at age 28 or later. The chances for a stable marriage increase as both partners reach the age of 30 and then the rates level off."

At the heart of the issue is this: Young people can't select a marriage partner effectively if they don't know themselves well. Until they can identify themselves in a precise and detailed way, they are in no position to identify the person to move through life with them. In our culture, the identifying process usually requires most of the first twenty-five to twenty-eight years of life. Identity formation is incomplete until individuals have emotionally separated from their parents and discovered the details of their own uniqueness. Prior to their mid-twenties, most young adults haven't defined their goals and needs. They haven't had time to learn to be independent. They haven't yet "grown into themselves." They simply need more life experience.

Try reading In a Rush to Get Married? by Dr. Phil. Enlighten yourself. Who knows you'd finally know what is the best age to marry that might work for you.

How about this? Have you considered?

Marriage For All the Wrong Reasons

Have you noticed? There is a lot of pressure on singles to marry.

That pressure can and does cause singles to enter relationships and then marriage for the wrong reasons.

What are some of the wrong reasons that singles choose to marry? Just a few are:

1. Age.

Some singles think that being over a certain age and unmarried indicates something is wrong with them or gives them an increasingly poor chance of ever marrying. Others worry about their "biological clock" and marry to have children.

2. Sex.

Some singles confuse the desire to have sex with the desire to marry.

Or they confuse lust with love.

They get so addled by chemistry and lust, they forget to look at the person they are marrying. Those warning signs are quickly covered by another trip to bed.

3. Loneliness or that empty feeling.

Some singles feel that another marriage will solve their loneliness and/or make their life more meaningful. They are looking for someone to jump-start their life.

4. Avoid growing up.

Some single men and women marry to find someone to take care of them--financially, emotionally and/or socially.

All the wrong reasons to marry and almost certainly a trip to the divorce court in the future.

Marriage for All the Right Reasons

When you enter in relationships and marriage for the right reasons, you have a good chance of an enduring, satisfying, and life-long relationship.

Regardless of the age you marry, make certain that you wait until :

• Your life is full of good things to share. Marriage should focus on what you can give to your partner, not on what he/she can give to you.
• You realize that marriage is not the possession of another person.
• You realize that marriage is a lifelong process of learning and change that will affect you twenty-four hours a day.

There are also a few things every single should probably do before marrying.

Before you can marry successfully, try this:

1. Know who you are: And that is easier said than done for most of us.

2. Know what you want in a marriage.

3. Have a "road map" of the person who can successfully share your life.

4. Know where and how to find that person without wasting years of time.

Sunshine. A ray of hope in a hopeless situation

There are just more than enough time to use for thinking. When I was younger, I didn't like to sleep. I used most of my time thinking. It was my hobby. Still is my hobby. So, I sort of like collected some of my personal observations about what's going on around me.

Here is a list of what I have learned then and now:

1. You don't always get what you deserve. No matter how hard working you are. No matter how deserving you may be.

2. When there's traffic congestion, there sure is a traffic officer close-by.

3. There'll always be one person you can never get along with. Not for any reason. You just don't click. There's just no chemistry between you.

4. Some people want you to hear their conversation (for whatever reason) so they talk really loud even in public places. They're damn pleased stretching out their ineptness.

5. Sometimes it's not my fault. People make their choices.

6. It's ok to commit mistake.

7. The best things in life are not really free. Only shoplifters, burglars, looters and the like get what they want without forking over smackeroo. hmm but if you come to think of it, they still have to make sure they won't get caught, which is actually an uphill battle altogether. Once caught, they'd have to spend their miserable life under lock and key. So, it was not utterly free. Just with a discount.

8. Not all intelligentsias can speak fluently.

9. When you badly need someone to listen, what you get is a blabbermouth who talks about the same thing over and over.

10. You are expected to always show a pleasant attitude, but you can never expect another person to treat you right.

11. Life is full of regrets. But you can't dwell on that fact for long. You have to keep going.

12. Not too many people will appreciate you or your deed.

13. People will ask you questions but won't believe your response then will ask you the same question over and over and over.

14. The world's most asked question is, "what is the meaning of life?"

15. Second most asked question is, "why is the sky blue?"

16. Third most asked question is, "what is the average penis size?" Like huh? Does that even matter? Why does it matter?

17. There are just too many choices nowadays. Just to buy a bottle of water, you need to make a choice: distilled, mineral, natural and so on...

18. Everything about life is a risk.

19. All things must come to an end.

20. When someone needs you, you always see them around. When they don't you will never find them anywhere.

21. All things happen for a reason.

22. We're not usually accurate in judging another person's feelings, thoughts and motives.

23. It is important to say sorry.

24. Envy is one of the most dangerous sins.

25. Dogs make more friends because they wag their tails and not their tongues.

26. Gossiping is the most popular form of hobby. Too many people get rich out of it.

27. People like talking about another but they hate it when you make them your topic.

28. You only get yourself in trouble if you let a procrastinator or a lazy person do something for you.

29. Most of the time, people don't mean what they say. They do not know when to lie and when to be honest.

30. It is hard to draw the line between being nice and not hurting another's feelings.

31. As you get older, time becomes harder and harder to manage. There's not much time left.

32. It's just hard to give trust when you had been robbed of it once.

33. People are too comfortable whining about their concerns. In stead of doing something about their condition, they point their fingers.

34. Love is the all-time-favorite topic.

35. It's the president's fault that too many people are indigent. It's always the president's fault whatever misfortune one gets.

36. Fast runners do not always win the race. Capable men do not always rise to high positions.

37. Inept people get the job, rise to high positions and become rich.

38. Local actors that don't even have degrees to boast can run to become presidents of a country.
It doesn't matter if you're not that smart as long as you're popular. Elections are becoming more like popularity contests.

39. If you want to be friends with an important person, send him a gift and it will be easy.

40. Sometimes it's better to shut up and be oblivious to the world. Saves you from a bad day.

The La La Land

As an internet research specialist for barely a year now, I have already received a variety of questions ranging from the simplest (such as weather, directory assistance, etc.) to the tough ones (we call them general questions ex. "What is a word that is spelled the same way foward and backward?") but there’s this one question that many people never fail to ask everyday -- “What is the meaning life?"

Since, it’s everyday that we receive this kind of question, someone suggested that we send a standard answer:

"What is the meaning of life?" is probably the most-asked philosophical question by humanity at large, though we will probably never find the answer, for whatever reason. Common answers include: happiness or flourishing; love; compassion; pleasure; reproduction; power; knowledge, understanding, or wisdom; and being blessed, or achieving union with God or the divine; or simply that there is no meaning to life.”

Hmmm…So, this is how we answer the question. I am not joking. I didn’t really bother knowing the answer. Just like any other answers I sent that meant nothing to me. I didn’t bother reading. All along I thought this question is just one of the many silly questions being sent by equally silly persons who don’t have anything good and sensible to do with their lives. I got accustomed to just copying and pasting the answer.

Who could really answer “what is the meaning of life?” Not even the best philosophers we have can give a rather acceptable answer. Acceptable means everyone can understand and accept. Not just one, two or three people. That when we are told the answer to “what’s the meaning of life,” we’d say without hesitation, “yeah that’s exactly it!” 

I have heard and read a lot of answers from philosophers, from people I know who have their own definition of life, from bloggers like me, from pranksters, murderers and so goes the list. But none I had accepted as fact. I was hoping for a flat-out answer. A more explicit one.

If I thought this was a silly question then why am I writing about this now? Good question. A friend asked me to write about the topic. There’s something about the way he asked it. It seemed intriguing to me. There must be something about the meaning of life, then. 

Yeah, I think the answer to this question depends on one's condition. And I noticed that most people asking this question are those seeking for something in themselves. Those who are anxious to know what they want to become, what they want to do, why aren’t they moving forward. It’s a question of “why am I here for?” It is like, “I am here for 18 years and what? What have I accomplished? What have I done to make the world a more comfortable place?” If you analise the questions I stated, it only points to one direction – purpose. Like what are scissors for? 

We know that:

scissors are a tool used for cutting thin material which requires little force. They are used for cutting, for example, paper, cardboard, metal foil, thin plastic, food, cloth, rope and wire. They are also used for cutting hair and nails.

We know the purpose of almost everything we see around us. Except ours’. So, we ask.

Let us first stray some. What has life brought you so far? I am sure 80% of you would say trials, pain, heartaches and what have you. The remaining 20% would say blessings, comfort, joy, and the like. Those 80% are the people sending “the question” to us. (Thanks, you are helping with our answer times.) Why did I say this? Simple, because of their conditions. They may be in deep financial trouble, they may be between the devil and the deep blue sea, they may be in deep misfortune… think of sad experiences they may be experiencing at the present. Those situations can make one person think about what’s going wrong. Then, next are endless questions, which leads to “what is the meaning of life?” It’s as good as asking what my life is about?

 

I hate that I can’t make a point yet. It’s just so hard to pick the right words when my brain is processing so fast. Like a jet plane. Ideas rushing away from my consciousness and I haven’t even put them into words. Frustrating.

See? Situations like this can cause a person to ask the universal question. Well, ok. Depends on the strength of a person, of course. 

I remember something. A college friend, Amie informed me that our former classmate, who was somewhat close to us, killed herself with a gunshot. That happened mother’s day this year. 

Amie told me about this months ago. I didn’t want to believe the news but yeah, like what she rebutted, “who would spread such nasty rumor?” I am somewhat hoping that it could be just a nasty rumor. Maybe whoever started the empty talk was just steered wrong. Like that of our local celebrities. After a young actress announced her decision of going to the states and pursue college, tall-talks like “she’s pregnant”, “she’s eloping”, “she’s losing her career”…will reign over local newspapers. Poor young star. tsk tsk tsk

Yes. I am still rose-colored that it could be just one worse rumor. Or must I say I wish…? 

I had to mention her not for anything else but to give you all a perfect example of what I am trying to point out. 

After graduation most of us got jobs right off. I heard from Rina every now and then, all those times she told me she hadn’t landed a job still. Instinctively, I told her I’d help her find a job. I asked her to send her resume to my email, which she did. Each time I applied for job online, I attached her resume with mine. That’s the least I could do for her. I’ve had seven jobs in three months, on and off and more jobs after. When she phoned me two years later, she hadn’t landed a job still. As in none. Zero. I didn’t know she was already desperate, I didn’t know she was already upset. I didn’t know there was something she was trying to keep.

I phoned her one night while I was working out. She seemed ok. The same girl I knew. I mentioned to her my plan of resigning soon from my current company. The last thing she said was, "contact me if you have already resigned." 

July came and one sms message caused my eyes to become disk-shaped. “Rina just passed away.” What a shock, indeed. No joke. I couldn’t believe it. I had to ask again and again to validate the news. But, Amie herself didn’t know more than the detail she forwarded to me. 

It’s already August. Tuesday night Amie messaged me. She confirmed what Rina’s cause of death was – suicide. Turned out Rina was upset about her not landing any job.

I don’t know but I think she ended her life because the meaning of life to her is “to get a job”. Since she hadn't gotten herself a job she resolved to ending her life thinking her life is already good-for-nothing. Of course, I cannot be as accurate in speculating. But just by looking at the reason as to why she slayed herself, already made me realize how she understood life. How she understood her purpose. Because if she knew that there’s more to life than just getting a job then she shouldn't have risked her life for it. 

Similar suicide stories are on broadsheets and tabloids everyday. Though, not sharing the same reason, still, they ended their lives because the meaning they associated with life is what they believed life was. I guess all of us get to this stage when we are seeking for the very purpose we are here for. We want to know because it’s not easy to go on without knowing your destination. You ride a cab or any transportation. It drives on and on and on. It was pretty a great ride and you are enjoying it just looking around and humming and meeting people inside. But there’ll always come a point when one will get tired and bored with the same routine. This is where “being anxious in knowing one’s purpose” comes in.

Have I already reached this stage? Maybe some of you are asking. Yes. I was compelled to grow up too soon, which is why at a very early age I had been too conscious understanding which direction to take. Early on, I had been on deep thinking, trying to provide reasons for things. I had gone through the stage of uncertainty; there seemed to be no clear path for me. It took some time, fervent prayers, great faith. I didn't understand what life is about. I woke up everyday, went to school, did my school work...I finally received my diploma, found a job, went to work everyday. That was all about it. I copied just exactly how people went about their lives. Though, there was no conscious effort made, I finally understood what purpose I must serve in this world. How? I tried to look within me. What gift God gave me. That has been my guide since.

Sounds vague, yes. I know exactly how you're thinking because I also couldn't understand at first. As humans, we were given free will. That's our birth right. There are just so many influences around us so we plan this and that for ourselves. As small kids we dream of becoming successful doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc. As we grow up these ambitions change because of influences. Little by little we learn new about ourselves and our potentials so we switch the plans we set as kids and the plans set by our parents for us. There are just so many streets to choose. There are just so many talents yet to discover. We are too busy with planning or enjoying life that we forget to look within ourselves. To ask ourselves what we really want. What God wants for us. So many things we are just so amazed about, we want to try a lot of different things. We focus ourselves on meaningless things. We insist some things in our lives so we miss our turns. Some of us are obliged to reach somewhere at speed because situation calls for it.

What we don't understand is that there are things we must allow in our lives and things that we must ban from our lives. Because God has already set a special purpose for each one of us. The moment we act so stubborn and insist what we want, we could already be straying. So observe what you've been running after which you haven't caught even once yet. It may not be what God wants for you. It may not be for you. So, stop running and walk a bit slowly. Look within yourself. Understand the gift given to you. That is your life's purpose. That is the meaning of life.